It is Saturday night

It is around 8:00

It is raining

You did not bring an umbrella

You are the guest of your companion

It is not your birthday

It is not your companion’s birthday

After your companion parks the car at Ghirardelli square

Walk ever so slowly (in a light rain) to Pier 39.

Browse one of the chocolate shops for at least 35 minutes.

Do not buy anything.

Enter Bubba-Gump Shrimp Co. restaurant.

Be seated at your table.

When your timid server [we’ll call her "Jenny"] arrives -

Listen to specials.

Listen to instructions for ‘Stop Forest, Stop’ flip-over on-table server-needed notification sign.

Inquire about the Iced tea and the yogurt smoothies.

Order water.

Your companion will order a beverage.

Change your order to a diet soda.

Ask Jenny detailed questions about several menu items.

Disagree with her answers.

Ask Jenny to recommend something.

Don’t order what she recommends.

Ask for special changes to the items ordered.

When the food arrives, start consuming your meal.

Your companion will make friendly conversation.

Ask out loud "I wonder if they do anything special for birthdays?"

Disregard companions answer of "I think they would sing or something…"

Grab (Yes, actually grab onto) busboy and ask him "What do you guys do for birthdays here?"

Make fun of his broken-english answer that includes "I don’t know" and "You have to ask server".

Tell busboy, "Your going to have to get somebody for me then."

Have another laugh at the busboy’s expense.

Do not flip over the ‘Stop, Forest Stop’ sign.

When Jenny walks by, stop her and ask, "Do you do anything special for birthdays?"

Jenny will say "Yes. We usually bring a sundae for the birthday person."

Ask Jenny, "What about singers? Do you guys sing?"

Jenny will answer, "Sometimes we do, if it is not too busy. Right now it is kinda’ busy."

Point at companion and tell Jenny that it is their birthday.

At the same moment that Jenny says "Oh! Happy Birthday!" –

Your companion will say, "NO, IT ISN’T! – It is NOT my birthday.

Jenny, of course, will believe you.

Jenny will say to your companion, "I will bring you a Sundae for your birthday."

You companion will say, "Please don’t. It is not really my birthday."

Once again, Jenny will take your side.

Tell Jenny "We’re going to need some singers"

Jenny will say "It is pretty busy, but I’ll see what I can do"

Continue with your meal

When your companion asks, "Why did you do that? Are you nuts?"

Answer with, "you never have to pay for desert when you tell them that it is someone’s birthday."

When Jenny walks by again (carrying several items for another table) stop her and say "Well, what about the singers? Are you going to get singers?"

Jenny will say "I’ll try, it is still busy though."

Reiterate, "We really need some singers."

Your amazed companion will try to say something like "It is NOT my birthday…"

Jenny will not hear this.

Finish your meal.

When Jenny stops by to take away some of your now-empty plates, say "We’re ready for the singers" then point at the one empty table in the whole place and say "look it is slow now - you can get singers."

Jenny will say, "I’ll see what I can do."

Your now thoroughly disgusted companion will not even bother to speak.

Jenny will arrive shortly with a sundae and two spoons. She is by herself. She will place the sundae between the two of you and place a spoon in front of each of you.

You then say, "Where are the singers"

Jenny will reply "I’m sorry. I tried. It is just too busy."

You say "Whatever"

Your companion will remain quiet.

Start eating the sundae.

Your companion will not make an effort to eat any.

Ask them "Aren’t you going to have some of this?"

Your companion will say, "No, I don’t want any."

After consuming about one quarter of the sundae, state "I don’t want it to look like I am the only one eating this."

Pick up the spoon from in front of your companion and dip it in the sundae several times.

Dribble a few drops on the table in front of your companion.

Set the spoon back down in front of your companion.

Your companion will remain quiet.

About half way through the sundae, say out loud, "Hey this ice-cream tastes funny"

Your companion will say, "It is probably frozen yogurt, not ice cream. They have yogurt smoothies here."

Poke around sundae with spoon for a while.

Stop Jenny when she walks by and say loudly "The ice-cream in this sundae tastes funny!"

Jenny will answer, "It is actually frozen yogurt"

Look away from Jenny and start eating the sundae again.

When you have finished the sundae, your companion will turn over the check and look at it for a long time.

Eventually, you will pull out a few dollars and hand it to them.

Your companion will think about it and decide that getting you to pay a portion of the check is good enough.

Your companion will silently decide to leave an extra big tip to make up for your stolen sundae and the trouble you caused. They will then leave the money in a neat pile on the table and say, "I don’t need change. We can just go."

You then look at the money on the table and say, "That is too much"

Take a dollar from the pile.

Your companion will remain quiet.

Walk ever so slowly (in the now pouring rain) back to the car.

Your companion will remain quiet.