Narrator -When last we met, Batgirl had infiltrated the lair of that venomous vixen, Poison Ivy, only to find herself captured and placed in a diabolical deathtrap! One that would see Batgirl’s body totally immersed in urushiol, sending her into the indescribably agony of massive itching, both externally, and internally!

(Cut to shot of Batman and Robin in Batmobile)

-Batman and Robin, not knowing what has befallen their comrade in crimefighting, are en route to the scene.....but is there any chance of their being able to arrive safely before Batgirl’s descent into the agony of pure poison ivy immersion begins?

(Cut to shot of a smirking Poison Ivy at the control)

-And will the nefarious naturalist succeed in her plans to plunder the wealth of Gotham City for herself?

-Hold on to the edge of your seats, readers, the worst is yet to come!

(Spinning scene signals start of opening credits)

(Opening Credits Animated Sequence)

(Establishing shot of room with Batgirl suspended above tank)

Robin (pointing as he climbs out of Batmobile)
-The Batgirlcycle! She must still be here!

Batman
-Yes! She could very well be in desperate need of our help!

(They dash inside the main entrance)

(Cut to them going up the stairs to the second level. They see the lit room at the end of the corridor and sprint toward it. Upon entering, they are greeted to the sight of Nancy, Veronica and Betsy.)

Veronica (arms folded)
-And just where do you think you’re going, Dynamic Duo?

Batman (patiently)
-We’re going by you, to see your boss and find out what you’ve done to Batgirl . . . which, I hope for your sake, is nothing!

Veronica (shakes her head and glances at Betsy and Nancy)
-I don’t think so. Do you?

Nancy (shakes head, also with arms folded)
-Nope

Betsy (Likewise)
-Nope

Batman
-I ordinarily detest the thought of committing physical violence against the female of the species . . . but when the life of an innocent woman is at stake . . . I am left with few alternatives!

Robin (slams fist into palm)
-Agreed! If it’s a fight they want, they’ve got it!

Veronica (smiles mockingly)
-Then what are you waiting for, boys? Bring it on!

(Batman abruptly pulls from his utility belt a small object, which he presses before tossing in the air. It immediately takes the shape of a giant net, which by the time it completes its arc, has dropped over the heads of the three henchwomen, ensnaring them completely!)

Batman
-As I said, I was left with few alternatives, but when those few remain, they are always preferable to an act of physical violence. The Instant Bat-Net I perfected for this kind of situation, to deal with roguishly misguided females, is a more satisfying solution than beating them into submission.

Robin (shakes head)
-Gosh, how could I have forgotten all about that option?

Batman
-It was an easy mistake to have made, old chum. Now, to attend to Poison Ivy, before its too late!

(They dash past the net-enshrouded, struggling henchwomen through the door that leads into the open greenhouse . . . where, they immediately see Batgirl – now just three feet above the tank – and, at the far side of the room, Poison Ivy still at the controls.)

Batman
-Poison Ivy! Release her immediately!

(Ivy looks up and offers another unfazed smirk)

Poison Ivy
-Well, well, well. If it isn’t the Testosterone Twosome, come to the rescue of the Damsel in Distress. (Shakes her head and makes a face) Yeccch!!

Batman (Moves toward Poison Ivy)
-You have no choice, Poison Ivy. We have you trapped.

Poison Ivy
-Oh no, Batman, it’s your friend, Batgirl, who’s trapped. All I have to do is press the release button on this console, which my finger is now resting above, and she takes a plunge into the poison ivy bath that marks the beginning of a lifetime’s worth of aggravation and torture for her. (Smiles wickedly). You can, of course, make a foolish attempt to distract me, or to incapacitate me, but all I need is just the tiniest fraction of a second to achieve my goal, and if it means I go to jail while Batgirl is forced to scratch like mad forever, that’ll be satisfaction enough. (Pauses) Will that be satisfying for you?

Batgirl (trying to sound brave)
-Batman, don’t weaken! My comfort is meaningless compared to thwarting a criminal’s evil scheme!

Poison Ivy (chuckles)
-Yes, that is the practical course of action for Batman to take . . . but . . . we all know how the silly male ego is such a slave to that code of gallant chivalry and nobility. That’s why, right now, I still hold the trump card in this contest of wills. I think, Batman, it’s a safe assumption any satisfaction you’d gain from sending me back to the pen would be considerably muted if the price you paid was letting Batgirl suffer a horrible fate, wouldn’t it?

(Batman and Robin are both frozen in their positions, not daring to make a move)

Batgirl (twisting about)
-Batman, don’t give in!!

(Batman takes a breath, knowing Poison Ivy has found his weakness)

Batman
-What’s your price for releasing Batgirl unharmed, Poison Ivy?

Poison Ivy (grins)
-Now that’s more like it, Caped Crusader. The male ego’s basic weakness allows me to triumph! (Waves her left arm) All you have to do is administer some knockout gas to yourself and Robin . . . for real! – no anti-Bat-Gas pills or any other such nonsense to protect yourselves. You’re to put yourselves to sleep in full view of me, and give me time to pack up what I need and relocate to a place of my own choosing. It’ll be up to you to figure out where it is. By the time you wake up, I’ll want to be long gone. Then, you’ll be able to let your friend go. (Smiles) I’ll take your word of honor . . . because if you don’t let me get out of here free and clear, then you’re nothing but a deceitful male fraud in a costume, little better than your adversaries to whom you claim to be superior.

