a thought on soul mates

(continuation of love)

I do not - in any way - believe that there is just one person out there. Simple mathematical calculations prove it wrong! I believe there are so many people in your life that you meet, that are so right for you, in countless ways, but of course there are boundaries to your "wide" selection. Unfortunately - out of those "eligible" "soul mates" very few will love you. And of course - blah blah blah ... you know exactly what I mean. If not - e-mail me, and I'll put up some more bull spit

... now - back to the LOVE ...

There are friends (you have to admit it) that you wish you could like a lot more than friends, but you simply can't because of their physical appearance. And the opposite of that, you might like someone so much, though you certainly wouldn't if he/she was not as attractive.

I blame "mother" nature for all these catastrophic problems some people have. And when you realize that [fact, or a lie that I made up - whatever the hell that is] you can live your life easier (or at least I do)

(if this passage is a bit too rambling for you - SUCK IT)

so, this thing about "nature" that I have, I assume that DNA is what causes these things. For instance - I have liked girls that few of my friends were somewhat repulsed by. It is ridiculous how much opinions could vary. My brother finds some of the Hollywood's most beautiful actresses repugnant. Whatever the deal is, we live the life, and we gotta deal with it.

In any case, wether you like the person mainly because of the physical features he/she has or the wonderfull personality, it doesn't matter - at the end, you simply enjoy spending time together. Sure it might sound pathetic, but I would rather spend a time in silence with a girl that I am in love with, rather than talking on some interesting subject with some of my friends (obviously there are limits to the situation - such as place / time / what friend etc).

... just to conclude all this nonintellectual nonsence - I would like to invite you to e-mail me and tell me just how crazy of a bastard I am.

yboris@yahoo.com

Love is good - I enjoy being swept off my feet by the overwhelming feeling of love. I don't care if the girl doesn't like me at the end - the beginning - or ever, for the minute/hour/day/week/month/year (however long it lasts) - I will enjoy that time greatly. I will dance through my day my tippy toes* and float with my eyes slighly above horizon and looking a bit to my right, slightly under the half-closed eye-lids.

This whimsical view on love is met with the pessimistic problem: what happens when he/she doesn't love you back. Well - to answer that question - it's simple, read this passage: you might understand:

One of my friends told me that when you meet a guy (in her case) that you like, you simply expect nothing to happen, no spark, no nothing. And if nothing happens - you are not at all disappointed. And if he likes you back, then "oh joy and rapture".

I told her my view of "expecting a lot" (and yet at the same time being realistic and realizing that it's not the truth**) and so because of that - you have an awesome day, and every time you meet that person, and no matter what happens, you are so full of hope - it keeps you happy for week-lengths at a time.

She (the girl with that other approach) told me that if I expect so much and nothing happens, I would be depressed. Most certainly she doesn't know me well enough**. I am such an optimist, I will simply accept that that is the case, and that it couldn't have been any other way, and I will think back on the whatever period I had hope for with a smile and say "oh, what good times I had" and move on. I will find another person***. (hopefully you read the footnote) So I will find somone else to like. And if there is no one - I will contine loving the person I loved, even though I know nothing can ever happen.

this is life, you have to deal with it - you simply can not be a pessimist - in that case you will make your life miserable, you will suffer through the years, and memmories of the past will be like wounds, and the look at the future would be a dark cloud of fire. In other words, I am exaggerating the pessimistic lifestyle to make my point that optimism is the best. Now - if you have read this far into my latenight writing session - please do read some more about lying to yourself

*I hope you understand that this is a reference to some WB cartoons, and not an actual physical thing I am doing

**by now you hopefully understand my approach of lying to myself to make myself feel better ... read about lying to yourself here

***I am not too good with forgetting girls that I like. The girl that I began to like in 9th grade - I liked up to 12th. Of course she didn't like me back, but she knew that I "liked" her and we were semi-friends, which kept me mostly happy. I would like to note though that I was very very depressed for lengthy periods of times from 9th to 11th grade (mostly because I did not have such a firm optimistic view on life as I do now, and you know how it is - with young teenagers - and the problems - etc)



June 1, 2002

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