Narrator
-It’s a hot, spring afternoon in Gotham City . . . hot enough to make her fair citizens think of the prospects of going for a swim!

(Cut to shot of man in diving suit getting out of taxi cab)

-But even on this day, who would possibly think of wearing a deep sea diving suit in public?!

(Closes cab door and the cab drives off. As he mounts the steps to Commissioner Gordon’s townhouse, another car pulls up. Sticking his head out the window of the rear passenger side, cigarette holder clamped between his teeth, is the Penguin)

Penguin
-This is how I take care of double-crossers!

(A man, sitting in the front passenger seat, wearing a bowler hat and a black shirt with "Shark" written in white block letters across the front, sticks a machine gun out the car window. A spray of bullets erupt from the tip of the weapon, hitting the Diver square in the back. Penguin’s car roars off. The Diver staggers, but manages to kick the front door open in a burst of strength)

(The Commissioner hurriedly gets to his feet and grabs the nearest telephone)

(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)

Narrator
-Later, in Commissioner Gordon’s office!

Chief O’Hara (entering office)
-Just got word from the hospital, Commissioner. They say the man will live, but he’s in an indefinite coma for who knows how long.

Commissioner Gordon (shakes head)
-Then we have to figure out just why he was dressed that way, trying to see me . . . and those strange words of his.....
Rutland Five.

(Eyes wander over to the Batphone)

-This is one baffling case, where we need his help more than ever!

(Goes over to Batphone and presses its button)

(Cut to exterior shot of Wayne Manor)

(Interior of study. The Batphone is ringing. Alfred goes over and picks it up the receiver)

Alfred
-I shall summon him, sir. (Exits the study)

(In the dining room, Bruce and Dick are finishing dinner with Aunt Harriet)

Dick
-Aunt Harriet, you outdid yourself again! I’ve never tasted better steamed clams!

Aunt Harriet
-I’m so glad you like them. I was afraid I’d set the temperature in the pressure cooker too high.

Bruce (wipes mouth with napkin)
-I believe I read once where the secret to really good steamed clams is to keep the temperature in excess of two hundred fifty degrees, so erring on the side of too high, should, if anything, be the proper course of action.

Dick
-I’d sure hate to think of how hot that must feel for the clams!

(They laugh as Alfred enters and clears his throat)

Alfred
-Begging your pardon, Master Bruce. You’re wanted on the special....red phone to the Wayne Foundation executive offices.

(Bruce nods in understanding and rises)

Bruce
-Dick, come with me. I'm sure your expertise will be needed as well. Aunt Harriet, this will probably take up the rest of our evening.

Aunt Harriet
-Mercy me, and I was so hoping you could try my dessert. I made a special chocolate fudge cake.

Dick
-Save us a piece, Aunt Harriet! (He rises and kisses her quickly as they head off toward the study)

(Cut to Bruce and Dick entering the study. Bruce picks up the Batphone)

Bruce
-Yes, Commissioner?

Commissioner Gordon
-Batman, your help would be most appreciated on a most baffling matter.

(Cut back to Bruce listening. He repeats what the Comissioner says to him)

Bruce (amazed)
-A man in a deep sea diving suit, gunned down outside your home?

(Dick looks up, also in amazement)

-We’re on our way, Commissioner. (Hangs up and activates the Shakespeare bust)

Dick
-Holy Jacques Cousteau!

Bruce
-This should be most.....interesting. To the Batpoles!

(They run to the Batpoles and slide down)

(Spinning scene signals start of opening credits)

(Opening Credits Animated Sequence)

(Stock sequence of Batman and Robin sliding down Batpoles into Batcave, and dashing over to Batmobile)

(Stock sequence of Batmobile pulling up in front of Police Headquarters and Batman and Robin getting out and dashing up steps)

(Commissioner Gordon’s office)

Commissioner Gordon
-All he said before he slipped into a coma was "Rutland Five." We’re at a total loss as to what he meant.

Robin (pondering)
-Rutland Five.....maybe it’s one of those old telephone exchanges they used to have?

