Quotes from rec.arts.drwho, alt.drwho.creative and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho

I'm going to be a pest on this one. We've got even more Who groups now, and due to the adc archive and such things, I now have even less time, and I can't read everything. So I would appreciate it if when you see something that you think belongs in the quotefile that you mail it to me, preferably the complete thing, with headers, an exported file if your newsreader does it would be lovely. The address is random@panatropic.net.

The June/July Quotefile

rec.arts.drwho
18 Jun 1997
coreY

That sounds like a cue for a repost from a couple of years ago... :)
THE SWEDISH CHEF MAKES DALEK STEW...

"Oond der stew, we make it the dalek. Int der stew, the mutant-mutant."
(Holds up Kaled mutant; it's tentacles keep trying to get a hold of him)
"Ner we dalek int der stew!" (shoves mutant into the bowl; the Dalek grabs his head with its tentacles)
"Oooo! Der mutant int der stew go der exterminate-exterminate! Oooo! Oooo!"
(Dalek pulls Chef's face int der stew) "Glub! Oooo! Glub!"
(Chef grabs knife; stabs int der stew) "Exterminatey-exterminatey!"
(and so on, and so on...)

27 Jun 1997
Jonathan Blum
If you can find a way in which having things not happen can be more interesting than having things happen, I'll be quite impressed. :-)

Robert Smith?
Well, I don't know about that, but I was watching the latest Doctor Who telemovie last night and I must say that they really struck lucky with the ninth movie.

Paul McGann was as brilliant as ever and Daphne Ashbrook played Grace to perfection. I think they're going to get my vote for the best ever Doctor-Companion team in the entire unbroken 35 year run!

But that was nothing compared to the cameos by former Doctors. Pat Troughton is showing his age a bit, but continues to prove that he really *did* earn the title of World's Best Actor in 1994. And him taking a pay cut to appear in the movie was almost certainly the impetus for the highest ratings *ever*. I'm not sure we can ever beat 14 billion...

I must say, though, the scene where he grabbed the water gun from Paul McGann had me in stitches. Turning to confront the henchman of the villian (who himself was armed with a water gun), I was on the floor laughing when it was revealed that they'd cast Jon Pertwee as the henchman (an uncredited role, to be sure, but I think it's great the FOX/BBC execs are letting Sraczynski make these concessions to the fans).

It's a shame Peter Davison couldn't appear, but I understand he was preparing for his role as the new James Bond. I think that may even persuade me to go out and watch that one!

Tue, 24 Jun 1997
Elsa Frohman
I'm more worried about what happened to the extra mass when Colin Baker regenerated into Sylvester McCoy. A sun must have gone nova somewhere, to balance out the energy equation.

Alex
I just thought he was extremly dense for a while.

Eva W Jacobus
Let's just *bonk* hit *bonk* the audience *bonk* on the *bonk* head *bonk* with just one more *bonk* run-through *bonk* of impossibly trivial *bonk* facts that are *bonk* utterly and *bonk* completely *bonk* unimportant *bonk* to a semblance of *bonk* plot *bonk* or character *bonk* or anything that *bonk* results in any sort of *bonk* quality.

Robert Smith? Minister for Amusing Cross-Cultural Misinterpretations
Ah, the whole trouble with Americanised Doctor Who summed up in one simple paragraph. Too much bonking.

rec.arts.drwho
15 Jun 1997
Nick Caldwell
On a slight tangent, how about the Sgloomi for the best 'Don't mention the Daleks, I did once, but I think I got away with it' scene in a NA?

Steve.Leahy
Or even the Sgloomi for the "Most Gratuitous Appearance by an Earth Reptile"?

rec.arts.drwho
20 Jun 1997
Jim Sangster
He did, and Paul McGann rejected it. Segal didn't let up though and despite his agent, Janet Fielding, advising him not to take it, McGann instead listened to his mate Sylv and finally relented.

Paul Shields
Fantastic advice - he does about three weeks work and gets paid a shitload. And the role leads to new roles in erm, and, er...

