Quotes from rec.arts.drwho, alt.drwho.creative and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho

The October 1997 Quotefile

Yes, this is a very small quotefile, but I've been working on the archive and going to conventions and things, so I've not had the time to read USENET much and so I haven't had time to collect quotes myself. Anyway, here's what I did manage.

rec.arts.drwho
1 Aug 1997
Brad If they were to cast one of us here on rec.arts.drwho as the Doctor, which of us would it be?
How about Jon Blum, with Kate as companion?

BFElliott
Well, if you really want to confuse everyone, you could cast me as the Doctor with Saulchurch as the companion. Imagine the dialogue...

Benjamin: Well, Benjamin.
Benjamin: Yes, Benjamin. Benjamin: Why not, Benjamin?
(Dalek hears the conversation and blows up in confusion)
Benjamin: Rats, there's still 15 minutes left in the episode, Benjamin.
and so on

On the same concept, Jon Blum and John Peel can team up.

Nyctolops
How about Dave Stone, with a Random Companion?

Brigadier Nathan Rogers
Better yet, cast Random as the Doctor, Smith? as the Master, Jason as the Doctor's companion and Eva as the Spellchecker (no relation to the Rani :)

Rob Stradling
Gotta be Yads, and then give him these plotlines;

THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT - The Master attempts to interfere in the battle of Sartoga and help Britain to defeat the American rebels. The Doctor must make sure that history is maintained, and King George is kicked out of the New World.

A FOREIGN FIELD - The Doctor must avert the Meddling Monk's mad scheme to rescue archduke Ferdinand from Sarajevo, hence delaying the outbreak of World War One. When he finds the dead assassin and picks up his gun, the Doctor immediately knows what must be done.

ONE AND THE RANI - The Doctor must expose Camilla Parker-Bowles, who is in fact the Rani in disguise, despite the fact that this will force Charles to relinquish the British Throne. The Rani plans to use Charles' ears as radio-telescopes to attract aliens to Earth for her experiments.

RAIDERS OF THE SEALED KNOT - Charles I's beard is revealed as a segment of the Key to Time. As he refuses to shave, the Doctor must earn the trust of Oliver Cromwell, so that he may himself be charged with executing the deposed monarch, and thus recover the beard.

At the end of this story, the Doctor is dying of shame, and so regenerates into Henry Azaxyr, who, of course, has none.

1 Aug 1997
Jennifer Guest Billingsley
if you get Grace invovled... We'll have to "Explore" her relationship with the Doctor... then we'll be back to Beating the heck out of that old dead Dog: the "Sex & The Doctor" thread.

SaulChurch
Beating, dead dog, sex, & the Doctor...

I will not mention Dave Stone.
I will not mention Dave Stone.
I will not mention Dave Stone.
I will not mention Dave Stone.
I will not mention Dave Stone.
I will not mention Dave Stone.
I will not mention Dave Stone.
I will not mention Dave Stone.

Sat, 9 Aug 1997
Jonathan Blum
I'm more interested in the adversaries suing the Doctor. Imagine the court case trying to prove the Doctor responsible for "Remembrance" -- including the wrangling over whether retcons are permissible as evidence...

Jon Miller
I loved the summary of Vampire Science in issue 1 of Cult TV:

"Doctor Who returns to form, mixing horror and good old blighty humour with a story that actually makes a lot of sense!"

I wonder if the reviewer realized the authors of the 'Blighty humour' were an American and an Australian?

7 Aug 1997
Luke Gutzwiller
DOC-TOR, YOU ARE CHARGED WITH THE DELIBERATE AND MALICIOUS DESTRUCTION OF DALEK PROPERTY, THE PLANET SKARO. YOU ARE ALSO HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE LOSS OF ONE EMPEROR, SLIGHTLY WORN BUT ANTIQUE AND IRREPLACABLE. WE DEMAND YOUR EX-TER-MIN-A-TION!

(The Daleks in the court begin a chorus of "Exterminate!"s as they wave their plungers angrily. They quiet down once the presiding judge, the Megara, vaporizes a few of them.)