Batman (sighs)
-I agree to your terms, Poison Ivy. Robin and I will . . . not interfere or deceive you.

Robin
-Batman, we can’t! Once we’re out, she’ll . . .

Batman
-I am prepared to keep my word, Robin . . . but (stares at Poison Ivy’s beautiful form coldly), if you don’t keep your word, I swear, I will see to it you suffer a fate far worse that what you had planned for Batgirl.

(She chuckles again)

Poison Ivy
-Ohhhh....what’s the matter, Batman? Afraid that little old Poison Ivy won’t keep her word? Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter to me one way or the other if Batgirl suffers. I’ve got more important plans in mind for Gotham City . . . and they’ll be in effect long before you can figure out where it is I’m going!

Batman
-A woman of your incredible beauty wastes so much by devoting your life to the pursuit of selfish evil!

Poison Ivy
-Your flattery touches me, but it gets you nowhere, Batman. Now, administer that Bat-Gas you have to yourself and Robin in the next thirty seconds, or else! (She motions down to the console once again.)

(Warily, Batman removes a container of Bat-Gas from his utility belt and points the nozzle at Robin.)

Batman
-Don’t worry, old chum. There’ll be another time . . . soon.

Robin (glumly nods)
-You’re right. I’m ready.

(Batman sprays the gas in Robin’s face. Robin falls to the floor. Batman then points the nozzle at himself, sprays and also falls to the floor.)

(Cut to Ivy, half-rising from the console. She glances back at Batgirl, still struggling above the tank.)

Poison Ivy (shouting)
-You were a fool to trust me, Batman!

(Batgirl tenses, waiting for the horrible moment to come . . . but thirty seconds pass with nothing happening. Ivy then lets out a long, loud laugh.)

-Just kidding! I had to be sure the two Dynamic Dummkopfs were really out.

Batgirl
-You won’t have the last laugh, Poison Ivy!

Poison Ivy (smirks)
-We’ll see. (She activates a switch which lifts Batgirl back up another three feet.) There. That will keep you in a more secure position until they wake up and can let you go.

(She walks over to Batman and Robin and looks down at them with equal parts playfulness and contempt.)

-Tempted as I am to give you both a goodbye kiss and let you experience the pleasurable agony I made you two endure the last time our paths crossed, I’ve come to the conclusion since . . . you’re not worth it . . . (Her wicked smile widens) . . . not yet, at any rate. (Looks back at Batgirl and waves) Ta-ta!

(She walks out of the greenhouse with a confident, sexy swagger. She stops only to grab a leather file folder on a stool before she exits into the laboratory.)

(Cut to her entering the lab room. She immediately notices the Bat-Net, under which Veronica, Nancy and Betsy continue to struggle, and glares in disdain.)

Betsy
-Ivy! Ivy, egads, get us out of here!

(Poison Ivy’s disdainful smirk remains constant as she nonchalantly gathers important papers and shoves them into the file folder. Then, she takes a half dozen key samples of foliage and puts them in a larger, metal sample case, closing it shut.)

Veronica
-Come on, Ivy, let us out!

(Ivy, carrying the file folder in one hand and the case in the other, stops and looks down at them, trapped in the net, and slowly shakes her head.)

Poison Ivy
-You’re fired.

(Saying nothing else, she nonchalantly walks out of the lab.)

Nancy
-Pamela! You double-crossing, little–

Veronica
-I’ll kill you for this, Pamela!

(The three of them continue to rage, their language growing more salty, but they can do nothing else.)

(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)

(Cut to shot of Batman slowly awakening. He gets to a sitting position and nudges Robin.)

Batman
-Robin! Wake up, old chum.

(Robin stirs and comes to sitting position.)

Robin
-Holy Nap Time! How long have we been out?

Batman
-No more than an hour at most, given the properties of Bat-Gas and the amount I administered.

Robin
-Where’s Batgirl?

(They look up at the tank. A zoom shot reveals Batgirl is no longer suspended above it. They bolt to their feet in horror and run over to the tank.)

Batman
-That she-devil! If she broke her word–

Batgirl
-She didn’t break her word, Batman.

(They spin round and see Batgirl standing in the doorway to the lab, arms folded.)

Robin
-Batgirl! How did you—?

Batgirl
-I freed myself twenty minutes ago. It was rather easy, once I discovered the wires holding me were weakening due to my prolonged suspension from them. When they started to bend, it gave me the flexibility to swing my legs and gain sufficient momentum so, once the wires broke, I fell not down into the tank, but to the floor next to it.

Batman
-Excellent, Batgirl! That was . . . most resourceful.

Batgirl
-Chief O’Hara and the police just took away the Ivy League Gang. Apparently, Poison Ivy decided she no longer had any use for them. I can’t say I blame her. They’re not a very efficient lot.

Batman (nods)
-True . . . however, the fact Poison Ivy was willing to abandon her henchwomen to the mercies of justice, can only mean she’s reasonably sure she no longer has any need for them. Further, we can conclude she feels she’s close to the point where she can play her end game!

Robin
-But, what is her end game, Batman? It has to be more than just duplicating Shandra’s Instant Jungle!

Batman
-Agreed, Robin. There remains some missing pieces to this puzzle. We must regroup immediately – to Police Headquarters!

(The three costumed crimefighters dash out of the room.)

(Commercial)

Act Two

(Establishing night shot, Police Headquarters)

(Cut to Commissioner Gordon’s office. Chief O’Hara is also present with Batman, Robin and Batgirl.)