Jon Blum
In "Downtime" (no, not the fan video, the upcoming TV film) and "One Golden Afternoon" (or whatever that theatrical movie with Peter O'Toole is called now). And Sylv's done "Beyond Fear", a breakthrough "serious" role, and whatever it was he was shooting in Hollywood last year which hasn't come out yet. Yee Jee's all over Canadian TV these days, Eric Roberts is getting his best roles in years... I'd say the Doctor Who film's done pretty well by its cast, actually. :-)

rec.arts.drwho
Tue, 24 Jun 1997
Alden Bates
[small voice] Please sir, I'd like to know what the Royal Mail have done with my copy of DWM #252.

Keith Topping
They're not giving it to you. Coz they don't like you. Coz you're a FOREIGNER. And you smell...

Alden Bates
Oh, OK, just asking.

rec.arts.drwho
24 Jul 1997

Robert Smith?
In response to a rather worrying post from someone trying to track down a woman:

Dear Readers:

I would like to talk to you about something that has been bothering me. During [season removed for reasons of national security], I went on vacation to UNIT HQ in Britian. I went on some undercover missions. I went on the mission to Auderly House. While I was on this mission, I saw a man standing at the front of the house with some soldiers.

I could not decide whether or not to ask him if I could travel through time and space with him. After 20 minutes, I decided not to. I now severely regret it.

He is about 750 years of age.
Caucasion, wore a cape.
about 6'1 or 6'2
hair was mostly white, with a young-old face
He was with a military-looking man with a moustache
He was fighting some nameless terrors that looked a bit like apes
And some pepperpots with egg whisks and sink plungers

I had a golden opportunity to travel with this man but I let it slip away like an idiot. This man could be anywhere in the universe. I have a feeling that he lives in a large blue box. I don't know how this man would have responded. It is not knowing the real truth that is bothering me.

If you have friends or mortal enemies who were at Auderly House in [date deleted for security reasons] please ask them if they were killed by a man using a sonic device and his wits or an implausible paradox.

FTL Transmitters, Holographic communicators and members of the Pharos Project owning that handy all-purpose universe-sized broadcaster should feel free to jab incompetently at large buttons in order to broadcast and publish this letter. I want to get this out across the universe.

I am upset at myself for not rushing into this man's blue box and pressing a lot of switches at random when I had the chance. Please tell your leather-clad primitive friends about this. Feel free to copy and distribute.

If you think you have a lead or you know of someone in your remote part of the universe who neverless possesses an unlikely georgian accent and the acting skills of a coffin who can help, please contact me.

Thanks for dropping by.
Send any info to:

Would-be Companion
P.O. Box 953
The Glasshouse, UK C-19

or email

looney@house.glass.com.uk

Thu, 24 Jul 1997
Richard Prekodravac
McCoy ---> Flames

Marcus E. Durham
It's called the radw limitation effect. Did you know that every time somebody miss-spells Peter Davisons name a car breaks down in China?

23 Jul 1997
Jon Blum
So last night Kate and I were watching the classic X-Files episode "Humbug", with the collection of circus sideshow folks getting offed by something *really* odd. And in that episode we'd already spotted the likes of Michael J. Anderson (the dwarf from Twim Peaks) and Vincent Schiavelli (a wide variety of madmen, including the pissed-off spirit on the subway platforms in "Ghost").

And then the end credits came up, and we found out that "Hepcat" Helm, the scruffy just-post-Gen-X sculptor building his own fun-house, was played by none other than...

Gordon Tipple.

Good heavens. I'm never going to be able to look at the Master in the opening scene of the telemovie the same way again.

Mon, 21 Jul 1997
Gothopera
Which NA/MA title best describes your sex life?

Nick Caldwell
_Falls the Trousers_

Actually, given my current luck -

_Speed of Flight_

Graham Nealon
Sat, 19 Jul 1997
Just had a quick trip in my TARDIS and picked up a copy of "Hello" magazine from late January 1998. It contained the following article.

"The Great Wedding of January 1998"

Last weekend saw the joining of Ms K. Orman and Mr J. Blum in matrimony at a lavish ceremony. The families of the bride and groom were present along with a disconcerting assortment of characters who all claimed they were from 'RADW'. This is believed to be a small town somewhere in Ireland.

