-The criminal class, though, chooses to treat it like a heavy work day!
(Cut to shot of Superintendent Watson’s office at Venerable Ireland Yard. He is on the phone)
Superintendent Watson
-Yes, I know, it’s simply dreadful! At least thirty million pounds of the finest uncut diamonds stolen from the exchange! (Pauses). No, not a single lead as to who did it or how many people pulled it off.
(Cut to a shot of the newspaper headline again. We can hear the sound of a jet engine. The camera pulls back and we see the Sandman reading the newspaper)
Sandman
-“The crime was ingenious in nature . . . and despite the best efforts of Venerable Ireland Yard in combing the ranks of the Londinium underworld, no leads have surfaced as to who pulled this caper off, and how many were involved. According to Superintendent Watson, their only hope is to see when any of the diamonds might surface on the Black Market after being laundered.” (Chuckles dryly). Superintendent Watson better not hold his breath waiting for that to happen!
(Over the Sandman’s shoulder, we see a stunning blonde woman sitting on the couch inside the Lear Jet. Her name is Mara Hatti.)
Mara (smiling wickedly. She speaks with a slight Eastern European accent)
-No indeed. We have much bigger things in mind than just getting mere money for these lovely baubles we purloined from the Exchange . . . along with the ones from Amsterdam.
Sandman
-That’s two down and two to go before our operation will be complete! (He sets down the newspaper and smiles at his confederate). When that happens, my dear Mara Hatti, you and I will have the whole world at our mercy!
Mara
-I’m certainly glad to know you consider our partnership to be an equal one, Sandman.
Sandman
-For this caper, Mara, I knew, despite my reputation as Europe’s foremost master criminal, it was beyond even my capacity to pull it off alone. It does me great honor to be partnered in this endeavor with the greatest espionage agent the Eastern bloc ever produced.
Mara
-And I consider it no less an honor that at a time when espionage on behalf of the East ceased to be of any value to me, I could find a new purpose in life by joining forces with you, Sandman.
Sandman
-Your talents were wasted on behalf of the East, Mara. All that dangerous work, using your gifts of disguise, seduction and prowess to steal state secrets and murder enemy agents – all the while, never earning a decent wage for your effort!
Mara
-The East will learn the consequences for their failure to properly pay me for all the work I did for them! (Smiles coyly) Of course, when the dust settles, they may find themselves outbid!
Sandman
-All too true! Of course, when it comes time to force the powers of the East and West to bid against each other, it won’t matter who wins or loses that contest . . .
Mara
-. . . It’s only how we play the game! (They laugh)
(A chime sounds, and a voice comes over the intercom)
Pilot
-We’re over the Mediterranean now, and are on schedule for arrival in Kenyatta.
Sandman
-Ah yes, Kenyatta, Central Africa – the last place the authorities in Amsterdam or Londinium would suspect the next great diamond heist is going to take place!
Mara
-Quite true. Even if they were smart enough to realize we were headed for Africa, they’d assume Cape Town or Pretoria, where the largest diamond exchanges are.
Sandman
-Where I foolishly thought I would have to go when I first hatched this scheme. After your arrival and our joining of forces, your intelligence on what Kenyatta had to offer made it simply irresistible.
Mara
-And I must confess . . . the part I will end up playing in this heist appeals to me greatly. (She rises and extends her arms, and her voice suddenly takes on a solemn, deific-like tone). Hail, people of the Kanuta tribe! The goddess Nona returns to you and seeks your offerings! (She lowers her arms, her voice returns to normal and she smiles wickedly again). Offerings in the form of all the diamonds buried on their sacred tribal lands!
Sandman
-If they don’t make their sacrifice to the goddess willingly . . . (he picks up a bag from a table that contains a number of his own special patent sleeping drugs) . . . then my expertise shall make sure we do it for them!
(Spinning scene signals start of opening credits)
(Opening Credits Animated Sequence)
Starring Adam West
Burt Ward
Co-Starring
Alan Napier
Neil Hamilton
Stafford Repp
and Yvonne Craig as “Batgirl”
. . . giraffes . . .
. . . and hippopotamuses - roaming freely)
“Sandman’s Diamond Scheme”
Extra Special Guest Villainess
Nancy Kovack
as
Mara Hatti
And Special Guest Heroine
Raquel Welch
as
Shandra, Queen of the Jungle
(Shandra grabs hold of an extended tree limb, does an expert, gymnast-like flip and then drops to the ground, ten feet below, landing perfectly on her bare feet. She walks normally, and then notices on the ground a moderately sized snake she instantly picks up and drapes over her shoulders, petting it with affection)
Executive Producer
Twof
Written by
epaddon
(Shandra smiles as she sees an old friend, Chief Jomo of the Zambuli tribe, dressed in traditional native costume)
Shandra
-Hello, Jomo.
Chief Jomo
-It is good you have come.
Shandra (sets her snake down. It slithers away into the jungle)
-I will always feel a special kinship with the Zambuli. Your tribe found me as an infant, gave me my name, and raised me until I was ten and set off on my own in the jungle with all I had learned.
Chief Jomo
-All we taught you, Shandra, could never approach that which you learned for yourself, on your own. We could give you the name of Shandra. But only you, by your own gifts, could earn the right to be called Queen of the Jungle.
Shandra (laughs)
-You flatter me, Jomo. But . . . I sense there are things that trouble you.
Chief Jomo
-Indeed. There is much we must talk about. (They begin to walk alongside each other) Since your return to the Jungle, you have not learned of the situation that exists between us and the Kanuta tribe.
Shandra
-Are the Kanuta still as they were in my childhood?
Chief Jomo
-They have not changed. Their hatred of all outside tribes is as strong as ever. Whereas we Zambuli learned to embrace the virtues of educating ourselves about the civilized world and its customs, the Kanuta regard any outside intrusion, whether it be a Zambuli, an inhabitant of the great cities, or a white person, as contamination of their sacred lands, and an act of war.
Shandra
-And since the Zambuli are the only tribe in any kind of proximity to the Kanuta, then any outside intrusion would cause only the Zambuli to suffer.
Chief Jomo
-Exactly.
Shandra
-Do you have reason to fear war with the Kanuta?
Chief Jomo
-Nothing specific. Only . . . a bad feeling within me, Shandra . . . one I have felt in the past before other times of trouble. Call it intuition, or a premonition, or, if you believe in the gods, a warning from them. All I know is if it were possible for you to . . . see if the Kanuta are behaving as they should, it would be a relief to my people.
(Shandra stops and looks at him)
Shandra
-If I tried to approach the Kanuta and intruded on their lands, would I not bring about the very result you fear?
Chief Jomo
-You alone, Shandra, are the only one who could observe them without being detected as an outside intruder. All we need to know is if they are . . . normal . . . or if their behavior suggests a preparation for war. (He smiles) The Queen of the Jungle is the only one I would have faith in to do this.
Shandra (smiles back)
-Then the Queen of the Jungle will not let you down.
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
(Further off in the jungle, we see signs of the Kanuta community. They suggest an appearance of being more primitive than any other tribe in Africa)
(Cut to shot of Sandman, in safari khakis and bush hat, watching from a safe distance behind some rocks)
Sandman
-Africa has made tremendous strides in development the last half-century, but there lies one of the last vestiges of why they once called this place the Dark Continent . . . (Turns to his left and smiles) . . . and how easy that becomes for the true criminal masterminds to effectively exploit.