"The defense calls John Peel..."

BFElliott
Peel's case lasts for days. He gets Englishmen, Daleks, and some Kangs on the witness stand and grills them for data. Prosecution Daleks are seen crying as they see the logic to Peel's arguments and how wrong they were. Peel shows conclusively in a triumph of illogic logic how the destruction of Skaro is critical in defeating the Borg in an alternate dimension. Just before Peel rests, the Doctor shoots up from his seat and claims "Your honor. I've never heard such rubbish in all my lives! I'm taking over my own defense. (Puts on white barrister's wig.) The Daleks were scum, and deserved whatever they got! If I had the chance, I'd do it again, and take them all down..." John Peel sits in his chair in disbelief as the Doctor commits verbal suicide. "If I survive this," he mutters, "the Doctor won't!"

Mark Blunden
Is it anything like the 'Ace' advert being shown about every 5 minutes on UK sattelite/cable at the moment ("No, it's Ace, a gentle bleach for all your fabrics!"). That one really grates, and not just because they've named a stain remover after the best ever Doctor Who companion.

ObWho: "It's new Nitro 9 from Ace, guaranteed to remove all your washing."

topsham
ObWho: The Mentiads. Now they look like they've been up all night surfin' the web, if you ask me.

Geoff Weasel
Nah. The Mentiads are IRC junkies, pure and simple. :)

Cyberman weaknesses - a new theory
Tue, 26 Aug 97
Jason
Okay, so we all know about how the Cybermen seem to have "evolved" into a race of beings scared of getting an advert for a Visa Gold card through the post, but surely there must be a reason why they're so weak now? Well, after some intensive research (well, watching Invasion at least) we can now reveal that there *is* a logical (appropriately enough) and simple reason for their apparent later failings. Indeed it all *stems* from Invasion...

During their attempts to invade the Earth the Cybermen ally themselves with International Electromatics via Tobias Vaughn. Okay, so where does this get us? Well, Vaughn bears a more than slight resemblance (businesswise, rather than physical) to an industry leader of recent times, Bill Gates. Follow me here, Vaughn and Gates both managed to become very important in their respective fields in a relatively short space of time, most electronic hardware relied/relies on their product to the point that they are in some form or another, nearly everywhere. And both are antisocial megalomaniacs, wanting to take over the world. Allegedly. =-)

Okay, so we know that Vaughn was involved with the Cybermen and we can assume that he had some influence on their development, yeah? Well, look at Bill Gates and Microsoft's track record and in particular compare MSDOS and Windows 95. Of the two the latter is the nicer looking (like the later Cybermen) and easier to communicate with (another similarity) *but* of the two the former is the more solid piece of work with less weaknesses (as are the earlier Cybermen). Just as Windows 95 is a little unstable and prone to crashing at a prod so the later Cybermen are weaker than their older brothers.

We have not, however, managed to find any connection so far between claims that Microsoft programs are bloated and the rather tubby Cybercontroller from Attack of the Cybermen but fear not, further intensive research will be conducted on your behalf and we will make you aware of any results as soon as we make them u... er, discover them.

Mon, 08 Sep 1997
GM953
Now I just finished reading the thread about Jackie Jenkins and I was wondering...
"What about the good-looking MALE fans of Dr. Who???"

John Long
I hear Azaxyr is pretty damn cute.

10 Sep 1997
Saulchurch
Another McCoy bashing thread by someone named John. Another someone named John who speaks in inane generalities. Another someone who speaks in inane generalities who is a Pertwee fan. Another Pertwee fan who can't seem to discuss another Dr without using rude and insulting language.

SukiF1795
An excert from the RADW Bible, the NA Testament:

Book of Johns 3:87
And He looked upon the faces of His newly created anoraks and said "Hey you! Yes you with all the pimply boils on yer face. Come over 'ere! What's your name?"
And the boil inflicted person looked in awe at him......
"'ey! Stop gaping ya useless sod!" He Bellowed.
"My name is John." the man stuttered.
He nodded, "Right, then you John lot can hate McCoy and use crude means to do it."
"But why must we Johns hate McCoy?"
"Because the prat owes me a drink that he never bought me last week and Johns sound a hell of a lot more amusing then Peters. Now go spew hatred..... Ok, now I need some guys to hate Colin Baker next, have we got any Dicks in the building?"