The bride looked stunning in a white dress and elicited gasps of admiration when she stepped out of her carriage - a large blue box that seemed to appear out of nowhere. The groom wore a battered suit with a paisly waistcoat topped off with a white fedora. The atmosphere was joyful, typified by a Mr K. Topping who kissed anyone heard to utter the words "devil", "goblins", and "wonderful" in the same sentence.
The ceremony, a Jewish-Wiccan mixture, was truly delightful The only concern happened when the question "does anyone know of any cause why these two should not be joined?" was asked. A Mr T. Prime, formerly known as Mr J. Plotz, was heard to utter "because Blum is a wa" before being sharply cut off. After interviewing Mr Prime at his hospital bed police captain Lytton announced they were dropping the search for his assailants as all the guests at the ceremony "were looking the other way at the time".

At the reception a large six-sided table was needed to hold the wedding gifts which comprised almost exclusively of bottles of chocolate sauce. An exception to this was a copy of "The Joy of Sex" which was presented, along with a compendium of erotic fiction, by a Mr A. Hart. A piece of artwork was presented by a Mr J. Long but this caused much consternation and was deemed 'inappropriate' for such a gathering.

The catering was performed by a Mr D. Becker who, unlike the vast majority of guests, appeared not to enjoy the day. His entire menu, bizarrely, consisted of sour grapes. A doctor at the gathering, one of eight present, suggested he may be suffering from a vitamin deficiency and that a change in diet involving the intake of humble pie would be beneficial.

Entertainment was provided by Mr Azaxyr, a stand-up comedian. His routine was generally accepted although certain jokes relating to events of the 1940s did cause some unrest in the audience.

A slight moment of concern was generated when the person who created the place cards was accosted by a woman who appeared to shout "there is only one 'd' in 'Davison". A Ms E. Frohman is currently helping police with their enquiries

At the going away ceremony the garter was caught by a Mr P. Shields who described himself as a "bitter bachelor". The scramble for the bouquet was won by a Ms B. Summerfield who said she hoped it would bring her luck for next time around. The happy bride and groom left hand-in-hand along with a gentleman who was heard promising them "a quick trip around the universe and then home in time for tea".

After the reception a Mr J. Peel announced that he was setting up a solicitor's practice. He told 'Hello' that "in the unfortunate case of a divorce being required we can make it seem as though the marriage never happened".

Sat, 19 Jul 1997
Jonathan Blum
The world's first pink-and-fluffy action hero. :-)

Sean Gaffney
I'd like to be the first to nominate this as the Eigth Doctor's motto.

provided he doesn't become the Energizer bunny...

27 Jun 1997
Chris Casino
It doesn't bother me, though, because I think they're all quite different from each other. No matter what one Doctor does, depending on how the next Doctor is, he may decide to kiss a girl, I'm just saying I never thought he would kiss a woman.

R. Dan Henry
You were expecting him to kiss a dog? A man? A Sontaran warrior?

Robert Smith?
Well, I for one was expecting him to kiss the past.

I know, because Phil Segal told us so.

Sat, 26 Jul 1997
Keith Topping
I should declare an interest here and point out that I'm writing for the next issue of Cult Tv... But, don't *that* put you off buying it...

Dave Stone
Could you just include a line like "Dave Stone is an utter, utter, unsung genius and people should give him lots of money straight away"
Keith Topping
If the opportunity in the middle of a Blake's 7 article appears then, like, sure... why not?!

Sat, 26 Jul 1997
Peter Anghelides
I think he only snogged her, and that there was no hanky panky. Or am I getting confused about this? (Hello libel lawyers, this is satire.)

Keith Topping
Unlike the Daily Mail piece which, I understand from yesterdays Independant, had five libel writs issued against it before lunchtime!

28 Jul 1997
R. Dan Henry
For a wizardly equivalent to the Doctor, one should look to Gandalf, not Merlin.

Kate Orman
Ace: Doctor, are you really Gandalf?
Doctor: No, Ace. He's copyright.

:-)

26 Jul 1997
Tyler Dion
Food for thought: Would DW be as popular if the TARDIS dematerialised with a shimmery, Trekky kind of sound?

Peter Wilton
If it had, I'd have given up on Who - definitely!

Kate Orman
Just got back from an alternative universe, in which the TARDIS always dematerialised with a shimmery sound, and I saw this exchange in r.a.dw:

Food for thought: Would DW be as popular if the TARDIS dematerialised with a wheezing, groaning kind of sound?

