Until the Bat Women Make Feathers Fly

Batwoman, Flamebird, and Batgirl moaned and gasped painfully as their struggles with the ropes holding them against the deadly, slowly-spinning paddlewheel continued.

“I can’t move!” Flamebird complained. “These ropes have been tied too tightly!”

“Penguin, the Parkers, and their henchwomen aren’t in much of a hurry about killing us,” Batgirl observed. “This wheel is barely inching along.”

“They incorporated a sinister psychological dimension into our fate,” Batwoman explained. “Not only will we be drawn underwater for a long time, we’ll have to wait awhile before our deadly dunking begins. They want us to go crazy anticipating the end.”

“They may be trying to freeze us to death before our fatal dip,” Flamebird said. “It’s getting cold with all the heaters shut down."

“Well, the cold tells us we’re still alive, and the delay before we hit the water should give us plenty of time to find a way to escape,” Batgirl said.

“That’s the way to see the bright side of any situation,” Batwoman encouraged.

“Whatever we decide to do or how good we feel about the plan,” Flamebird began, “the sooner we get started, the better.”

Each member of the terrific-looking trio pondered her forthcoming doom and continued writhing helplessly in her stringent bonds. Meanwhile, the soft sounds of their vain struggles contrasted with the quiet, continuous hum of the deadly, motorized wheel. It went on turning slowly, inching the captives closer to the choppy, frigid waters of Gotham Harbor.

Meanwhile, Doe, Rae, Mimi, and the Parker brothers were putting the cabin back together after the fight as well as they could under Penguin’s watchful eye. Meanwhile, Legs gathered their ill-gotten gains.

“We’ve not done badly, my criminal cohorts,” Penguin crowed. “Unfortunately, our uninvited visitors did more damage to us than this room. Wak! The place went back together pretty well, though.”

Legs grinned and took in the cabin with a sweeping glance. “It looks pretty good, considering everything our hostess believes happened here,” she said. “In the end, of course, the female bats and Bird Girl will take the most damage—which will never be repaired.”

“To the sharks with them – following their short swim,” Penguin happily said. “Wak, wak, wak! We have quite awhile before the feeding frenzy can begin.” He lit a cigarette and blew a smoke ring.

“Speaking of food, despite the spread our guests devoured, none of us have had a bite all night, Rae complained.

“I am hungry, now that you mention it,” Mimi said.

“We have our enemies’ fate to celebrate as well,” Doe said, grinning.

“I have a great idea,” Pretty Boy said. “Why don’t Mad Dog, Machine Gun, and I take you ladies out for dinner? We can easily afford it now.”

“That’s a great idea!” Mad Dog enthused, once the criminals’ laughter had subsided.

Machine Gun smiled at the phantom trio. “Let’s go,” he urged.

“We can’t eat out anywhere dressed in nothing but swimsuits,” Mimi noted.

“I think your twin sister would disagree,” Penguin pointed out.

“Don’t be difficult, Pengy,” Legs Parker admonished. “Undine tends to spend her time out on the town either as part of a much larger group or accompanied by a well-dressed, handsome gentleman.”

“Speaking of such fine fellows,” Doe suggested, “we could always start with dessert.” Her appraising glance swept the men hungrily as a smile curled her lips.

“We’ll never get around to eating if we do,” Rae objected. “Give us a few minutes to change, boys. Afterwards, we’re all yours.”

The phantom girls vanished. When they reappeared, each wore silver pants and a matching, sleeveless top with a piano insignia adorning her right breast. Their escorts helped them slip on coats before the paired-off sextet left the boat arm-in-arm. None of them spared the ongoing, wicked work in which the wheel mounted on the craft’s stern was engaged a glance.

“Well,” Penguin said with a sigh, “it seems we’ll have to attend to the bodies ourselves.”

Legs glanced at the clock on the wall. “Later,” she said. “We have plenty of time to kill, so to speak, before the Caped Cuties drown. Shall I make us drinks?”

Penguin reached for the girl’s hand and tugged gently, prompting her to step close to him. “I have a much better idea,” he said, bending his mouth to hers as he set his cigarette aside.

“You’re quite right, Pengy,” the girl said after the kiss ended. “We’re all alone again with no pressing business and a few hours ahead of us.” She grinned impishly. “Shall I get the lights?”

“One moment, my dear,” Penguin said, initiating a second smooch. She was right. The vessel they occupied was tied to a secluded dock, far from prying eyes . . . and ears. After a long moment, he released her and watched closely as she moved to the light switch.

“Put out that cigarette,” Legs commanded, approaching in the dark.

Back on the deadly wheel, Batwoman; Flamebird; and Batgirl shivered as they were inexorably drawn inches closer to their ultimate fate. The seasonal chill in the air as well as the sweat drenching all three captives contributed to their continuous discomfort.

Flamebird’s struggles were particularly fierce, since she knew she would be the first to die unless the criminals’ plans were thwarted. She squirmed vainly in her bonds, but only seemed to be succeeding at rubbing her wrists and ankles raw between rest periods, which were growing longer and more frequent as her steadily-worsening ordeal progressed.

Batwoman was as conscious as Flamebird of the danger her niece faced and wrenched at her own bonds, fearing for both of their safety. She kept her feelings to herself, growing more and more angry as her fruitless efforts toward freedom continued.

Batgirl attempted stretching to try working slack into her restraints. Whenever her body relaxed, she assessed the effectiveness of her efforts and was disappointed with her progress. Resting, she listened to the tiny, involuntary sounds of her companions’ struggles and the hum of the deadly wheel as it continued slowly turning.

“How are we doing?” Batgirl asked, sounding much more breathless than she would ideally have liked.

“Not well,” Batwoman said simply, wrenching her arms toward one another without discernable effect.

“I’m shivering and I think my teeth might start chattering any second,” Flamebird answered. “I can’t even see the water yet.”

“Escaping is going to get a lot harder,” Batwoman said.

“Something is happening on deck,” Batgirl said.

Each heroine ceased her efforts toward escape, focusing instead on the paddle-wheeler ahead of her as best she could. Presently, Machine Gun guided Doe, Mad Dog led Rae, and Pretty Boy moved beside Mimi as the sextet traversed the boat’s gangplank.

“They’re going to get away!” Batwoman softly raged.

“Leaving Legs Parker and the Penguin behind,” Batgirl said more softly. “We outnumber them now.”

“Unless we get out of here,” Flamebird lamented, renewing her struggles, “catching anyone will be impossible.”

Batwoman took in some air and let it out slowly as she recognized the correctness of her niece’s words.

Suddenly, Batgirl cried, “Teamwork!”

“What?” Flamebird asked, turning her head as a painful cry was torn from her lips.

“Teamwork is going to be the key to our escape if we are to survive this trap at all.”

“It’s saved us all before,” Batwoman agreed. “What did you have in mind, Batgirl?”

“I don’t think we’ll ever squirm free from these ropes,” the Curved Crusader explained, “but the paddles to which we’ve been bound might be vulnerable to a coordinated attack.”

“It just might work,” Batwoman thoughtfully said.

“Anything is worth a try!” Flamebird said. Suddenly, her destination rotated into view and a chill having nothing to do with the temperature ran along her spine.

“Can you get your fingers under the paddle between you and Batwoman, Flamebird?” Batgirl asked.

“I don’t know,” the Girl Wonder admitted.

“You have to try, Flamebird!” Batwoman said. Her voice faltered and she quickly exhaled, hoping the others would assume the vocal fluctuation had been caused by the cold.

“Okay!” the Girl Wonder said, taking a deep breath. “I’m with you. I’m sure Batgirl’s approach can succeed, given time.” She opened both hands and flexed her fingers. “Speaking of time, I wish we had more available for our escape plan to work. My fingers are freezing!”

“Concentrate!” Batgirl urged. “I’m close to getting a grip on the paddle between Batwoman and me. If Batwoman can hold the paddles on either side of her simultaneously with you and me helping–”

“Maybe we can lift the paddles away from the wheel and get some slack in these ropes!” Flamebird excitedly interrupted.

“I think your plan could work, Batgirl,” Batwoman said. She was stretching the fingers of both her hands toward the underside of the paddles on either side of her. “Okay. Let’s do this. We’ll all have to get a grip and hold on. Fortunately, these paddles are dry.”

“If they get wet,” Flamebird ominously said, “we may not have to worry!”

Since she had moved beyond a point where she was parallel to the water and despite the wheel still moving at a relatively glacial pace, Flamebird’s concerns about any escape plan succeeding in time intensified.

Shunting her fears aside, the Girl Wonder stretched her fingers toward the edge of the paddle between her and Batwoman.

“Just. about got it,” Batgirl softly said. “Yes!”

