Climbing up the Walls
by J_A_G

Part One

//I am the key to the lock in your house
that keeps your toys in the basement
and if you get too far inside
you'll only see my reflection//

When I found her, she was weak, sickly. An easy meal for any vampire and it was obvious many had taken advantage, from the many bite marks on her neck. Remarkably she wasn't dead, but you couldn't say she was alive either. She was caught in between, in limbo. I took her home, cleaned her up and waited for her to wake up. I wasn't prepared for the violence that came with her waking.

//I am her face when sleeps tonight
i am the pick in the ice
do not cry out or hit the alarm
we are friends till we die//

I was by her side the minute she started to stir. I wanted her to feel safe when she woke. She looked around the room frantically for a few moments before her gaze settled on me. I barely had enough time to duck and miss a vase that flew toward my head, shattering against the wall behind me into a million pieces. She started to reach for the knives I kept above my bed and so I tackled her, pinning her underneath me. She fought hard, trying to push me off her in every way possible, clawing at my face and trying to kick at my shins. I wasn't even sure she knew who I was.

"Buffy! Buffy! No!" Suddenly she stopped.

"Get off me. Just get away. You're hurting me!" I realized I had gone too far I had twisted her arm behind her back, almost to the breaking point. She shoved me away as I loosened my grip and started massaging her swollen wrist.

//either way you turn I'll be there
open up your skull I'll be there
climbing up the walls//

"Sorry," I mumbled, unsure of what to say, but she didn't want to hear it.

"Forget it, Angel, just leave me alone." She got up from the bed, determined to leave. A wave of dizziness hit her and I dove to catch her as she fell. She didn't fight me as I lay her back on the bed.

"Why? Why did you try to save me?" She looked so young, her expression sad, almost mournful. I wanted to kiss her right then, to take her pain away with my touch.

"You would have died." It was a weak answer, and not the one she wanted to hear.

"So?" One soft word and I lost it.

"How could you be so selfish?" I demanded as I grabbed her roughly by the arms, "What? You think that if you died it wouldn't matter? No one would care? Is that it?" She stared at the wall, not moving. "People depend on you! Your mother, your friends, Giles . . . me. I need you, Buffy." I whispered the last part. I could hardly speak, a lump had risen in my throat and I could barely get sound past it. She turned to me, disgust etched on her face.

//it's always better when the lights are off
it's always better on the outside
in the crack of your warning smile blows to the skull//

She shrugged me off, shoving me back a distance. A warning not to try it again. "And what a way you have of showing it." The noise in my head was deafening. Between the beating of her heart and the angry pounding in my head I could hardly hear her. "You left. You packed up your stuff and left. You have no right to give a speech on abandoning the ones who love me. You left and you didn't care how it affected me. Went on your little crusade and forgot all about me. You're the selfish one, Ang . . . " < < SLAP >> The sound of my hand connecting with her face filled the room, making me immediately nauseous.

"Aren't you a big man?" She asked, her voice trembling with rage. Her tone sharp, slicing the air between us. Her words hit me like a wave, knocking everything off balance, tilting the room. I stare at the only thing not moving, her.

//so tuck the kids in safe tonight
and shut the eyes in the cupboard
do not cry out or hit the panic button//

She sat, curled up in a ball in the far corner of my bed. Her cheeks reddening from anger and my rough hand. Her temple was bruised,someone had done a good job of beating her up. She was terribly thin, her face gaunt. I couldn't believe I had struck her. She was so weak, it was like hitting a defenseless child.

// hit the alarm
you'll get the loneliest feeling that
either way you turn I'll be there
open up your skull I'll be there
climbing up the walls//

Guilt washed over me and I crumpled to a heap on the floor. She dropped down next to me, taking me into her arms and soothing me gently. She cried silently, rocking me as I shook, her small hands giving comfort I didn't deserve, yet was helpless to turn away.. She held me all night, never speaking, just giving me her silent understanding.

Next Part

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