Tue, 09 Sep 1997 06
daniel
Is the columnist in DWM, Jackie Jenkins real or some fanboys dirty fantasy of a female fan. Surely no one that pretty actually likes DW.

NickJVC
You've obviously never met Vanessa Bishop.

Rob Stradling
Oi! Cooper! Get back in the queue!

NickJVC Yeah, but we'll have to "dispose" of Brian Hudd first, remember?

Rob Stradling
Ah, but I have a cunning plan, involving a booby-trapped easel and a jar of poisoned ink...
(My last plan was to send him a Pihrana fish by second-class post. I ran out of fish in the end. It was a crime of poisson...)

Fri, 12 Sep 1997
DavidJudd
My, my. You're all so cuddly and chummy in here. Can I stay?

John Long
Absolutely - pull up a chair and witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational newsgroup! :-)

Alden Bates.
We about to use Karen McCoy for target practice? Please? Can we? Can we?

Darryl W Gillikin
Commander Bates, you may fire when ready.

Brigadier Nathan Rogers
I believe the line is "Chap with the canon thread, five rounds rapid" :)

11 Sep 1997
John Wielgosz
I finally saw a McCoy story for the first time. I never had the courage to watch him before because everyone always told me how bad he was, well you know what, they were right! I grew up with Pertwee and

Shard Scatterstar
Oh BOY! Another McCoy-bashing flamebait! *settles back with a bucket of popcorn* Have at it, folks... Betting pools as to who flames him first, anyone?

Robert Smith?
Hey, how about a generic flame sheet?

Dear:
[ ] McCoy hater
[ ] Pertwee lover
[ ] Anonymous poster too scared to post under his/her real name
[ ] John

You Are Being Flamed Because:
[ ] You were unable to appreciate Pertwee without slamming McCoy
[ ] You failed to express your opinion in polite terms
[ ] You are under the erroneous impression that McCoy hating is 'in'.
[ ] You think that because Pertwee was often rude it gives you the right to do so as well
[ ] You started it anyway

To Repent, You Must:
[ ] Watch a looped tape of Planet of the Daleks
[ ] Listen to The Ghosts of N-Space
[ ] Reenact the scene from Paradise of Death where Pertwee is thrown naked into a cell
[ ] Read the collected usenet postings of Henry (Azaxyr) Vizi
[ ] Listen to "I am the Doctor"
In Closing, I'd Like to Say:
[ ] Aroon
[ ] Happiness Will Prevail
[ ] Yeth, Mith Thaw!
[ ] Okay, listening to "I am the Doctor" is too cruel, even for you...

Fri, 12 Sep 1997
Michael S. Tumilty
*mini, mini, microspoiler*
I just finished reading 'So Vile A Sin' and the bit with the snake made me realize just how awfully the 7th Doctor died. IIRC it was the first time the Doctor died alone, without any companion. It's almost like that silly falling tree philosophical anecdote.: If the Doctor fell in a forest with no one around, would he still be the Doctor?

Rob Stradling
Hmm, I like it; the Doctor dies beyond human comfort for the first time, so the human part of him, yearning for expression and contact, comes to the fore.

Is regeneration, then, affected by the emotional field surrounding the Doctor at the time?

1) Old fuddy-duddy Doc dies in the company of hip young humans, becomes younger, hipper Doc.
2) Doesn't really 'die' in any real sense, so I'll conveniently forget him!
coreY
Forced to regenerate on Gallifrey by his fellow officious, arrogant, establishment Time Lords; becomes officious, arrogant, and more inclined to work with the establishment.