Batwoman smiled, focusing on Batgirl’s fingertips as they curled around the underside of the paddle between them. “Looking good, Batgirl,” the Brunette Bat praised. “I’ve nearly reached the paddle on your side.”

“Keep stretching,” Batgirl encouraged.

“Right!” the Distaff Duo said simultaneously.

Flamebird looked away from the rippling water her body was inexorably approaching. “Almost!” she said, focusing on her outstretched fingers. “Just . . . a little . . . more!”

“Come on Flamebird!”

“Got it!” the Girl Wonder cried delightedly, exhaling and letting her body relax. Suddenly, she yelped with pain as she felt the muscle in her upper shoulder protest. “Now, to hold on!”

“I’ll be able to help you in a minute,” Batwoman said, touching the edges of the paddles at either side of her and feeling her fingers curl around both simultaneously. “I’m almost ready.”

“Hurry!” Flamebird urged. The surf was crashing against a paddle just beneath her and she was beginning to be buffeted with stinging, cold spray.

“Okay!” Batwoman said. “Let’s get out of here!”

“We'll lift on three!” Batgirl said.

“Good,” the Distaff Duo said simultaneously.

“One. Two. Three!” Batgirl said.

Batwoman pressed her back firmly against the wheel, hardened her muscles, and lifted with both arms. Flamebird did likewise, rolling toward her mentor as much as her bindings would allow. Batgirl strained as her well-toned muscles pulled.

After about half a minute, all three exhaled and relaxed simultaneously, maintaining their grip on the paddles.

“We’re doing it!” Batgirl exclaimed. “I could feel the paddle shift.”

“Great!” Batwoman enthused.

“Keep at it,” Flamebird urged. “I’m wet already and about to go in all the way!”

“Ready?” Batgirl asked, inhaling and shivering.

“Go!” Batwoman and Flamebird said simultaneously.

They all renewed their efforts.

“I can feel the wood shifting!” Batwoman cried. “Keep pulling!”

“It’s now or never!” Flamebird called.

“Flamebird,” Batgirl cried. “Relax and inhale as deeply as you can. I’m sorry, but you’re going to get wet.”

“Okay,” Flamebird softly said. She inhaled as deeply as she could as she felt her lower side touch the water.

Batwoman shivered more vigorously as the ocean spray began to soak her, stinging.

“Come on, Batwoman!” Batgirl urged. “Pull!”

Batwoman obeyed, rolling toward Flamebird to maximize the stress she placed on the paddle above her.

Seething, Batwoman knew she was doing all she could. Nevertheless, the wheel kept turning and the Brunette Bat could only watch with wide eyes as her niece was drawn below the surface of the water. “FLAMEBIRD!”

“One more good tug should do it,” Batgirl calmly said. “Come on, Batwoman. We’re Flamebird’s only chance.”

“Right!” Batwoman said, exhaling and filling her lungs. Her jaw hardened into a determined line.

“Pull!” the heroines cried simultaneously.

Seconds later, they both heard a creak as the paddle detached from the wheel. Almost simultaneously, both female Bats produced blades and slashed at their bonds, gaining their freedom before inhaling deeply. Then, a pair of splashes sounded as Batgirl and Batwoman plunged into the sea side by side.

Earlier, both heroines’ vision had acclimated to the night. The adjustment had begun shortly after the blinding lights the villains had used to illuminate them when they started the wheel were extinguished. Now, beneath the waves, they were instantly enveloped in utter darkness. Neither heroine could see a thing!

Both reached out tentatively, to find one another and then moved toward the feeling of water churning in front of them.

Batgirl reached up and felt a paddle from the wheel slap her hand. The Curved Crusader drew Batwoman toward the discovery and swam forward to explore the wheel.

Batwoman found a paddle from the wheel and used it to pull herself forward. Her lungs were beginning to protest and she knew Flamebird had been drawn into the water before she and Batgirl had gained their freedom. The youngest heroine would certainly run out of air if neither Batwoman nor Batgirl found her quickly!

Batgirl’s hand encountered something other than wooden paddles and let her hands continue exploring what she quickly confirmed was Flamebird’s body. She grudgingly let some air from her lungs and searched for a rope to cut. Soon, she felt herself smile as Flamebird’s legs fell away from the moving wheel.

Mere feet away, Batwoman had also found Flamebird’s trapped form. She tried to hold her hand steady as she cut away the Girl Wonder’s bonds. She felt the body shift and calmed, realizing Batgirl was working feverishly to free the captive a few feet away.

Once Flamebird was free from the wheel, Batgirl and Batwoman drew the younger heroine from beneath the boat to the surface of the sea.

“She isn’t breathing, Batgirl!” Batwoman said, once the Brunette Bat filled her lungs.

“Let’s get her to shore,” Batgirl suggested. “We can’t do anything else for Flamebird until we do.”

“Right!” Batwoman agreed, beginning to pull her crimefighting partner through the choppy, frigid waters of Gotham Harbor.

Moments later, Batwoman and Batgirl’s drew Flamebird from the water and set her down in a deep shadow on the shore, turning her head to one side.

“Keep watch,” Batwoman ordered, crouching over Flamebird.

“Right!” Batgirl said, focusing on the darkened paddle-wheeler she suspected Legs Parker and the Penguin still occupied.

Batwoman administered mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on her niece. The younger woman’s chest rose and fell as the air her aunt provided filled her lungs and was subsequently expelled.

“Come one, come on!” Batwoman said between breaths.

Batgirl glanced down at the young heroine and felt compelled to stare. Flamebird now appeared to be about the same age Barbara Gordon had been when the Commissioner’s daughter first donned the Batgirl costume. Batgirl knew none of Gotham City’s defenders’ lives would ever be the same if one of them died in the line of duty.

Batgirl said a silent prayer. Aloud she said, “Don’t give up, Flamebird! Fight!!”

Suddenly, Flamebird coughed up water! She rolled over to let it spill from her mouth.

For an instant, Batwoman’s composure cracked. She gave the Goggled Gal a hug and said, “That’s all I want for Christmas!” Batwoman gently set Flamebird back on the dirty beach.

Flamebird looked up at the older women, a bit dazed. “Wow,” the Girl Wonder finally said. “I thought I could hold my breath a lot longer!”

“You did fine,” Batwoman said. Batgirl couldn’t be sure, but she thought she saw tears in the older heroine’s eyes.

Flamebird cleared her throat, then sat up. “Thanks, both of you. I don’t know–” The young woman stopped in mid-sentence. “Say . . . it’s freezing!”

Batgirl laughed softly. “It’s December,” Batwoman said, shivering as she straightened and helped Flamebird to her feet. “I think we could all do with a change of clothes.”

“Legs Parker and Penguin are alone over there and they think we’re all dead,” Flamebird pointed out. “There’s no telling what they’ll do next if we don’t nab them. Let’s go get ‘em!”

“If we weren’t all soaking wet outdoors on a December night, I’d agree completely,” Batwoman said.

“My costume will be dry soon enough,” Batgirl replied. “It has air pockets built into the fabric for insulation. The material also draws moisture away from my body to keep me drier and therefore warmer. It wicks moisture away to spread it over the fabric’s surface and speed up drying.” As she spoke, Batgirl could feel warmth building from her body’s core and spreading to her extremities.

“Impressive,” Batwoman said.

“How did you come up with such a good idea, Batgirl?” Flamebird asked.

“Four years ago, I faced Poison Ivy at this time of year. I started wearing thermal underwear under my outfit after she subdued me by drenching me with water from a pressurized hose. I got a cold and decided to research what I could do to prevent such a future attack from succeeding.”

“Following improving technology is wise,” Batwoman thoughtfully said.

“Batman and Robin also adapted as warmth-retaining technology improved,” Flamebird said. “When they faced Mister Freeze, they used, in turn, Super-Thermo-B Long Underwear; then Batthermal Underwear; and, finally, Super-Thermalized Batskivies.”

“You know more about Robin than I was aware,” Batwoman said, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, he has this fan club on the Internet. That was one of the things I could actually ask him about without being horribly embarrassed.” Flamebird sneezed.

“Batwoman, you look after Flamebird,” Batgirl advised. “I’m going after Penguin and Legs Parker.”

“Look, despite your costume’s fast-drying qualities, you, too, have been through a lot. For the moment, I think we all need to look after ourselves first,” Batwoman cautioned.

“They’ll get away!” Batgirl and Flamebird said together. Batgirl hoped she didn’t sound as whiny as the Girl Wonder.

“It’s up to you, of course, Batgirl,” Batwoman said, “but the two of them will outnumber you and I’d imagine you’re going largely on adrenaline now.”

Batgirl frowned. “I’m hoping the element of surprise—”

“Surprise will give you an advantage initially,” Batwoman cut in, “you’ll need it, too, without your utility belt.”