(From behind a rock, Mara emerges. She has changed her appearance drastically. She wears a long black wig, and an exotic black jungle costume with orange trim).
Mara
-They are indeed such . . . innocents when it comes to understanding how the real world operates. Trapped as they are in their superstitious beliefs of a thousand years, centered in their devotion to an ancient goddess they believe led them to their so-called “sacred” lands.
Sandman (looks over at her and smiles)
-You should make quite a convincing stand-in for the goddess they revere. One look at you and it’s as if the ancient drawings of Nona had come to life!
Mara (smiles wickedly)
-I can thank my former intelligence colleagues for their outstanding research on the practices and beliefs of the Kanuta, which I made certain to purloin from their files before my defection from their ranks.
Sandman
-We can also thank your former government, that they decided this kind of scheme to plunder the riches of the Kanuta for their own purposes was deemed “too risky.”
Mara
-Yet another reason why I found it essential to leave their employ. They are so timid!
Sandman
-Indeed. (Looks at her). Incidentally, Mara, you’d do me a favor by not using the word “purloin” in the future. That conjures an unpleasant memory of a most unreliable former partner of mine.
Mara (still smiling)
-Consider it done!
Sandman
-All right, let’s review the plan one last time. You approach them, and put on your best performance as Nona, their sacred goddess. Get them to start removing the “sacred jewels” in the caves they keep for the day when Nona returns to them. Once you have them all gathered before you . . . that’s when you administer this.
(He hands her what looks like a tiny ceremonial figurine)
-Copied to the last detail from the ivory Kanuta figurines that can be found in the museums, but this one is hollow. Once you smash it to the ground to indicate your displeasure with any disobedience on their part . . . from it will emerge the most powerful sleeping drug I’ve ever developed. It is capable of putting the entire Kanuta tribe to sleep for a minimum of eight hours. Then, Mister Laurel and Mister Hardy will move in with me, we’ll remove all of the diamonds and be away from this dreary jungle before they awake.
(Mara sticks the figurine in a concealed part of her costume and gets to her feet.)
Mara
-If I discover . . . I am not as convincing as I should be, then I will administer it right away.
Sandman
-Never underestimate yourself, Mara! That is the ultimate key to our success. The days we spent learning the Kanuta language will pay off. Now, make sure your wireless microphone is in place, so I can hear every word of your performance before them.
(She adjusts the orange trim of her costume slightly)
-Good. And now . . . the goddess Nona returns to her people!
(Mara adjusts the knife in her holster at her side and draws herself to an erect, regal-like bearing. She slowly walks off toward the natives, who are some two hundred yards away)
(Cut a reaction shot of Sandman, watching.)
(The camera follows Mara approaching the group of natives. Her head held high, her face confident, her bearing regal)
(Cut to shot of one native noticing her and reacting with a stunned expression. His face is filled with awe and fear as he drops to his knees. The native alongside him looks toward her, and he, too, drops to his knees)
1st Kanuta (The dialogue is in English, for the benefit of our audience)
-Nona! The goddess returns to us!
2nd Kanuta
-Hail Nona! Hail Nona!
(One by one, every Kanuta native in the vicinity is falling to their knees, as Mara comes to a stop just ten feet away from the first one. Soon, other Kanuta are swarming out of the jungle or from nearby huts. The reaction from all of them is uniform. The very sight of Mara is enough to convince them they are seeing their goddess return to them.)
(A close-up of Mara shows the faintest of smiles. There is one part of her that wishes she could play this part forever, since the idea of being a goddess appeals to her . . . but the part of her that revels in the thought of power and wealth is a much stronger facet of her personality).
(As the Kanuta continue to fall to their knees and lower their arms in reverent worship, a taller Kanuta dressed in more elaborate costuming approaches her. This is clearly the Kanuta Chief. He reaches a point closer than any of the others to her, and then slowly drops to his knees)
Mara (solemnly)
-You believe in me?
Kanuta Chief
-I could not possibly doubt you are Nona, our sacred goddess!
Mara
-Your faith pleases me, greatly. (She steps toward him and places her hand on his shoulder. His head is bowed, not wanting to face her directly). The ancient prophecy foretold my return to you one day. Now, I have come to see how great your devotion remains after all these generations.
Kanuta Chief (still looking down)
-Devotion to you, oh sacred goddess, remains the greatest commandment of Kanuta.
Mara
-And the second greatest commandment of Kanuta?
Kanuta Chief
-To protect your sacred lands from all forms of outside contamination!
Mara
-And, above all, to protect the sacred jewels contained within these lands?
Kanuta Chief
-Yes, oh goddess!
Mara
-Gaze upon me.
(He looks up at her)
-As a test of your devotion – and to demonstrate how great your service remains to me after these many generations – I command unto you, that the sacred jewels you guard be placed before me as an offering unto me . . . and that I might then be able to judge you all, and reward you as I rewarded your ancestors with these sacred lands, and with your shelter from all outside enemies.
Kanuta Chief
-Yes, oh sacred goddess! Yes, we will obey!
Mara
-Rise and attend to it. Now.
(He rises and looks upon the gathered crowd of some five hundred tribesmen, their women and children)
Kanuta Chief
-You have heard the commandment of the goddess! Go now to the caves and bring forth the sacred jewels as a gift to Nona!
(Nona’s smile widens as she sees the obedient Kanuta rise and go off into the jungle and toward the caves hidden within. Only the chief remains)
Mara
-I shall stand here and wait for your offerings. Assist your tribesmen in this effort, now. For not even a chief should be free from the duties of sacrifice to the goddess.
Kanuta Chief
-Yes, oh goddess!
(He hurries off to join the other Kanuta, leaving her alone. She stands with hands on hips, looking proudly. Then, she slightly lowers her head so she can speak into the concealed microphone)
Mara
-I must admit, I really enjoy this part.
(A short montage follows of the Kanuta entering and exiting a cave inside the jungle, and each native emerging carrying large handfuls of gleaming diamonds. We see the hands of each Kanuta carrying diamonds dropping them at the feet of Mara. Each tribesman then goes back out into the open space before Mara, and resumes a kneeling position.)
(Through it all, Mara keeps looking out, smiling proudly at them, and conveying an aura of love and gratitude)
(Finally, the chief is the last to deposit what has become a massive quantity of diamonds at her feet. It represents more than what Mara and Sandman had taken from the Londinium Exchange. As soon as the chief resumes his position of kneeling, ten feet away, Mara finally extends her arms out, tilts her head back and closes her eyes).
Mara
-Ahhh, I am so pleased by this sign of devotion and reverence! Now, I, Nona, goddess of the Kanuta, will bless this generation of Kanuta above all others!
(Suddenly, in one lightning-quick motion, she pulls out the hollowed figurine Sandman had given her, and hurls it against the base of a tree, just to the right of the kneeling Kanuta chief. Immediately, a cloud of red gas erupts and envelops the entire area. Mara is dashing back toward the distant brush from which she first emerged and where Sandman and his henchmen are waiting)
(When she reaches the area, Sandman, Laurel and Hardy all have on their gasmasks. Sandman gives her one)
Sandman
-Hurry!
