Every Breath You Take:
Remember to Breathe
by Cynamin

"I remember," Buffy said softly. She watched as Jonathan nodded and walked away. The last couple of days felt like a very strange dream that she was just waking up from. The false memories were fading quickly, but for the moment she remembered what Jonathan said. She tried to grasp that memory and keep it from slipping away before she had a chance to really think bout it.

/I'll never forget. I'll never forget./

Buffy jumped. She had no idea where that had come from. There was more going on here.. She shook it off and turned to look at her friends. Somehow she was unable to concentrate on what they were saying. She was hearing what Jonathan had said about her and Riley..

Something about an incredible connection? That she felt he should have known the difference between her and Faith. It was vague now, but she remembered that much.

Joining her friends, she forced a smile. Was Jonathan right about them? Maybe. So she met their greetings, smiling, fighting off the unease creeping into her soul.

The unease caused by the knowledge that there was someone out there who'd know the difference between her and Faith no matter what face she wore.

The unease of memory sneaking up one her.

Returning to her dorm room some hours later, Buffy fought the feelings that had been appearing out of no where, sweeping up on her without warning. She had tried to take Jonathan's advice to heart, tried to speak with Riley, tried to come to a reconciliation.and then it came again.

/I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget./

This time it had been more than just the words, her own voice choked with tears sounding in her mind. This time there had been sensation too; tears running down her cheeks, strong and familiar arms around her, breath stirring her hair, their tears mingling. Buffy had bolted from Riley's room without an explanation.

It was overwhelming her.

Buffy was shaking slightly when she opened the door to her dorm room. Completely oblivious to her entrance, Willow was folding laundry and singing loudly with the stereo.

".the slow and steady rush. And baby isn't that the way love's supposed to be? I can feel you breathe. Just breathe!"

/Their tears mingling, his breath whispering in her ear. "Please, please."/

Buffy sat down heavily, making her bed squeak, and Willow jumped. She spun in surprise, then smiled sheepishly as she turned off the radio.

"Hey. I didn't hear you come in."

"I noticed."

Buffy tried to keep her voice neutral, but some of her emotional state must have leaked through, because Willow stopped folding laundry and sat across from her.

"What's wrong?"

Buffy sighed. She didn't know what was wrong. She didn't know how to explain it. "Have you suddenly ever had.a flash of memory in the middle of the day that is completely disjointed from everything else? Like a dream that you don't remember when you first wake up but suddenly comes back to you in pieces?"

"The whole Jonathan thing is confusing to everyone," Willow said in understanding.

"No, it's not that.at least, I don't think it has any connection." Buffy tried to explain, but she knew from Willow's face that she wouldn't be able to explain what she didn't understand herself. Was it just a dream? Was it from the Jonathan-verse? Or was it something else entirely? She changed the subject instead. "That song you were singing when I came in. What is it?"

Willow didn't comment on the abrupt subject change. She'd noticed it, certainly, but if Buffy didn't want to talk about it she wouldn't press. "Oh, I *love* that song! You've never heard it? They play it on the soft rock stations a lot."

"I stopped listening to the soft rock stations after Kathy," Buffy said wryly, referring to her demon roommate and her love for Cher and Celine Dion.

Willow laughed. "Gotcha. Well, it's Faith Hill.and I don't usually like country, but the song is so pretty, so I recorded it off the radio. It's called 'Breathe.'"

"I like it," Buffy said with a smile. "Well, the little bit I heard. It reminds me of." She stopped then. What exactly did it remind her of?

"I'm glad you and Riley worked things out," Willow said with a grin, jumping to conclusions. After all, who else could the song remind her of? The other.made no sense.

"Yeah," Buffy said, and this time Willow didn't notice her distracted tone of voice.

Willow was in motion again, folding the last of her laundry and putting it away. "I've got class," she said shortly. She looked back at Buffy again, and something in her gaze must have warned Willow there was something wrong. Or maybe it was her shaking hands. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Buffy nodded. "I'm fine. Go - you don't want to be late to class."

With one last look of concern and a nod, Willow walked from the room.

Buffy sighed and lay down heavily on her bed. The truth was, she wasn't okay. There was something very wrong.she just couldn't figure out what it was. It wasn't something new, either. Or it was, just.like an old injury whose discomfort she'd just been made aware of again.

And that song.the little bit she'd heard.it hadn't reminded her of Riley, not at all. Not that it didn't fit.or maybe that was exactly it. It didn't fit him. Ignoring the whole "breathe" thing, there was an.Angel-ness to the song.

There, she'd said it. Or thought it. She'd thought his name. That wasn't so hard, was it?