“I have a backup in the Batgirlcycle.”

Batwoman nodded. “Despite everything you’re saying, Batgirl, the bottom line is, if they turn the tables on you, they will use you for shark bait . . . and they may not go to the trouble of killing you first.”

Batgirl considered Batwoman’s arguments. She took a deep breath and then sighed.

“You have a point,” Batgirl admitted. “I hate to concede a round to the bad guys, but in this case, discretion might be the better part of valor.”

“We’ll take them all in tomorrow,” Flamebird encouraged, sneezing again.

“Let’s get out of here and get warm,” Batwoman urged.

Batgirl glared at the paddle wheel boat for a long moment before turning to follow her companions.

Much later, Penguin waddled toward the paddle-wheeler’s stern. Legs Parker trailed eagerly in his wake.

“Wak, wak, wak! Do you have any idea how long I’ve looked forward to this moment?”

“I just hope the sharks are hungry,” Legs enthused, laughing delightedly. “They’re about to have a tasty feast.”

“In a short moment, my dear, we’ll be able to feast our eyes on our enemies’ waterlogged remains—”

Lights blazed, illuminating the scene as Penguin and Legs Parker stared incredulously at the dripping ropes dangling from the damaged paddlewheel.

“Pengy, they’re gone!”

“I can see that!” the Black Bird of Prey replied, turning away from the evidence of their failed, murderous efforts.

“I don’t understand how—”

“Never mind, Legs!” Penguin said. “Listen to me. We don’t have a moment to lose. If our victims have escaped, and they apparently have, they’ll summon the police. Neither of us can be here when they arrive and you need to sell off that loot as quickly as you can.”

“No problem, Pengy.”

“Oh, and stay away from that French fence you like. The police will probably be watching him and snap you up the second you show your pretty face.”

Legs frowned and nodded. “There is no fence in town I trust as much as French Freddy, but seeing him would probably be suicidal . . . unfortunately. I’m open to alternative suggestions.”

“Certain members of the casino staff at the Chessman Hotel in the old Chessmen Building can dispose of the jewels for us. Using them would also grant us access to our money almost anywhere in the world. Wak, wak, wak!”

“Fine,” Legs said. “I’ll take care of our finances. What will you do?”

“First, I’ll arrange your meeting with my contacts in the Chessman organization. Then, I’ll direct the rest of my energy at keeping Baby Jane Towser on our side. She’ll provide us with a splendid alibi as long as I keep her occupied. Wak, wak, wak!”

“I’m sure your efforts will be rewarding,” Legs tartly said.

‘Complain if you like, my pet,’ Penguin thought. ‘You fail to realize what your meeting will entail.’ Aloud he said, “If all goes well, my dear, our sponsor will remain blissfully unaware of everything that happened since I literally left her dozing off--well before we went to work.” The Penguin smiled. “Mind you, despite our caped murder victims’ escape, the evening was far from wasted.”

“Agreed,” Legs grinning impishly. “We’ll need to get in touch tomorrow to get our stories straight. I can easily attend to spreading some cash around at our usual haunts and paying off the boys and the phantom girls in the morning.”

“Splendid. Wak! I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Penguin,” Legs Parker said, stopping him short as he turned away from her.

Penguin pivoted back toward her and found himself in her arms again. Her mouth sought his and kissed him one more time, hard and deeply. “Good luck,” Legs whispered huskily. Seconds later, she had vanished into the cabin without looking back.

Batwoman and Flamebird shared a pot of chicken soup, slept, and soaked their bruised bodies in a steaming hot tub at the Kane mansion. Feeling relatively refreshed, they grinned at one another as they flew low over Gotham City as the crisp morning air caressed their bodies and allowed their hair to stream behind them in obsidian and golden waves, respectively.

After a couple of hours in the air, Flamebird grinned and used the radio the Distaff Duo used to communicate while in flight to say, "This is exhilarating, even if we don’t find our equipment. Are you getting anything, Batwoman?”

“Not yet,” the blonde woman’s mentor replied. She continued to monitor the Portable Bat-Radar she was using in conjunction with a GPS locator in her stolen Bat-Kit.

“Okay, we’ll move on to the next search area,” Flamebird said.

“Where are we headed next?” Batwoman asked.

“Park Row,” Flamebird said, “better known to the world at large as Crime Alley.”

“Stay sharp. Legs Parker hid out in a tenement house down there while she planned her wedding.”

Meanwhile, the smell of bacon wafted through the rooms of Legs Parker’s Park Row pad, awakening Larry Stannel, the representative from Max Chessman’s illicit organization with whom Penguin had arranged for Legs to meet. The thin, brown-haired Briton was not surprised to find himself alone and quickly dressed before descending the stairs to the kitchen. There, he found his hostess cracking eggs into a large frying pan.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” he said. She had returned to her standard mode of dress, with black, cut-off shorts molded against her hips and a white, button-down shirt knotted across her chest. Larry wound his arms around her waist and kissed her neck below her ear. “I have to tell you, doing business was a pleasure.”

“I think the price we agreed on was fair,” Legs said. “Did you bring down the jewels?”

“I’ll get them.”

“Before you do, set the table for eight.”

“Eight?”

“My brothers brought their dates here, too,” the girl explained. “Don’t worry. There’s plenty of food. Now, hurry. Breakfast will be ready soon.”

By the time Larry returned and set a parcel on the counter behind his chair, the others had gathered and had begun serving out bacon, eggs, and toast. Doe was seated on Machine Gun’s lap, Rae was holding Mad Dog’s hand, and Pretty Boy was seated beside Mimi and each kept one hand below the level of the table.

“How do you want your eggs, Larry?” Legs asked. “How many would you like?”

“Could you scramble three for me?” he asked, taking his seat.

“Sure,” the blonde cook replied.

“Where did you pick up Larry?” Pretty Boy asked suspiciously. When her brothers’ protective stance did not enrage her, Legs was alternately amused and touched at the way they looked out for her.

“We thought you’d be—Ow!” Mad Dog said, as Rae kicked him under the table.

“I’ve been 'negotiating' with Larry about the jewels we stole last night.” Legs explained, turning to briefly make eye contact with Doe, Rae and Mimi in turn. “I’ll settle up with you ladies once I get the money.”

The trio nodded and alternated their glances.

“How did the 'negotiations' go?” Machine Gun asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’d say they were completely satisfying,” Larry happily said.

Legs dipped her head and smiled.

“So, how soon will the transaction be complete?” Mimi asked.

“I think we can finish up after we eat,” Legs said, serving Larry’s eggs. “Don’t you?”

“No problem,” the thin man said, cutting a square of butter and applying it to a slice of toast. “We’ll get your money after we eat.”

“How did the feeding of the sharks go?” Rae asked eagerly.

“We’re sorry to have made you do all that work,” Doe added. “Of course, I’d imagine it was a real pleasure, given the menu.” The phantom girls and their companions laughed.

Legs hesitated. “Well, Pengy and I never quite got around to feeding the sharks. When we went back on deck, Batwoman, Flamebird, and Batgirl were gone.”

“GONE!?” six voices exclaimed.

“Did you say ‘Pengy?’” Larry asked.

“What do you mean, they were gone?” Doe demanded, ignoring Larry’s question.

“They escaped,” Legs explained. “I don’t know how, but Pengy and I decided to get paid for the job as soon as we could, hence last night’s 'negotiations.'”

“When you say ‘Pengy,’” Larry persisted, “you do mean the Penguin, don’t you?”

“I think we might want to make some quick travel plans,” Mimi said. “The Distaff Duo and Batgirl will be after us soon and they don’t give up--ever.”

“They’re not so tough,” Machine Gun said as he speared a sausage link with his fork

“I don’t know,” Mad Dog said. “I’m not saying they can take us, but no one ever seems to be able to eliminate them, and crooks have been trying for years.”

“Batwoman, Batgirl, and Flamebird’s survival last night doesn’t make any sense!” Rae complained, shaking her head. “They were finished when we left them turning on the wheel!”

Pretty Boy munched on a piece of buttered toast. “I wonder where they are right now.”

“Batwoman and Flamebird are closer than you think,” Batwoman said, stepping into the room.

“In fact,” Flamebird added, “we’re right behind you.”

“So, you found us. Well, you’re too late. Breakfast is over.” Legs paused while Batwoman and Flamebird exchanged glances. Then, she shouted, “Get ‘em, boys!”

Doe slid from Machine Gun’s lap and backed to a wall where Rae and Mimi joined her as the Parker brothers stood. Larry Stannel also rose, but paused when Legs’ hand fell on his shoulder. “Not you,” the blonde gangster said, retreating with the man, who snatched the parcel of jewels he had brought down from the bedroom.

