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The PLAYHOUSE
By BoB

       "It's so big!," Durrack exclaimed as the last tower cap was put into place.
       We stood there gazing at our new creation. Looking at the building as the evening sun cast it's beautiful purple tones upon the alabaster columns that lead into the building.
       "Shall we enter?," Bob asked asked of the two.
       "Nah, lets just stare at our building," Pumbaa said.
       "Those morons forgot to put windows on top of the towers!," Durrack yelled at the foreman.
       As the sun disappeared under the water, we went inside. The polished granite of the basement still carried the stench of the boats they had traveled in on, not more than a week ago. The wine cellar was getting the last of the bottles and shelves put in, and the pool was still being filled. The guest quarters were being furnished and the meats and produce were being brought in by the new novices, we walked past the boat storage on the way to the dumbwaiter.
       Durrack grabbed a bottle of wine for each of us, and we went upstairs in the dumbwaiter, which let us off in the kitchen just as the last of the equipment was being delivered.
       "No! The stoves do not go next to the iceboxes!," Bob yelled at the delivery men.
       We stepped out of the kitchen and heard our voices echo down the hall, seemingly forever. We all mutually agreed that it needed carpeting.
       "The polished floor carries sound FAR too well," Durrack started.
       "Bob, I think we need some carpets or rugs," Pumbaa finished.
       "I agree."
       We went down the hall to the formal dining room, where they were hanging the crystal chandeliers. The gaurds burst in on a training excersise, on their way to their barracks. The ommunal living room was in the process of getting it1s three couches, five lamps, six-teen chairs, four tables, and an assortment of plants and wall hangings.
       "I wonder if the hot spring pool is ready to use!," Durrack said as we entered the room, "It still needs a little more time to fill, but other than that, it1s ready."
       As we stepped out of the room we saw a large wooden crate outside the door of the trinket room, and another one outside the library door. So we went into the library and marveled at the amount of shelf space.
       "OH MY GOD!!," Pumbaa started, "I could fit all of my magazines in here."
       "Yeah and I could fit all my tomes of enlightenment in here!," Durrack said as he inspected the craftsmanship of the shelves.
       "Just imagine... we have two more libraries to fill. But we still have most of this floor to look at and only the rest of eternity to see it!," Bob laughed.
       The main floor guest quarters were coming along very well, each with a twin-size bed, a desk, two hardwood dressers, two "beanbag style" chairs, a flurry of torch perches, and either a sunlight or a picture window.
       Durrack looked thru each room, "Where are the complimentary candles and mints?," he barked at the concierge, "This is supposed to be a nice place to stay, and nice places to stay have complimentary stuff!"
       "But sir, we haven't recieved our order of pillow mints yet."
       "So go to the head of the kitchen and tell him you need about 500 mints."
       "Who is the head of the kitchen?"
       "Did you read the memo that was distributed?," Bob started, "Cause if you had read it, I'm sure you1d know that the head of the kitchen is standing right in front of you!"
       "Sorry," he replied hastily, "I need 500 mints ASAP."
       The trio proceeded up the hall and into the museum, where the last of the statues were being unloaded and placed. Across the hall was a sitting room with a sliding wall to a secret room. Three large pillars supports the bulk of the war room above. A narrow corridor lay in front of them, it went to the infirmiry and then the black hole area.
       "Are you sure this black hole area is such a good idea Durrack?," Bob asked.
       "Well, sure it is, just remember to set up the ropes when there is noone of importance here," Durrack said not so confidently, "It's only here as a theft deterrant device."
       "Where does it go?," Pumbaa wondered of Durrack.
       "I asked the lady that put it here, and you know what she said?," Bob looked at Pumbaa.
       "What did she say?"
       "She said it goes ‘somewhere else'."
       The archery range and small balistics room was getting the last few touches: more hay, more mud, more wood and more novices.
       We three walked back to the kitchen and had a VERY large dinner, got exceedingly drunk and proceeded up to the second floor, where the floors changed from smooth marble to polished redwood.