Batman
-If we assume Poison Ivy is prepared to set her end game into effect, Commissioner, then there’s no way of knowing where she’s gone into hiding now. Proximity to Gotham Park would no longer be a relevant factor, so it’s possible she could have a backup hideout in any one of the other twenty-three abandoned greenhouses in greater Gotham City.

Chief O’Hara
-The Ivy League Gang has no information at all on where any of her back-up hideouts might be. Believe you me, they’re so angry at her for cutting out on them, they’d tell us in an instant if they knew.

Commissioner Gordon
-So, we can expect Poison Ivy to duplicate Shandra’s plan of setting off an Instant Jungle bomb that could overwhelm Gotham City?

Batgirl
-Not duplicate, Commissioner. There is an important variant to the scheme, because Poison Ivy wants to be able to plunder Gotham City of all its material wealth for her own gain. She only sees Instant Jungle as a means unto that end.

Chief O’Hara
-Well, it wouldn’t be easy for her to get away with that, even if she did set off a bomb. There are, though, still some nuts in Gotham City who wanted to join Shandra’s cause. They would gladly do the same for Poison Ivy if she tried the same trick.

Batman (raises finger)
-Chief O’Hara, I think you touch on the key difference between these two women. Shandra wanted a transformed Gotham City to be enjoyed by all the people. Poison Ivy, on the other hand, wants Gotham City turned into a place where only she would have access to it!

Robin
-Holy Isolation Ward! She’d want to come up with a scheme that would force everyone to leave Gotham City!

Batgirl (realization dawning)
-The Instant Jungle she’ll set off will be poison to all who come in contact with it, except herself! (Her eyes dart back to Commissioner Gordon) Commissioner, didn’t you get a report earlier today about serious outbreaks of poison ivy in Gotham Park?

Commissioner Gordon
-Yes we did, Batgirl. We didn’t give it too much thought, because there was no sign of Instant Jungle where these incidents took place.

Batman
-That’s interesting, Commissioner. It could be the modified Instant Jungle formula, which makes it poisonous, causes growth at a slower rate than the original mixture. Which means . . . Poison Ivy, in order for her scheme to work, would need to set off a much larger explosive device than Shandra attempted.

Commissioner Gordon
-But where? . . . and how?

Batman
-That remains to be seen.

(The phone rings. Gordon answers it.)

Commissioner Gordon
-Yes, Bonnie? (Eyes widen and he rises from his chair). One minute. (Lowers the receiver). Poison Ivy has her demands ready. I’m putting this on the speaker phone. (Presses the switch) All right, go ahead.

Poison Ivy (voice only)
-Good evening, Commissioner. I trust the Terrible Trio of Twits is there, too?

Batman
-We’re here, Poison Ivy. What do you want?

Poison Ivy (giggles)
-Oh, Batman, still the angry Alpha Male, even after you saw I am a woman of my word? (Sighs) Very well. At precisely two PM tomorrow, I will detonate a device containing a solution of Instant Jungle more dangerous than anything that weakling Shandra ever imagined. It will slowly, but surely, turn every inch of Gotham City into a poisonous jungle – one that can only be enjoyed by . . . me. (Laughs) It won’t cause the buildings to collapse like Shandra’s solution, because I do want to take anything interesting inside for myself. Be warned, however – no one who finds poison ivy irritating against the skin will have an inch of space to move if they remain in Gotham City!

Batman
-What do you want in exchange for not setting off your bomb?

Poison Ivy (thoughtfully, but everyone can tell she’s mocking them)
-What do I want? Hmmm, let’s see, what could you do for little ol’ me, to keep me from being such a naughty girl and setting off my device . . . hmmmmm. (She laughs). I can’t think of anything you could give me, Batman. Maybe you’ve got some ideas?

Batman (temper rising)
-You treacherous temptress!

Poison Ivy (still teasing)
-Watch it, Batman. I’m not among those who find a wild display of male anger the least bit attractive. (Sighs) No, there are no demands, no blackmail. I just thought it would be nice to tell you what my objective is . . . and what I plan to enjoy for the rest of my life! I’ll have Gotham City all to myself, transformed into a natural Paradise for my own pleasure, but . . . with the ability to enjoy diamonds, furs, cash or a dip in a Jacuzzi when the mood strikes. I’m aiming much higher than that silly jungle queen–

Batgirl (interrupting)
-What good will money do you if you’re the only one left?

Robin
-And how long do you think the power will stay on to run your Jacuzzi?

Batman
-What about food?

Poison Ivy (annoyed the Terrific Trio has poked some holes in her vision of Paradise)
Oh, I’ll get by . . . That's why my strategy dictates having access to all of Gotham City and its vast resources that are limitless for an army of one. (A malevolent edge comes back into her voice) The best part is, none of you can do anything to stop me! You could never guess in a million years where I’m going to set my device off, or where I’ll be when I do. So, I suggest you start clearing out of Gotham City, as fast as you can!

(Clicking sound indicates she’s hung up. Batman switches off the speaker)

Commissioner Gordon
-It looks as if we’re in a race against time, Batman. If her timetable is what she says it is, we have only (checks his watch) eighteen hours before Gotham City as we know it is doomed.

(Batman turns to Batgirl.)

Batman
-Batgirl, if you’d be willing to subject yourself to a small dose of Bat-Gas, Robin and I would welcome your presence in the Batcave as we . . . grapple with this latest problem.