If it had, I'd have given up on Who - definitely!

:-)

Fri, 25 Jul 1997
Jason Molin
At least one of us agrees that this place just doesn't have that fun side anymore.

Dave Stone
In the interest of replacing the fun on this newsgroup, may I just say:
purple furry wombat.

alt.startrek.vs.dr-who
Fri, 18 Jul 1997
David S. Rubin
I happen to thing that Star Trek is the best show ever made. The only way they could make it better, is if the ship could travel in time and assume the image of it's surroundings. And maybe add some robots that run around and yell "exterminate!" And if the captain could "metamorphosize" into someone else whenever s/he's been fatally injured. And some cool crew members who shout "ACE!" and throw deordorant cans that explode.

alt.startrek.vs.dr-who
Sun, 20 Jul 97
Dan Newcombe
Part of the problem that I've always had with Trek is it tries to be too damn preachy. One thing that really comes to mind was the old episode with the people with the half-black/half-white faces. Sure - Who usually had some sort of message, but it wasn't shoved down your throat.

Jason
Sometimes it was more obvious than others ("Sun Makers" is the first example that springs to mind) but mostly it sneaks the moral in when you're not looking and legs it off the set before anyone notices. 'Who has always needed a bit more thought, it's *possible* to just watch the action and see Daleks get smacked about the eyestalk with a baseball bat, but there's a lot more going on in the background to notice as well (some of which is taken in subconciously by the "zap-bang" viewers).

Tue, 29 Jul 1997
Dave Stone
However, I still feel the point about Benny's character to be valid. The idea that this rounded, multivalent, sophisticated character - the depth of who is such that she's almost *real* in the mind - can be reduced to a cipher who says "crikey" and never says "arse", is and was, in my opinion, completely and utterly wrong.

Rob Stradling
"Look out Benny!" cried Peter, "Uncle Quentin's got a big stick!"
"Oh Crikey!" said Benny.
"Nuzzink inze vurruld canzdop menow!" screamed Quentin, bearing down on the two pals with an evil grin.
"I'm sorry," Benny squeaked, "but my editors have not seen fit to furnish me with the necessary expletive vocabulary to articulate my emotional response to this situation. Would you care for some more tea?"
"Oh, what a nice idea!" said Quentin, taking a seat. "You know, I always said, there's no problem in all the world that can't be solved by a nice cup of tea."
"On lump or two?" Benny asked sweetly.
"Two, please, dear niece."
"Sugar?"
"Ha ha! That's a clever one, Benny dear!" Quentin accepted his cup, and sipped the tea. "In fact, this reminds me of that spiffing adventure you had back in -"
Quentin's nose slit apart as his head pitched forward onto the tablecloth, drenching Peter and Benny in a sticky, crimson shower.
"Ha! Eat ARSEnic, ARSEhole!" Benny roared in triumph. "I can't ARSEing believe you fell for that! What a total ARSE!"
"Right on!" Peter joined in. "This narrative is now in the hands of Aggreived Readers for Semantic Explicitness! And if anyone doesn't like it, they can just Cruk Off!"
There was an awkward pause.
"They can what?" asked Benny.
"Cruk Off!" Peter looked confused, and attempted to force his lips into a different shape. "CRuk Off! CRUK! CR-UK! CRUK! CrrrrUK!" he was obviously in some distress. He paused for breath, and shouted "FCr-uk!". He looked at her sheepishly.
"Oh Arse!" said Benny, "Still, I suppose it's a start..."

Thu, 31 Jul 1997
Dave Stone
or treating us like Targets.

Straylen
What you mean, we all want the full set of 150 or so, have to spend hours at jumble sales looking for you, and when you've had your use (usually about an hour) you just sit on a book shelf?

Dave Stone
And, of course, with a particularly large number of Dicks.

Wed, 30 Jul 1997
Elaine M. Brown
The entire history of my sex life as NA titles, in stages.

First Frontier
Head Games
Bad Therapy
Transit
All-Consuming Fire
So Vile a Sin
Damaged Goods
Happy Endings
Eternity Weeps
The Dying Days
No Future

... which I find rather sad, as I'm only 25 :)

Chris Sweitzer
Well, don't give up hope. I'm sure your very own "GodEngine" is out there somewhere. :) .