Rob Stradling
3) Dies surrounded by 2-D humans and aliens; get inhuman, alien Doc.
4) Dies in youthful company of emotionally confused aliens/humans. Becomes emotionally confused human/alien.
5) Dies in exclusive company of brash, loudmouthed, self-obsessed buffoon...
6) Dies after being thrown head first into a wall by Bonnie Langford, comes back as a vengeful clown.
Conrad Feinson
You were doing really well up to this one... How about: 'Dies after being thrown head first into a wall by a cold, calculating computer specialist who exhibits a bizarre, sometimes childish and to some immensely unpopular character on the outside to lull people into a false sense of security'?

Rob Stradling
7) Dies surrounded by frantic humans who live to help him live but don't care who he is. Becomes frantic human who lives to help humans live but doesn't know who he is.

Re: Gareth Roberts' Computer
Fri, 12 Sep 1997
Peter Anghelides Terrance Dicks would write:
"I had a computer.
"The drashig ate it."

Alden Bates
Dave stone would boot up his computer and you'd be able to see the tasteful and not at all obscene wallpaper. And you wouldn't have to turn your head to one side to see what the picture was of.
Steve Lyon's computer would pass you on its way out, shouting rude things back at him about him only using it all the time...
Jim Mortimore's computer would be spread in pieces across his floor, wires and bits everywhere.
Cartmel would give a blow-by-blow description of assembling the computer before you actually got to turn it on.

Rob Stradling
Paul Cornell's computer has a pair of owls nesting in it, along with a hen, four larks, and a wren, left over from the last time he shaved...

Be!n Aaro:nov!tche!s comp?uter !has !A ma|funct!on!ng keyB!oard...
Dave McIntee's computer hasn't worked since he typed in the unpronouncable name of God and turned its CPU into a pillar of salt...

Keith Topping
John Peel's computer blew up... no, sorry, that should be John Peel's computer *didn't* blow up...

Rob Stradling
Keith Topping's computer is *not* operated by Keith Topping (allegedly).
Neil Penswick's computer has had it's word-processing software deleted by bailiffs enforcing a legal injunction.
Gareth Roberts' computer is a Commodore Pet, 'cos the Intel 086 range of microprocessors only happened in a shared fantasy.
Gary Russell's computer is a Sony 'My First PC' with big red buttons and a Fisher-Price printer.

11 Sep 1997
Dangermouse
Surely it's time for a new approach to that classic SF show... I bring you Pigs In Space: The New Adventures!

Starring
Kermit as the Doctor
Miss Piggy as Grace (with opera gown - she's got the figure for it! Oooh, down boy!)
Link Hogthrob as the Brigadier
Sam the Eagle as The Master
Statler and Waldorf as the Second and Third Doctors
Dr Bunsen and Beaker as Mehendri Solon and Cordo
Rowlf as Chris Cwej
Fozzie as Sergeant Benton
Gonzo The Great as Irving Braxiatel.
The Swedish Chef as Davros
Animal (in drag) as Ace
I think I'd better have a lie down now....

Mon, 15 Sep 1997
SukiF1795
Wellll, we could help, but you have to get on your knees and sing a song called "Oh Sylvester I Love You So!!" ... etc, etc, etc.

Dave Stone
Suki?

WYMM?

14 Sep 1997
TrboTurtle
One of these days, I'll understand what Yads is talking about...I live in fear of that day......

The Brig
Actually, this is scary but I do understand about 75% of that post :)

Jason
I understood every single *word* of Dave's post. Sadly, the reason he put them in that order eludes me... =-)

Mon, 15 Sep 1997
Marcus Durham
How about the Carry On team doing a Doctor Who movie?

Dave Stone
Yeah, right. You'll be saying that old git who starred in Carry on Sergeant should be in it next.

14 Sep 1997
the_dark_servant
I am acting against usanet rules. I am availible see my phone number all comments are welcome. Icf you really feel the urge to call me my phone is open. You might get my bbs but you might get me as well. I am here I have no life. But I have the ability to piss of dr who lamer fans to no end.

Eng6gcgs
A tenner says you work for the BBC.

Wed, 17 Sep 1997
Peter Goddard
I reckon it's a conspiracy.
The BBC *are* actually still making Doctor Who, but they're dressing all the main characters up like padded Telebugs.