(Mara straps on hers. The four of them then make their way forward. They can see the gas has taken quick effect. All of the Kanuta tribesmen have fallen fast asleep)
Sandman
-Make sure no one was hiding or was unaffected by the gas. Then bring in the carts and let’s get this haul out of here.
Laurel
-When can we take off these masks, boss?
Sandman
-It should be safe in about five minutes.
(Cut back to shot of Shandra, swinging through the trees, making her way toward the Kanuta lands. She finally comes to a stop in a high tree that overlooks the open space where she knows the Kanuta domain begins. As the Jungle Queen makes her way through the foliage, towards the edge of the thick limb, she suddenly has the sensation of becoming slightly drowsy. She shakes her head several times to clear the sensation, and wonders why she would feel that way)
(Once Shandra reaches the edge of the foliage, she pulls it away so she can peer down. Immediately, she notices a reddish tinge covering the scene like a hazy mist that is also rising up. She feels that drowsy sensation again, and blinks several times to fight it off. As her vision readjusts, her eyes widen in stunned amazement at the sight of the Kanuta tribesmen, all lying on the ground, as if dead)
Shandra (stunned)
-What?!
(Her eyes then grow heavy again as she realizes the red haze that’s been slowly rising up is some kind of sleeping gas. She finds herself increasingly unable to keep awake, even though she knows she must fight it. On her stomach, she lies across the tree limb, her head resting against it. Anyone spotting her would think she was asleep, but inside she is summoning all of her inner strength to stay awake and overcome the effects of the drug. She breathes shallowly, trying to avoid inhaling the air any further. She hopes that soon, the gas will dissipate to a point where she’ll be okay.)
(Several minutes pass, and then she hears voices from below)
Sandman
-All right, start loading!
(Slowly, she opens her eyes and lifts her head. She can see the three men below loading what she recognizes as diamonds into two carts. Every instinct inside her wants to emerge from her hiding place and strike at the intruders below, but the effort she has expended to stay awake and fight this knockout drug has also, she realizes, drained her of the ability to confront them. She even lacks the strength to let out her jungle cry to summon the animals to do her bidding.)
(Below, Mara comes up alongside Sandman, and they watch Laurel and Hardy continue loading the diamonds. They have all discarded their gas masks now. Above, Shandra’s eyes widen as she realizes the woman is dressed exactly the way the Kanuta conception of the goddess Nona would be. Then, she sees Mara remove the black wig revealing her normal, shorter, blonde hair, although her view of Mara’s face is partly obscured.)
Mara (dropping the wig to the ground)
-How much do you suppose this stash would be worth if it were ever dumped on the open market?
Sandman
-Probably a hundred million, at minimum. Of course, if we ever did introduce them, it would likely throw the global diamond market into chaos by devaluing the rest of the international supply.
Mara
-It almost seems a pity not to use them for economic warfare.
(Sandman turns to face her. At this instant, from above, Shandra can now see his face clearly. A flash of recognition fills the Jungle Queen . . . from a time long ago, in another life she tries each day to forget)
Sandman
-When even economic warfare pales before our ultimate end game, we can cast aside that temptation with no regrets! (He looks about) Now, it’s time we take leave of this savage wasteland, and assure ourselves of breakfast Down Under!
(Finally, despite her best effort to fight off the effects of the drug, Shandra gives into the demand for sleep. She doesn’t see Laurel and Hardy finish loading the carts, and Sandman and Mara leave.)
~(Slow Bat symbol to denote passage of time)~
(Shandra comes awake, after fifteen minutes of sleep. Though she’d been unable to fight off the drug completely, her inner and physical strength enabled her to recover from its effects more quickly than the Kanuta, combined with the fact that from her vantage point, she inhaled less of the gas. She looks below and sees the red cloud has lifted, but the Kanuta are all still fast asleep. She drops to the ground and looks about the scene in a mixture of anger, disgust, and horror).
Shandra
-Why am I not surprised that only an evil from the so-called “civilized world” could have done this?
(She steps over the body of the unconscious Kanuta chief and quickly takes his pulse to make sure he’s still alive. She then looks about the scene before her once again).
-I must right this injustice . . . but . . . I know I can’t do it alone. I’ll need to do something (she stops and contemplates the deeper meaning of her realization) . . . something I never thought I’d have to do again . . . and it might mean never seeing home again.
(She then looks back with determination)
-But I must . . . or else I’m no longer worthy of the title Queen of the Jungle.
(Commercial)
Act Two
(Establishing shot of Wayne Manor)
Narrator
-Things are quiet this day at stately Wayne Manor, where millionaire Bruce Wayne finds himself alone with his faithful butler, Alfred, who is keeping things in order!
(Cut to the study where Alfred is dusting the shelves. Bruce is seated in his chair on the opposite side of the room from where Alfred is working. He is wearing bifocals and going over Wayne Foundation paper work)
Alfred
-I must say, Master Bruce, this place seems so unusually quiet with both Master Dick and Mrs. Cooper gone.
Bruce (still looking at his paperwork)
-All too true, Alfred. It’s . . . something of a reminder to me that should Dick ever decide to leave the Wayne Foundation and should Aunt Harriet decide traveling the world should be a regular pastime . . . I might have to give consideration to the concept that – (he looks about the vastness of the room) that perhaps this old mansion will no longer be a practical place from which for Bruce Wayne . . . or Batman to base his operations.
Alfred (stops dusting and looks at him)
-If I might say so, sir, speaking only for myself, I sincerely hope that day never comes. At least, not in my lifetime.
Bruce
-I . . . understand your feelings, Alfred. Stately Wayne Manor has been as much your home as it’s been mine all these years.
(The regular phone on the table next to the Batphone rings)
-I’ll get that, Alfred. (He picks up the phone). Bruce Wayne, speaking.
(Cut to a shot of Shandra, wearing sunglasses and a trenchcoat, standing in a phone booth at the airport, with all kinds of bustling activity behind her)
Shandra
-Batman, this is Shandra.
(Cut back to a startled-looking Bruce. He nearly drops the phone and struggles to keep his composure. Alfred, who has kept dusting, doesn’t notice. Alternating cuts follow)
-Are you there?
Bruce (calmly)
-Yes. Yes, I am. Just . . . where are you?
Shandra
-Gotham International Airport. I just flew in from Kenyatta via Londinium. I’m . . . keeping a very low profile.
Bruce
-I . . . can imagine you are. Just . . . why are you . . . ?
Shandra
-I can’t explain over the phone, but I have to talk to you in private, because this concerns something very urgent.
Bruce (knowing he has to choose his words carefully because of Alfred’s presence)
-Of that I’m certain, since I can’t envision anything that would make you . . . leave your home and come to Gotham City.
Shandra
-I’ll explain everything later. I’ll just say that the well-being of my home, as well as the security of your country, is at great risk. Is there someplace we can meet?
Bruce
-Yes, I suggest you take a cab and go to the Wayne Foundation building. I’ll make sure I get there before you’d arrive, so I can lead you straight to my penthouse apartment, which is currently . . . unoccupied.
Shandra
-Thank you. I . . . look forward to seeing you. (She hangs up)
(At the other end, Bruce shakes his head in amazement. The idea of Shandra returning to the civilized world is almost too staggering for him to consider . . . and he knows he must be extremely careful, since he is the only one who knows – for certain – she’s even still alive)
Bruce
-Alfred, I’ll be going downtown now, and . . . I might not be back this evening. I’ll phone you from there if that’s the case.