Batgirl (nods)
-Of course, Batman.

(The three of them dash out of the office. Commissioner Gordon and O’Hara looking on in admiration.)

Commissioner Gordon
-There go our last great hopes, Chief O’Hara. How fortunate we are to have them on the job!

(Chief O’Hara silently takes off his hat and places it reverently over his heart.)

(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)

(Establishing dawn shot of a seaside amusement park)

Narrator -The next morning brings a sunny, busy day to Gotham City Beach, the Boardwalk and the adjacent Shoney Island Amusement Park, open for the Christmas and New Year’s holiday weeks. The patrons are enjoying unseasonably warm weather, caused in part by the lingering influence of the earlier infestation of Instant Jungle.

(Shot of Poison Ivy, strolling casually in the crowd – and provocatively dressed in a halter bikini top – holding her purse under her right arm.)

(Her gaze wanders toward a Boardwalk storefront marked:

There is no one in line, and the proprietor – a well-dressed, but short, meek and timid-looking man – is standing behind the counter looking morose, his cheek resting on his left hand.)

Poison Ivy (sweetly)
-Oh, Mr. Limpet?

(Instantly, Mr. Limpet, the proprietor, perks up as he sees his only regular customer approach . . . and with whom he has been tongue-tied smitten ever since she first visited his store several weeks before.)

Mr. Limpet (trying to collect himself)
-Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, Miss Isley. Miss Isley, you finally came by again!

Poison Ivy
-I know, I know, I’ve been so busy the last few days. I just haven’t had time to come all the way down to Shoney Island and have some of your wonderful food that makes a trip here worthwhile . . . but here I am!

Mr. Limpet (trying to summon some bravado to impress her, but he’s still visibly shaking)
-Well gosh, thanks! I guess I’ll get you some juice fruit! I mean some fruit juice! (Reaches down and grabs a bottle which he then promptly drops with a loud crash) Oh no!

Poison Ivy (giggling sweetly)
-Do I make you nervous, Mr. Limpet?

Mr. Limpet (rapid, bug-eyed answer in the tradition of Don Knotts on the Steve Allen Show)
-Nope! (Sounding more like “newp!”)

Poison Ivy (leans forward, exposing more of her cleavage to him)
-I’m so glad to hear it. I wouldn’t want you to be . . . intimidated by me.

Mr. Limpet (shakes his head no while he grabs another bottle of juice, but his hand is still visibly trembling)
-Oh, no, no, no, Miss Isley. Bot a tit! (Horrifyingly corrects himself with a shout) Not a BIT!

(Poison Ivy laughs and playfully tugs at his cheek.)

Poison Ivy
-You know, Mr. Limpet . . . if business has been real slow for you lately . . . maybe you should just close up for the day and have some . . . fun.

Mr. Limpet (quivering)
-Fun?

Poison Ivy (her voice grows more seductive)
-Yes . . . fun. Why don’t you close up and . . . come with me. (She leans closer, her lips not quite brushing against his). Meet me at the main park entrance. I have some . . . plans for us you might find . . . interesting.

Mr. Limpet (trying to straighten himself)
-Oh yeah. Yeah, I think I would find that interesting, Miss Isley.

Poison Ivy (lets go of him and leans back)
-Okay. And if you’re all that interested . . . then you may call me, Pamela.

Mr. Limpet (lets her name roll dreamily off his tongue)
-Pamela.

Poison Ivy
-Meet me at the main entrance in ten minutes.

Mr. Limpet (lost in a happy dream)
-I’ll be there . . . Pamela.

(Poison Ivy turns and walks away from him, and instantly her sweet, smiling expression becomes one of total incredulity and disdain as she rolls her eyes.)

Poison Ivy
-What a schmuck.

(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)

Narrator
-Meanwhile, back in the Batcave, the Terrific Trio have just finished a long night of serious research and study.

(Batgirl lies stretched out, asleep on a couch at the far wall of the Batcave. Robin is yawning)

Robin
-Gosh, Batman, I’m bushed! We’ve been at this all night and haven’t come up with any viable lead on where Poison Ivy might be. (Points at Batgirl). Look, even she’s had enough.

Batman
-Robin, with time ticking away before Poison Ivy sets off her device which could render Gotham City uninhabitable forever, we can’t let concern for our own well-being take precedence.

Robin
-I agree, Batman, but maybe Batgirl’s right. A short Bat-nap could yield a fresh perspective and I’m–

(Abruptly, the sounds of the Service Elevator opening at the other end of the Batcave can be heard. It jolts Robin back to sudden alertness.)

Robin
-No!

(Batman waves his hand)

Batman
-It’s all right, Robin. After Batgirl drifted off, I administered a whiff of Bat-Gas to insure she’d sleep soundly for the next hour, so Alfred could come down here.

(Alfred walks up, holding a tray of food and tries not to let his eyes wander to Batgirl, whose identity he knows.)

Alfred
-Your breakfast, sirs. I trust it will be sufficient.

Batman
-The more energy for us, the better, Alfred. I’m sure Batgirl will appreciate your efforts as well, when she comes around and can experience some of your fine cooking. I regret she won’t, of course, be able to thank you personally.

Alfred
-Yes sir. I quite understand. I am certain that I, butler to millionaire Bruce Wayne, would be the very last person she’d expect to see here in the Batcave.

(Batman’s head suddenly perks up)

Batman
-What did you say, Alfred?

