Ok .. so what is goth® besides some pretentious angst ridden chunk of couterculture?

First let me address what is *NOT* goth:

• ABBA
• The Macarena
• a Ben and Jerry's flavor
• a lightbulb-hugging bug
• Goth did not vote for Clinton
• Goth is not what you do in the bathroom while you think no one is looking
• Goth is not one of the Baskin Robbins 31 flavors, although it should be.
• disenfranchised children in Colorado who decide to blow everybody up coz they're pissed off at the world.

If you've stumbled here because you're looking for information about what happened in Littleton, gothic.net has plenty of information refuting the claims made by many that the Trench Coat Mafia were goths.
Now that we've taken care of that we can move right along ...

So what the hell is goth?

Some people claim that Gothic is a social movement, some claim that it is a fashion, some claim it's a way of life, others say it's all about the music, and there are even those who say it's a school of architecture (*pshaw*, as if ...). There are also lots of other pretentious wanking on and on about what goth is. *wank-wank-wank* Goth just is. You know if you are and you know if you're not. Although some of you little gits need to be reminded one way or the other every so often. The new trend (if you really wanna be 3r33+) is to say you're *not* goth and that you hate goths (Thanks Von!). Regardless, don't take me seriously, I'm a David, not a label.

Now .. enough of my babble ... how do *YOU* become a cool goth?

• Hate all ravers
• Buy cool dark creepy music
• Dress drab and wear a lot of lingerie and try to look like you escaped from either Dangerous Liasons or a Byron poem.
• Bitch a lot, even if there's nothing to bitch about, make shit up
• Have a legion of disastrous disfunctional relationships(no matter what side your bread is buttered on)
• Claim you've been in the scene forever and ragg on all the "newbies"
• Never ask "Is (blank) Goth", remember - You *ARE* Goth
• Hang out on alt.gothic, alt.gothic.fashion, and efnet irc's channel gothic
• Wear a lot of black
• Drink snakebites and Black Velvets until you can't dance anymore
• Drink more snakebites and black velvets
• If you get so drunk you can't dance, lie on the floor and wiggle a bit
• Eat Nutella .. Nutella is tres gothique
• Do the eating_cheesy_pizza, looking for and picking up a lost contact, airplane_landing or petermurphytwirlycloveweildingninjadance.

Now you can be a super k-rad 3r33+ goth. Now you can be a net.goth!

Do your GothCode So everyone else can see your gothiness!
Here's an example, my GothCode:

GC 98-- yVuibaebaWabagHaJbaahghsBSCPKafnr9tybubL3BmKHh7v6bud5GGeWnPTccdP#dxthyok
7!pBsSkaqSafFaaqudbcusFL

Are you still confuckled? Well here are a few definitions

Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary

gothic: adj 1611 [...] 3: of or relating to a style of fiction characterized by the use of desolate remote settings and macabre, mysterious, or violent incidents.

The Real Cyberpunk Fakebook (St. Jude, R. U. Sirius, Bart Nagel)

(thanks to my flatmate)
goth: This is short for gothic. as in Gothic novels like Frankenstein and Count Dracula which feature moody, pale creatures with spooky stuff happening to them. Goth entails vampire fashions, gloomy, emotional music, and clove cigarettes. Clove cigs are even more toxic than tobacco, and more immediately dangerous. If you pass out, no real goth would stoop to give you CPR -- the position is ridiculous, goths don't sweat, and anyway death is okay.

Click Here if you want to find out what us goths do here in Gainesville. (It isn't much I tell you)
Read the PerkyGoth Manifesto

Goth Links

This page is always under construction so I won't be held responsible if the roof collapses and you die.
Oh .. and whatever you do ... if you sell out and become a mainstream band, never - NEVER say "If you look at the words to Friday I'm in Love You'll notice that only one day of the week is happy, so it's still a gothic song" ... that's just bad.

Oh ... and one more thing. If you think this is all supposed to be serious you really don't give me enough credit.
For fuck's sake be yourself. And tell anyone else who rags on the way you look to eat black shit and die the cockroach's death.

And there are those of you who hold fast to all those rules I put up there. You are a GothicImageWhore. Shame on you. Watch some fucking Cartoons and wear some bunny slippers for a day. There's no fun in taking yourself that bloody seriously. It is a scientific fact that ppl who are so goth they fart cobwebs have 0 fun. Fun is your friend. Fun is good. You're obviously looking for fun or you wouldn't be here. Unless you're looking for a link to buy a coffin or to the GothBabe of the Week.

Last but not least but last nonetheless, sod off. Ahem.