All the charcters in this are © Joss Whedon. I'm just messing with some fictional characters lives for kicks. *g*
Up to Season 6, Dead Things. Big spoilers for that!
Buffy's POV
Welcome to Sunnydale. The sign seems so wrong. Reminds me of Jaws. Such a cheery sign signalling your entry into a town associated with death. I have the sudden urge to pull over and draw a demon on it. Let people know what they are really letting themselves in for. Instead I just keep driving.
Auto-pilot. It's the only way I got back here. I've got no recollection of the journey. Can't even remember when I managed to put the car into drive. Can't remember when the tears finally stopped. I just drove. Not thinking. Not feeling. Just numb.
I bring the car to a stop and notice that night has fallen. A time that I'd normally be preparing for slaying. Going out to fight the good fight. Put my life on the line so others might get to see the sunrise one more time. Knowing each time I go, it might be my last. That I might not make it home again. That I might not watch as the world awakens once more.
Tonight it just serves as another reminder of what has happened. Another trigger for my memories. There’ll be no slaying tonight. Spike once told me that at some point every slayer wants to die. That is how they get killed. They give up, let it happen. I didn’t believe him then. I had so much to live for. I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to give up. Things change.
Everything I once had has gone. Everything that kept me fighting. Kept me alive. I know tonight would be the night I gave up. The night I let them win. So I won’t slay. I’ll stay home. Stay alive and watch the sun rise one more time.
As soon as I open the door, I can hear the sound of the TV. I know Will and Dawn will have been waiting for me. I know they will want to know what happened. Where I was. I know I should explain to them but I just can’t face it. Not tonight.
I start to make my way up the stairs until a voice stops me in my tracks.
“Did it help?”
I turn and see Willow standing at the bottom of the stairs. I can no longer hear the TV. Means Dawn is listening in. As I look at my best friend, I realise she knows where I went. The look of pain and betrayal is unmistakable.
I open my mouth to respond but no sound comes out.
“I know why you went but Buffy, you have to know it’s not the same. You do know that right?”
I always thought I did. Now I’m not sure. It seems the same to me. Both slayers. Both had someone in the wrong place at the wrong time. Both have blood on our hands. Only difference is that I had my family and friends to hide behind.
“It is the same.”
“Was that the only reason you went? To talk to someone who’d been through it?”
“No. I had to say some things. I had to tell her that…”
My words trail off as the tears fall once more. I feel arms wrap around me. Holding me. Comforting me. Making it all worse. Reminding me that I couldn’t even do this for the one person who truly understood me.
"I'm sorry Buffy."
I pull back at her tone. When I meet her gaze, I see something I never expected...understanding. Obviously seeing my confusion a sad smile graces her lips.
"Tomorrow?"
I'm still confused by her expression but tomorrow sounds like a better plan. I nod and continue up to my room. I hear Willow head back down. As I reach the top of the stairs, one sentence makes me turn and stare long after she has returned to the TV.
"You aren't the only one to betray the person you love."
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