Disclaimer:Paramount owns them. No infringement intended. I own nothing except my imagination.
Rated:NC-17 If you're too young, and you know if you are, please leave.
By Orion
October 1998
Kathryn stood on the upper level of her ready room gazing out of the viewport toward a blue and green planet. Krytok. It was rich in most of the minerals and supplies they needed, and they had been granted access to them.
Her door chimed. "Come in," she called.
"You wanted to see me, Captain?" Chakotay asked upon entering Kathryn's ready room.
Kathryn turned toward her first officer. "Yes. The arrangements with Prefect Laken are almost complete. We're lucky. He said the Krytokians can supply us with most of our needs. What they can't help us with, he said Midreen, another planet in this star system, may be able to."
"That's great," Chakotay said smiling.
"I'd like you to come with me for the final negotiations today at 14:00. I'm planning on staying two weeks. That will give us enough time to restock our supplies and make any necessary repairs to the ship at the same time. I'd also like to give everyone a chance to spend time on the planet. From what the Prefect has told me, Krytok is very much like Earth. That's what I wanted to see you about. You're in charge of the shore leave schedule. See that everyone gets down to the surface. A change of pace will do the crew good."
"I'll start on the schedule right away. It will be good for you to get off the ship too. You could use the time to relax," Chakotay said, stepping up to the upper level.
"I suppose you're right. It's been a while since I had any free time, let alone enough of it to actually relax," she said wistfully.
Chakotay took another step closer to her, his eyes serious. "I could help you relax, if you'd just let me," he said quietly.
"Chakotay," Kathryn said, and sighed. "Must we go over this again?"
A mask seemed to descend over his face, and his eyes lost all expression. "No," he said flatly. "We don't have to go over it again. Forgive me, I don't know what I was thinking. I must be a masochist," he said more to himself as he stepped back down to the lower level. He turned to face her again. "Don't worry. I won't bother you about a relationship anymore. Frankly, I'm tired of waiting around ready to lap up any shred of emotion you care to throw my way."
Kathryn's eyes grew wide. She was stunned by his sudden outburst, and slowly began to grow angry. "I never told you to wait for me, Chakotay. You've known how I've felt about us having a relationship from the beginning. "
"Have I? Sometimes I'm not so sure."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I get confused by your mixed signals."
"Mixed signals?"
"Allowing me to escort you to all of the parties, flirting with me on the Bridge, touching me all the time. Do you have any idea what it's like for me to have you touch me, knowing I can't touch you back the way I'm aching to?"
Kathryn blushed slightly. "I'm sorry," she said contritely. "I didn't realize...."
"It's my fault for still hoping," he said with self-mockery. "But like I said, I won't bother you with it anymore. I know I have to get passed it."
"Chakotay...," Kathryn said, coming down to stand in front of him.
"I'll get that schedule to you as quickly as possible, Captain," he said, and walked out before she could say anything more.
Kathryn sat down behind her desk. Damn! She hated hurting Chakotay, but if he kept bringing up the possibility of a relationship between them, it couldn't be helped. She had no room in her life for anything beyond being Captain of Voyager. She needed to concentrate on her duties and getting her crew home safely. Hell, she knew she touched people more than the average person, and she liked touching Chakotay, even if it was only in a casual way. She practically relied on flirting and joking with him to get her through the day. It helped relieve some of the pressure of the enormous responsibility she felt weighing her down every day.
But she'd have to be more careful now, making sure she didn't inadvertently send the wrong message. She was glad he finally accepted the way things had to be, she told herself. Then why didn't she feel better about it, another voice wondered?
Chakotay entered his office and sat down behind his desk. He felt like a fool. He shouldn't have pressed Kathryn again, but he knew they could have something special together if she'd only allow them. She was too damn stubborn for her own good. Well, he wouldn't make that mistake again. If she decided to come to him, so be it, but he wasn't going to wait around anymore. He would get passed this, he thought sighing heavily as he picked up a padd to begin the shore leave schedule.
*****
Fifteen minutes before 14:00 Chakotay and Kathryn met outside the turbolift for their meeting with the Prefect. Entering the lift Kathryn called for deck four, and as the doors closed the silence stretched between them. Chakotay was first to break it. "Kathryn, I'm sorry about earlier."