Batman (shakes head)
-Not likely, old chum. Gotham City discontinued that system of telephone exchanges decades ago. Today, such a reference would be meaningless to most people.

Robin
-Gosh, Batman, you’re right!

Batman
-Still....Rutland is the name of an independent postal district within the broader Gotham City environs. Mail addressed to residents in that district would say Rutland, rather than Gotham City.

Chief O'Hara
-A mailing address then? The zip code?

Batman
-No, not the zip code, Chief O’Hara, which has no five in it, and which itself would be meaningless information. Perhaps the five is part of a street address he was beginning to utter in the Rutland district.

Commissioner Gordon
-But Batman, he said "Rutland Five" to my question of why he was wearing the diving suit. I don’t know of any water in the Rutland district deep enough to justify wearing that sort of heavy gear. Rutland is clear on the other side of town from Gotham Park Lake, and nowhere near the West River.

Batman
-That is the most mysterious aspect of our problem, Commissioner. Perhaps there’s something about the Rutland district that’s been overlooked. Robin and I will investigate, and I suggest, Commissioner, you notify Batgirl and ask her to help out as well.

Commissioner Gordon
-I have a direct line to her, Batman. I’ll notify her immediately!

(Batman and Robin turn and dash out of the office)

(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)

(Establishing shot of a ten story building topped by a large water tower)

Narrator
-Meanwhile, as Batman and Robin begin their investigation, that fowl, feathered fiend, the Penguin, is pacing the floors of his hideout, located beneath the main floor of the Rutland Five Star Health Club!

(Interior of Penguin’s lair. He is idly waddling about the room. His henchmen, Octopus and Shark, are sitting nearby)

Penguin
-Pfaw! Here I am, so close to laying my hands on the secret to millions of dollars, and it’s put out of reach by a double-crossing deep-sea diver, not willing to do his job! (Turns around and looks back at his henchmen) At least we taught him a lesson but good.

Octopus
-Yeah, but unfortunately, boss, the news about the diver being gunned down outside Gordon’s house has scared off any other divers from volunteering to take his place.

Shark
-Which kind of puts us right back at square one. No diver, no go.

Penguin (takes a long drag on his cigarette)
-Yes, yes. Simply irritating we find ourselves in this position . . . but for now, at least, we can afford to bide our time and plot alternate strategies. Sooner or later, the key we need will be ours.

(The door opens and a stunningly beautiful blonde woman in a midriff-baring aerobics outfit enters. This is Jackie Lalanne, the manager of the Health Club)

Jackie
-Hey, Pengy, do I finally get my pool back?

Penguin -Patience, my fair Jackie! Patience! Events are moving at a slower pace than had been anticipated.

Jackie (crestfallen)
-Pengy, I’ve had to keep the pool drained for months because you said it was important. My customers are really complaining, and you know how bad that is for my business!

(Penguin waddles up to her and turns on his patented charm)

Penguin
-Ah, but my dear Jackie, just think of what awaits you eventually. The prospect of millions at your feet, which will give you the chance to open a veritable chain of health spas all over Gotham State! Consider how much more business your patience....and faith in me, will bring you.

(She chuckles and puts her arms around him)

Jackie
-Mmmm, Pengy baby, you’re so irresistibly cute. (Plucks his cigarette holder out of his mouth) Even if you do have such a bad habit -- smoking these cancer sticks!

Penguin (smiles, but gently grabs it back)
-Waah, waah. Jackie, you promised I could smoke here in the hideout. Only upstairs do I refrain from this admittedly nasty habit of mine.

Jackie
-But won’t you quit, Pengy, please? Just for me? I’m doing a lot for you as it is.

Penguin
-After we succeed in our scheme, my love. When we find ourselves safely ensconced with millions from our counterfeiting operation, I will be most honored to submit myself to your....tender ministrations that will wean me from the one evil habit of which I genuinely wish to be reformed . . . unlike my other evil habits, from which I shall never be reformed! Waah, waah.