/"If we let something happen here, we'd want more. And nothing's changed. We'd only end up having to leave each other again."/

Buffy sat up with a noise of frustration. She felt.antsy. Like she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. What the *hell* was this? If it was nighttime she'd go out and slay to get this feeling out of her system, but she couldn't. Not right now. All she could do was pace the room, her nervous energy building instead of leaving her. She certainly didn't have the presence of mind at the moment to get any school work done.

Buffy stopped her pacing in front of the stereo. Part of her stilled for the moment. What had it been about that song? What about it had set this off? No, it wasn't the song - she'd been feeling like this ever since she had spoken to Jonathan and tried to hold on to the memories of that other world. But what was bothering her had nothing to do with Jonathan.

Was it Angel? After the months had gone by, why had she suddenly thought of him again? Nothing good ever came of it, after all. So why did that song seem to fit so well? Why had it made her think of him?

Almost without thinking about it, Buffy reached out to press rewind on the tape that Willow had left. Perhaps.there were some answers here. Somehow she knew.she couldn't explain it. The answers were here. Or maybe they were inside, they just needed *this* to come out.

The tape stopped rewinding and Buffy pressed play. After a moment of silence she listened to the lone guitar's sweet melody. She sat back on the bed, letting the tune fill her. There was a sweetness to it, a sense of peace. Sweet Riley had plenty of, but this was something more.something that she couldn't even name.

"I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I, oh I've
Never been this swept away."

Buffy blinked.that's exactly what she was.swept away. The words filled her, and images came with them. No, this was memory.

/She walked the pier alone. Cordelia said Angel had killed the demon. So that was it? She was expected to just go away now? She felt lost, adrift.alone.

And then the feeling came, that sense that belonged to Angel and Angel alone. But it made no sense. She spun, trying to find why she felt him here.and the she saw him. He stepped out from beneath the shade and fully into the sunlight. He walked towards her, practically glowing in the sunlight - a place she'd never seen him in except in her dreams.

Not speaking, he caught her in his arms, and they kissed. It was without fear, and Buffy relaxed into it, letting the passion carry them both away and leaving them both breathless./

"All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The world just fades away and the only thing I hear
Is the beating of your heart."

/Buffy was lying in Angel's bed, his arms around her, their legs comfortably tangled. She rested her head on his chest and smiled.

"It's a good sound," she said softly, her hand pressed over his heart. "Thump thump. Thump thump."

Angel smiled back at her - a genuine smile, free of pain and guilt. "It feels pretty amazing."

"I'm so glad we didn't logic ourselves out of this. We'll make it work, right?"

Angel held her a little tighter. "We will," he assured her./

"And I can feel you breathe, it's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove, baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch, the slow and steady rush
And baby isn't that the what love's supposed to be?

I can feel you breathe
Just breathe."

It was all jumbled, out of order, but slowly Buffy was understanding it. Finally, she was beginning to see.

/They were standing in Angel's kitchen, a new sort of tension between them. Her head insisted he was right; take it slow, be mature.but her heart screamed otherwise.

Angel stepped closer to her. "We stay in touch. Just not."

"Literally. Funny." But it wasn't funny, not at all, and Buffy was in serious danger of becoming lost in his eyes. She stood and walked by him. "Okay, I'd better."

"Right. Remove the temptation." Angel's reply was sort of breathless.

Buffy turned to look at him again. "So, we'll talk soon." She gently placed her hand on top of his on the counter.

That was all it took for their resolve to crumble. He clasped her hand in his, and then their lips were meeting in a kiss full of the passion they hadn't dared express in the last year. It was so intense it made her stumble, and him with her until she felt the fridge against her back. She jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist and continuing to kiss him hungrily. He met her intensity, carrying her a couple of steps more. Vaguely Buffy heard a crash, and then they were on the kitchen table./

"In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
Closer than I've ever felt before and I know and you know
There's no need for words right now."

Buffy was barely aware of the words anymore, lost as she was in the memories. Still, she heard them. *So that's what's been wrong.*

/Angel was grinning in delight as he sat in bed next to her. She wore his robe, but he wore nothing at all.which was more than all right with her. There was food piled in bed with them.

"The prefect yum," Buffy said, smiling as she surveyed the food. Angel grinned as he spoon fed her some ice cream. "Mmm, this is a dream! You're human for like a minute and already there is cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge."

"God, I love food."

His enthusiasm was infectious. He was almost childish in his wonder at discovering tastes again. Buffy scooped some peanut butter onto a piece of chocolate and fed it to him in turn. "Food is good." She kissed him briefly and tasted the chocolate in his mouth.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter?" Angel asked when they pulled apart.

"Well, I figured if your vamp taste buds couldn't really savor it, then it would only hurt you, you know?" She scooted closer to him. "By the way, I'm over the whole needing to be mature thing. That time you just spent in the kitchen? That was enough time apart."