Alfred
-Very good, sir.
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
(We see a taxicab making its way on the highway from the airport toward downtown Gotham City. From inside the cab, we can see Shandra take note of the looming towers of the great city drawing closer and closer. Inside, she feels a wave of revulsion and hatred that brings back so many unpleasant memories of the eight years she lived here, as part of the civilized world . . . and how that hatred led to a mental breakdown that set her down a path of criminal destruction, from which only Batman was able to save her, by letting her escape and go home to the jungle)
Shandra (whispering to herself)
-Submerge them. Submerge those feelings.
(The cab pulls in front of the Wayne Foundation building. Shandra pays the driver and gets out. Gotham City is crowded and bustling at the height of noon. She slowly steps onto the sidewalk in front of the building, and feels herself jostled by the crowds of pedestrians. Trying to catch her breath, with her keen sense of smell she feels the foul sensation of air pollution – as opposed to jet fuel – enter her lungs for the first time since leaving Africa. The instinctive emotions of hate are boiling inside her, seeking to explode with fury over even just being in this place.)
(From the front of the building, Bruce emerges, dressed impeccably in a three-piece suit. He immediately grabs her by the arm and hustles her inside).
Bruce (whispering)
-Just don’t say anything until we’re in my private elevator.
(They move across the lobby, past the security desk, and finally into Bruce’s private elevator that leads up to his penthouse apartment. Once the door closes, he turns to face her. Shandra is slowly exhaling, as she removes her sunglasses and sticks them in her trenchcoat pocket)
Shandra
-Ahh, I never thought air conditioning would feel so good! At least this building keeps the outside air out!.
Bruce
-Shandra, why have you come back?
Shandra (looks at him)
-For a very good reason.
Bruce
-It would have to be, since by showing yourself in Gotham City, you run the risk of being recognized. If you are, that would mean you’d face being arrested for the crimes you committed.
Shandra
-I know. I also know it would mean a good deal of humiliation for you, since you’d have to admit you let me get away, but . . . it’s like I said, I need Batman’s help, because this concerns not just the well-being of my home, but . . .
Bruce
-A matter of my country’s security.
Shandra
-Yes.
(The elevator stops and the doors open. They step into the penthouse with its panoramic view of the city.
Shandra steps off the elevator and immediately removes her trenchcoat. Bruce’s eyes widen at the sight of her outfit, which has a leopard print design, and is held together by a stylish belt with a monogrammed buckle. Although not as revealing as her traditional jungle bikini, this outfit with its cleavage exposure, offers only the barest of concessions to the standards of a so-called “civilized” wardrobe. It still makes clear Shandra is a woman of the jungle.)
Bruce
-That’s . . . a rather impressive outfit.
Shandra
-This is the only thing I wear in Kenyatta other than my . . . preferred attire. Whenever business requires me to meet with the officials of the national government, I wear this.
Bruce
-I . . . hadn’t realized you were a known figure to them.
Shandra
-Being the Queen of the Jungle doesn’t mean I spend all my time in a state of permanent solitude, swinging through the trees, Batman. I interact with all of the local tribes, especially the Zambuli, who raised me as a child. When the Zambuli must send emissaries to meet with the Kenyatta government, I always accompany them to champion their interests. That’s when I also get my chance to further champion my interests on behalf of preserving the jungle’s purity before the government. I’m pleased to say, the Kenyatta President has become a close friend of mine and shares my belief that while there are parts of his country that must move forward and develop, the jungle in which I live must be preserved forever.
(She steps toward him)
-It’s because I’m such good friends with the President, I can tell you I’m not understating the seriousness of this situation, a situation that has forced me to leave the jungle and come back to this place, the place I hate above all other places in the world.
Bruce
-Very well. I’m listening.
~(Slow Bat symbol to denote passage of time)~
(We see Bruce and Shandra sitting across from each other)
Shandra
-I got a good look at his face, and I recognized him. It was the Sandman.
Bruce
-How was it you recognized him?
Shandra (chuckles mirthlessly)
-Because my dear, late uncle, Reginald Artemis, was a close friend of J. Pauline Spaghetti. I will never forget the time, just after I was brought back to Gotham City from Africa, I had to spend a boring evening at her place, as part of a broader campaign of being introduced to all of his society friends. At any rate, poor Mrs. Spaghetti never got over her lovesick feelings for “Doctor Somnambula,” even after he was exposed as a charlatan trying to steal her fortune. She still insisted on keeping a picture of him he’d sent to her from prison on her table. A whole evening spent staring at Sandman’s picture to take my mind off the crushing boredom is one unpleasant memory of my life in Gotham City that’s stayed with me more than most others.
Bruce
-Very well. Sandman had two henchmen remove all those diamonds, and you say he was accompanied by a woman, too?
Shandra
-Yes, a woman who was dressed up as Nona, the sacred goddess of the Kanuta. The images of Nona down through the centuries and their language are two of the few things about the Kanuta that have ever become known to the outside world. Whoever Sandman got for this job, obviously did her homework and played her part well.
Bruce
-Did you recognize her?
Shandra (shakes her head)
-No, I only saw she was a blonde underneath that black wig. So, the first question I might as well ask you is: Do you know the whereabouts of Marsha, Queen of Diamonds? Since this was a scheme that involved a massive diamond theft, it struck me as natural a criminal like Sandman might want to team up with her and I know she’s blonde.
Bruce
-Sound deduction on your part, Shandra, but totally erroneous. Marsha is still in Gotham State Penitentiary and won’t be released for at least another six months.
Shandra
-I see. I remember that Sandman teamed up with Catwoman in his scheme to defraud Mrs. Spaghetti, but it wasn’t any Catwoman I know.
Bruce
-Sandman, I don’t believe, would ever want to work with Catwoman again after that experience . . . but let’s move on and get to the matter of how the theft of these diamonds carries broader ramifications.
Shandra (leans forward and sighs)
-Well, it basically comes down to this: After the Kanuta realized an outsider had duped them and stolen all of their sacred jewels, they threatened war on the Zambuli, their nearest neighbor. Even though the Zambuli are totally innocent, from the Kanuta perspective, the Zambuli should have kept the Kanuta domains safe from any intrusions, if they truly respect the Kanuta. I tried to act as mediator between Chief Jomo of the Zambuli and the Kanuta Chief. I told them I knew who the guilty party was, and that I would go to the one person capable of finding the Sandman and returning the sacred jewels to the Kanuta.
Bruce
-Were you successful in preventing war?
Shandra
-Only to this extent – the Kanuta said they would refrain from attacking the Zambuli, provided the jewels were returned before the next sign from Nona, which, to them, is a full moon. If they do not have the jewels they regard as Nona’s property back by then, they will consider themselves eternally cursed by their goddess. That will be their justification for war and destruction of those they felt made this contamination and disgrace possible.
Bruce
-Which, of course, would bring terror and destruction to your jungle home. As horrible as such a result would be, though, how does a tribal war effect the well-being of the United States?