Alfred (fearful he’s accidentally revealed something about Batgirl he shouldn’t have)
-Oh, I just said I would be the last person she’d expect to see here.

Batman
-Yes, that’s what I thought! With that phrase, you’ve revealed the key that will unlock the mystery of where Poison Ivy plans to set off her device!

Alfred (relieved it isn’t what he feared)
-I have, sir? Well, thank you, sir, I’m always glad to help. (Turns and heads back to the Service Elevator)

Robin
-I don’t get it, Batman.

Batman
-Robin, we’ve wasted a whole night looking at this from the wrong angle. We’ve been studying the greenhouses, parklands, botanical gardens and other areas that instinctively appeal to Poison Ivy’s love of the natural environment, as possible targets where she’d set off her Instant Jungle device . . . but last night, she said we could never guess the location in a million years. Ergo, she’s going to set it off somewhere that has nothing to do with any of those kinds of places!

Robin (slams fist into glove)
-Holy Switcheroo! Of course! (His excitement fades) But Batman, that still doesn’t give us a specific target and we’ve only got . . . (checks watch) seven more hours.

Batman
-We must think in terms of the exact opposite from where Poison Ivy would usually operate. The human mind always works that way instinctively when it seeks to deceive, through a kind of free association. If your name is Smith, and you want to conceal your identity, your first instinct is to take the name Jones. If you ordinarily wear a beard and need to deceive your pursuer, you don’t trim your beard a new way, you shave it off! If we apply such a line of reasoning to the problem of where Poison Ivy will strike, the answer will come!

(Picks up a can of Bat-Awake)

-Time to wake up our partner!

(Commercial)

Act Three

(Establishing shot of a seaside motel)

Narrator
-Across from Shoney Island Amusement Park, in the Shoney Seaside Inn . . .

(The door to the room opens, and Poison Ivy enters, followed by a trembling Mr. Limpet.)

Mr. Limpet (looking around the room)
-Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, Miss Isley . . . I mean Pamela. I . . . I don’t know what to say . . . I really don’t deserve this. I mean . . . I’m just an ordinary health food salesman, trying to see if the people at the beach would want to steer clear of all the hot dogs and the other food that’s bad for them. I don’t deserve a beautiful woman like you.

(Poison Ivy turns around, trying to keep a bright facade while holding back the inner revulsion.)

Poison Ivy
-Mr. Limpet, the pleasure is all mine. It’s because you’re so concerned for the well-being of all of us who go to Shoney Island by selling us the right food instead of that processed junk, and because you keep a generous supply of freshly cut vegetables you grow yourself in the back of the store in its own soil . . . that I found myself so instinctively drawn to your store . . . and to you as well.

(She takes a step toward him)

-I also noticed how very shy and nervous you are. Which made you more interesting from my perspective, because it meant you, my dear Mr. Limpet, were the kind of man who would never bother to show any resistance to my . . . natural charm. I knew from the beginning I wouldn’t have to resort to any . . . deviousness to get you interested in me.

(Mr. Limpet remains staring in awe at her, not realizing her whole demeanor is slowly, and subtly, changing.)

-That’s the thing I pride myself most about, when it comes to my ability to attract men. I’m not like a certain washed-up chanteuse named Lorelei Circe who can only get men to do her bidding through some supernatural means. I just stand there and do nothing, and let the men be overwhelmed and want more from me. When they do, the fun I have in stringing them along just a little further, before letting them down in a big way, is much more exhilarating – to me – than if I satisfied their ultimate desires.

(She draws closer, her expression now with an edge of malevolence.)

-Now in your case, Mr. Limpet, I’m carrying the game even further . . . because you’re an important part of my plan. You’re a nondescript man in a nondescript location in a place from which no one would ever suspect me of operating. You were the first element of my scheme I put in place, even before I had the formula I needed in my possession, and before I ran my tests to make sure I could put the necessary device together. Now that I’ve successfully implemented those other steps of my plan . . . it’s time to make final use of you and your store, so my ultimate dream comes true.

(Mr. Limpet is, after all this time, still staring adoringly at her. Poison Ivy smirks at him.)

-You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?

Mr. Limpet (slowly shakes his head no, his mouth still open in awe)
-Nope. (Again sounding like “newp”)

(Ivy takes his head in her hands.)

Poison Ivy
-Siren, eat your heart out! (She, with a good deal of effort, kisses him passionately on the mouth.)

(Sixty seconds later, she notices Mr. Limpet has gone entirely limp. She feels for a pulse, then slaps him lightly in the face, where his goofy, adoring expression remains constant.)

-Hmmm. Looks like I just put you into a catatonic state . . . and I didn’t even have to use my special lipstick and give you a most painful itch to do it!

(She lifts him up and sets him down on the bed.)

-Time now for me to change into something a little bit more suitable for a Boardwalk store owner. (She goes over and opens one of her suitcases and pulls out a pair of jeans and an alternate top. She glances back at the catatonic Mr. Limpet, who is staring glassy-eyed at the ceiling, and allows herself a faint smile.)

-You know, I’ve got to admit, you are kind of cute in a way I can appreciate, just because you like to be overwhelmed so much without putting up a struggle. If I knew of a way to make you immune to natural toxins, just like I am . . . I might have given you a sample. Then you could have given me some respite from the long-term solitude I’m about to bring on for myself. (Her smile becomes more a taunting smirk). Then again, maybe not. (Sighs and draws herself up) Ah, well. Back to the greater pleasure of business!

