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Sleep Well Bob...
By BoB

       Gringito was in the kitchen helping with the dishes. This absolutely shocked Me! Gringito never helped in the kitchen! This made me wonder... What could he possibly want? Is he trying to get some added incentive from Bob?
       "Bob, where do you usually keep the pot-scrubbers?"
       "What are pot scrubbers for?"
       "Usually so that you can get the burnt on stuff, off the bottom."
       "I usually leave the stuff on, carbonized phlegm adds flavor. So just leave it there."
       "Ohhhh, that's what the black powdery stuff on the soup was.
       I just asked him to bring in all the dirty dishes, even the enlisted men's dishes. He was not at all pleased at this idea. Afterwards he washed all those dishes, even managing to scrape the plates clean too.
       "Bob! Look at my hands! They're prunes! All oily and smelly!"
       "Don't do that in my kitchen! My kitchen is free of human fluids-- except phlegm, blood and maybe a little sweat, but definetly not that!"
       Gringito threw a nasty stare and came back with, "Bob! That's disgusting! How could you even consider me doing that?!... Wait, don't answer, I don't want to know."
       After that was all settled out, Gringito went to his chambers and I to mine. I proceeded to finish with the mapI had started. I went to sleep after I was done.
       It was a very quiet night and I was staring at the sky threw my window. I started drifting off into a deep sleep...
       "BOB! Where's breakfast?!," Yelled Gringito impatiently.
       I awoke with a start, "Oh Shit! I slept in 15 minutes!"
       "Bob! We're hungry down here! Where's the food?"
       I got dressed, sort of, and ran down the stairs to the kitchen, it felt like I hadn't even gotten 15 minues sleep. After breakfast, Gringito came into the kitchen and told me to come into the war room because there was a meeting of the males.
       "Here's the deal Gringito, I thnk we could overthrow the current Shanir and get a male into office."
       "After what happened with Troy, you want to try to take control?" said a deep voice with marshmallows on the breath.
       "Well Pumbaa, things just weren't going our way, that week." Lothar said confidently.
       "Why would you want to overthrow Jamethiel?" Gringito asked.
       "We need a male in power! And at last check, Jamethiel wasn't a male."
       "I don't mind Jamethiel in power," Gringito said with a flutter in his voice, "She's peachy-keen, damn-skippy and all those other things too."
       "Gringito, we are talking abou the same person aren't we? Jamethiel the Shanir, platypus lady, the one that you dropped only 2 months ago? The one we're trying to kick out of office? Jamethiel, the one who has taken it upon herself to keep the Guild entirely female dominant? Gringito, are you OK? I mean... you aren't considering..." Tibby said
       "Yup, she's GREAT! I love her!" Gringito interjected.
       "...going out with her again?," Tibby finished his sentence, "Oh boy, now we're never gonna get into power."
       "Bob, what do you think? Do you think we should still try to take her out of power?" Forzan asked me.
       I didn't bother to answer his questions, instead I walked over to Gringito and said with my cleaver weiled, "If she enters my kitchen, she's my newest recipie... Julienned Jamethiel."
       "Bob obviously doesn't want her here. Feeling threatened Bob? Think she's gonna do something here?," Gringito taunted me.
       "As a matter of fact, yes. She's gonna give this place that dreaded 'womans touch' anf if she even tries it on my kitchen, I"m gonna poison her."
       "You poison her, and I'll have your head!"
       "Only if you can get past my door," I sat down to cool off.
       "Children!," Lothar yelled, "this isn't the time, nor the place to go about this. Now, let's sit down and plan this out. Now then, we need to take different names to confuse who we're talking about. So pick names or something."
       "Lothar! That's stupid! They'll figure that out in a heartbeat! Especially with Gringito over there. I think we should keep our names, that way we can accept claim or blame in this coup," Tibby paced around the table.
       "A coup? You're planning a coup?," Forzan asked, "You're crazy! Besides I don't think we could do this. You all know as well as I that some people in the Guild don't deserve this."
       "Forzan, what are you worried about? If you don't want a part of this, then leave, but if you breathe a word, then we do to you what we did to Troy! And believe me, we don't want to do that again!" Lothar said in no uncertain tone.
       "Well as long as you put it that way..."
       "Anyways, here's the deal guys. We need to get them distracted. Gringito!" Tibby yelled.
       "..."
       "GRINGITO!"
       "huh?"
       "Will you please keep the Shanir occupied?"
       "Nooooooo problem!"
       "Good! Next, Forzan, Lothar, Pumbaa and myself need to deal with all those other ladies." Tibby said as he scribbled out occupation assignments.
       "What about me? Don't I get to go?" I practically yelled at Lothar and Tibby.
       "Sure Bob, but you have to geal with Zott and the Whipple."
       "Ok, that shouldn't be a problem," Bob said sliding back into his chair.
       "Good then. That takes care of that. Now, how to decide who gets rule of the Guild... Any suggestions? Pumbaa? Forzan? Gringito? Bob? Tibby? ANYBODY? Nobody... this is sad people. Gringito? GRINGITO!," Lothar yelled at the space-cadet.
       "Huh?"
       "We need to use the enlisted men to get past the guild. Is that Ok with you?"