Batwoman and Flamebird each gripped the back of chairs and swung them at the tough trio charging toward them. Mad Dog and Pretty Boy’s progress was checked as Machine Gun passed between the heroines. The chairs shattered.

Machine Gun whirled and launched a punch at Batwoman, who blocked while Flamebird darted beneath his outstretched arm and hit his side with both fists. Batwoman glanced at the fallen Parker brothers while Machine Gun crumpled.

“Look out!” Flamebird warned a moment later, when the fallen thugs had recovered, spotting Pretty Boy swinging an intact chair at the back of her partner’s head. Batwoman ducked and another chair shattered against Mad Dog.

Pretty Boy scowled and was reaching for another chair when he felt a red boot slam into his posterior, propelling him forward.

“Your brothers are getting their butts kicked, literally,” Larry Stannel observed. “Are you sure you don’t want me to help?”

“I’m sure,” Legs Parker said. “Let’s get out of here and take care of our transaction.”

“He’s right, though,” Doe observed. “Your brothers are losing.”

“And once Batwoman and Flamebird have finished with them,” Rae said fearfully, “it will be our turn!”

Legs took a deep breath as she watched Batwoman and Flamebird slam Machine Gun and Mad Dog together. Once the lovely lawbreaker had emptied her lungs, she moved toward the door through which she practically pushed Larry Stannel. “Let’s go!” she insisted.

“What about your brothers?” Mimi asked.

“They’re on their own,” Legs said. She let Doe, Rae, and Mimi lead her from the tenement house, slipping on her coat before closing the door behind her.

The fight inside ended when Pretty Boy landed on the table, which collapsed under the impact. Batwoman and Flamebird shook hands.

Flamebird looked around. “What happened to the rest of them?”

“They’re gone, but I’d imagine our equipment is still here,” Batwoman said. “Let’s find it and package these goons for the police.”

“Do you think they know anything?” Flamebird asked.

“I doubt it,” Batwoman replied, grinning. “We can always ask, but the Penguin – if not Legs – is the brain behind their recent crimes.”

The distinctive quack of Penguin’s cell phone roused him from slumber. He reached for his phone and answered it, hoping the telltale sound had not awakened his blonde companion.

“This is Penguin,” he said quietly.

“Hi, Pengy,” Legs answered. “I’ve had some Bat-trouble, but despite everything, I’ve taken care of the loot. I should be able to take care of our remaining expenses later this morning."

“I trust your meeting with Mister Stannel went well?”

“He was magnificent, but you and I are much better together.” Her lips curled into a smile as she elaborated, “Great minds, you know.”

“Wak! Splendid. Tell me about your Bat-trouble.”

“Batwoman and Flamebird busted in on my breakfast. I had to leave the boys behind.”

“Wak! I see. You shouldn’t have gone back to your house.”

“I didn’t!” Legs protested. “I’m not stupid.”

The Penguin shrugged, wisely deciding the question was not worth debating. Instead, he asked, “Where are you now?”

“On the move.”

“Do you need anything from me?”

“The cops will be all over all of your old hideouts. Are you still with Baby Jane?”

“Yes. She’ll be waking up soon. Do you know where you’re going?”

“I haven’t decided yet, but I’ll call you when we get there.”

“And just who is ‘we?’” Penguin suspiciously inquired.

“The phantom girls are with me.”

“Where is Larry?”

“He’s taking care of the loot. The cops and the Bats are after us and we didn’t want it with us, just in case. We’ll contact him presently.”

“I see. I’d better be going,” Penguin decided. “Baby Jane is stirring.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Legs said, giggling. As she put away her phone, she was vaguely aware of Doe, Rae, and Mimi exchanging glances and nodding.

“Have you decided where you’ll hide out?” Doe asked.

“I’m thinking about it,” Legs admitted.

“Well, we can contribute a little more to our partnership, if you’ll let us,” the redhead cautiously said.

“You’ve got a place for us to stay for awhile?”

“Sure,” Doe replied. “Turn right here.”

Baby Jane Towser’s eyes opened and focused on Penguin, who was lighting a cigarette. “Good morning,” she said, glancing at the clock. “Wow! I really slept in.”

“You had a big night,” Penguin said, blowing a smoke ring.

“How did we do?”

“Wak! I spoke to my partner earlier this morning. You could almost call what we did last night a killing.”

“That’s wonderful, Penguin. So, do we have another event to plan?”

“Soon, my dear,” Penguin said, regarding her with a smile. “Today I think you and I should simply relax. You’ve already seen how draining our success can be.”

The girl seemed to think for a moment. “Would you like me to make us something to eat?”

“I’ll be fine for awhile,” Penguin said. “Thank you.”

“Well,” Baby Jane said, sliding from beneath her bedclothes. “I think I’ll feel much better after taking a shower.” She glanced over her shoulder and grinned impishly at her companion. “Would you help me out and wash my back?”

Penguin stared at her as she posed in the door and felt his hand lowering his cigarette to a conveniently situated ashtray. “Well, if you insist,” he said, smiling at her as he stood. Moments later, the door closed behind them.

Meanwhile, Legs Parker followed her companions through a beaded curtain and beneath an enormous piano roll into the main room of the bankrupt and defunct Parnassus Music Role Company. A crystal chandelier hung above a baby grand piano set on a dais before a row of arched recesses illuminated by candelabras. Tall, purple curtains, tied back with ropes as thick as the women’s wrists, could be released to divide each arched recess from the main portion of the room.

“Home sweet home,” Mimi said, illuminating the chandelier as her partners attended to the candelabras.

“Nice,” Legs said. She moved to a table upon which a machine gun and a set of bagpipes had been laid.

“We’ll give you a quick tour,” Rae offered, as Doe reached the table.

“First, however,” the redhead said, picking up the bagpipes, “we need to discuss our compensation.”

“We worked that out already,” Legs said. “First, you’ve been paid, but you decided to hang around and see how well we did. That was a good decision, if breakfast is any indication. You’ve gotten acquainted with my brothers for your trouble.”

“Considering what all we’ve done for you since being paid,” Mimi said, looking at the table, “You have to admit, we haven’t gotten much.”

“You also gave up your brothers to Batwoman and Flamebird,” Rae said. “Our new boyfriends will be pretty useless to us in jail.”

Legs inhaled and slid her hands into her coat pockets, where her fingers began to swiftly explore Batgirl’s utility belt.

“Look out, Doe!” warned Rae.

“She might be going for a weapon,” Mimi agreed. The phantom trio separated.

“It’s too late,” Doe said. “I’m already armed.”

“Those are bagpipes,” Legs said, smirking. “If I’d have wanted to arm myself, I’d have gone for the machine gun.”

“It isn’t loaded,” Mimi said, grinning and stretching out on a cushioned chair.

“I can tell you’ll be pretty surprised when Doe takes you out,” Rae said.

“With bagpipes?” Legs Parker incredulously asked.

“Let me play you a Highland aire,” Doe said, putting her lips to the instrument and stepping toward the girl gangster. The bagpipes, in addition to being a musical instrument, were a sonic weapon the redheaded rogue could wield at close range with stunning effectiveness.

Legs Parker came to fully appreciated this fact when a sonic blast issued from the disguised weapon, knocking the mob matriarch to the floor. As her body collapsed, Legs gripped and activated the device Bruce Wayne had donated to the police years ago which enabled officers and Gotham City’s caped defenders to send distress signals.

Doe crouched beside her victim for a moment. “Now, unless you reconsider our wholly inadequate compensation, my stunning notes will be the least of your worries! Just to be certain you get the message, I’ll play you an encore.”

The armed phantom girl straightened and treated Legs to a more extensive blast from her bagpipes. The blonde gangster could only writhe in exquisite agony before her eyes closed and she lost consciousness.

“Time to renegotiate,” Mimi said, grinning down at Doe’s vanquished victim.

“On our terms,” Rae contributed, laughing delightedly.

“Just so,” Doe said, setting her bagpipes aside. “First, we’ll remove her coat and tie her up. Then, once she’s recovered, we’ll give Miss Parker an inside tour of the piano-roll-cutting machine.”

Legs recovered to find herself bound hand and foot and lying on her back. Turning her head, she realized she had been placed upon one end of a conveyor belt leading into a device with a sign on the near end which read:

“We’re going to get a bigger piece of the proverbial pie,” Doe said, “one way or another.” Legs could see the redhead leaning decoratively against the side of the machine and regarding the captive absently. The other two phantom girls eagerly approached.

“That’s right,” Rae agreed. “So, you can tell us what we want to know immediately . . .”

“. . . or we can feed you into this piano-roll-punching machine, an inch at a time,” Mimi said, laughing along with the other felonious phantom girls.

“That doesn’t sound like much of a choice,” Legs Parker observed.

“We were hoping you’d see the situation our way,” Rae said, as a smile illuminated her pretty face.

