The Brak Show - Episode 14 - Brakstreet: Men in the Band
Transcribed by Audra.
"THE BRAK SHOW" and all its characters are trademarks and © Cartoon Network.
<Brak's kitchen>
Brak's dad: Huh, this is interesting, "Wife of Brak's dad to spend two weeks at exclusive spa resort. 'I just needed a daggone break,' she explained." Isn't that an interesting story, mother?
Brak: I'm not mom, dad. I'm Brak, your son.
Brak's dad: Oh right. Ooh, look at this! "Big rap-off tonight at the high school Rhymatorium. First prize is a fabulous all-expenses paid vacation."
Brak: All expenses paid!? That fits my budget perfectly! I'm gonna enter that contest and win it.
Brak's dad: Brak, you don't know how to rap.
Brak:
Dad, you don't know about my rapping ability.
Brak's dad:
What you've got is futility, futility!
Brak:
Come on, dad. That's a mean thing to say.
Brak's dad:
Hey you want to be a rapper, gotta play that way.
You gotta roll marchly and right correct.
Brak:
I hear ya loud and clear dad in full effect.
Check me out, my name is Brak and that's a fact.
I got a mom and a dad and a yard out back.
We sit by the pool and we nibble on snacks,
And we eat a big lunch and we all take naps.
Brak's dad:
We don't have a pool, Brak, but don't you know the score?
I haven't been employed since 1984.
Brak:
I thought we had a pool. What's that hole out back?
Brak's dad:
Just a water-filled crater from an alien attack.
Brak:
I still got a dream, dad, and it's the best.
I'm gonna be the winner of the rap contest.
Jigga-who, jigga-what, jigga-me, jigga-you.
Brak: How'd that flavor taste going down, daddy-man?
Brak's dad: Brak, I'd like to wish you all the luck in the world, but, er, right now I've got to get down to the Bat Cave and see what Albert wants.
Brak: You go do that, daddy. I'm going to go down to the rap store and check out the competition.
<Outside>
Brak:
Well here I am, walking down the street.
Hey, look down there. I can see my feet.
I gave them both names--one's Tony, one's Lou
You stepping on Tony, Lou's stepping on you
So I'm walking down the street, or should I say,
On the sidewalk. The streets are not safe.
There's cars and buses and tricked-out scooters,
(Meatwad rides by on a tricked-out
scooter)
And the kind I like best are tricked-out scooters!
Hey Zorak, you hear about the big rap contest at the high school? I hear it's the shiznit.
Zorak: A bunch of hacks, those jerks couldn't rap
a frickin' sandwich.
Crap rappers each and everyone of them.
Ain't got no choice but to make fun of them
It's all just an act, man, those gangstas is posin'.
Sure they got ice, but that's just water that's frozen.
I'll go one further, call me the crap-herder
Cuz is not just rap that's crap, it's all music in fact.
You know while we're at it, throw in creative expression,
Makes me want to blast them into another dimension
Brak: Zorak, aren't you being just a wee bit harsh?
Zorak:
Nope, if I was the boss, I'd enslave all of y'all
I wouldn't think twice, I'd exterminate all life
Leaving just the lady-types, who treat a mantis right
I'm talkin' stacked racks and a mouth that's shut tight.
Screw that, the girlies got to go, I don't love them ho's
I'm so out the do', for sho'
(dematerializes)
Brak: I didn't know Zorak could do that.
Zorak's disembodied voice: There's a lot you don't know about me.
Brak: Really? Like what else?
Zorak (rematerializing): I'm 40 years old. (dematerializes again)
Brak: Well that sure came out of left field. Whew. Come on feet, let's get to steppin'.
<Record Store>
Record Store Guy: Welcome to Stinky's Beat Shack. How may I flip your lid? Ha-ha-ha.
Brak: Oh, well I'm just here to, you know, hang out, see what's up with the competition.