       "Sure go ahead. More dinner for Bob to cook though."
       "Good. So here we go. When we get back to the Guildhall... we were out training for invasions. Right?"
       Everyone replied and then we all set off. I told them that I had to finish cleaning up the dishes, so I bid them farewell from the front of the keep.
       "Bye bye boys!" I looked at one of the stone griffins, "Do you think they'll make it?
       "Nah"
       "Me either, Have fun STORMIN the CASTLE!" I said as I went back to my kitchen.
       "I finished with the dishes and went to my room. I dug out my father's old armor, still bright and shining, like the day he gave it to me. I put it on, it still fit. I thought I looked good in it. I took out my sword and shield. I sharpened my sword. I found my way to the edge of the moat. It was the first time I had actually ever seen the Guild Hall, at least not in daylight.
       Gringito and Lothar looked at my armor and seemed to approve (and they did that little grunt thing).
       "Bob, you look good in the armor. But why the sword and shield?" Lothar asked?
       "No helmet?," Gringito asked, "And what's with the box?"
       "Sword and shield go with the armor. The helmet was buried with my father. But I'm considering having a new one made."
       "Errrrrrrr," said Pumbaa approvingly.
       "Ok troops, enlisted men and immortals. Assume 'take-over' positions. Everyone remembers their people, right?"
       "Of course!," Yelled Forzan.
       "Yup," said Tibby.
       "Errr," clammered Pumbaa.
       "Errr," chimed Gringito with Pumbaa.
       "Ready to fry," said Bob.
       "OK everybody, remember, if Barny QG or Arachne shows up for some odd, strange reason. Kill them on the spot." Lothar added.
       "Same goes for Femboy," declared Tibby, "And if you see them, don't delay. PUT THEM DOWN!"
       "Mmmmmm, this will yeild a feast to remember!," Bob said, "Sorta like when we had Brunhilda, remember Gringito?"
       "Oh yeah, mmmm. Bob! We have to get some of the injured and bring tham back to the infirmiry." Gringito said.
       "We don't have an infirmiry."
       "Oh yeah."
       We waited for nightfall, and we watched the animals come out for patrol. First came Fluffy, followed by Why, What and Who. Soon after came Why Not, Where, When, and Ironsides. None of the enlisted men were scared until Wizard and Quickly came out the door. All went to hell when the moat monsters started swimming.
       We also saw all the females returning from wherever they had been. Jamethiel, Pyrros, Yanichka, Torisen, Asthras and Zott led the females, closely following were Bjorn, Harriet, Gamora, Harley, Beatrice and Klunk. Finishing the line was Gratzia, Grimmilken and Memnoch.
       They all congregated outside the guildhouse and yelled to Ba'alzammon to open the gate again.
       "Ba'al! Open this gate!" the Shanir yelled.
       "Ba'al, please open the gate it is chilly out," Beatrice pleaded.
       "Ba'alzammon open the gate!" Asthras, Zott and Harriet shrieked in unison.
       "Pyrros, burn it open." The Shanir wanted in.
       "Sure!" Pyrros went at it enthusuastically.
       Just as she was getting ready, Ba'al opened the gate and apologized.
       "Sorry ladies, I fell asleep. There isn't much noise when the males aren't around." Ba'al yawned.
       "Where are the males?" Torisen wondered.
       "I don't know."
       Just then we all came from a lesser used forest path.
       "Hi ladies, and man." Forzan said.
       "Where have you been all evening? And why were you all together?"
       "We might ask the same question of you all." Accused Tibby.
       "Bob!," The Whipple ran towards me, "How are ya? And where'd you get you get this armor? I t looks big enough for two."
       "Well, I'm fine. My dad gave it to me and there isn't," Bob quickly said, "Zott come here for a moment of your precious time."
       "What do you want?," Zott approached, "Well, what do you want?"
       "How about I take the both of you out tonite?" Bob asked.
       "I'm game," Whipple eagarly replied.
       "So am I," Zott replied.
       We three left. Leaving the other males behind. I took Zott and Whipple to my favorite thinking place. Making sure not to go near the Keep. When the opporunity was there, I did what Lothar had told me, in secret. So I tied both of them to the trees and returned to the Keep. All had gone as planned. All the females were tied up. I walked in with my box. I set the box on the Shanir's chair and opened it.
       A terrible bright light eminated from the box. Ba'al asked me what it was.
       "I don't know, My king it to me a long time ago. He told me to use it in ANY emergency."
       Just then all the bright light formed a shape. A huge pink elephant!
       We went and released the not-too-happy females.
       "Females, this is the new Shanir. Meet Dumbo the Flying Elephant. First Shanir."
       "You expect us to take orders from a pink elephant?," Jamethiel snapped at me.
       "Well, it's better than taking order from a...," Pumbaa began.
       "Pumbaa! Watch your tongue!"
       "From a what?!," Jamethiel sneered.
       "nevermind"
       "BOB! Where's breakfast!?" Gringito yelled, as he opened my door.
       "Oh Shit!," I slept in 15 minutes! The enlisted men are not gonna be happy.
       "Gringito, I just had the strangest dream!..."

The End
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