Kahless: Neq'Neh! We have received word that an Imperial Fleet is heading for an Earth Colony. The colony has some heavy defenses due to its strategic usefulness so we should be in for quite a battle!

Z: Yeah, yet another step in the Empire's conquest of the universe.

Kahless slices Z in half with the bat'leth right then and there.

Thunderbolt: *stares, dumbfounded--if he was human his jaw would be dropped*

Kahless: What are you gawking at? Get back to work.

Thunderbolt: YES SIR!!

A sort of flash encircles the whole area and Z rematerializes back in one piece.

Z: Kahless! You know I HATE having to do that!!!!

Kahless: Ah, be quiet. The Imperial Fleet is less than 3 minutes away.

Thunderbolt: Aww, How am I gonna go that long with out fighting?

Kahless: I don't know about you but I'm getting some coffee.

Z: Oh, wait! I'll get it!! *runs off*

Kahless:…why is he being helpful?

Z fixes the coffee, and pulls out a small vile. He says nastily "so, Kahless is everyone's favorite comentator eh? Well, I'll fix that!" He very, very carefully drips a little into the cup.

Kahless: *meets Z halfway* Hey Z, thanks for not running out with the coffee machine on us.

Z: *glare* ….sure thing Kahless…

*Kahless takes the coffee, and just as he's about to drink it he trips and the coffee spills, and begins to dissolve a computer console and the lower deck*

Kahless: *whistles* Whoah, that's some damn strong coffee!!

Z: *hitting head on wall* damn, damn, damn…

Thunderbolt: …..*stares in minor disbelief*

Kahless: Well, on to the battle. The defense grid is online and Omegas have been positioned all around the planet. The Empire is attacking on two sides, each fleet seems to be the same size, so it seems likely that….

ISDs: WHOOSH!!! BAM!! BOOM!!!

Omegas: Oh yeah? BAM!! BOOM!!! Right back at ya!

Z: And the Empire certainly wastes no time.

Thunderbolt: You can say that again!

Kahless: They've begun a vicious assault from both sides simultaneously.

Z: And the Empire certainly wastes no time

Kahless: I don't think Thunderbolt meant that literally.

Z: So?

Thunderbolt: Yeah! So?

Kahless: Oh, nevermind. The Empire charges right past the Omegas, hitting them with a few blasts but otherwise heading straight for the planet!

Defense Grid: BAZZZZT--CLINK!!! FOOM!!! BAM!!! BLAM!!!

Z: The auto-defenses are doing a good job.

Kahless: They kicked in just in time as the Imperial ships were just about to start a ground assault from the get-go. The Omegas now swing around firing down upon the backing up ISDs.

Thrawn: Good, tell all ships to turn perpendicular to the defense grid fire and hold position.

Imperial Officer: Uhhh….are you sure that's a good idea?

Thrawn: *glares* Officer…

Imperial Officer: Uh…yes sir?

Thrawn: Who is the strategic super-genius in this room?

Imperial Officer: *hangs head* You sir, sorry sir…

Thrawn: Good to know we have that established, go carry out my orders.

Kahless: The ISDs have aligned themselves to take all the Earth Force firepower on their sides. Well, it makes them very large targets for both the Omegas and the defense grid.

Z: True, but it gives them a clear shot of both enemies and neither can get a good chance to shoot down those big thrusters in the ISD's rears.

Thunderbolt and Kahless: *Both stare* …..Z? Is that you?!?

Z: rrrrr….damn bastard writer's been portraying me as the universe's biggest moron for far too long

Thunderbolt: The Omegas are launching Star Furies! Mind if I go out and blow the crap out of some TIEs with 'em? THANKS!! *zips off*

Kahless: Hey, I just noticed something.

Z: What? That you made a mistake in hiring a Star Fury?

Kahless: No, the ISDs haven't let out their TIE fighters, they're doing all the fighting themselves.

Z: Doesn't seem a good idea, the Star Furies have decided to take up strafing class on them.

Kahless: The ISDs continue to hold position, firing at the Star Fury squadrons, Omega Destroyers and Defense Grid. It seems like they have the guns to go around, they seem to be holding their own.

Z: Still haven't hit and Furies though, heck, the furies hardly even need to dodge! Looks like the Empire still hasn't completed creating "Aiming 101."