“We want to know about Larry, the guy you brought to, or was it for, breakfast,” Doe said.

“You don’t have to torture me to learn a lot about him.” Legs said, smirking again.

“We’re only interested in finding him and determining the nature of the transaction you ‘negotiated’ so satisfactorily,” Doe replied.

“Let me think,” Legs said.

“While you compose your thoughts, I’ll describe how the machine works,” Mimi said, striding across the room to lean against a piano and gesture toward the enormous, pink machine with two rows of musical notes depicted on its side. “The master piano over here plays notes the microphone on top of the perforating chamber in front of you picks up, thus transferring each note to the perforating cylinders you can see between the chamber and the microphone. Those cylinders cause the needles inside the chamber to reproduce the musical chords perfectly.”

“If you force us to turn on the machine,” Rae chimed in, “you’ll come out presently as a perforated music roll. Then, the Great Chandell could play no more prettily than you will.”

“So,” Doe said, “your guy’s name was Larry Stannel, wasn’t it?”

“Do you know what you can all do?” Legs said, squirming. She told them without further prompting.

“Answer our question!” Mimi commanded, striding toward the captive and ignoring her suggestions.

“Last chance,” Rae sweetly said, letting her hands settle onto her well-rounded hips.

“Go to—”

“Mimi,” Doe interrupted. “Start the machine. We’ll play some exit music for our ‘guest’ while her feet approach the needles.” Piano music presently sounded and the conveyor belt inched Legs Parker closer to her fate. Lights representing the musical notes on the side of the machine began blinking and the perforating cylinders began rotating.

“Now,” Doe said, “you’re going to tell us about your business with Larry Stannel and where we can find him!”

Legs Parker squirmed silently on the conveyor belt as her torturers looked on impassively. Music played and the victim moved toward her fate. “If you kill me, you’ll never get your answers,” she warned.

“The deal is, if you don’t give us our answers, we’ll kill you,” Rae remarked. “Before you die, you might feel your tongue loosening as this machine slowly punches a few holes in your feet and . . . uh, ‘legs.’ If I’m wrong, of course, the machine will simply move on to perforate your abdomen and chest.”

“On the other hand, we could always just give up and leave,” Mimi pointed out.

“We have a few minutes before the needles start impaling you,” Doe said, shrugging. “I don’t think I really want to watch or listen . . . .”

“You can’t seriously do this to me!” Legs screamed.

“Talk and we’ll stop,” Doe said.

“Come on,” Rae encouraged, “Larry can’t mean much to you, after only one night.”

“So,” Mimi said, “where can we find Larry and how is he paying you for the jewels you and Penguin stole?”

Legs made no progress toward freedom as she squirmed while her body inched toward the deadly needles inside the machine. Doe, Rae, and Mimi remained motionless, their faces expressionless as the young gangster inexorably grew closer and closer to her fate. “I’m not going to tell you anything,” Legs said. “You may as well turn this thing off and give up.”

Doe frowned down at her and measured the remaining distance between her feet and the deadly machine. “If that’s how you feel . . .” she said, turning away. “Let’s go, girls.”

Rae shrugged. “You can’t win them all,” she remarked and turned to follow Doe.

“Bye bye,” Mimi said, waving until her partners passed her and she turned to follow them.

“Wait a minute!” Legs cried as the phantom girls reached the door. Her feet had slid into the machine. “Okay! You win! I’ll talk! Please stop.”

Doe opened the door and neither of the others even glanced at their doomed captive.

“Larry Stannel works for Max Chessman at his hotel in Gotham City. You can find him there!” Legs said, her voice growing louder as she continued speaking. “Ask for him at the casino!”

Doe whirled and pointed at their victim. “Shut down the machine and pull her back a little!” Mimi and Rae hurried to carry out their instructions as the redhead crossed the room and leaned over the captive once more. “One more thing you need to tell us before we’re all friends again,” she said. “We need to know about the transaction you and Larry set up.”

“Okay,” Legs said. “Penguin figured we needed to get paid quickly. We’re just selling the stuff for a price Larry and I worked out. He’ll put the money in an account with the hotel casino. Pengy and I will be able to divvy it up anywhere in the world.”

“You certainly thought the situation through,” Doe said. “I’ll give you credit.”

“So, we need either you or Penguin to get any share of the money,” Rae said.

“That’s exactly right,” Legs replied. “So, you’d better untie me.”

“Are you and Penguin evenly splitting the profits?” Mimi asked.

“Right down the middle,” Legs answered.

“You could, theoretically, cash in and keep it all,” Legs’ blonde captor pointed out.

“I wouldn’t try to cheat the Penguin out of his share of the take.”

“It won’t be your fault,” Rae sympathetically said, cutting at the captive’s ropes.

“You’ll be splitting the money four ways,” Doe said, “but keeping a smaller share for yourself. I’m sure Penguin will understand—eventually.”

“Whatever,” Legs said, exhaling a deep breath slowly. “That arrangement is better than dying. Oh, we should hurry.”

“Why?” Rae asked.

“I used a distress signal on Batgirl’s utility belt to call for help when Doe attacked me.”

“You dirty little—”

“She’s a resourceful criminal, Mimi,” Doe interrupted, raising a hand. “As long as we leave Batgirl’s belt and make ourselves scarce, there won’t be a problem.”

“Fine!” Mimi said. “Let’s get out of here.”

“What if we waited for Batgirl?” Rae asked. “She’s probably coming and we have a fantastically deadly machine we could use on her when she gets here.”

“I’m terribly sorry to disappoint you ladies,” a purple vision declared, stepping into the room and regarding the wicked women with hands on her shapely hips. “I’ve been listening outside the door for the past several minutes, and what I’ve heard will put all of you away for a very long time.”

“Batgirl!” Doe and Rae said simultaneously.

“Thanks for coming to the rescue,” Legs said.

“It’s my pleasure,” Batgirl replied. “All of you are under arrest.”

“Not if we can help it!” Doe replied, spinning and slamming a hand hard into Legs Parker’s face. Rae grinned and caught the surprised, blonde gangster and slammed her head against the conveyor belt. Mimi, meanwhile, reactivated the piano-roll-cutting machine.

Batgirl moved forward as Doe and Rae shifted Leg’s Parker’s unconscious body back onto the moving conveyor belt.

Mimi spun and dropped to one knee, cutting Batgirl’s legs out from under her. “Now, Batgirl, you can save Miss Parker or chase after us!” she said, straightening.

“Let’s get out of here!” Rae urged.

“Come on, girls,” Doe cried, leading the way from the death chamber. “Run for your lives!”

Batgirl regained her feet seconds after the terrific-looking triple threat hurried past and slammed the door behind them.

Batgirl stood and switched off the machine, thus keeping Legs Parker from literally being punched full of holes along with the piano roll beneath her. Seconds later, the Curved Crusader found the door to the death chamber locked. A tool from her utility belt persuaded the lock to yield in a matter of minutes before Legs Parker’s ravishing rescuer hurried after the fleeing phantom girls.

As the Curved Crusader entered the main room of the abandoned Parnassus Music Role Company, she instinctively flung a Batarang from her utility belt forward. Doe was standing in the center of the room aiming her bagpipes at the door through which Batgirl had entered.

The Batarang struck the bagpipes and snatched the wicked redhead’s weapon from her hands.

“Hey!” the ravishing rogue exclaimed.

“I’ve experienced the lullaby your bagpipes perform before, Doe,” Batgirl explained. “I’m not eager to take a second nap!”

“I suppose you think you’ll be taking us in then?” Rae inquired.

“I gather none of you are eager to come quietly?” Batgirl sweetly asked, striding forward.

“Not in the least,” Mimi replied, smiling. “Our reluctance to surrender is primarily due to the fact we have you right where we want you, Batgirl.”

“I think three against one is fair enough,” Batgirl decided, slamming a fist into her gloved palm. “I’ll give you one final chance. Give yourselves up!”

“Take her down, Mimi!” Rae said, stepping away from the blonde.

“It will be my pleasure,” the evil twin replied moving toward a dangling rope she pulled.

“Going down,” Doe said, laughing as an enormous, decorative piano roll fell toward Batgirl from above, knocking her to the floor. “Now, Batgirl, it’s time for your private encore performance.”

The lawless ladies’ leader retrieved her weapon, stepped forward, and unleashed another of her sonic salvos. Batgirl lay pinned beneath the piano roll and could do nothing but writhe in agony. Soon, the Curved Crusader closed her eyes as she lost consciousness.

“Now, we can do precisely as we please with Batgirl,” Rae crowed.

“Shall we introduce the soon to be late arrival to the piano roll cutting machine?” Mimi asked.

“It hasn’t gone to work on our first guest yet,” Rae pointed out.

