All the charcters in this are © Joss Whedon. I'm just messing with some fictional characters lives for kicks. *g*
Up to Season 6, Dead Things. Big spoilers for that!
Buffy's POV
"No amount of I'm sorry will change that."
Every word she says cuts that bit deeper. I can't do anything but look at her. Her words echoing around my mind. Reminding me of a similar phrase. One I'd said to her not that long ago. Hearing those words now makes me realise just how much I hurt her. I had no idea. Even coming here today, thinking I knew just what she had felt. I had no idea. I didn't realise how little I understood until now. Didn't realise just how badly I had messed up. I want to say something but all I can hear are those few words.
I feel a tear slip from my eye as the full realisation hits. My gaze never leaving her face. Watching her as she follows the tear as it falls to the desk. Watching as her had moves the phone away from her ear and back to the cradle. I hear the click as the phone is replaced, cutting off all sound from her side.
I want to yell at her. Get her to pick the handset up once more. Try to say something. Anything to stop this from happening. Yet all I can think of are her words.
I watch as she stands and walks away. Not looking back.
I want to pound on the plastic wall separating us. Get her attention. Just do something. Instead I just sit and watch as she walks away. Watch as the guard opens the door leading back to the cells. Watch as she walks through it and out of my sight. Out of my life.
Even after the door is closed and I know Faith is long gone, I still don't move. Still don't look away from the door. Almost as if a part of me believes that she will come back through it any moment now. That she will come back over and we will talk. That this isn't the end, but I know it is. It ended a long time ago. Perhaps before it even started.
I hang the phone up and rise from the chair. As I turn and walk to the exit, I feel so empty. I make it back to the car without registering how I got there. My mind is still back in the visiting area.
I start the engine but make no move to actually drive back. Sitting there, staring out of the windscreen, listening to the hum of the engine, everything hits me. The full impact of what has just happened. Thinking I'd killed that girl. And Faith. All the times in Sunnydale. All the mistakes. All the what ifs.
I feel the tears falling as I know that I walked away from her. Told her she could never have another chance and then walked away. Now I know how she felt. I know that there's nothing I can say. That she'll always fell this way. That I'll always feel this way. I know that we have both lost.
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