Record Store Guy: Oh, I'd forget about that. The best rapper whatever was is comin' back to town to brr-eak it down. I'm talkin' about Prime Cut Miggity-Mo' Macdaddy Gizzabang Doggy Dog Dog. Ha-ha.
Brak: Never heard of him. Are you suggesting he's as talented as ME? I find that hard and difficult and hard to believe.
Record Store Guy: Look, shorty, everybody thinks they pimp. Not the case.
They juuust frontin'.
Now matter how ya flow he'll lay ya, dog.
If I were you I'd just go home, dog.
Name is Prime Cut Miggity-Mo' Macdaddy Gizzabang Doggy Dog Dog
Got a two way twenty-four grill fulla gold
Phat crib with a firemen's pole
Think ya got game? Think you're in the know?
Heads up you'll end up with a tag on yer toe, yo.
Brak:
Wha-who-sa-what? What you say to me?
Goll-dawg! What you say to me?
Record Store Guy: Okay, you want me to slow it down, boy? I hear ya.
The man's undefeated, that's the stone cold truth
He's not kicking yer ass, then he's knocking the boots
He's callin the chips, he's stackin up loot
It's a game alright and you stand to lose.
Brak: My good man, I'll have you know that "losing" is not in my vocabulary, but then again neither is flasinasineopilification. Oh man! I think I might have a problem.
<Outside>
Brak: Man oh man oh man oh maaaaaan!
Thundercleese: What troubles you, neighborhood Brak?
Brak: Well you see I was going to enter this big contest and win, because I thought I was born to win, but it turns out I'm born to lose. My birth certificate was a complete sham! The hospital hoodwinked me!
Thundercleese: Where is this evil hospital? I will destroy it!
Brak: No, don't take it out on them. It's not their fault.
Thundercleese: Then who's fault is it?
Brak: Oh, it's this super hard-core awesome rapper...
Thundercleese: AAAAH! I will destroy him! Away! I'll need his coordinates. How can I launch an offensive without the coordinates!?
Brak: Ohhh, what's gotten into you, Thunder-cranky? Haha
Thundercleese: I'm on edge! I haven't been in a battle for weeks! I long
for the taste of war!
War is my profession. War is my obsession.
Nothing I like better than a violent intercession.
Blood must be spilled, thick enough to swim in
As I hear the lamentation of my conquered foes women.
War! It's good for me!
What's my name? THUNDERCLEESE!
War! It's good for me!
What's my name? THUNDERCLEESE!
You want a battle? Take this!
It's come to my attention that you have no aggression
No time for second guessin'. You need a secret weapon.
AWAY!
Brak: Oh, isn't that nice? Thundercleese has found himself a battle. It's like I always say, when life gives you lemons, you BLOW THOSE LEMONS TO BITS WITH YOUR LASER CANONS!
<Brak's kitchen>
Brak: Dad?
Brak's dad: M-Mother, is that you?
Brak: No, it's me, your son, Brak. Why are you sitting in the dark?
Brak's dad: Because the lights are off. D-do you know where the switch is located?
Brak: Yeah, do you want me to turn it on for you?
Brak's dad: No! I want Mother to turn it on! She has such a flair. Just a simple flick of her dainty wrist and light is everywhere! But now, there is only darkness.
Brak: Gosh, Dad, she's only on vacation. I'm turning these lights on. (turns light on)
Brak's dad: Ohhhhhhhhh!
Brak: (turns lights back off) Okay, well, I'm going upstairs to think of a secret weapon.
Brak's dad: Okay, son. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
<The high school rhymatorium>
Announcer: Later, at the rap contest...
Clarance:
My name is Clarence and that's no lie.
It's you don't believe me, ask my Mom.
She's over there with that man she makes me call Dad,
But he's not my Dad, that's Gary.
My real Dad ran away.
Oh, Daddy what did I do to make you not love me?
Is it my obesity? Is it because I love the theater?
Why? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME WITH GARY!?
MOMMYYYYYYYY!
(Clarence is buzzed out and dropped through trap door)
Announcer: Thank you, Clarence. Next contestant is, Merlin!