Shandra
-Two reasons: First, if the Kanuta attack the Zambuli, then under the Zambuli’s treaty with the government, the Kenyatta government would be required to use the tools and weapons of the civilized world to protect them. Soldiers, tanks and guns would be crawling the jungle in the name of driving the Kanuta back to their own lands and, if necessary, exterminate them. That is where things would get worse for the government. The President’s predecessor made a proclamation there would never be any intrusions upon the Kanuta, and that their way of life would be safeguarded for all time. If that proclamation were violated, even in the name of rightfully defending the Zambuli, the political uproar would be so great it would immediately bring down the President’s government in favor of the political opposition. The political opposition, I think you realize, is more inclined to tilt Kenyatta’s foreign and trade policy in favor of America’s enemies.
Bruce
-Yes, that would be disastrous for America’s African policy. Kenyatta has always been a loyal ally. Should relations with Kenyatta collapse, that could affect our ability to have normal relations with neighboring African countries.
Shandra
-Exactly. That development would distress me as well, because – while I renounced my American citizenship with my old identity – I still have great respect for the fact this is a country based upon democratic principles. If Kenyatta allied itself with America’s enemies, it would only be a matter of time before Kenyatta would became dominated by them. I would one day see the jungle exploited for devious, militaristic purposes.
Bruce
-That’s . . . admirable of you to realize that, Shandra. You said there was a second reason?
Shandra
-Yes, this gets back to why Sandman and his cohort took the diamonds. It wasn’t just for simple greed, because I overheard them say they weren’t going to introduce the diamonds on the market, not even to engineer global economic chaos by driving the value of the diamonds down. They’re hoarding those diamonds for some other reason. What it is, I don’t know, but if it isn’t for basic greed or global economic warfare, then it must be for something more sinister than we can imagine . . . something that might well be a matter of global security.
Bruce
-I see your point.
Shandra
-For what it’s worth, when my plane went through Londinium, I had a chance to read the local newspaper. I’m pretty sure the theft at the Diamond Exchange – a theft that’s left Venerable Ireland Yard baffled – was pulled off by Sandman. I didn’t hear him mention the robbery, but it would fit their pattern.
Bruce
-Yes, and if – as you suggest – Sandman has something more dastardly in mind, that would explain why he felt the Kanuta diamonds were worth pursuing. The question is: Is he through or does he need to make another strike? (He leans forward) Did you hear him say where he was going?
Shandra
-He said they would be having breakfast “Down Under.” I can only assume that meant Australia, and they headed there next.
Bruce
-Well, I could use my connections as both Bruce Wayne and Batman to see if the resources of international law enforcement agencies can give us a lead.
Shandra
-It has to be done, fast, Batman. Remember, the Kanuta are at bay only until the next full moon . . . and that’s in four days. After that, the damage will already be done to my home . . . and to yours.
(Bruce ponders the impact of her words. Ominous chords take us into the commercial break)
(Commercial)
Act Three
(Still in the penthouse. Bruce is up, pacing)
Bruce
-At this point, Shandra, I need to return to the Batcave under stately Wayne Manor to see if the Batcomputer can produce the information we need. You can . . . stay here at the penthouse until I find something.
(Shandra rises)
Shandra
-If it’s all the same, Batman, I’d like to go with you. Staying in Wayne Manor, outside the city would be . . . more comfortable for me than having to stay (she cocks her head toward the window with its panoramic view of the city) here.
Bruce (smiles thinly)
-I . . . see your point. Well, it’s fortunate Dick Grayson, my former ward– (stops and looks at her) I’m assuming, of course, you deduced he’s Robin.
Shandra (smiles back)
-Of course.
Bruce
-At any rate, he’s away in California, attending a Young Businessman’s Seminar. After that, he’s going to take a few days vacation in Hawaii. His aunt, Mrs. Harriet Cooper, is off on another Caribbean Cruise, so the only other person at the mansion is my butler, Alfred. (Pauses). I think it’s safe to bring him into our confidence, since he is also the only person Dick and I have ever entrusted with our secret.
Shandra
-That should work. Oh, could I ask one other favor while I’m staying there?
Bruce
-Yes?
Shandra
-Out of . . . deference to my beliefs, all of my food must be vegetarian. Also, I’d appreciate it, if you could do the same during my stay, because there is nothing I find more revolting than the sight of a human being eating what was once a living animal.
Bruce (a wry expression)
-Well . . . I can’t say I share your opinion, Shandra, but . . . I can certainly manage without meat for a few days at least, as a courtesy to you. I must, however, ask a favor of you in return. Attractive as your attire is, it simply won’t do if you wish to remain . . . inconspicuous during your stay in the civilized world.
Shandra (sighs)
-I . . . pretty much figured I’d have to wear a prison uniform sooner or later during my stay. (Smiles) Just give me ones that have some style, though.
(Bruce returns the smile)
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
(A scene of an elegant dinner party in one of city’s best hotels)
(Close-up of Sandman, elegantly attired in a tuxedo, and Mata, who is stunning in a white evening gown. They are standing in the doorway)
Sandman (motioning to the bar)
-There he is: Mister Peter Holmes, director of the Sydney Diamond Exchange, who found himself invited to this fabulous party courtesy of a forged invitation sent to him from you and me.
Mara
-Which was also how we got our invitations to this great society ball.
Sandman
-Indeed. Because there are so many guests here – and because we both look the part – they just took the tickets and didn’t bother checking names against a list. At any rate, it’ll be your job, my lovely Mara, to gain Mister Holmes’ confidence through the use of yet another of your fine . . . talents.
Mara (smiling wickedly)
-Of course. Being a master of disguise was all I needed for those savage barbarians, but for the likes of handsome Mister Holmes (she pauses and her wicked smile grows wider) that’s when I’m reminded how much I really enjoy my work.
Sandman
-Give him a night he’ll never forget. The quicker he’s under your spell, the better. I’d like to be finished with phase four in no more than a week. Then it’s on to Gotham City, where we put the end game into effect!
Mara
-Unlimited wealth and power . . . ours!
(She slowly makes her way over to the bar, where the handsome, slightly middle-aged, Mr. Holmes is sipping a drink. Sandman remains on the other side of the room)
Mara
-You look as if you could use some company.
(Holmes turns to look at her and is immediately captivated)
Holmes
-Oh! Well, funny you should say that, but yes. I’m really finding this affair quite tedious.
Mara
-Really?
Holmes
-Yes, darndest thing. This whole crowd isn’t the circle in which I’m used to traveling, but for some reason, I ended up with a personal invitation to this soiree. I have no idea why. I don’t recognize a single person here.
Mara (settles next to him)
-Don’t you have an important job?
Holmes (sighs and downs his drink)
-Oh, it’s important all right. I run the Sydney diamond exchange. But just because I handle a good deal of wealth, doesn’t mean I possess much myself. I suspect some of the Sydney society matrons – who love to flaunt their diamonds at these kinds of shindigs – just wanted to find out how the market’s doing. (Looks at her). Do you own any diamonds?
Mara (smiles coyly)
-Do you see any around my neck?
Holmes (feeling disarmed)
-No. I guess . . . you aren’t interested in diamonds.
Mara
-Not in the least. My husband over there (she points at Sandman), he’s so cheap, even my wedding ring was pure zirconium.
Holmes (winces)
-Ouch. Who is he?
Mara (disdainfully)
-Doctor Slumber of Melbourne. Fabulously wealthy, but all of it kept on a tight leash, as it were. (Shakes her head). Being married to him is as boring for me as I’m sure this party is for you.
Holmes (feeling an urge to take a risk, because of her overall demeanor)
-Maybe . . . we could try to get away from here?
