a thought on lying

(to yourself)

As you have read by now - I am an optimist. But the first thing people tell me that I am living in a "bubble" - I am not really happy, but I create this fake world. They say that I am not being realistic. In addition they try to beat me down by saying that the world is an unhappy place, and being realistic is being pessimistic.

That kind of talk disgusts me. I hope people would hear me out and stop being stubborn. Life is what we think it is. Let's not speak of after life ... assume it doesn't exist. Untill then, you have (if you are a teen) about 50 more years of life, that is 4 times more than you have lived (I'm not doing any arythmetic here - just babbling on random numbers that seem to make sence)... Back to the point - you are going to live your life, working - having a good job, or a bad job, having good friends, or bad ... whatever it is, you can choose the "dark side" and the "light side". Pessimism, is dark, you will live for 50 more years being upset about things. Not being satisfied with whatever comes your way.

The very good alternative though is optimism. Enjoying what you have (though this expression is worn out, all can agree that it is precious and correct) is better than getting what you want...

Think about it, suppose you thought of how cool it would be to have a sword so thin it would slice bamboo without any problems. So, you quickly aquire it, you quickly buy thick bamboo, have gardeners plant it near your mansion - and you go out for a walk and slice that bamboo with your new shiny sword. You will get bored quickly, you have had no time between having the dream, hoping for it to come true, and actually getting it.*

This short story hopefully proved to you something I can't quite find the word for now. Whatever it is - doesn't matter ... back to my topic:

Optimistic view is awesome. You enjoy what you have and you live the 50 years or so in joy.

And here is how I lie to myself: start off with a simple argument:

do you LOVE someone or do you THINK you love somone? essentially - they are the same EXACT thing. Your mind thinks - and therefore it is (I hope this crap made sence)

Your life could always be worse. If you live in USA and you are complaining, beat yourself senceless - or ask me, I will love to do that to a pessimist**. United States is the greatest country***. So, where does the lying to yourself come from?

easy - suppose you know of this GREAT country in the world (USA) but you live in a rather low income family in Russia. You could consider it a hell-hole and live miserably, especially that you know of USA, or you could just say this to yourself: "I could DEFINITELY be worse, suppose my parents would beat me every night - now THAT would be bad"

now you made yourself feel better. It's a first step. Also, assume your childhood was bad, now you have things, but to this day you rue the days you could have killed yourself to escape the agony of your "horrible" childhood. Now that you are older, you can't change anything, just continue enjoying life. What if you had a good life before, and now have a bad life? Answer is simpler yet - simply remember back into the good times and think - ah yes, I loved that time, sometime soon it will happen again (this is where you could lie to yourself) ... Lying to yourself is easy. You consciencely know the truth, but you hope for the better, and you tell yourself - that things WILL get better. Now you have hope****

=now I have written so much I lost my place=

Lying to yourself does not mean blindly telling yourself to believe in something. First off - you do it with a purpose, and you do a "reality check" all the time, so you do not get delusional about what is and what is not.

Example: I told myself numerous times that there is a good chance that the girl (that I KNOW doesn't really like me like THAT) could be playing some sick "hard to get" game and actually likes me. Surely that lie did not last longer than 2 weeks, but for those two weeks I have been very happy. This lie did not blind me, it just gave me HOPE****



* btw - I actually want to have a samurai sword with which I wish to go out in my back yard, throw green apples up, and slice them in half while they are in the air. The apples MUST be green, because that's the way I like it.

**(another happy note) I am a non-violent person and do not punch people. I do enjoy being punched by little kids because it's the most amusing thing ever - they simply can't hurt you. I say - make love, not war

***USA is an amazing country with the most freedom and opportunity, and if you feel otherwise, talk to any history teacher, and you'll find out the facts. In an unrelated reading: read my thoughts on nationalism here

****read my yet longer passage on hope here



June 1, 2002

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