Jackie (giggles)
-Ooooh, Pengy, I can hardly wait!

Penguin
-It will come soon, because nothing will stop us! Not the police, and not that terrible trio, Batman, Robin and Batgirl!

(They all break into more evil laughter and giggles)

(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)

Narrator
-Meanwhile, Batman and Robin have begun their search of the Rutland district of Gotham City!

(Close shot of Batman and Robin in the Batmobile)

Batman
-Our first promising spot on the Rutland District map is Pelican Pond.

Robin
-Doesn’t sound like a place where a man would need to wear a deep sea diving outfit!

Batman
-We shouldn’t let the nature of the man’s diving suit distract us, Robin. It’s possible he needed such a cumbersome outfit, not because he needed to dive deep, but because he needed to dive for a sustained period, in order to perhaps....search for something.

Robin
-Wouldn’t an ordinary scuba suit with a tank do just as well?

Batman
-A question not important to ponder at this point, old chum. Ours is to discover first, if there’s any meaningful water source in the Rutland district our comatose diver could have used.

(Just then, the Batgirlcycle pulls alongside them, with Batgirl aboard. The Dynamic Duo smile in acknowledgment)

Batgirl
-The Commissioner told me you were checking Pelican Pond first. I could have saved you the trouble of coming here. It’s been dried up for some time now.

Batman
-Well, now that we’re together, we can coordinate other targets in the Rutland district to check. Batgirl, does your map indicate the presence of active or abandoned cisterns anywhere in the Rutland district?

(Batgirl pulls a map out of her utiltiy belt and opens it)

Batgirl
-According to my map, there are two cisterns in the Western district, both of which are abandoned.

Batman
-What about the Eastern district?

Batgirl (studying map more intently)
-It says there are....three abandoned ones in the Eastern district. (Pauses and looks at them) That makes....five of them. Maybe that’s a tie-in to the “Rutland Five” remark?

Batman
-It's certainly worth investigating! Robin and I will check the Eastern district cisterns, and you can see if the Western district cisterns could accomodate a man in a deep sea diving suit. We’ll rendezvous in front of Police Headquarters when we’ve finished our examinations!

Batgirl (revving up the Batgirlcycle)
-Good luck, Batman!

(She drives away, and seconds later, the Batmobile roars down the street in the opposite direction)

(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)

(Batgirlcycle pulls over to a curb. Batgirl gets off and walks to a nearby manhole cover and lifts it open. She peers down and then shakes her head, before replacing it and moving off)

(Cut to Batman and Robin getting out of Batmobile on the other side of the district and also going up to a nearby manhole)

(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)

(The front of Police Headquarters. The Batgirlcycle pulls up alongside the Batmobile and Batgirl hops off)

Batgirl
-No luck with the Western district, Batman. How did the Eastern district look?

Robin
-We struck out there, too! It doesn’t seem like there’s any place in the whole Rutland district where a diver would be up to something.

Batgirl
-What should we do now?

Batman
-Since the hour is late, Batgirl, I suggest we retire for the night and regroup tomorrow.

Batgirl
-Might as well. Good night, Batman. Good night, Robin.

(She drives off. The Batmobile starts up)

(Close shot of Batman and Robin)

Robin
-Straight home for us, Batman?

Batman
-Not just yet, Robin. There’s one more thing we can do before calling it a night.

Robin (feeling a sense of distaste at the thought of more futile exploring)
-Back to the Western district to see if Batgirl missed anything?

(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)

Robin
-What did we miss, Batman?

Batman
-Indeed it is, Robin! Jackie Lalanne, who has her own exercise show on Gotham Cablevision! Still.....could she really be behind a nefarious mob responsible for the attempted murder of a diver?

Robin
-Or maybe she’s a front for someone who is responsible! Maybe someone like Minerva!

Batman
-Good thinking, old chum! We’ll be up bright and early to investigate!

Robin
-What about Batgirl?

Batman
-Undoubtedly she is getting caught up on some much-needed sleep . . . which I suggest we do as well! We can inform her of our findings tomorrow . . . after we pay the Rutland Five Star Health Club a visit!

