One of the main reasons to read a comic book is to see the good guys win. Life, as we all know rarely had times when we clearly win, when we know everything is going to be all right, Comic books provide endings, usually happy ones the same way movies and tv shows do.
But in the last twenty or so years, as comics got more complex, those happy endings get more convoluted, more doubtful.
In short, they've gotten more real. Thankfully though, there's always a fall guy in comics. there's always someone to relieve the string of down endings life can deal out. This fall guy is, of course, the super villain.
The bad guy is there to make us feel better. To make us feel like we can win, too.
The bad guys are one of my favorite aspects of comic books. Sure if someone asks me who my favorite characters are I'll usually list heroes. But if someone asked me what characters I most enjoy reading about, I'd probably list several villians.
The thing that's so much fun about the bad guys is how stupid they act and how they are defeated.
When I sat down to figure out what I was going to do this month, I just knew it'd have to be something about the bad guys. But what aspect?

HIGH & MIGHTY

Stilt-man, one of Marvel's goofier bad guys, gets the upper hand in a battle against Spider-Man in Amazing Spider-Man 237. Spider-Man still gets in a few good cracks though thanks to Bill Mantlo's scripting. Art by Ron Frenz.

© Marvel Comics Group

The evil schemes? No.
The unstoppable tyrants? Nah.
The marauding aliens? To clich`e.
The psychotic killers? It's been done before.
How about the complete dunces? YES!
So with that in mind, I give you a look at all the different types of stupid supervillians and why they're so much fun...

The first type of baddie I'd like to look at the "Truly Clueless" villian. This guy is characterized by the fact that he honestly believes his powers and abilities can take him somewhere. Normally his main problem is that he has been saddled with extremely pointless abilities. These are the types of powers that you can't even impress your dog with.
It's these characters that immediately set the tone for the story ...

As they pan down from the three-story height of the man, they see something strange.
He's wearing hydraulic stilts.
The officers look at one another, then back to the man and they laugh.
And laugh.
And laugh.
And laugh.
"I'm Stilt-man!!! "the robber yells. "You can't laugh at me!"
But they still are.
"I beat Spider-man! I took down Daredevil! I've beaten the best!!"
The police's chuckles subside, but they have to wipe the tears from their faces. They've watched Galactus trample through their city, after all.
One sergeant takes charge. He tells the others to keep Stilt-man busy, while he goes to the back of his cruiser. There he grabs three bungee cords.
The Stilt-man, meanwhile, is getting angry, and even a little upset.
"I'm Stilt- man!, " he yells as he smashes in a police cruiser.
The Sarge, unnoticed by Stilt-man, walks up and begins wrapping the bunjee cord around one of Stilt-man's legs. He goes over to the other leg and does the same thing. Finally, he links the two together with the third.
Essentially, the Sarge ties Stilt-man's shoelaces together.
The villain continues his verbal abuse until the Sarge runs out in front of him.
"Hey, you dink! Why dontcha just give up and save us all some time?" the Sarge yells.
The Stilt-man lifts up one leg to squash the officer.
But something goes wrong.
Stilt-man shudders, some how he's being held back. It's too late though, he's losing his balance. His auto gyro-stabilizers kick in, but they're too late. He's falling.
And he does.
With a cement-shattering crash, he lands on the pavement.
The police leap on him. He fights them since his suit gives him enhanced strength. He even bats a few away. But there's just too many.
As he's being held, another officer armed only with a screwdriver jams it through the steel mesh that covers his power pack.
The suit shorts out and Stilt-man is done ... for tonight.

MISTY HAZE

Trump, a master card player turned super villain, gets one-upped not by a super hero, but by another super villain in Captain America No. 371. Art by Ron Lim, Dialogue by Mark Gruenwald.

© Marvel Comics Group

This never happened in the Marvel Universe, but it might've well had. Stilt-man like so many other villains has no where to go but down.
When you've fought mad men who can lift 85 tons, people who can control the very forces of nature and the minds of other people, a guy whose only gimmick is having hydraulic stilts poses little problem, even to the police.
These guys are a little bit delusional, they believe their powers and their intelligence can deliver them to a higher plane. But, to use a clich`e, their mouths are writing checks that their butts can't cash. The "Truly Clueless" villain has got some degree of smarts, as a matter of fact most of them are scientists, but they just haven't got anything to back it up. An interesting twist on this type of character would be if this type of villain continued to develop new technology and went from being, say a man with hydraulic stilts to a man who developed a disintegration ray and actually used it.
In the same vein is, Trump, a low-level villain who last showed up in Captain America. Trump seems to be a guy always ready to take on the big time, but his talents limit him to obscurity. In Captain America No. 371, he drops into a stage show that Steve Rogers is watching, probably with plans to rob the audience, but before his plan unfurls, he's stopped, and not by Captain America.
In fact, it's another super villain who doesn't want Rogers interrupted.
So, you ask, was there a fight? Nope, see Trump doesn't have much going for him. His entire arsenal is based on stage magic and card tricks. He fights with scarves. He battles with trick rings. He strikes with ribbons. Watch out for his trained pigeons. Then there's his rabbits. And his training is very intimidating. He's been taught in clowning college! His bridge skills are unmatched.
Trump, no matter what he believes, is not a dangerous man. He just thinks he is.
Still though, this is the type of villain can be fun to read about, because you kind of pity them. You hope their eventual downfall will be a gentle one, because they really aren't all that bad,