(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)

(The Batcave – a wide-awake and alert Batman, Robin and Batgirl are busily at work.)

Batgirl
-Your theory makes sense, Batman. We should be trying to think of a location that would be the total opposite of where we’d expect Poison Ivy would set off a device of Instant Jungle . . . somewhere nothing natural grows.

Robin
-Still, in a place as big as Gotham City, there are still too many choices to consider. Maybe one of the local city dumps? Remember, that was one of Shandra’s targets.

Batman
-Not . . . very likely, Robin. The presence of garbage and waste does not in itself suggest a perfect mirror opposite, which is the angle we should consider. Perhaps, instead of considering man-made places where plant life cannot grow, we should think instead of natural locations where plant life does not ordinarily grow.

Batgirl
-Natural locations, Batman?

Batman
-Precisely, Batgirl! The sort of location where the inability of plant life to take root and grow is caused by the natural topography and not by man. Poison Ivy, because of her criminal fondness for the material pleasures of the civilized world – which she wishes to preserve in a transformed Gotham City – would think of starting the transformation in a place that represents the mirror opposite of somewhere plant life could flourish.

Robin
-But are there any such locations in Gotham City?

Batman
-There are indeed, Robin. In fact, the most obvious place is one where you and Batgirl, I’m sure, frequent a lot in the summer . . . the same place that is, at this very moment, open for two weeks of holiday festivities!

Robin (slams fist into glove)
-Holy Boardwalk! Gotham Beach at Shoney Island!

Batgirl (nods vigorously)
-Yes! It makes perfect sense. Plants can’t take root in the sand, which is the most distinctive feature of Shoney Island!

Batman
-Somewhere, however, along the Boardwalk, Poison Ivy must know of where there’s a tiny parcel of natural soil that can serve as the spawning point for her Instant Jungle device to take root and flourish! To the Batmobile!

(The three dash to the Batmobile, Batgirl securing herself next to Robin on the passenger side. As they settle in, Batman leans over toward Batgirl, holding a can of Bat-Gas.)

-My apologies again, Batgirl, but . . . this is a necessary precaution that will be over as soon as we’re on the main road.

Batgirl
-I understand, Batman.

(Batman sprays her, and she falls over, asleep)

Robin
-Sometimes, Batman, I wish we could be honest with her, and she would be with us. It’d make teaming-up much easier to coordinate!

Batman
-There’s . . . something to be said for that, Robin. Perhaps . . . someday, we could explore the possibility . . . but not today.

(Starts the engine and the Batmobile roars off)

(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)

(Poison Ivy on the Boardwalk, still dressed provocatively, but looking more casual and indistinguishable from those who also work there. She walks toward Mr. Limpet’s closed-up storefront, holding two metal cases. She sets them down in front of the store and pulls out a set of keys she stole off Mr. Limpet in the motel room.)

(A burly man, smoking a cigar, notices her.)

Supervisor
-Hey! You!

(Ivy turns around and tries not to look concerned.)

Poison Ivy (innocently)
-Something wrong?

Supervisor
-You work for that schnook, Limpet?

Poison Ivy
-I’m . . . taking over for him today.

Supervisor
-Well, next time you see him, tell him his lease is cancelled. His store doesn’t draw squat and it’s ruining all the other businesses on this side of the Boardwalk. This space is too valuable to be wasted on a store that sells junk food no one wants.

Poison Ivy (smiles thinly)
-I wouldn’t call what we serve “junk” food, but . . . I don’t think you’ll have to worry about Mr. Limpet doing business here after today.

Supervisor
-Glad to hear it. (His expression grows lecherous as he takes note of her incredible beauty.) Say . . . when you’re done, maybe you and I could.. . . .

(The faintest edge of disdain comes over Ivy as she sticks her hand in her pocket and rubs it over a poison ivy leaf she carries with her. She takes her hand out and playfully touches his unshaven cheek.)

Poison Ivy
-I’ll give it some thought . . . but . . . I think you’ve got other concerns.

Supervisor (smiles)
-Yeah. Guess I do. (Suddenly scratches at his cheek as he walks away). Ow, what the– (scratches more vigorously as he starts to sprint further away. Ivy smirks wickedly and then turns her attention back to the storefront.)

(Ivy enters Limpet’s store carrying the two metal cases. At the back is the makeshift garden the proprietor has set up to grow the salads and other fresh foods he sells to his very few Boardwalk customers. A young man, interested in buying something, steps inside the entry way.)

Customer (young man)
-Excuse me, Miss? Are you opening?

(Poison Ivy looks over at a Boardwalk clock which says 1:45. She politely shakes her head)

Poison Ivy
-We won’t be open for business for another fifteen minutes. Come back later.

(The would-be customer moves off, while Poison Ivy moves to the back, opens up the metal cases and removes two brightly colored beach balls. Each one contains the heaviest concentrated sample of modified Instant Jungle she’s been able to put together. she knows, because of the slower growth rate, two devices are needed to achieve results. She places them on top of the soil where the vegetables grow, and moves back to the front . . . where she discreetly pulls down the metal storefront and locks it. With the supervisor out of the way, she doesn’t think she has to worry about any other distractions at this point. A deepening smile of satisfaction comes over her, as she goes back to the metal case and pulls out her neatly-folded Ivy costume.)

Poison Ivy
-Time to get properly dressed for the occasion!