Peter Anghelides
Tinky-Winky is the big fat one with the horrid-coloured fur.
Dipsy is the one with the big floppy hat.
Laa-Laa is fair-haired one.
Po is the short one.
Other Teletubbies yet to be announced:
Glitter (lots of white hair)
Ochaye (tartan)
Chetterton (perversely, the only Teletubby to remember all his lines and pronounce the words correctly)
Smooch (half tubby, half human)

Tue, 05 Aug 1997
alt.drwho.creative
Atrrib lost
Tarantism (n.) A bizarre late 20th century religion based around excessive foul language and impactful violence, combined with post-modern pastiche sensibilities and stylish 1970s pop music.

Daniel Frankham
Tarantism (n.) 1. Belief in a young, foolishly heroic spaceship pilot who may or may not have died on Gauda Prime.
2. (rarely) Belief in the dashing, foolishly heroic, gunslinging identical non-twin brother of (1), who certainly died on some planet who's name I forget.

nzone@iinet.net.au
3. (very rarely) Belief in the slimy Federation secret agent, not related to (1) or (2), who betrayed Blake to the authorities.

Rob Stradling
Intarantism (n.) Retcon theory that Capital Radio never happened.

Mon, 22 Sep 1997
John Davison
Alright alright, this has gone on long enough. I'm Peter Davison. I'm sure you must be a bit surprised by this.

BFElliott
Indeed. Understandably we'd all be somewhat cynical of such a claim, especially as Davison was inspired by Troughton. I also think we'd all expect you to post as Peter Moffat (your real name). Still, just in case, I have a question. I've seen you in All Creatures Great And Small, Doctor Who, and Champion. While you did a good job as the Doctor, I felt it was the weakest of your roles. What about your portrayal of the Doctor was different than your portrayal of the others?

John Long
The task of separating myself from the role in ACG&S was very difficult. I don't think I have to tell you that there were *FAR* too many people who looked upon me as just a vet. But the challenge was something that although it scared me at first, I decided finally that I should take the offer presented to me from John. Something like DW was unlikely to come my way again. Also, let me point out that I adore Troughton. I've made that clear on several occasions. But I did not model my portrayal off of him. I brought a much more serious tone to the role, in such the way that Pertwee had done. I also watched *A LOT* of Hartnell stories. The Pertwee stuff I was all too familiar with. Hartnell I always thought was very special in what he did for the show and there were times when I tried to bring him into the role also. Hope this helps.

Re: I lost my virginity to a Doctor Who actor
14 Oct 1997
Robert Smith?
Ah, yes, this brings back memories. It was a rainy night, as I recall, and we were both huddled indoors. My place wasn't far away, so we decided to head back there and sit out the storm. The power was out, so I found a couple of candles and we sat huddled by them, warming ourselves on the small, romantic flames. I was hungry, but the only thing in the fridge was some caviar, so I served that. Well, we got to talking and discovered we had *so* much in common. Before we knew it, we'd missed the last bus home, so there was nothing to do but stay together for the night.

The power eventually came back on and I put on some music, then looked back across the table. And that was when I knew it was finally going to happen. Tonight would be *the* night. We both knew, really, and we didn't need to say a word. We moved into the bedroom and god, it was fantastic, better than I'd ever dreamed. We fell asleep like that, in each other's arms.

In the morning I woke up alone. I struggled out of bed, only to go into the kitchen to discover that breakfast was just about to be served! Gosh, but this made me feel like the most wonderful person in the world. I'd never said it before, but it came easily now, so I leaned over and whispered those special words, "I think I love you, Kamelion!".

18 Oct 1997
Mark Bousquet
I have the Ormazoids book

coreY
"Ormazoids"???
So, when the Ormazoids capture the Doctor, do they have lots of arguments between themselves over whether to torture him or cover him in chocolate sauce?

Tue, 21 Oct 1997
The Doctor
Given that I thought I goof setting up INN 1.7, I thought I WOULD warn you.

Rob Stradling
Although friends unable rotate pork, now Peter moves under profile and never makes other wire petty with Colchester. Normal, we ever think potato when effect is French, or great dolphin is out of umbrella.
This is a fun game - your move.