Kahless: True………

Z: ….same-o, same-o. no new action….

Kahless: Yeah, I'll be right back. *gets up* Commentate while I'm gone!

Z: The Empire continues to hold its position, being bombarded on all sides….he's gone! Heeheehee!!

Z runs off and starts busily messing around, apparently making some kind of booby-trap in the floor as he cuts away the deck panel and creates a hole full of large spikes. He sees Kahless coming back and hurries back to the observation window.

Z: And it continues, just as I described it before…

Kahless: Hey! Z! *Z pulls something out and pushes a button* What….AAARRRGG!!!

Kahless falls down the hole, almost to his doom upon the spikes, but his forehead ridges catch on the edge. Just then a console explodes and sends a big gush of electricity and plasma flying just over Kahless.

Kahless: *pulls himself up* Z! You saved me!!

Z: Fraggin', naggin', slaggin', freakin'….*thumps head on wall*

Kahless: Wait a minute, what's this? The ISDs are moving…and coming into formation…

Z: *looks up from wall* The "Flying V"?? Ok, they're nuts, it's been proven.

Kahless: You are not one to talk Z. Anyway, it's given them special teams, one to battle the defense grid and one to battle the Omegas.

Z: Hey, look! They also caught the Star Furies in between them!

Kahless: Quick! Get a close up!

The camera zooms towards the Star Furies who are trying to run out of the "V" as quickly as possible. ISDs on both side open up with a nasty volley of light turbo laser fire. The Star Furies are almost enveloped entirely by the fire, only a few surviving the initial volley and dodging out of the way. They duck and weave, only to be caught by the massive insane blitz firing. A few star furies fly out of the chaos and run like bats out of hell for the Omegas. The ISDs start firing after them, only getting two that got out of the death trap. The Star Furies pull back in, having suffered about 90% casualties.

Kahless:…Whoa, in one maneuver the Empire has just quadrupled their star fury kill count!!

Z: Yeah, but they just pounded the crap out of their own ships to do it.

Kahless: Hey, you're right! Let's laugh at the moron Imperials!

All commentators: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Thunderbolt: Hey, wait a minute, I'm still out here!

Thunderbolt gets knocked around by a lucky turbo laser.

Thunderbolt: GRRRR!!! *goes all out with every weapon added on him*

Kahless: Well, T-bolt seems to be holding his own against a ISD. Scrappy little dude.

Z: He better be, he's using my weapons, and my design! And my personal blaster!!!!

Thunderbolt is seen being tossed back thirty feet every time he fires an over-sized cannon mounted on his nose cone.

Kahless: The ISDs continue to fight in that trapped position, looks like the shields are faltering.

An Omega weapon tears into the bridge of an ISD, blowing up both shield generators and cutting into the hull.

Z: I believe that was an understatement.

Kahless: You bet! The Imperial Fleet has lost its shields and is taking hull damage! Most are taking it far, far better than that first one though.

Z: Don't forget, B5 ships have no shields in the first place.

Kahless: I hate to admit it, but Z's right. There are a lot of heavily damaged Omegas and they've lost two, while even the first SD to lose its shields is still fighting.

BIG-ASS-BOOM!!!!

Z: Not anymore. And Thunderbolt's helped take that one down.

Kahless: The Defense grid smoked it good. 12 of those missiles, ouch.

Z: Uh, Kahless…look over there…

Kahless: *looks over* Well, that's not good.

3 Star Destroyers and a Super Star Destroyer fly over the moon and head for the B5 forces.

Kahless: Well, the forces of B5 have a little surprise for them actually, not to worry.

Z: Two defense grids and an Omega go down, in smoke….which still makes no sense….

Kahless: Multiple Omegas swing around to meet the SW forces heading their way, and they fire like mad! The Omegas are in berserker mode, letting loose with every weapon they have!

Z: Geez! The guns must be over-heating! They're firing like..like…like something that shoots a whole-lot-a-guns real fast!

Imperial Captain: So, they think they can stop us with their puny little Earth-type weapons?

Imperial Officer: Uhh….they just blew up your brother-in-law's Star Destroyer…

Imperial Captain: WHAT?!?! THAT'S IT!!! Open up a can on 'em!!