(Spinning Bat Symbol to indicate scene change)

(The Batmobile pulls up in front of the Boardwalk entrance and the three heroes get out.)

Robin
-It’s 1:55 now, Batman! How will we ever find her in time?

Batman
-She must be holed up somewhere on the Boardwalk . . . somewhere where there might be a place of business that contains the smallest trace of natural soil.

Batgirl
-Batman, I just remembered! There’s a store that sells Natural Foods on the east end. I tried the food there once, thought it tasted awful and never went back, but . . . that might be a likely spot!

Batman
-Good thinking, Batgirl! Let’s go!

(They dash through the entrance, causing all of the holiday merrymakers in the crowd to stare in disbelief at the sight of the three costumed crimefighters, sprinting hurriedly down the Boardwalk, past the shooting gallery, where a teenaged female attendant, taking notice of them, hurriedly calls out.)

Attendant
-Hey, Robin! How about brushing up on your target practice?

(She shrugs sadly as he moves past without acknowledging. The heroes then spot the closed storefront that says:

Batgirl (points)
-This is it, Batman!

Robin
-It looks like it’s closed.

Batgirl
-If that’s where she plans on setting off her bomb, she wouldn’t be so foolish as to leave the store open!

Batman
-Agreed. Robin, get your Bat-Plastic explosive out, and set it up -- quickly!

(Batman and Robin hurry to the storefront, and kneel, placing plastic explosive solution at the base of the metal sliding panel. The customer who had earlier wanted to buy something, takes note and comes up with concern.)

Customer
-Hey, Batman, there’s no reason to blow the place open! The lady inside said they were opening at two!

(Batman turns around)

Batman
-The lady? A beautiful redhead, perchance?

Customer (grins goofily at Batgirl)
-Yeah . . . (whispers to Batgirl) though not as beautiful as you.

(Batgirl, ever polite, smiles at the compliment, then returns to the business at hand.)

Batman (also smiling, but for an entirely different reason)
-Thank you, citizen, for confirming our deduction! I suggest you remove yourself from the area immediately, while we attend to important police business!

(The customer is confused, but decides not to challenge the Caped Crusader and backs away.)

Robin
-All in place, Batman! (Glances back at the clock) We’ve got just ninety seconds!

Batman
-We’ll set the timer for thirty seconds . . . now! (Clicks switch and they dash away.)

(Further back, Batgirl is motioning the increasing crowd of onlookers to stay back. A handsome young beach bum – wearing a “Happy New Year” hat, cutoff T-shirt and tight, stylish jeans – is holding a frisbee. He sees her and makes his way over to the Caped Crimefightress.)

Beach Bum
-Hey, Batgirl! Want to start the New Year off right? We’ve got a great pick-up frisbee game going and you’d be perfect for my team!

Batgirl (not wanting to be rude to an admirer)
-This really isn’t a good time, young man.

Beach Bum
-Awww, Batgirl, doesn’t crimefighting ever get boring for a beautiful babe like you? Come on, what have you got to lose?

(Tosses his frisbee at her, which she catches. Before she can give it back, she sees Batman and Robin dashing towards her and she goes up to join them)

Robin
-It should go off . . . now!

(Tight shot of storefront as the explosion goes off, blasting a wide hole in the metal. They sprint inside, waving at the dissipating smoke.)

(In the back, Poison Ivy, now fully dressed in her regalia, had been far enough away from the blast to be unaffected, but she has taken cover beneath some boxes of foodstuffs. She gets to her feet and sees the costumed crimefighters coming toward her.)

Poison Ivy
-Don’t make another move, any of you! (Holds up handheld device with red button). I press this and it’s all over . . . except for endless scratching for you and everyone else on this Boardwalk!

(The three of them stop in their tracks. She smiles tauntingly.)

-That’s more like it. Now, back your little behinds out of here!

Batman (calmly as he glances at Batgirl)
-Batgirl, Robin, do as she says. We’ll all back up the way we came. (His head bobs down slightly as he keeps his attention on Batgirl.)

(Batgirl realizes she still has the Beach Bum’s frisbee at her side, which Ivy hasn’t seen. She nonchalantly takes one step back, as Batman and Robin exit the hole. Ivy is holding the detonator higher in her hand, slowly assuming a position in front of the vegetable garden where the beach balls lie.)

(With deft precision, Batgirl hurls the frisbee at Ivy’s wrist. It strikes her hard, causing her to drop the detonator immediately and grab her wrist in pain. Batgirl races toward the back and soon has Ivy in her grip. The two of them begin a fierce hand-to-hand struggle, as the movie music underscores the scene.)

(As the fight goes on, Batman and Robin peer inside, both with expressions of admiration.)

Robin
-Boy, look at her go!

Batman (smiling)
-I don’t think she needs our direct assistance, old chum. Let’s . . . discreetly remove those beach balls, which must contain the formula. If they’re not placed upon soil, they won’t have any effect, even if the sample is released.

Robin
-You’re sure of that?

Batman
-Yes, Robin. If it were otherwise, Poison Ivy could have easily set those off on the beach itself and not bothered using this store at all.

Robin (shakes head yes)
-Of course, Batman. That was silly of me to forget!

Batman (pats him on the back)
-Think nothing of it, old chum.

(They move in while Batgirl’s fight with Poison Ivy continues. Batman and Robin each remove one of the beach balls and then back out.)