“No, girls,” Doe said. “We’ll leave both of them alone.”

“What do you mean?” Mimi demanded.

“What’s the problem?” Rae seconded.

“Legs Parker should be spared because her brothers, with whom we’ve only begun to get properly acquainted, would be understandably upset,” Doe explained. “Cheating her out of some loot is one thing. Killing her for no good reason is another.”

“Okay, Doe, we’re agreed,” Rae conceded, glancing at Mimi, who nodded. “We spare Legs Parker.”

“That leaves Batgirl!” Mimi said.

“Legs told us where to find Larry Stannel and that he would be depositing the proceeds from last night’s job into an account she and Penguin will share. Getting our hands on that dough will be much easier before Larry makes the deposit.”

“So, taking care of Batgirl may cost us a fortune?” Mimi asked.

“When you put the problem in that way,” Rae said, smiling broadly, “given we’ll all soon be rich, leaving Batgirl alone makes sense!”

“Leaving here makes sense, too,” Mimi said, striding toward the piano and playing the note which opened a secret tunnel leading from the hideout. “Let’s go!” Passing the table where Doe’s bagpipes had been, the blonde picked up the machine gun.

“Happily, the secret entrance will remain secret as we take our leave,” Doe said regarding Batgirl with both satisfaction and pleasure. “Come along, girls.” The redhead entered the secret passage.

Her companions nodded and exited without sparing their victim a second glance. The secret panel slid closed behind them all without a sound.

Shortly thereafter, Batgirl stirred and pushed at the piano roll above her until she could squirm from beneath it. She shook her head and quickly realized she was alone. “I walked into that one,” she muttered, moving toward the room which housed the piano roll-cutting machine.

Legs Parker remained unconscious on the machine’s conveyor belt when Batgirl bent over her.

“Wake up, Legs,” Batgirl said, gently patting the side of the girl gangster’s face. “It’s all over. You’re going to be just fine.”

Legs Parker’s eyes fluttered open and she focused on Batgirl. “I never thought I’d be so happy to see you.”

“I’m glad I got here in time to keep you safe,” Batgirl said. “You realize the phantom girls put you in jeopardy again in order to escape.”

“I was afraid they would as soon as you came through that door. Listen. I suppose we’re going to talk before you haul my butt back to jail. Could we get away from this awful machine?”

“Sure,” Batgirl agreed. Legs realized her wrists had been Batcuffed behind her back while Batgirl led her from the death chamber. The Curved Crusader had also found her stolen utility belt, which crisscrossed the one around her waist.

“Question time,” Batgirl announced, as her prisoner sank into the corner of a sofa and crossed her namesakes.

“Before you start,” Legs said, “do you know how my brothers’ arrest went?”

“Batwoman and Flamebird packaged them for the police and so far they’ve exercised their right to remain silent.”

“They don’t know anything about future plans, anyway.”

“You do, though, and you’re going to give me Penguin.”

“I’d rather you hauled me downtown and had me formally arrested.”

Batgirl’s pleasant manner transformed as her eyes narrowed. “I want the Penguin,” the declared, “and I have you.”

“I won’t squeal. It’s a matter of family pride. Besides, do you have any idea what Penguin would have done to me?”

“Nothing you don’t deserve,” Batgirl coldly said.

“How can you say—”

"It’s easy. How many times have you tried to kill me? I suspect you imagine deathtraps are part of a larger game you and I play. Well, I am not playing and would dearly love to put you and all the rest of your murderous colleagues away after your efforts fail, as they inevitably do! Not everyone, though, will be willing to leave your punishment to the Courts. Playgirl and her assistant, Avalon Hill, are understandably angry with you because you left them to die. When they have you at their mercy, they will not be playing. You held up Penguin and Catwoman over the Onyx Osprey. Catwoman will certainly hold a grudge, and whatever you did to mollify Penguin won’t make the slightest difference. Your brothers might have kept you in one piece while you were all in jail, but will they continue to protect you after you abandoned them to Batwoman and Flamebird?"

“Parkers can fight with each other, but if anyone else tries-”

“Speaking of fighting, I haven’t forgotten how you treated me the last couple of times we’ve faced each other,” Batgirl said, letting her lips curl into a smile. “I notice our roles have reversed.”

Legs Parker’s face paled as she regarded her rescuer. “You aren’t going to—”

“Beat the information I want out of you?” Batgirl grinned and let her hands settle onto her shaply hips as she stood before the girl gangster with legs spread to shoulder width.

“You don’t operate like a typical thug,” Legs said, too quickly to hide her trepidation. “You’re one of the good guys, so to speak.”

“You know, Legs,” the Curved Crusader seriously said, shaking her head, “cooperating could make things easier on you and give you more time to see other members of your family, like your mother and your child.”

“My baby–”

“Have you even seen your child since your release?”

Legs turned away from Batgirl in embarrassment. “I—”

“No excuses! You told me not giving up Penguin was a matter of ‘family pride.’ You’ve been free from prison for a number of days and have made no effort whatsoever to see your child!” Batgirl accused. “You’re pathetic!”

Tears began to well up in Legs’ eyes. The cold, hard gangster was replaced by a mother, ashamed of having ignored her child. “I’ve been busy—”

“Planning what?" Batgirl sternly asked. "Where is the Penguin?”

“I don’t—”

“Tell me!” Batgirl commanded.

“Okay!” Legs Parker said. “I can see talking might be worthwhile, but you’re going to have to give me something in exchange for Penguin. How about granting me immunity?”

“Ha! Forget it!”

“Would you ask Governor Condellee to grant me a pardon?”

“You’re dreaming!”

“I want time served and only community service.”

“Even if I wanted to do so, I don’t have the power to give you any of the things for which you’ve asked,” Batgirl said. “I would be willing to speak to the prosecution on your behalf, but I will not make frivolous requests.”

Legs inhaled and let her lungs empty slowly.

“I want to see my child.”

“In exchange for Penguin, I’d be happy to make such a request,” Batgirl said. “Lie to me about this and I will speak against you. Remember the dungeon in the castle where you almost got married? Double cross me and I’ll make it look like a holiday resort compared to what will happen to you!”

“I’m serious, Batgirl,” Legs said. “I can’t imagine why you’d resort to threats when I’m clearly bargaining in good faith.”

“Prove it!” Batgirl said. “Give me Penguin.”

“Okay. Penguin is solidifying our alibi with Baby Jane Towser, on her family’s yacht,” Batgirl’s prisoner admitted. “Of course, when Pengy figures out you; Batwoman; Flamebird; and the cops have hauled in the rest of us, she’ll be in big trouble!”

Nearly an hour later, Baby Jane Towser climbed onto the deck of her family’s yacht. There she found Penguin at the wheel, guiding the craft toward a secluded pier. On the dock, three men wearing black slacks and matching turtlenecks with the names QUETCH, MORGAN and BLUEBEARD spelled out in white, block letters, waited beside some luggage and a few crates.

“You left me alone, Pengy. I didn’t know you wanted to take the boat out,” Baby Jane said. She pointed at the men on the pier and asked, “Who are they?”

“You fell asleep after we dried off,” Penguin explained. “It was such a beautiful day, I thought it would be nice to be at sea. Then, it occurred to me we’d have more time to enjoy ourselves if I picked up a crew. So, I contacted these men. They brought some supplies for a short voyage . . . south. By the way, I like your outfit. Wak!”

“Thank you,” the girl said, grinning as he smiled at the black bikini she had affected. The day was unusually warm for December.

Soon, the trio was aboard and the supplies they had brought had been stowed. Baby Jane was amazed at how easily the men Penguin had hired took control of the boat while showing her every courtesy.

“We’re all shipshape, Mister Penguin,” Bluebeard said. “How soon would you and the lady like to eat?”

“I am getting hungry, Pengy, but the sun is out and I want to keep my tan,” Baby Jane said.

“We’ll dine on deck in an hour and a half,” the Penguin decided. Bluebeard nodded and took his leave.

“You seem to work well with our new crew, Pengy.”

“I’ve known the men for years. Did you bring up any suntan lotion? With the sun reflecting off the water, you can burn, even this time of year.”

“Oh, I left it in the cabin, but that reminds me. I’m almost out. Can we get more where we’re going?”

“Certainly, my dear,” the Penguin answered. “I’m going to take you on the cruise of a lifetime!”

“What is our ultimate destination?”

“Wak! It’s a surprise. You wouldn’t want me to spoil it, would you?”

“No, Pengy. I’ll leave everything to you.”

“Splendid, my dear,” Penguin said. “Wak, wak, wak! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be right back with your suntan lotion.”

“What’s happened in Gotham City?” Penguin asked as he gathered his finks on the bridge. “I should have heard from my partner by now.”