       The kitchen on the second floor was much lighter in color but still carried the tone of "Bob was here". This kitchen had two doors (but with all the liquor in our bodies, it seemed like eight or twelve). One of the doors leads to the informal dining room and then to the second floor library. We all staggered our way through the building and passed out somewhere near the bathroom, which was only another 10 feet. *******************************************************************
       When Bob came to, Durrack and Pumbaa were still unconscious. So he went to use the toilet, only to find thatthey hadn't been installed on the second floor yet. I turned around to see Durrack and Pumbaa awaken.
       "Shall we continue?" Bob asked.
       "First, what time is it?," Durrack sat up, "Second, what day is it?," He grabbed his neck, "And lastly, who made these florrs so damn hard?!"
       "It's 10 in the morning, I don't know what day it is."
       "Let's keep going... we might be a day behind."
       We walked down the hall, past the bar and into the members lounge.
       "Tell, you what guys, how ‘bout yous wait here, and I'm gonna go make breakfast," Bob disappeared into the kitchen.
       "Well, what do you think so far?," Durrack looked at Pumbaa.
       "It's cool."
       "That's it? Just cool?!"
       "Yeah, just cool. We haven't even seen the rest of the building yet. Besides we haven't even had breakfast," Pumbaa said as he sunk into a deep leather chair, "ooooohhh, I like this chair!"
       Durrack went into the kitchen to see what was taking so long. He walked in just in time to see a glint of light from the meat cleaver just before Bob buried it in a novices' arm. "Don't EVER question me again!"
       "Uh, maybe I'll come back later," Durrack turned around.
       "Don't worry, he wont be in the breakfast. He'll be going to the dogs upstairs," Bob smiled, "We're having steak, eggs, pancakes, fresh rolls and all the p.o.b juice you can hold."
       Bob carted the food into the members lounge and then and they ate and ate and ate and drank and then ate some more. By the time they were done eating it was afternoon and the second floor bathrroms were functional... and it's a good thing too. From there, they traveled to the Peggum room, where the last of the barriers were being set up. The storage room was being loaded with all manner of weaponry and armor.
       "What is the object of this game?," Durrack asked.
       "It's a combat game."
       "So the object is to kill your opponent?"
       "No, it's to injure them so severely, that they can't play anymore."
       "What do they use to do this?!"
       "Rocks, daggers,spears, shields, each other, and so on."
       Durrack stood there appalled.
       They then wandered around the room, checking the stability and structure of the barriers.
       This one needs to have a cut up from the ground, about eightteen inches. That way it still provides missle protection, but not melee protection."
       "Good idea!," the craftsmen set to work cutting odd chunks out of the barriers.
       We went into the observation lounge and observed the wall, because the contractors forgot to put in the windows. So they walked down the hall to the pool and darts room, aka Shooter's.
       "This looks good," Pumbaa started, "But I remember ordering three, eight foot tables and and one six-footer, also, four sets of cues, five sets of balls, and five pounds of cue chalk," Pumbaa walked back to the darts and saw all five boards ready and waiting, "Good! All of this is ready."
       "Through these doors is where practice becomes perfection," Bob said as they walked into the Combat Practice Arena, "Over there, through those doors is the weaponry for it."
       "Around this corner is the tactics room. This room has top of the line equipment, freshly borrowed from the 21st century!," Durrack boasted.
       "But Durrack, that1s nonsense! Everyone knows that in order to get to the 21st century, there has to be one of two things," Bob started, "There either has to be a dimensional anomaly, or some really powerful hallucinogens."
       Pumbaa looked guiltily at Durrack, "Well Bob, do you remember saying we could have anything in our room that we wanted? Well, I bought the Acme Dimensional Anomaly kit for thirty dollars."
       "Cool"
       "Yeah it is. But I'm not sure I set it up entirely right... because it called for a bottle of 200 year old dust from the top of a very tall mountain."
       "So what did you use?!"
       "I used a medicine bottle full of dust from the top of a very tall mountain."
       "So why do you think you got it wrong?"
       "Because the mountain was oreos and the dust was only two years old."
       "PUMBAA!"
       "What?! I didn't want to go to Asia to get the dust!"
       "Why did you eat two year-old oreos?!"
       "I dunno"
       "Well, does the anomaly work?"
       "Well, we have a 21st century machine don't we?"
       "Where do you get the power to keep it running?"
       "From the 21st century."
       "I don't want to know right now. Right now I want to keep going."