(Poison Ivy hurls Batgirl back against the wall, where she crashes against boxes marked GRANOLA. She regains her footing,

but Ivy now has lifted a box over her head marked SUNFLOWER SEEDS and throws it with all her strength at the Dominoed Daredoll.

Batgirl has to dive to her right to avoid being hit. She scrambles back to her feet and puts her hands on her hips in a mocking pose, daring Ivy to come at her again.)

Batgirl
-Don’t you wish you still had your Gang, Ivy? Without them, you’re still outnumbered, even if by some miracle you do best me!

Poison Ivy (her expression venomous)
-I’ve never needed anyone but myself!

(She lunges at Batgirl and the two engage in another grappling struggle that keeps going on for another minute before finally . . . Batgirl’s superior skill and conditioning, along with greater inner resolve, along with Ivy’s sense of growing desperation, tilt things in the Caped Cutie’s favor. One final blow across the jaw sends Poison Ivy collapsing to the floor, still conscious, but spent into total exhaustion.)

(Batgirl, with pride, turns around to see, not just an admiring Batman and Robin, but a crowd of applauding citizens.)

Beach Bum
-Way to go, Batgirl!

(Batgirl retrieves his frisbee, and making her way past Batman and Robin, presents it to him.)

Batgirl
-You ended up helping a great deal, too! For that, I think I owe you a favor. (Her voice grows playful) Is that pick-up game on the beach still on?

Beach Bum (excited)
-Sure is! Follow me!

(Batgirl follows him out onto the Boardwalk and towards the beach. The rest of the crowd follows, leaving Batman, Robin and the vanquished villainess alone.)

Robin
-I guess she found a new way to disappear on us!

Batman
-Perhaps, Robin . . . but she’s entitled to it this time, wouldn’t you say?

(Robin says nothing, but smiles and nods)

-All right, Poison Ivy! Back to jail for you!

(Poison Ivy gets to her feet, not able to fight any longer, but determined to not look beaten.)

Poison Ivy
-Next time, Batman . . . next time, you’ll learn once you’ve caught Poison Ivy, you’ll never get rid of it!

(Batman and Robin lead her out in custody as closing act music comes up)

Epilogue

(Establishing shot of the African jungle. The sound of a feminine jungle cry can be heard, and then, swinging through the trees with graceful precision, and landing on her feet by a clear water lagoon is the skimpily clad, voluptuous, Shandra, Queen of the Jungle. She bends down to take a deep drink and then looks up in surprise to see standing before her, dressed in safari clothes, Bruce Wayne.)

Shandra
-My goodness!

Bruce
-My apologies for startling you, Shandra. The local tribal chief told me you often stopped here, so I came by and waited.

Shandra
-Yes. Yes, I . . . usually spend at least part of my day here, but . . . why are you here? I’ve–

Bruce
-Yes, I know, you’ve . . . kept our bargain. My reasons for coming are twofold. One . . . to make sure you’re alright.

Shandra (touched)
-In every sense. I’ve never been happier in my life. The . . . sickness I once had, is completely cured – cured by my homecoming.

Bruce
-I’m glad. The chief told me how you were instrumental in using your special . . . control of the animals to thwart a mad developer’s scheme to build through this area.

Shandra
-He was in violation of the treaties the tribes have with the national government of this country. I . . . only did what I could to uphold that which is right.

Bruce (nods)
-You did right, Shandra. You’ve . . . demonstrated again that back in your natural element, your first instinct is to do only good. (Pauses) That makes you quite different from another woman I’ve crossed paths with recently, who attempted to use your discovery for a more . . . sinister and selfish purpose.

(Shandra’s expression darkens)

Shandra
-Do you mean . . . Poison Ivy?

Bruce
-You’re familiar with her?

Shandra (nods)
-When I began my first experiments in Instant Jungle, I thought of recruiting her as an ally, but . . . when I read transcripts of her second trial and learned she was likely guilty of murder among her other past crimes . . . I knew it would have been wrong. She . . . used my formula?

Bruce
-Yes, because I, alas, made the mistake of allowing it to stay in the files of the Artemis Foundation, which the Wayne Foundation now controls. (Pulls out from his jacket pocket a folder) This is the second reason why I felt it necessary to track you down . . . to return this to its discoverer and . . . let you do with it as you choose.

(Shandra takes the file folder from him and without glancing it, tears it in half, then tears the pieces in half again twice more. She then hands the remnants back to Bruce.)

Shandra
-I leave it to you to destroy those pieces. No one will ever use Instant Jungle again to cause mischief in the civilized world. That’s a promise as sacred to me as another I made to you, about . . . who else you are.

Bruce
-The promise I made to you, regarding your fate, is sacred to me, also. I told everyone the truth – Diana Artemis is dead.

(Shandra smiles in gratitude at him. There is a distinct, palpable electricity in the air between them, borne from their mutual sense of respect and admiration, and both feel the desire to reach out and embrace one other . . . but they both know they never can, because they irrevocably belong to two different worlds.)

Shandra (choosing her words carefully)
-Perhaps . . . someday, when no one remembers who Diana Artemis was . . . there might come a time when Shandra would be willing to return to the civilized world – just for a visit – not as an enemy, but . . . as a friend of those who seek to make that world a better place – those like Batman.

Bruce (smiles)
-Maybe . . . someday. Until then . . . stay happy in your world, Shandra.

(She returns the smile and disappears into the jungle, while Bruce turns the other way toward the path that will take him back to the safely concealed Batjet, and back to the world of crimefighting in Gotham City.)

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