(Mara looks at him and smiles)
Mara
-I’d like that very much. I’ll just tell him I’m going upstairs to my room and he can enjoy the rest of the party without me. (Pauses and then injects a note in her voice that is both flirtatious and seductive). And I hope you’ll be waiting in the parking lot to take me someplace more exciting than this.
Holmes (feeling as if his luck has changed)
-I will be.
(Mara pats him gently and then moves over to Sandman, at the other end of the room. Holmes watches, and it looks from a distance exactly like a bored wife feigning a headache and telling her husband she’s leaving. “Doctor Slumber” nods as if in understanding, and she departs. We cut back to the other side of the room, though, and can see Mara give Sandman a sly wink, indicating she’s on-track for an easy conquest of Mr. Holmes)
(Cut to night exterior shot of hotel parking lot. We see Mara get into Holmes’s convertible)
Mara (coyly)
-I hope you know of a more . . . quiet place where we could just . . . talk.
Holmes (feeling like he’s won a million Australian dollars)
-I think so.
(The car lurches into gear and roars out. Pull back to Sandman, standing outside the hotel entrance, taking a long drag on a cigarette. He throws it away, smiles in satisfaction and goes back inside)
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
Narrator
-Meanwhile, back in the Batcave!
(A shot of Batman in front of the Batcomputer. Shandra stands off to one side, arms folded. She is dressed in a conventional, feminine suit of blouse, jacket and skirt, but keeps alternately tugging at her sleeves to indicate her discomfort)
Shandra
-May I ask you a question, Batman?
Batman (looks up)
-Yes?
Shandra
-Do you always wear your costume when you’re doing something this mundane, here in the Batcave?
(He looks at her with the feeling of somebody who’s heard a question no one’s ever bothered to ask, and which, as he thinks about it, raises a valid point)
Batman
-Well . . . sometimes I work down here without my cowl. I suppose it is something of a habit for me to be dressed as Batman when working in the Batcave, even though there may be no need to do so.
Shandra
-In other words, it puts you in the mood.
Batman (looks away)
-Perhaps. Also, it eliminates the need to change if I need to leave in a hurry. (Looks back at her as he realizes the real reason why she asked) Shandra, if you’re getting any ideas, don’t view my choice of attire as a justification to change just because we’re isolated down here in the Batcave.
Shandra (tugs at her sleeve again and sighs)
-Oh, don’t worry, Batman. I’m doing my best to suppress the temptation to rip off these clothes.
Batman (smiles thinly)
-Thank you. I think you’d have to admit, your . . . preferred attire would present something of a distraction to me.
Shandra
-My “preferred attire,” as you call it, is strictly rooted in a desire for comfort and freedom. Those who focus only on its powers of attraction, miss the broader point. (She steps forward and looks over his shoulder). Has your fabulous Batcomputer revealed anything that can help?
Batman
-I think . . . we may have pinpointed Sandman’s plane that arrived in Kenyatta’s capital city the day the diamonds were stolen. (Reaches over and pulls out a sheet from the Batcomputer). Yes. A private Lear jet, owned by Doctor E. Slumber, departed Londinium for Kenyatta. Pilots, were Messieurs Oliver and Stanley. That would be his two henchmen from his first scheme. No information on a woman passenger, though. (Studies further). Doctor Slumber’s plane then left late that evening for Sydney, Australia.
Shandra (shakes her head in amazement)
-How did you get all that information? Isn’t such access . . . well, doesn’t that run the risk of violating someone’s privacy if they’re just an innocent bystander?
Batman
-Not at all. The Batcomputer is designed only to scour these global records for names that are on a pre-programmed list of registered criminals and their known or likely aliases. It can never be abused to spy on the activities of innocent parties.
Shandra
-I’m glad to know you have a sense of ethical propriety.
Batman
-For all true crimefighters, the pursuit of justice – the most ethical of pursuits – must only be waged by ethical means.
Shandra (blinks slightly after hearing Batman’s moralizing, which could easily have put her to sleep)
-Uh . . . right.
Batman (going back to the Batcomputer)
-In the case of Sandman, his preferred aliases are always tied to a variant of the word sleep. Thus, for him, the Batcomputer is programmed to look for suspicious activity by men named Sleeper, Slumber, Somnambula, Noctambula or the like. Under current circumstances, the search was for recent flights from the vicinity of Londinium to Kenyatta. Thus, it was then easy for the Batcomputer to learn of this jet, chartered by a Doctor Slumber, that flew from Londinium to Kenyatta.
Shandra
-Which then flew to Sydney?
Batman
-Yes. (Presses several buttons). Now, we’ll ask the Batcomputer to check if this Doctor Slumber has registered in any major hotels in the Sydney area. We probably can’t get a specific room number, but we could at least pinpoint his general location.
Shandra
-If he’s still using the same alias.
Batman
-Criminals by nature, Shandra, don’t abandon a carefully-chosen alias or identity unless they feel they’re in danger of being caught. So far, Sandman would not have any reason to think he has been connected with events in Londinium or Kenyatta.
(Quickly inputs more information into the Batcomputer and hears a bell several seconds later)
-Doctor Slumber of Melbourne, Australia, and his wife are registered at the InterContinental Hotel on Sydney Harbour.
Shandra (wrinkles her nose in disgust)
-His wife indeed. That means the fake Nona is still with him.
Batman
-So it would seem. If they’re still together at this point, then it stands to reason Sandman isn’t through engaging in diamond thefts. He and his confederate would likely go their separate ways if their robberies were all over. (Looks up at her). Are you up to traveling to Australia, Shandra?
Shandra
-Anything that will help get the Kanuta diamonds recovered, I’ll gladly do. The only question is, will I travel with Batman, or Bruce Wayne?
Batman
-I . . . don’t think it wise for Batman to make this journey. Bruce Wayne, I believe, can handle the trip more inconspicuously – accompanied by his secretary for this venture, Miss . . . (pauses) choose your own alias. Neither your preferred name, nor your old name, will do.
Shandra
-I already have an alias I used on my flight here. For the time being, I’m known publicly as Miss Jane Parker.
Batman (trying not to groan as he realizes the in-joke)
-Jane . . . Parker.
Shandra (smirks)
-Yes. In case you forget, just remember, me . . . (she doesn’t dare finish, since she knows she’d break into laughter).
Batman (controlling the urge to laugh, too)
-I won’t forget. (Clears his throat). We can now adjourn upstairs to a special vegetarian dinner Alfred has prepared. Afterwards, we can leave for the private airfield where I hanger my personal jet. It can get us to Australia faster than any commercial flight.
Shandra
-Won’t it be difficult not to have the resources available on your Batjet? My flight in it was fabulous.
Batman
-Not at all. Whenever Bruce Wayne travels overseas and needs the resources of the Batcave at his disposal . . . (he reaches under the table and pulls out a small sized case) . . . the portable Bat Laptop is more than sufficient!
(Shandra allows herself a chuckle)
(Commercial)
Act Four
Shandra
-We don’t know which room they’re in. So what do we do?
Bruce
-The computer said they’re still checked in. So the best thing to do is, keep our eyes open. I’m sure they’ll keep themselves based here before they make their big move. I know Sandman by sight, but you’ll have to spot his confederate.
Shandra
-Where do we position ourselves?