       We walked through the doors into the training room, where the practise for the Combat Practice Arena takes place. Through another pair of doors was the second floor infirmiry and then the Warroom. (Nothing really happens here, it's mainly for storylines right now. Eventually it'll have a serious use.) Into the center of the building is where the Warm-up/ excercise room is located.
       "Well, that's the second floor, up to the third?"
       So we took the ladders up to the members lounge on the third floor.
       "This place ain1t so bad!," Durrack began.
       "Was it supposed to be?"
       "These ladders are going to be one of two ways to this floor. The other way up here is in the towers, there are going to be gaurds there though," Bob said, "This is because this floor is only for us, but, if you would like to bring a guest up you have to be with them at every second. You are responsible for them. 'Nuff said."
       We went through the halls to the conference rooms, treasurey and then back through the bedrooms.
       "Each of us has approximately 377 square feet of space to do whatever you want. Here are the rules for these rooms:
       1. You may do whatever pleases you. Be it legal or not.
       2. Noone may go into your room unless you tell them to.
       3. What you do is your business only."
       "I don't care what you keep in there or how you keep your room as long as I can't hear it or smell it," Bob stated, "Is that agreed upon?"
       "All good"
       "Yea, sure," Pumbaa began, "What happens if we keep oreos from three years ago?"
       "Enjoy them with very old wine."
       We walked past the kitchen storage and smokehouse and picked up some beef jerky. Out in the hall was a large staircase and almost a dozen sets of doors.
       "Hey look! It's the DOORS!"
       "Bad joke Bob."
       "Anyways. Durrack, your door is this one, and these doors go to the linen closet, cleaning supplies, bathrooms and showers."
       "Where does this door go?"
       "To the labyrinth"
       "Why do we have one of those?"
       "Games for drunk people!"
       We walked through it.
       "Where's the bar?"
       "Pumbaa, be patient."
       "That wasn't Pumbaa," Pumbaa said.
       "Bob, be patient! We'll get there right?"
       "Follow me."
       Bob wandered throught the labyrinth to the bar. But the door was locked.
       "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
       "Pumbaa! Play 42!"
       "Right!," They picked Bob up, stepped back, and threw him through the glass door. Bob lay there unconscious. They waited for Bob to wake up, fortunately it didn't take long. They sat at the counter and waited for one of the barkeeps.One came out.
       "What the hell1s going on out here?!"
       "We want drinks!," Pumbaa bellowed
       "NOW!," Durrack ensued.
       "I can't serve any drinks until my boss say so."
       "Didn't you read your memo?" Bob asked.
       "Yes I did."
       "Then we want drinks!," the three of them ready to pounce
       "Not until my boss says so."
       "I AM your boss!," Pumbaa screamed.
       "oh," the barkeep turned a bright shade of red and served the drinks.
       "What1s your name?"
       "..."
       "What1s your name?!"
       "Bobby the barkeep"
       "No, no that wont do, we already have too many 'Bobs'. You'll be ..." Bob stopped.
       "You'll be Fred the Barkeep!" Pumbaa yelled.
       "Ummmmm, no! He'll be D.B. Person."
       "I1m DB now? What is DB?"
       "Dumb Barkeep"
       After drinks we went to inspect the two barkeeps' rooms. Each barkeep was supplied a dresser, a bed, and some torches. Everything else was brought, bought, or borrowed.
       We went back through the hall of doors and up the grand staircase. Once on the rooftop, we sat down under the sun shade and ordered lunch which was promptly served. We watched the last pane of glass be put in on the greenhouse.
       "What do you think?"
       "I think I want to go up to the top level of the tower!"
       So we went up and ate lunch on the top of the tower, enjoyed the view and then jumped back down.
       "Gentlemen, we are OPEN for business!"
       "Pumbaa!"
       "Yeah?"
       "Where do you get the power to run that machine?"
       "You see Bob, I have a parallel residence in each century from here to the end of time."
       "So why didn1t you bring back a 30th century machine?"
       "Didn't want to. Besides after the 22nd, nothing runs on electricity. So I run an extension cord from here to the 21st century."
       "Oh. So the Playhouse exists that far in the future?"
       "Yeah, but I1ve had to restore it many times."

The End

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