Merlin: Here's one for the wizards in the cizz-astle. Listen while I drop
some magic on your hineys.
All the wizards in the house say, Yo.
Put a forty in your goblet. Let it flow.
Give some pinches to your wenches down low.
Take out your crystal ball. Let it glow. What's it show?
Put your staffs in the air like ya just don't care, and say, Yo.
Yo. Yo.
(Merlin is buzzed out and dropped through trap door)
Annoucer: Thank you, Merlin. Next contestant is, Brak!
Zorak: Jerk!
Brak: Greetings, all you beautiful people. My name is Brak, as you'll soon discover.
It's Brak y'all, get back y'all, from the front row
to the back wall.
I get all the people's toes a-tappin', thanks to my rappin', it's not happenstance,
Just dance, just jump. Get on the floor and shake that big ol' rump.
Just dance, just jump. Get on the floor and shake that big ol' rump!
Shake that butt! Shake that bottom! Shake that hiney-hinder,
And all that stuff that you skake behind ya.
Do the shakin the butt, whazzup whazzup, whazzup.
(crowd applauds)
Announcer: Congratulations, Brak!
Zorak: Jerk!
Announcer: And now the final contestant is, Prime Cut Miggity-Mo' Macdaddy Gizzabang Doggy Dog Dog!
Prime Cut: Hey man, check this out.
I'm Prime,
Cut,
Miggety-Mo' Macdaddy, whazzup,
I said a-Gizzabang, boom boom boom, diggity Dog,
I said a-Dog, a-Dog, a-diggity Dog.
Fall to your knees please, breathe deep, and watch the reparee.
Forget chillin' out, you really need to deep freeze.
The only way the mike changed is that you covered it with stink.
It's time to say goodbye cuz you're clearly the weakest link.
Better luck next time boy because you're better off dead.
Let's call it curtains like whatever the hell's on your head.
Can't wait to see the look on your lipless face
When I rap your punk ass right outta this place.
My name is Prime Cut.
You ain't got no rhyme, you gonna lose big time,
Cuz no MC has ever survived goin' up against Prime.
(audience applauds)
Brak:
Prime, I must admit, that was pretty rootin' tootin'
Your rip rorarin' rap gave my Brak butt a bootin'
Like a soap that's on a rope I'm feeling hung up in the shower
If I had a watch I'd say this would be my final hour.
Waaaah!
Brak's dad: Did somebody order a secret weapon, say what, say what, say what what what?
Brak:
Hey Dad, fancy seeing you up here on the stage.
You think that you can break it down regardless of age?
Brak's dad:
This party needed good old Dad to come in and surprise
it.
I'm gonna break it down so that it's Mom won't recognize it.
Dad, dad, dad -d-d-d-dad dad dad dad dad
Is that broken enough for you?
Brak: He's still standing, Daddy.
Brak's dad: Not for long. (takes a deep breath)
Hebehebehbehebehebehebeho
Hebedabadibidabahebehaeho
Huhuhuhuhuhuhuh
Huhuhuhuhuhuhuh
(takes another deep breath)
Hedifiherosueroaeioierheeufooo
Hegewhiuefuhfkfehfeyfhfoiyttooh
Hebehebeiehiefefhfwfporpiueeee
Hehejfjoefhosrtoituwiuitfitfegpeah
Heverkeroovjividpiofiudfiididgfpaoo
Hahahahaha!
Announcer: The winner is, Brak!
Zorak: Jerk!
Announcer: And his Dad!
<Hot tub at an exclusive spa resort>
Brak: Well, Dad, you certainly came though in a pinch.
Brak's dad: (mouth underwater) glubglubglubglubglub
Brak: Those better be talkin' bubbles, buddy!
(Brak's mom walks in and screams)
MAIN CREDITS:
featuring:
Cee-Lo
also featuring:
Don Kennedy
mc chris
Meatwad
written by:
mc chris
Nora Smith
Jim Fortier
Pete Smith