"Too much, Angel agreed, smiling. His smile was a rare and precious thing in the past. Now it seemed he couldn't stop smiling. Buffy loved it and leaned forward to kiss him again.

It was becoming passionate when Angel broke off suddenly. The spoonful of ice cream that had been forgotten in his hand had dripped messily onto his chest. "Okay," Angel said with a touch of amusement. "Mortal coordination leaving something to be desired."

Buffy smiled mischievously. "Wrong. It's just right." Proving her statement, she licked it off his bare chest.

Angel laughed, amused and delighted. Buffy could probably count all the times that he had laughed on one hand, and it had never sounded so free. Then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a kiss once again./

"And I can feel you breathe, it's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove, baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch, the slow and steady rush
And baby isn't that the way love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe
Just breath."

/They were lying in bed together, tired, content. Buffy had never felt a peace quite like this. "I want to stay awake," Buffy explained softly, "so this day can keep happening."

Angel kissed her lightly on the forehead. "Sleep," he whispered. "We'll make another one like it tomorrow."

Buffy cuddled into Angel's loose embrace, sleep coming for her quickly. She marveled at the heat of his body, the beat of his heart.. It lulled her. "Angel?" she said. "This is the first time I ever really felt this way."

"What way?"

"Just like I always wanted to," Buffy clarified. "Like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect."

Perfect./

"Caught up in the touch, the slow and steady rush
And baby isn't that the way love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe."

Still the images came.tears and joy. It swept Buffy away..

"I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way."

The last of the notes faded away, and Buffy blinked back to reality. She was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling and listening to the empty space on the tape. She could feel the tears that had run down her cheeks and now dried there. Her mind sought wildly to grasp the images and emotions that she had seen, experienced. She tried to make them coherent, to understand these.memories?

She didn't understand, not at all. Was it just a dream? Some extremely vivid, waking dream? Was her mind trying to tell her something about her future.or even her present? Or were these actually some sort of memory, true but for some reason gone?

One thing was certain; whether memory, dream, or metaphor, those moments were *real.* The most real thing she'd felt in a long while. It was like a veil had suddenly been lifted from before her eyes and she could now see her own life laid bare. Like the song had said, "In a way I can feel my heart is waking up."

For the first time in months, Buffy Anne Summers was awake.

Willow returned to her room after class to find Buffy gone and the stereo still playing blank tape. She looked about the room curiously. The lights had been left on, and there were clothes all over Buffy's bed. For a moment Willow thought Buffy was probably in the bathroom and about to come back. Then she took a closer look. Buffy's school books were still there, but her closet was open and several outfits were missing. So were a couple of Buffy's choice weapons from her slaying trunk. Her jewelry box had been left open as well.

For a moment Willow panicked. Had something horrible happened to someone that Buffy had to run off and deal with? Or had her emotional state - whatever was bothering Buffy earlier - been worse than Willow had thought and she'd run away again?

She had almost run out of 'what ifs' when her eyes fell upon a piece of paper taped to her computer monitor. She snatched it up so fast it almost tore.

"Willow," it read, the handwriting hurried.

"I'm sorry to run out on you like this. I know I probably gave you quite a scare. I've borrowed Mom's car - you wouldn't believe some of the excuses I came up with - and am driving to L.A. as you read this."

Willow nearly jumped at that. L.A? But L.A. was..

"Yes, I'm going to see Angel. Now, before you get mad or do anything impulsive, let me explain. Actually, let me back up. Remember what I was saying earlier about flashes of forgotten dreams? Well, I was getting these.memory flashes, and I wasn't able to figure out what they were until after you left. Then.they were just so clear!

"It was Angel and I, and we were together. And he was human, Will! It was so vivid - I mean, I could feel the warmth of his skin and hear his heartbeat. I don't know what it means, or what the flashes are, but I know one thing. They're important, and I have to go to L.A. Maybe Angel will have the answers I need.

"But don't be mad, Will. I know others will be, but. This is the first time in months that I've done something that just felt *right.*

"I'll call you from L.A,

"Buffy"

For a moment Willow sat without moving, trying to make some sense of the words Buffy had written. Part of her was shocked that Buffy would even think of Angel like that anymore after he'd hurt her so much. And she had Riley now! Did she still think about Angel now that she had someone normal?

But then she had to remember how Buffy and Angel had once been, together, before anything had gotten in the way. It had seemed so romantic back then. Could it be like that again?

Finally, Willow had to ask herself something. If she knew where Oz was, if there was suddenly nothing standing between them.would she return to him? Would she want to try again? The question wasn't as hard to answer as she thought. If the love was true, who was she to get in the way? Shouldn't she instead do all she could to help it along?

She picked up the phone and dialed quickly. "Tara? You up to some wicca-work tonight? I was hoping you could help me help some friends."

Part Two

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