“The Parker brothers’ arrest was all over the news, boss,” Quetch said.

“You should have been listening to the police band,” Penguin admonished, conking the hapless thug on the head with an umbrella he had snatched for that purpose. “I’m interested in their sister, Legs.”

“What about that blonde soaking in the sun down there?” Bluebeard asked, glancing down at Baby Jane.

“She is at best a dupe and at worst a hostage. Wak!”

“You wanted to know about Legs Parker?” Morgan asked.

“That’s right,” Penguin said quickly.

“Well, I monitored the police band on the radio. Just before I turned it off, I heard Batgirl calling in to the cops to pick up some girl at an abandoned music roll factory,” Morgan said.

“Just one girl?” Penguin demanded, leaning forward and gazing intently at his fink.

“I think so, boss,” Morgan said, with a distinct lack of confidence.

The Penguin waddled to one end of the bridge, turned, and waddled back, smoking all the while. “She got caught!” he fumed. “I give her responsiblity for the loot and she gets herself caught! Wak! Women!”

“You mean, we ain’t gonna get paid?” Quetch demanded.

“We’ll get paid, you dolt!” Penguin said, cracking his fink harder with the umbrella. “I arranged the negotiations in which my pretty partner engaged after steering her into them in the first place. You don’t seriously imagine I’d manipulate a situation so carefully without making certain stipulations ahead of time?”

“You’re pretty smart, boss,” Bluebeard complimented.

“Naturally,” Penguin concurred. “Wak! The ‘negotiations’ with Legs were a reward for my cunning confederate, with whom I arranged to feather my own nest ahead of time. Miss Parker is, of course, blissfully unaware of these avaricious arrangements, and since she is unavailable, we’ll have to keep the spoils for our next cunning caper ourselves. Wak, wak, wak!”

“What do you mean, boss?” Quetch asked.

“You don’t seriously imagine I engaged you three simply as a crew for this boat, do you?”

“You’re the boss,” Morgan delared.

“How much do you imagine this tub we’re standing on is worth?" Penguin asked rhetorically. "That little blonde down there is priceless as well. Before we eat, I want you, Mister Morgan, to compose a list of demands for her safety. We’ll inform her father, business mogul ‘Big Daddy’ Towser, of our asking price after the meal. Wak!”

“If he doesn’t pay . . .” Morgan began, grinning lasciviously at the girl on deck.

“He will pay, Mister Morgan,” Penguin assured the thug. “Now, get busy while I get back to Baby Jane. Wak, wak, wak!”

At Police Headquarters, Batgirl paced her father’s office, waiting for information about Penguin’s whereabouts.

“I’ve talked to Robin and gotten permission to use the Batboat to chase the Towser’s yacht. Batman is still deep undercover and Robin is backing him up.” Batgirl paused and put her hands on her hips. “Now, I just need a clue to where Penguin is going.”

Suddenly, Chief O’Hara stood up. “Begorra! I put out an all points bulletin as soon as you called us about the situation.”

Commissioner Gordon’s face looked grave as he leaned forward. “The press release I sent out might be of help, too. All we can do now is wait.”

“I’ve got it,” the police chief said, snapping his fingers. “Rumor has it, Penguin has a secret island retreat!” Then, he paused and frowned. “Of course, he’s never been known to go there, so we don’t have a clue where it is.”

A buzz prompted the Commissioner to reach for his intercom. “Yes, Bonnie,” he said.

“I have someone here to whom you may want to speak,” the public official’s secretary said. “It’s the wife of the lighthouse keeper from Phoney Island.”

“Send her in, Bonnie.”

Batgirl had met Mrs. Keeper and her husband at the old lighthouse as the villainous team of the Joker and Catwoman concluded their search for one million pounds of gunpowder which had been hidden for centuries. The Commissioner and Chief O’Hara had seen their current guest at the villains’ subsequent, joint trial, at which Batman had served as prosecutor.

Following greetings and introductions, Mrs. Keeper excitedly began to relate her reasons for coming to Police Headquarters. “I was just vacuuming the upstairs bedroom of the new lighthouse – say,” she said pausing and smiling. “You should come out and see it sometime, Batgirl.”

“Yes, thank you. Please continue.”

“Well, I looked out the window and I think I spotted the yacht the news said you’re seeking. I think it was headed for Short Island Sound, but the yacht didn’t seem to be cruising too quickly."

“Thank your for coming in, Mrs. Keeper,” the Commissioner said. “You may have saved a life.”

“I’m on my way, Commissioner,” Batgirl said. She hurried through the double doors of her father’s office, down on the elevator and out to the Batgirlcycle, which was parked in front of Police Headquarters. At the top legal speed, she zoomed off to the docks where the Batboat was berthed. She dismounted and slid down the Batpole before launching the craft and skipping across the waves of the Atlantic Ocean.

“Baby Jane,” Penguin said, once the lunch dishes had been cleared. “I need you to do me a tremendous favor.”

“What is it, Pengy?”

The Penguin leaned very close to her. “I need you to contact your father on the ship-to-shore radio. I need to speak to him privately about a subject of profound importance to our future.”

“Pengy,” the girl said seriously, after a moment, “I think you and I have taken some big steps together. I’m afraid I’m just no good at predicting the future. Daddy can be—”

“Please, Baby Jane,” he said, regarding her steadily. “It’s very important I speak to your father. We have serious things to discuss and I don’t want to move too quickly, but with my reputation, I need to be certain he understands this situation. Otherwise, he might turn our cruise into something it never was.”

“Well, when you put it like that, I’d be pleased to call him for you.”

“That’s positively splendid, my dear. Thank you for being so understanding.”

“So, is there something you and I should be talking about, or do you have any important questions I’ll need to answer?” she asked, gazing expectantly at him with glittering eyes.

“Baby Jane,” Penguin said, smiling, “I am no more able to predict the future than you. Wak, wak, wak! But I do know neither the time we’ve spent together nor the time I’ll spend speaking to your father will have been wasted.”

“I’ll call Daddy for you, Pengy,” Baby Jane Towser decided. “The radio is on the bridge. Follow me.”

“It will be a pleasure, my dear,” Penguin replied softly, gazing up at her as she climbed to the bridge.

Soon, Baby Jane had raised Big Daddy Towser and Penguin had sent her from the bridge. “What do you want, Penguin? You, of course, realize the police believe you’ve stolen my yacht and kidnapped my daughter.”

“Wak! The police are very perceptive, but your daughter is not. She likes me and I’m confident will tell anyone who asks what I want them to believe.”

“Penguin, you are a—”

“Never mind, sir. I’d like to safely deliver both your yacht and your daughter to you in exchange for a considerable amount of cash. Since I doubt you can raise the true value of both items quickly, how much can you raise by the close of business today?”

“Only about ten million, but if you think I’m going to—”

“Double that figure will be required if you ever want to see Baby Jane or your boat again. Wak, wak, wak! I’ll contact you with instructions.” Penguin ended the transmission and waddled off the bridge and down the ladder, back to Baby Jane.

“What did Daddy say, Pengy?” Baby Jane eagerly asked, regarding him with sparkling, expectant eyes.

“Well, to be perfectly honest, he seems reluctant,” Penguin said. “I’m sure he’ll come around, though, in the end. Wak! I can, after all, be very persuasive.”

“I hope so, Pengy,” she said. “Daddy can be so stubborn sometimes.”

“Well, perhaps I’ve dissuaded him on this occasion. Wak, wak, wak!” As he spoke, he spotted one of his finks signaling. “You know, I feel like some dessert. Why don’t you go below and pick something out for us to eat?”

“Kiss me first.”

“Wak! It will be a pleasure.” After the kiss, Baby Jane hurried below while Quetch descended from the bridge to the deck.

“What is it?’ Penguin demanded.

“We spotted the Batboat coming this way.”

“What!” Penguin grabbed his cigarette holder as he decided what orders to give. “All right. Have the other men get up here and lock Baby Jane below. Now, do we have any offensive capability at all?”

“I’m afraid not, Mister Penguin.”

“Then we’ll have to rely on skullduggery and brute force. Wak! Get ready!”

Batgirl had the Batboat’s throttle wide open as she skipped over the surface of the sea with a wide wake foaming behind her. She had sighted the Towser family yacht some time ago and maneuvered herself on an intercept course.

Soon she slowed, cutting across the larger vessel’s bow and gliding past in a wide turn after which she cut the engine and gripped the stern ladders. Knotting her craft’s painter to the ladder, she clambered onto the deck where Penguin and his three finks waited, crouched in a semicircle and armed with umbrellas.

“You didn’t ask for permission to come aboard, Batgirl. Wak, wak, wak!”

“I’m sure the real owner of this boat will overlook my lack of nautical courtesy, Penguin. Where is Baby Jane Towser?”