(Commercial)

Act Two

(Morning shot of Gotham City. Cut to Batmobile pulling up in front of the Rutland Five Star Health Club building. Batman and Robin get out)

Robin
-Wouldn’t it have been better to not come as we are? We could pose as regular club guests.

Batman
-If Ms. Lalanne’s club is behind all this, Robin, it’s best we tip off the guilty parties by making our presence known right away. If our hunch is wrong . . . it won’t make any difference. Now . . . proceed with caution.

(They go through the main entrance)

(Establishing shot of the Club interior shows a large number of men and women engaged in aerobics-type exercises, while others are moving about on treadmills and exercycles. In front of the group practicing aerobics, we can see Jackie leading them)

Jackie
-Lift those legs nice and easy! Remember, it can always be fun to burn off fat, if you let yourself have fun while doing it!

Batman (impressed)
-She is a remarkable example of how much good exercise and fitness can be rewarding, Robin. Would you believe she’s actually close to 40?

Robin (awed by her beauty)
-Holy Fountain of Youth!

(A pretty, but somewhat less-attractive woman than Jackie, also dressed in aerobics outfit, comes up to them. This is Kathy Jones)

Kathy
-May I help you two fine-looking young men?

Batman
-Indeed you can! We would like to speak to Ms. Lalanne. It is very important.

Kathy
-It surely can’t be to join our club! You two are such wonderful looking specimens of physical fitness, we couldn’t possibly do anything for you.

Batman (smiling, but trying not to look overly flattered)
-Perhaps, but we’ll know better if we can discuss matters with Ms. Lalanne.

Kathy
-Well, her aerobics class is just finishing up now, so she should be able to accomodate you. Just wait a minute, please. (She walks away to get Jackie’s attention)

(Batman and Robin idly look about, maintaining a nonchalant air)

Robin
-Seems like a normal health club.

Batman
-. . . and Minerva's seemed like a normal spa. We’re a long ways from coming to any definitive conclusion, old chum. Let’s see if the owner exudes the same air of innocence as her employee.

Robin
-I hope she does. She’s not the kind I’d want to see caught up in criminal activity!

Batman
-Alas, Robin, we have both learned from past experience, how the wrong side of the law has been known to ensnare beautiful, intelligent women in its sinister clutches! We should never forget that.

Robin (nods)
-Gosh, Batman, you’re right!

(Jackie comes up to them, smiling)

Jackie
-Batman and Robin! To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?

Batman (returns the smile)
-We have a professional interest in your club, Ms. Lalanne. As you are no doubt aware, our never-ending struggle against the forces of criminal wrongdoers demands we maintain ourselves in topflight physical condition.

Jackie
-Well I can tell you’ve done a great job at doing that, Batman. You certainly don’t need my club because you and Robin are out of shape.

Batman
-Perhaps not. Still, there is the problem we face from lack of adequate facilities in our . . . small quarters. It occurred to Robin and me a well-equipped gym and health club could better help us keep in condition.

Jackie
-Mmmm. Well, if it’s a well-equipped gym you need, that we have! (Motions her hand) As you can see, we have the finest selection of exercise equipment: treadmills, exercycles, weights. Upstairs, our gymnasium has full equipment for gymnastics, boxing or any other form of exercise you prefer.

Batman
-What about a swimming pool?

(Jackie blinks slightly, trying not to look caught off-guard)

Jackie
-Swimming pool?

Batman
-Yes, we’re interested most in utilizing a fine swimming pool.

Robin
-That’s right! We don’t have a swimming pool in the Batcave.

Jackie
-Oh, but . . . wouldn’t that pose just a little bit of a problem for the two of you? I mean, do you go swimming while wearing those handsome masks of yours?

Batman
-Yes, we do, Ms. Lalanne. It is a necessary part of our physical training, since often we find in the pursuit of criminals, we must chase them through rivers, streams, and even lakes. A swimming pool would offer us fine training for those feats of athleticism we’re often called upon to perform.