>hr>

21 Oct 1997
The Doctor
Quote out of context; the OLDEST trick in te book!

Rogi Delgadomeyer (Spigi)
You see Mr Yadalle the whole point is- Jon Blum! what a very timely- *Confuses Yadallee and smacks him across the room* You're wrong, Mr Yadallee. THAT is the oldest trick in the book!

The Doctor
Time monster.

Wed, 22 Oct 1997 William December Starr (1) What does the verb "diffuse" mean? Alden Bates The same thing as "sandwich" William December Starr (2) Does its use in this context make any sense? Alden Bates Yes, but only on alternate Tuesdays. William December Starr (3) What word do you think John Long thought he was using when he said "diffusing?" Alden Bates "Drowning helplessly in a small bowl of tulips" William December Starr (4) What does _that_ word mean? Alden Bates Anything and everything. William December Starr (5) Does _its_use in this context make any sense? Alden Bates Yes, but not as much sense as "wargh!" William December Starr (6) What does the adjective "hypocritical" mean? Alden Bates "Intravenous injection of plutonium leading to meltdown." William December Starr (7) Consider the article by "The Doctor" to which Azaxyr made the "Canadian beaver" response that offended Ms. Schirf. List all of the hypocritical statements in that article. (Hint: This is a trick question.) Alden Bates The USA to DISSOLVE. This would imply that the USA is soluble in a small glass of water. Having conducted numerous tests, I have discovered that this is not the case. Canada, however, dissolves if you warm the water slightly. William December Starr (8) [Extra Credit] Predict how John Long will react to this post. Alden Bates He will politely explain that he was referring to Yaddy's first post regarding taking the religious war to another thread. Of course, this wasn't what was offensive, but rather the statement: William December Starr Oh go shove a Canadian beaver up your ass you sorry excuse for a pile of mule shit. Alden Bates To which the obvious response is: Gladly, you spooty-faced badger, just as soon as you take a common- or-garden mountain Yak and insert it sphinctally. And that's the polite version. (I'm *bored*. Bored, bored bored.)

rec.arts.drwho
24 Oct 1997
Attribution lost:
Unless, of course, you run with the theory that many homophobes are latent homosexuals themselves, in which case things seem to work out rather interestingly!

Peter Wilton
Touché.

Dave Stone
Lamé, actually.

Erin Sat, 1 Nov 1997 God curse ye mean exterminators Back to Skaro go Or else the Doctor will return and into pieces blow Your evil empire and destroy you For he is your foe O-ooh tiding of Nation and Peel Nation and Peel O-oh tidings of Nation and Peel. #! rnews 1704 Path: news.demon.co.uk!demon!dispose.news.demon.net!demon!news.idt.net!netnews.com!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!Sprint!worldnet.att.net!newsadm From: "Michael S. Tumilty" Newsgroups: rec.arts.drwho Subject: HUMOUR: Top 10 signs you're marrying a Whovian Date: Sun, 9 Nov 1997 14:51:16 -0600 Organization: AT&T WorldNet Services Message-ID: <6457no$qva@mtinsc05.worldnet.att.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: 153.36.166.21 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.71.1712.3 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.71.1712.3 Lines: 38 Xref: news.demon.co.uk rec.arts.drwho:222811 With all the lovey-dovey stuff going on here, I thought this would be as good a time as any to trot out this list. Top 10 signs you're marrying a Whovian 10. Your bride-to-be affectionately calls you a sonic shrewdriver 9. The groom is decked out in frills and a crushed velvet frock coat 8. The guests throw jelly babies instead of rice 7. Your wedding rings are engraved with this 'really freaky 8' 6. When you say that you'd give her your heart, she wants to know what happened to the other one 5. A whole section of the pre-marital contract is devoted to who gets custody of the Dapol figures in case of divorce 4. The ceremony is carried out in front of a wobbling cardboard altar 3. The gift registry is done through the Who Shop 2. Instead of a wedding march, a slowed down version of the Doctor Who theme is played And the #1 sign you're marrying a Whovian is: 1. The entire wedding budget consists of 5 pounds and a half-brick.