KING OF THE HILL

Absorbing Man, in a fit of insecurity, decides to absorb an entire island in Incredible Hulk No. 261.

© Marvel Comics Group

they're just misguided.

Next in line, and probably the exact opposite to the 'Truly Clueless" persona is the "Ego Brute." These are the type of characters who almost always are super humanly strong and use that as their major weapon. They rely very little on strategy or finesse, but merely on force of will.
This is a major point of the "Ego Brute." He knows he's the best and proving that he's on top is often more important than stealing the gold bullion, kidnaping the billionaire, or completing whatever mission he's been sent on. It's the "Ego Brute's" overconfidence, which is really a mask for his deep insecurity, that drives his character.
Take a look at Incredible Hulk No. 261, for example. This issue has the Absorbing Man in a self-imposed exile in the South Pacific on Easter Island. He's hiding from all the people that have hurt him through his life -- namely super heroes. The Hulk, traveling from another adventure, arrives on the island, and in exhaustion changes back into Bruce Banner without knowing who else is on the island.
The insanely paranoid Absorbing Man, who's suffering from amnesia, sees this and is terrified. The one thing he knows is "one of them" has arrived and he's going to do something about it. So, he picks up Banner and carries him back to camp, to keep a close eye on him. When Banner wakes up, Absorbing Man puts him through one of the most torturous and terrifying scenes I'd ever seen when I first read it.
Banner is in such a bad spot, in fact, he's afraid that turning into the Hulk would actually kill him. But despite his restraint, the stresses hit Banner and he turns into the monster. As you would expect, a titanic fight ensues.
Seeing the Hulk, the Absorbing Man is knocked out of his amnesiac stupor. His insecurities, which were at the forefront of his mind, are buried under his typical mask of bravado and aggression.
He, like most of this type of character, must prove his superiority and the only way he knows how is by violence. This violence and bragging is the main character trait of the "Ego Brute," if not the only one.
The Juggernaut is another example of this type of character. In just about every one of his appearances, he's done in by his own ego. He's usually goaded into making mistakes out of anger and that's his, and every other "Ego Brute's" main fallacy.
The one thing about "Ego Brutes" that separates him from the rest of the character types I'll talk about is that sometimes they actually succeed.

WEATHERING THE STORM

The Weather Wizard knows his place in the scheme of things in Flash Annual No.5. Art by Travis Charest and dialogue by Mark Waid.

© DC Comics

In fact, they are probably one of the most successful types of super villains.

As a side note, Incredible Hulk No. 261 was one of the first comic books that made me sit back and say "Wow," especially when I was a kid. The story now seems a little simple, but back then the "torture" scenes really scared the be-Jesus out of me. If you can, pick it up, you might like it. As with many Hulk back issues, it's cheap, priced from $1 to $3.

Next up is the "Dumb Luck" villain. This is the type of character who usually stumbles into his powers and uses them for the simplest of crimes, like robbery or getting an old girlfriend back. They are simple people with complex abilities.
The Weather Wizard, one of Flash's villains, is a good example. He was just a typical crook who was able to get a hold of some major weaponry. In every appearance I've seen of him, he's kind of happy-go-lucky. He's getting the most out of what he can, past that he's just a regular shmoe. He isn't really

ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?

Wally Tortolini wins several super-weapons in a card game in Justice League No. 44 Art by Adam Hughes and dialogue by J.M. DeMatteis.

© DC Comics

stupid, but he's not very smart.
Another "villain" like this is Wally Tortolini. He actually won all his super weapons in a card game and tore up New York City in Justice League No. 44. He actually spends most of the issue defending himself from the villains whose weapons he has, instead of fighting the Justice League. In one scene, Sonar and Rapier corner him, slap him around and deride him for not using his weapons the way he should have.
The list of these types goes on and on. There's the Wrecker and the Wrecking Crew, who were thugs randomly empowered by Asgardian magic. The list also includes people who get hit with radiation, or steal from a scientist, or inherit their weapons from a friend or relative.
The thing that ties them all together is the fact that if they weren't super-powered, they probably wouldn't be a bad guy and they wouldn't ever be in much trouble. They're also linked by their common-type of behavior, they're just having fun and seeing if they can't make a few extra bucks at it.

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