Jackie (nods)
-Yes. I can see that . . . but . . . I’m afraid right now, our pool is closed for repairs.

Robin
-Closed? Since when?

Jackie
-Oh, for some time, now . . . and . . . I’m afraid I can’t say precisely when we'll be able to reopen it.

Batman
-I see. That’s most unfortunate. Still, might it be possible to have a look at the pool? I want to determine whether it meets the standards we need.

Jackie
-Why certainly, Batman. Just go down those stairs to your left, and you’ll find the door that leads to the pool. You may inspect it . . . for as long as you like. (Her tone grows slightly suggestive) And when you’re done . . . maybe you and Robin could join me for a nice healthy snack of yogurt and granola?

Batman (half-smiles)
-That would be an offer . . . well worth accepting, Ms. Lalanne.

(They turn and head for the stairs. Jackie’s smile fades and she hurries out of the main room to her office)

(Cut to Jackie entering her office and picking up a special phone)

(Cut to the basement hideout. A penguin-shaped phone suddenly emits a trademark quacking sound. Penguin rushes over and answers it)

Penguin
-Yes?

Jackie (dead serious with concern)
-Batman and Robin are here, Pengy! I sent them down to inspect the pool.

Penguin (excited)
-Waah, waah! Brilliant, my dear, brilliant! I had hoped yesterday’s events would eventually bring those caped crumbs to us, so I might finally get the chance to dispose of them!

Jackie
-Be careful, Pengy!

Penguin
-Fear not, my fair Jackie! The Penguin is on top of the situation!

(Hangs up and calls over to Octopus and Shark, both of whom are not in their usual black pullovers and bowlers. Octopus has been working with the exercise equipment and is wearing a white sweatshirt. Shark, just back from business in town trying to recruit another diver, is in a regular suit)

-Quickly, my feathered finks! Quickly!

(They dash out of the hideout room, Penguin carrying his umbrella, Octopus and Shark, pistols)

(Commercial)

Act Three

(Robin joins Batman at the bottom of the empty pool. The Dynamic Duo walk over the pool bottom, carefully inspecting it.)

Robin (frustrated)
-Dry. Bone dry. This pool’s probably been drained for days!

Batman
-Certainly since well-before the attempt on the diver’s life.

Robin
-Holy Dead End! I guess this means the Health Club isn’t connected with the case.

Batman
-Of that, I’m not convinced, Robin. The diver wasn’t planning on using this pool, certainly, but . . . there must be a connection!

Penguin
-Indeed there is, Caped Creeps!

(They look up and see Penguin, Octopus and Shark standing at the edge of the pool, looking down on them. Penguin has an umbrella pointed at them)

Robin
-Holy Bat-Trap! The Penguin!

Penguin
-Yes indeed, Boy Blunder! Waah, waah. You two undoubtedly know how I handled a would-be stool pigeon yesterday. Now you’ll learn how I treat meddling snoopers who try to interfere with my plan to bring the economy of this nation to a standstill!
Ah, this is so wonderfully, diabolically easy, to have the two of you backed into a corner from which there’s no escape. To think of all the time I’ve wasted on elaborate traps that never worked when a far simpler solution was all that was needed. (Cocks the trigger on his umbrella gun) Farewell, Batman and Robin. Farewell!

(Batman and Robin tense. The Dark Knight leans his head slightly toward his partner and whispers in a low tone)

Batman
-On my signal, chum. Get ready to move. (They look back up at Penguin). NOW!!!!

(They leap in opposite directions, just as Penguin opens fire, his bullets spraying the back wall of the pool, leaving holes in the concrete)

(Batman takes his Bat-Bolo from his utility belt and quickly hurls it up where it catches around the diving board)

(Traditional Season 1-2 Nelson Riddle fight music breaks out)

(Having knocked Octopus for a loop, Batman, now stands in front of Penguin. Before the cagey bird can fire his umbrella at him again, the Caped Crusader has utilized his foot power to kick the umbrella out of Penguin’s hands, where it goes clattering off to one side. Defenseless, Penguin hurriedly waddles away, but Batman grabs him by the collar and delivers a blow with a violent

SOCK!!)