Bruce
-As soon as we’re unpacked, I will enjoy a cool, non-alcoholic drink at the bar, which will allow me to observe the people coming and going from the elevators and through the lobby. I think . . . maybe you should see if Sandman’s partner has a taste for the swimming pool.
Shandra (smiles)
-Anything that gives me an excuse to get out of these clothes and into a bikini, I’m all for!
(Cut to scene of Sandman and Mara in hotel room)
Mara
-Everything went perfectly last night. Mister Holmes is now the latest in my long trail of successful conquests on behalf of greater causes – (Smiles) with this cause being the greatest of them all.
Sandman
-Well done, Mara! Has he begun to talk about the Exchange’s security procedures?
Mara
-He’s halfway there already. Just one more night of . . . pillow talk, should give us all we need.
Sandman
-That’s about what I expected it would take. So long as we can move tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we should be fine.
Mara
-He’s picking me up for dinner in two hours which should lead to the serious business soon enough. (Stretches herself) In the meantime, I’d like to take advantage of my free afternoon by the pool.
Sandman
-Of course . . . but try not to distract anyone else, Mara – just one seduction at a time.
Mara (smiles back at him)
-Of course.
Sandman
-I, in the meantime, shall retire to the bar for a nice, dry martini . . . and raise a toast to our success.
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
Narrator
-Ten minutes later, the Sandman is enjoying a drink in the bar . . . and Bruce Wayne, having unpacked, is just arriving!
(Bruce stops as he reaches the bar entrance, immediately recognizing Sandman. He keeps his expression nonchalant as he makes his way over and settles next to the master criminal, without looking at him)
Bartender
-What’ll you have, mate?
Bruce
-Just a . . . club soda with lime, please.
(Sandman, sipping his martini, turns and looks at him. His eyes narrow)
Sandman
-I say. Your face is rather familiar . . . (snaps his fingers).
Bruce (turns and smiles)
-Could well be.
Sandman
-Of course! Millionaire Bruce Wayne, from Gotham City! What brings you to our fine country?
Bruce
-Well, officially it’s to do some business for the Wayne Foundation, which has offices here in Sydney. Unofficially, it’s more of a holiday, with a few overtones of work.
Sandman
-Well, this is certainly the right hotel, if it’s a holiday you’re looking for. (Sets his drink down and extends his hand). I’m Doctor Slumber from Melbourne. I’m up here on holiday, too.
Bruce
-Have you lived in Australia long?
Sandman
-I beg your pardon?
Bruce
-Your . . . accent sounds more akin to that of one who hails from merry old England . . . from approximately the City of Bradford in West Yorkshire County.
Sandman
-Oh, well . . . you guessed right about that! My wife and I, we relocated here a few years ago – much better for my practice.
Bruce
-What kind of practice do you have?
Sandman
-The study of sleeping disorders, such as insomnia or narcolepsy – very fascinating field.
Bruce
-Are there any . . . breakthroughs related to the treatment of those disorders on the horizon to which we can look forward someday?
Sandman
-Oh, hard to say. A good deal of research needs to be done in those areas, and that requires a great deal of money. (Sets his drink down and looks at him). Would your . . . Wayne Foundation, by any chance, take an interest in contributing to such a worthy cause?
Bruce
-I . . . might be able to give some time to a presentation on the subject, and . . . consider it.
Sandman
-Perfect! Let’s go over to the corner and let me make my pitch, right now.
Bruce
-All right.
(They get up and move to a corner booth)
(Cut to the outdoor heated pool of the hotel, which offers a beautiful vista of Sydney Harbor and the Opera House. Shandra, dressed in a dark bikini, has settled herself on a chair facing away from the Harbor and toward the pool area entrance, which will give her a good look at anyone coming and going. Strategically-placed sun lamps make the area quite comfortable, even in the middle of the Southern Hemisphere's winter. There are some twenty to thirty guests enjoying the pool and she sees no sign of anyone familiar. She decides to let herself tan for a bit)
(The camera pans away from Shandra to the other side of the pool, where lying on her stomach is Mara. For now, her face is totally out of Shandra’s view)
(Feeling restless after several minutes, Shandra decides to catch a quick swim. She heads for the pool and – not wanting to draw attention by making an overly-athletic dive – quietly reaches the ladder at the deep end.)
(At the same instant, Mara begins to rise from the ground.)
(From the corner of her eye, Shandra senses something familiar about the back of the head and turns to her right to get a better look)
(As Shandra gets a better look at Mara, there are a series of flash cuts back to her vantage point of seeing Mara remove her Nona wig)
Shandra
-Hmmm.
(She gets back out of the pool and decides to discreetly follow the bikini-clad blonde, who has thrown on a yellow robe and picked up a towel. She keeps her focus on Mara, not even hearing any of the whistles some of the male swimmers by the pool throw at her as she exits)
(Shandra follows Mara into the lobby and across to the elevator bank. Because Mara has put on a robe, the former spy doesn’t attract as much attention as Shandra, since she came down with no robe and isn’t even carrying a towel. For the jungle woman, this is an unconscious act on her part, as she’s used to going for swims without one)
(Shandra watches Mara step into the right elevator. No one else enters before the doors close. She then takes note that Mara’s car stops on the third floor, as she presses the elevator call button)
Bellhop
-Miss, did you lose your towel?
(Shandra turns around, startled)
Shandra
-Uh . . . yeah, I was just going back up to get one.
Bellhop
-If I might suggest, Miss, it’d be a lot more appropriate if you wore a robe to go through the lobby.
Shandra
-Yeah, yeah, I’ll remember that. (The door opens and she quickly steps in, relieved there’s no one else joining her. As soon as the doors close, she rolls her eyes in disgust)
(The elevator stops on the third floor and she steps out. She looks to her right and is just in time to see Mara stepping into a room at the end of the corridor. She quietly makes her way down to quickly take note of the room number. Upon seeing it, she turns and sprints back down the corridor to the elevator, so she can get back to her own room on the seventh floor. She doesn’t see the door to Mara’s room open a crack. The camera zooms in on Mara’s face peering out)
~(Slow Bat symbol to denote passage of time)~
(Establishing night shot of the hotel)
(Inside Bruce’s suite. He’s still in sports clothes. Shandra has now changed to a light green bikini)
Bruce
-We seem to have had a productive afternoon. I had a long conversation with Sandman and ferreted out his room number, 312, and you discovered that his confederate is in 314. It would stand to reason the Kanuta diamonds are in the in-room safes in one of those locales.
Shandra
-The question is, though, how do we get them? There’s certainly not enough evidence to would get the Australian authorities to act.
Bruce
-No, indeed. Which is why . . . this might be a job more appropriate for Batman’s skills.
Shandra
-You mean, using your Batarang to climb down and break into his room?
Bruce
-It . . . seems the best possible solution . . . and Fate seems to have given us the perfect opportunity, as we find ourselves situated in 714, four flights directly above the confederate’s room.
Shandra
-I have to go with you. You wouldn’t recognize the Kanuta diamonds.
Bruce (nods)
-Understood.