“She’s below, and I’ll have you put below the surface of the water permanently unless you leave us in peace.”

Batgirl shook her head. “I won’t do that, Penguin. I came out here to bring you back to Gotham City. Legs Parker and the rest of your criminal cohorts would be lonely in prison without you.”

“Very well, Batgirl. Wak!” Penguin said. “Now, here this! Batgirl is to walk the plank at once. Get her!”

The three men charged at Batgirl, brandishing their umbrellas. Batgirl backed against the rail and climbed to the top backwards, keeping the thugs in sight. She leapt over them as she came into range of their umbrellas and spun as she landed, extending one shapely leg.

Bluebeard pivoted into the powerful kick and felt himself propelled backwards. He let go of his umbrella and flailed at empty air as he was upended over the rail. Seconds later, he landed in the water with a mighty splash.

Quetch and Morgan both swung their umbrellas at Batgirl, who ducked and snatched the weapon Bluebeard had abandoned. Tumbling forward, she regained her feet and used her umbrella to block a thrust from Penguin. Sliding toward him, she rammed an elbow into his solar plexus and the back of her fist into his chin as he doubled over. She turned and leaped aside as the thugs behind her swung their umbrellas again, narrowly missing her but clobbering Penguin as the villain tried to regain his feet.

Batgirl poked at Morgan, who whirled and knocked her umbrella aside. As she pivoted, Batgirl launched a kick at him and took him from his feet.

Quetch swung his umbrella at her and she blocked with hers, holding it in both hands, kneeing him in the process. Quetch let go of his umbrella and reached for his groin with both hands as he sank to his knees. Batgirl gripped the shaft of her umbrella and pulled the handle behind the thug’s neck. Once she had caught it, she yanked him forward and caused him to lose his balance. Quetch slid across the deck on his gut and stared forward in horror as he passed over the edge of the deck, beneath the railing and landed face-first in the sea below. Water from the splash spattered the main deck.

A shadow behind her told Batgirl Bluebeard was about to regain the deck. She sent him back into the sea with a second, equally mighty splash using one of her signature Las Vegas showgirl kicks.

“Mash her!” Penguin angrily shouted, shoving Morgan toward her.

Batgirl saw him coming and sidestepped, pivoting. The thug felt a glove catch the neck of his turtleneck and the seat of his pants before his feet were lifted and he literally flew the short distance over the rail. Gravity then asserted itself upon him and he belly-flopped into the sea.

Batgirl rubbed her hands together as she approached the Penguin. “I think rather than heaving you over the side, Penguin, I’ll introduce you to the bilge water, unless, of course, you’d like to come quietly.”

“Not this time, Batgirl,” the cagey bird said. “You have yet to really outwit the world’s greatest criminal intellect, as I’m about to demonstrate. Wak, wak, wak!” As Penguin spoke, the umbrella he was holding opened and began to spin rapidly. “Farewell, my pretty, give my regards to Batman when you see him.” The spinning umbrella began to lift the pudgy criminal into the air.

Batgirl rushed toward him and reached up, but he was already well above her. She then became aware of a banging beneath one of the hatches and reluctantly gave up her hopes of catching her opponent.

Her electronic Batgirl-compact made short work of the lock. Batgirl helped Baby Jane Towser to the main deck. “Batgirl, where did you come from? What happened to Pengy and the crew?”

“Penguin flew the coop, so to speak, but I think you can be thankful he did, Baby Jane,” Batgirl quietly said.

“Thankful?” Baby Jane incredulously inquired. “Penguin talked to my father about asking for my hand in marriage earlier today. Why should I be thankful he’s gone?” The socialite suddenly glared suspiciously at the Curved Crusader. “Did you have something to do with his disappearance?”

Batgirl stared, unsure exactly how to explain the reality of the situation to the socialite.

“Wait a minute!” Baby Jane said. “I thought penguins were flightless birds.”

“Did your father tell you what he discussed with the Penguin?” Batgirl asked.

“No,” Baby Jane said, smiling broadly. “Pengy kind of hinted at his plans. I could tell what he was thinking, though. We have this connection.”

“I’ll tell you what, Baby Jane,” Batgirl kindly said. “I’ve had a lot more and very different experiences with Penguin. I don’t honestly believe he is being sincere for a moment. I’m willing to apologize for my suspicions, though, if your father tells you Penguin was preparing to propose. Can I talk you into calling you father and telling him about your adventures? He’s very worried about you.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Baby Jane said, mounting the ladder to the bridge.

As Baby Jane contacted her father, Batgirl dragged Penguin’s sodden henchmen aboard and Bat-cuffed them.

After a few minutes, Baby Jane climbed back to the deck. “I owe you an apology, Batgirl. Daddy said Penguin threatened me. I’ve been such an idiot.”

“I’m sorry to have dashed all your hopes, Baby Jane,” Batgirl gently said. “I hope you agree you could easily find better, more reliable companions than this town’s supervillains with whom to . . . socialize.”

Baby Jane Towser nodded her head solemnly.

Batgirl looked up into the sky. “I just wish Penguin wouldn’t have gotten away.”

Baby Jane grinned. “He may have escaped you and me,” she said. “I don’t imagine, however, he got away.”

While the Penguin, in the midst of his getaway flight, was unaware of Baby Jane’s prediction, he quickly discovered the socialite was right. Batwoman and Flamebird came into view on their Bat-Gyros. Hurriedly, they approached him.

“Give up, Penguin,” Batwoman said through a megaphone which enabled the villain to hear her over the sound of the Bat-Gyros’ and his umbrella’s whirring engines. “We’re tracking you on the Portable Bat-Radar. There is no escape.”

Penguin looked in all directions and tilted his umbrella in an attempt to alter his course. His direction shifted, but the Bat-Gyros approached inexorably.

“There is a police launch in the waters beneath us,” Flamebird said, using a megaphone of her own. “You can land on it voluntarily, or we can help you.”

Penguin slowed his spinning umbrella and dropped from between the converging Bat-Gyros, before speeding up the whirring blades just above his hat and beginning to ascend once again.

“We’ll have to get both above and below him,” Batwoman said over the radio to Flamebird.

“Would you rather attack or catch him?” Flamebird asked.

“I’ll catch him,’ Batwoman decided. “He’s all yours.”

“Thanks,” Flamebird said, grinning.

Penguin frowned as the Bat-Gyros converged above him once again. He was, for all intents and purposes, unarmed and had already shown the single evasive maneuver of which he was capable while retaining possession of his mode of transportation.

Suddenly, Batwoman descended to where he could face her and she pointed down.

Penguin looked up and saw Flamebird closing in on him from above while drawing a pair of Batarangs. Seconds later, the Girl Wonder’s weapons spun toward him, slicing into the fabric of his umbrella and mangling some of the metal ribs over which fabric had been stretched.

With a startled cry, Penguin plunged earthward until a hand gripped him by the neck from behind. Penguin realized Batwoman had literally caught him and exhaled, relaxing. Dismayed, he watched as both his umbrella and his cigarette holder fell toward the sea.

“You may have apprehended me, Distaff Duo,” Penguin said later, as they all stood on the deck of the police launch, “but I’ll not remain caged for long. When I return, my criminal genius will make me rich. Do you hear me? Wak, wak, wak!”

“Batgirl’s efforts to track down the jewels failed,” Bawoman replied. "Your loot wasn’t on the Towser family yacht!"

“The police neither found them when they searched you, nor did they locate your loot with any of the Parkers earlier,” Flamebird added.

“Don’t lie to us, Penguin!” Batwoman warned. “We know you and the Parkers stole a fortune.”

"Yet, you have no idea what we did with it,” Penguin answered. “Our victory may be pyrrhic, but it is capital, nonetheless - in many ways! Wak, wak, wak! Your failure is a testament to criminal genius!"

“I’m confused,” Flamebird complained. “If none of the Parker siblings have the loot they stole and neither does the Penguin, what in the world happened to it?”

Larry Stannel awoke to find himself staring at the open laptop on the bedside table. He reached out and watched the screen saver dissolve to show him a thick blue line across the screen denoting the completion of an electronic transaction.

“Well, I see you ladies have your money now,” he murmured.

Suddenly, he realized the trio of temptresses who had persuaded him to redirect the money his employer had paid for the hoard of jewels Legs Parker had provided was gone.

“Where did they go?” he asked rhetorically, crawling from among the pillows and beneath the bedclothes to the closet, where he knew a robe hung. Slipping into it, he noticed the paper that had been slipped beneath the door. Snatching it, he moved closer to the window so he could read it more easily.

After a moment, he began to laugh. “The concierge charged their plane tickets to this room,” he muttered. He set the bill aside and shrugged. ‘They really are gone now,’ he thought, ‘but the expense was well worth "negotiating."’

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