(At that instant, the door to the pool opens and standing with deep concern and alarm in the entryway is Jackie)

Penguin (struggling to get back to his feet)
-Shark, you ninny! Don’t let Robin get out of the pool!

(Batman is now moving in on Shark, who has his gun aimed below. Batman delivers a POW!!)

(Batman reacts in horror at seeing Robin plummet back down. The Twenty-something Wonder was clearly knocked unconscious by the blow. Batman stands at the edge of the pool and stares down with concern)

Batman
-Robin!!

(Batman doesn’t notice Jackie coming up behind him, a look of fierce determination on her face. She locks her arms around his midsection and squeezes tightly, instantly choking the wind out of him)

(Tight shot of her squeezing as tight as she can for over thirty seconds. When she finally lets go, Batman is staggering from the crushing pain in his midsection and shortness of breath. All Jackie has to do is deliver one normal blow to the back, which causes Batman to tumble into the drained pool. He lands next to Robin. Now both of our heroes are unconscious)

(Penguin rushes up alongside Jackie)

Penguin
-Well done, well done, my dear! You are far more dependable than my usual cohorts.

Jackie (glares at him)
-I didn’t expect you to be this sloppy, Penguin! Maybe it’s time I start exercising a few more perogatives, if you're going to stay here!

(Grabs the cigarette out of the holder and throws it to the floor, crushing it under her foot)

-Which means, as of now, no more of this in my place of business, not even in the hideout!

Penguin (humbles himself and bows meekly)
-Of course, of course. (Picks up his hat) But now, it’s time I dispose of these two once and for all! (Points his umbrella down at Batman and Robin’s unconscious forms, but Jackie grabs it out of his hands)

Jackie
-No, Penguin! No more gunfire, either! The reason I came down in the first place was because all my customers heard the noise you guys were making. If they hear more shooting, they’ll start asking questions I can't explain away.

Penguin
-But I need a simple and quick way of disposing of them!

Jackie
-You’ll get it . . . but a way that can be done silently . . .
(She smiles mischieviously) . . . and made to look like an accident!

(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)

(Tight shot of door that reads STEAM ROOM and underneath a small sign affixed to it, “Closed for Repairs”)

(Inside, we see Penguin, Jackie, Shark and Octopus standing in front of two steam cabinets in which Batman and Robin have been placed)

Jackie
-This should do the trick. The steam cabinets have been set to the highest temperature. With the two of them tied up and unable to get out, they should both boil over nicely.

Penguin (impressed, as he clamps down on his cigarette holder that’s devoid of a cigarette)
-How fiendishly clever! My dear Jackie, you are more worthy of the title of criminal mastermind than any of those other members of your sex, who are but mere amateurs by comparison!

Jackie (smiles wickedly)
-A few million dollars in incentives will do much to bring out the bad girl streak that lurks in every female. (Puts her arm around Penguin and kisses him on the cheek) Not to mention the charms of a most handsome criminal mastermind.

Penguin (genuinely enjoying himself)
-Waaah, waah. You touch me, deeply. I will see to it that your share from our operation will soon guarantee you a chain of health clubs across the entire continent, and not just Gotham State.

Jackie
-Speaking of which, we’d best get back to dealing with our problem. Now that Batman and Robin will be out of the way, we can devote all our attention to getting what we need.

Octopus
-Uh . . . I don’t mean to be a spoilsport, but . . . what about Batgirl?

(Jackie wrinkles her noise in disdain)

Jackie
-Batgirl? If she decides to follow in the paths of her soon-to-be-deceased confederates, she’ll be mere child’s play. (She flexes her arm muscle proudly). Batgirl is no match for me in a fair fight . . . not that it would be a fair fight!

(They all laugh heartily as they exit the steam room, closing the door behind them)

(over alternating close-ups of Batman and Robin)

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