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Section One:
Humor... it is an Odd Concept
Section Two:
Blatant Star Wars Rip Offs:
Section Three:
Unfinished
Business
Section Four:
Our
Contract Says We Need Them
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FAQ!
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Are you insane?
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You haven’t paid much attention, have you? We’re completely
out of our minds and have been for a very long time.
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Where are you located?
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If you want to know this information, please send a self
addressed envelope
Where?
Why should we tell you? You might be one of them...
Who are “Them?”
“They,” you fool! “They!” Yeash... if you’re expecting us
to answer your questions, at least have decent grammar...
Will you marry me?
Are you rich?
Do you look like Brad Pitt?
Are you insane too?
If your answer to any of the above questions is “yes,” then
you have your answer.
Should I start choosing the curtains?
No, we don’t believe in curtains. We use heavy velvet drapes
of mini-blinds, like everyone else who has caught up with the 21st century.
How old are you?
We do not believe in temporal modes of definition and therefore
cannot answer this question.
What size shoes do you wear?
We do not believe in linear modes of definition, and therefore
our foot measurements are impossible to relate to you.
Where is the Outda Wazu system?
On Ari’na’s drawing desk.
What brand refrigerator do you use?
Whirlpool washing machines work better.
What kind of computer do you have?
HAL ::in a muttered aside to said computer:: for the last
time, my name is not Dave! Shut up! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? Dave... what
are you doing Dave... Dave?
If you could be any animal, which one would you be?
Ari’na: I’d be a dragon, so I could charbroil all the teachers
I don’t like. Mainly the ones that fail me.
Tousai: I’d be an Antarctic wingless fly. They’re the largest
animals that actually live in Antarctica, you know. I would like having
that distinction.
Hello?
Good bye.
When are you going to update next?
We already told you we don’t believe in temporal definitions.
What kinds of lives do you have that you have the time to
come up with this stuff?
Lives? What are those? We’re superheroes, we have no lives.
Which is worse: the American fascination with underwear over
tights, worn on the outside (think Superman), or the Japanese fascination
with entirely too short skirts (think Sailor Moon)?
We’re not sure, but we’re terrified.
Are there really two of you?
Yes and no. It all depends on (y)our point of view, and how
you count... 1...2...5.
What inspired this?
The FAQs from Microsoft Works.
So you blame Microsoft for the Library?
No. Just the FAQ list.
Is FAQ a random set of numbers?
In binary, no. Nothing is random, all is planned. Nothingness
is allness...
Did people actually send in any of these questions?
No, we made them up ourselves.
Are you guys in a cult?
Yes, we are firm believers in the powers of Amun, ancient
Egyptian god of the sun disc.
Is that usable in a computer?
No.
How insane are you?
Ari’na is 83% insane, Tousai is only 67.6% insane. We have
to have some sanity to use HTML... despite the fact that it’s the source
of most of our insanity.
Are you guys the ones who created lawn gnomes?
No, those are a product of bored vampires, the source of
all minor evils... and some major ones.
Can I be crazy like you?
When you can snatch the chopstick from my ponytail, flyswattah,
you too shall be ready to wreak havok upon the masses of the sane.
What kind of place do you live in?
An old haunted mansion. It’s really big. We’ve split it up
into several parts, each dedicated to a different horror movie centered
around a big scary house. Then there’s the section where the several layers
of metafictional authors reside...
What kind of cars do you drive?
A black (talking) TransAm (named Kitt), a black Humvee, a
big maroon minivan, a white volvo, and a horsedrawn carriage we stole from
Cinderella.
Are you serious?
As a heart attack.
Describe yourselves?
And what are you wearing?
Age/Sex/Location?
None/Of/Your/Business
What is your quest?
To find the Holy Grail.
What is your favorite color?
Orange, no, blue, no AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Are you drunk?
No, stoned. There’s a difference.
Give us a standard “day in the life of”
Eat, drink, be Mary Tyler Moore.
Are you left handed?
No, I’m wrong handed.
You’re really serious?
Are you trying to bring me down, man?
Have you ever lived in a cardboard box?
Who hasn’t? They’re great. Cold in the winter, Hot in the
summer... what more could we ask for?
What is the meaning of life?
Even if we knew that, we wouldn’t tell you.
If you would like to contribute a
question to our FAQ list, email Tousai or Ari’na and we’ll try to get it
up. Any quesiton will do.
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