(Cut to exterior of the hotel above Sydney Harbour. Close-up of Bruce’s suite, where we see the window open, and Batman’s head emerge. He launches the Batarang and it catches on the roof thirteen flights up. Batman then swings out, and starts to climb down the side of the building. As he makes his way down, Shandra sticks her head out, grabs hold of the rope, and also starts to climb down. For her, it is no more difficult than climbing up or down a long vine situated high in a tree)
(Batman reaches the window to Room 314, where it is dark inside. He pushes the window open and then drops inside. Shandra follows seconds later)
Batman (in the dark)
-If it’s like our room, the safe should be in the closet over there. We don’t have much time –
(Suddenly the lights go on. Batman and Shandra see Sandman smiling smugly, a strange gun pointed at them. Laurel and Hardy flank him, with determined expressions)
Sandman
-Correction, Batman. No time at all! (He steps toward them). I didn’t think it a coincidence millionaire Bruce Wayne should happen to come up to me for a lengthy chat. Given he’s such a close friend of yours, I suspected that sooner or later this evening, you’d be here. (Eyes Shandra). And I see that this young lady, who tailed my associate earlier today, is your new partner! I must say, she’s certainly prettier than your usual sidekick and has a much lovelier costume.
Shandra (deciding to be defiant)
-Where are the Kanuta diamonds?
Sandman
-Ah, so that’s it! That’s why you’re . . . (his eyes narrow as he looks at her more closely). My goodness, your face is familiar. (His eyes widen as he motions to Laurel and Hardy). Mister Laurel, Mister Hardy, meet Diana Artemis – the lady entrepreneur who tried to turn Gotham City into a jungle.
Shandra (angry)
-Don’t ever call me by that name again!
(Batman glances oddly at her, since it’s rather inappropriate for her to make a big deal over the issue now)
Sandman
-Oh, yes, I forgot. You went by another name . . . which escapes me.
Shandra
-It’s Shandra. That is my name, and don’t use any other when talking to me!
Sandman (smirks)
-If you insist. (His eyes narrow again) I could have sworn reading you were dead as a result of your scheme . . . and now, I see you and Batman working together. (Looks at Batman and his smirk widens). Could it be, you found someone at last to go sweet on, Caped Crusader? I will admit, given how that would make my dishonorable former partner quite mad with jealousy, I find the news most welcome!
Batman (through clenched teeth)
-Sandman, you’ll give the diamonds you stole in Africa to us.
Sandman
-I don’t think so, Batman. Not unless you can get past both Mister Laurel and Mister Hardy, here! (Motions his head to them, while still keeping his gun pointed)
(Laurel and Hardy charge Batman, who delivers punches to them with an accompanying POW! graphic. Laurel stays focused on Batman, while Shandra moves in and starts delivering some well-timed punches and a judo-style kick at Hardy, which sends him back staggering on to a table that breaks with a CRASH! )
(Reaction shot of Sandman, looking impressed by the Jungle Queen’s prowess)
(Batman and Laurel continue to slug it out. Shandra runs toward Hardy to try and deliver another crippling blow, but her bare feet slip on the hotel rug, which causes her to lose stride, which is long enough for Hardy to suddenly have her in a tight clench. She struggles hard to break free of him)
(Back to Batman, who manages to punch Laurel once again, sending the henchman backwards. Just as he turns to direct his attention to help Shandra, Sandman, deciding the spectacle has gone on long enough, fires the sleeping gas gun at him. Batman staggers and collapses to the ground, out completely) (Sandman comes over to where Hardy still has Shandra in a wrestling clench. She manages to finally give him a violent elbow in the mid-section, which causes him to loosen his hold on her, but before she can do anything else, the master criminal has fired the sleeping gas gun at her. The jet of gas, which comes out at a narrow beam that only affects her, causes her to drop to the floor, fast asleep alongside Batman)
Sandman
-Feisty creature, isn’t she?
Laurel
-What do we do, boss?
Sandman (checks his watch)
-Well, since the lovely Mara will be out all night romancing Mister Holmes, and since these two would only be deadweight for us as far as performing the robbery of the Exchange . . . it’s best we dispose of them immediately. Make sure you leave a note for Mara, telling her we’ll be back by mid-afternoon.
~(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)~
Sandman
-Well, my two foolish foes, you’re both about to learn the hard way, the price of trying to interfere with my plans.
Batman
-No doubt you also masterminded the theft of the diamond exchange in Londinium prior to stealing the Kanuta diamonds.
Sandman
-And in Amsterdam, too, Batman! I bet you hadn’t realized that.
Shandra
-Why did you bother with the Kanuta diamonds? Why not another exchange?
Sandman (chuckles)
-Being unpredictable and deviating from a pattern is, for any criminal, my dear Jungle Woman, the key to staying one step ahead of the law. I will admit, had I realized you were an active presence in Kenyatta, I would have changed my plans, but . . . I suppose that doesn’t matter any longer, since your life is about to come to an end.
Batman
-Let her go, Sandman.
Sandman
-On the contrary, Batman, it’s you I intend to set free eventually. You see, my ultimate end game cannot be complicated by incurring a problem posed by the disappearance and death of Batman in Australia. I am quite certain Mister Bruce Wayne would immediately link your demise to Doctor Slumber of Melbourne and cause the authorities to come down on me and upset my later plans. That’s why, later today, you will be set free, with your memory of the last evening carefully erased by some of the other weapons in my arsenal.
(He looks at Shandra)
-On the other hand, this cohort of yours, I intend to feed to the Carcharodon carcharias, who can be found swimming in these waters off Palm Beach.
Batman (clenches his teeth and struggles)
-You murdering monster!
Sandman
-But Batman, how can I be responsible for the murder of someone who – according to what you told the media – is already dead? (He chuckles) Fascinated as I am to learn why you lied about that, it’s more important for me to get rid of this other would-be troublemaker immediately.
Shandra (struggles, to no avail)
-You’ll regret this, Sandman.
Sandman
-That I doubt.
(Snaps his fingers at Laurel and Hardy, who come over and pick up Shandra’s bound form. The two henchmen then lift her over the rail, preparing to toss her in the water. Before they do, however, Sandman comes up with a knife and delicately cuts her left arm, causing drops of blood to fall on the rail)
-We must, after all, give the sharks encouragement . . . but don’t worry. If the sharks don’t get you, your bound condition will guarantee death from drowning.
Either way, you’ll be sleeping with the fishes! (He nods.)
(Laurel and Hardy then toss her overboard. Shandra struggles hard, but disappears beneath the water as Batman looks on helplessly)
Sandman
-Ah . . . it looks as if a Great White smelled his breakfast!
(Cut to shot of a tell-tale dorsal fin sticking above the surface)
(Cut back to a close-up of Batman, desperately thinking if there’s a way he can do something)
(Cut to a shot of Shandra, several feet under, using all of her strength to keep from sinking and to get free. She manages to get her head back above the surface, just long enough to take a deep breath before she goes under again)
IS THIS TO BE THE END FOR THE QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE?!
WILL ONE WITH SUCH EXPERT CONTROL OVER THE CREATURES OF LAND
BE THE VICTIM OF THE JAWS OF A MIGHTY SEA CREATURE?!
(Closeup of Batman)
IS BATMAN POWERLESS TO SAVE HER?
WILL HIS MEMORY BE WIPED,
LEAVING HIM UNABLE TO STOP SANDMAN AND MARA’S END-GAME?
HOLD TIGHT, READERS, UNTIL NEXT TIME!
SAME SHARK-TIME!
SAME SHARK-CHANNEL