Imperial Officer: Aye, Aye Captain!!

Kahless: The Imperials are letting loose with their own berserk fire!!

Z: Both sides just pouring on the weapons! WHOO-HOO!!!

Kahless: What the? They ISDs are turning around, just as jumpgates open behind them! Four Minbari Sharlins fly out, and are greeting by heavy turbolaser and ion cannon fire!

Z: The Empire is letting out those TIEs now.

Kahless: Several wings of TIEs attack the Minbari hangar bays! Most of the blasts totally miss the Sharlin or do no visible damage, and the Sharlins are letting out their fighters! The TIEs dart off and the SSD is firing multiple volleys at the Sharlins, trying to hit their hangers before the fighters get out!

Z: And hitting with Imperial consistency. You do get that don't you? Consistent Imperial aim means not hitting at all, do you get the joke?

Thunderbolt: YES!!! NOW SHADDUP!!!

Kahless: The TIEs buzz over the Omegas, swarming them with laser fire. The damage is mounting up slowly but surely. The Omegas let out their remaining Star Furies to try and slow down the TIEs!

Z: My, my, the Minbari are on an impressive killing spree. Two ISDs and a lot of TIEs.

Kahless: Make that 3! Two of the Sharlins are heading for the planetary battle and the other two head for the SSD!

Z: The Star Furies aren't doing too well, the Minbari fighters are doing a little better, but it still looks bad.

Kahless: True enough, the B5 fighters are so outnumbered they're just weaving and dodging like crazy. The TIEs still aren't hitting with great accuracy, but the B5 fighters can't match them now. Dodge and weave, dodge and shoot. Dodge, dodge, blow up.

Z: Things are looking reeaaal ugly out there. Looks like Earth Alliance should run back and hide under the bed.

Kahless: Z…..LAST WARNING!!!

Z: *shrinks away* Yes sir….

Kahless: The Omegas and Sharlins are opening up everything they have on the SSD, but it's returning the favor!! One Omega goes down, and ouch! Crashes into the nose of the SSD! It keeps on coming, laying on the fire.

Z: And another Omega gets blown into itty-bitty-little pieces.

Kahless: Kamikaze! An Omega crashes into the SSD at full speed!! An honorable death, farewell brave soilders.

Z: Kahless, this is a HUMOR based site, you can't go around saying anything halfway emotional here!! So get back to the wisecracks!!!

Kahless: The two Minbari ships continue to lay into the SSD, they've battered the shields to near uselessness and have cut deep scars into the SSD.

Z: And a Minbari ship goes ba-da-boom from lucky turbolaser hits. The other one is quite maimed, but it's still fighting!

Kahless: A few TIEs crash into the back of the Sharlin. Doesn't look to have done any good for the Imperial cause, the Sharlin barely takes any damage. The Sharlin tears a few gaping holes into the SSD just before it explodes! The SSD has stopped advancing, it's too damaged to continue heavy fighting.

Z: The other two Sharlins have made quite a show over at the pair of "flying Vs" three SDs have gone down. WHAT?!?!?!

Kahless: Z, what is it?

Z: Uhhh…..the…the-the TIEs ARE WINNING!!!

Kahless: Oh my gosh, you're right!! Through sheer numbers they've eradicated most of the Minbari fighters!

Thunderbolt: *firing about 500 rounds a minute* Yeah, I'm really not getting the back up I need here!! *two TIE bombers get him in the "but"* OW!! That's it, I can't take any more damage.

The Empire establishes fighter superiority for the first time, and its massive wings of fighters carry out strafing runs on all the opposing B5 forces. One Sharlin goes down, a TIE crashing into its fighter bay and setting of a chain reaction.

Kahless: The SSD fires a few long range missiles, blowing up two defense grid platforms! The Alliance looks to be in real trouble, the defense grid is in shambles, and not one Omega is undamaged!

Z: Looks like its time to get going. The Empire's Star Destroyers are all heavily damaged, but they definitely outnumber the Omegas.

Kahless: Oddly enough, I agree with you, and so does the commander of the Earth ships! They're leaving via jumpgate.

The severely beaten Earth ships head into hyper space, along with the lone surviving Sharlin and the commentator's ship. The Empire has won for today.