Kathryn shook her head and looked at him. "No, Chakotay, I'm the one who should apologize. I never meant to give you the wrong impression. I'm sorry."
"That's all right. I'll get over it."
"Are you sure you'll be O.K?" she asked, concerned.
"I'll be fine," he said, his expression giving nothing away. The doors to the lift opened and Chakotay held his arm out for her to precede him. "Now," he said, "shall we get to that meeting of ours?"
One hour later, Laken, as he had requested they call him, escorted Kathryn and Chakotay out of the room where the final negotiations had just taken place.
"Thank you so much, Laken," Kathryn said as they began to walk the length of a large rectangular lobby toward the transporters at the far end. "We really appreciate all of your help. The supplies your people are giving us are more than we could have hoped for."
"You're very welcome, Captain. Krytok is always willing to help people in need."
"I wish we could give you something more in return, other than a few plants and seeds from our hydroponics bay."
"Think nothing or it. We understand your unique situation and we're pleased we can help."
Just then, one of the doors to the building's main entrance opened and a woman entered and hurried across the lobby. She hadn't seen them because she was looking down at what looked like their version of a padd in her hands. When Laken saw her he stopped and called, "Kaylara." Kathryn and Chakotay stopped also and waited aside of him. The woman glanced up and smiled, changing her direction and heading toward them. "What are you doing here? This is the first day of your vacation." He bent down and kissed her cheek.
"I wanted to drop off the last of the new building designs. That's all I'm doing, then I'm leaving."
"I'd like you to meet Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. We're providing them with supplies for their journey back to the Alpha Quadrant." Laken turned toward Kathryn and Chakotay. "Captain, Commander, this is my sister Kaylara."
"Nice to meet you," the command team said in unison.
"It's nice to meet you, too. I've heard about you and Voyager."
"Our reputation precedes us," Chakotay said, smiling at her.
Kathryn glanced at Chakotay and saw his smile. She couldn't blame him, Kaylara was very attractive. Her long dark hair and jade green eyes were a striking combination. In fact, her coloring reminded Kathryn a lot of Chakotay's, except for the eyes. Kathryn thought she looked to be about 25 Earth years. She hadn't seen any physical differences between the Krytokians and humans, other than they were slightly taller. Kaylara was as tall as Chakotay, and Kathryn felt like an ant aside of her.
"My sister was supposed to start her vacation today. She hasn't had one in way too long. She works too hard."
"Sounds like someone else I know," Chakotay said, and glanced at Kathryn. She returned his gaze with a scowl.
"I am starting it today," Kaylara looked at Laken. "When I drop this off, I'll be "officially" on vacation." Then she turned to Kathryn and Chakotay. "If you have free time and would like to see the planet, I'd be happy to show you around." Her friendly gaze was directed more toward Chakotay.
"Thanks for the offer," Kathryn said, "but we'll be fairly busy overseeing the procuring of supplies and repairs to our ship." Why had she said that? They were both going to be scheduled for shore leave. Before she could analyze anything further, Chakotay spoke.
"We do have some time off scheduled. I'd like to see your planet," he said, and Kaylara's smile grew bright. "And if you'd like, I just might be able to arrange a tour of the ship."
"I'd love to see your ship, Commander," Kaylara said.
His ship? Kathryn thought.
"Call me Chakotay."
"All right...Chakotay."
Kathryn looked at Chakotay. She was more than ready to leave. "Well, Commander, we are still on duty. We'd better head back." She turned toward Laken. "Thank you again, Laken."
"You're quite welcome, Captain. I'm sure I'll be seeing you again."
"I'm sure you will."
All four of them headed to the transporters and Kathryn and Chakotay stepped onto the pads. They said their good-byes and, just before the moment of transport, Chakotay looked at Kaylara and said, "I'll be in touch."
*****
Over the next few days Kathryn only saw Chakotay during their duty shifts together. As soon as his shift was over, he seemed to disappear, and she was fairly certain as to where. She sat alone at a table in the mess hall picking at her dinner and telling herself she didn't miss eating with him like she had gotten in the habit of doing, whether in the mess hall or in one of their quarters. Kathryn glanced up as Tom and B'Elanna appeared at her table.
"Captain," Tom said, "mind if we join you?"
"Of course not, Tom. Please, sit down," Kathryn said, looking up at them. As they sat down, she continued, "Have you seen Krytok yet?"
"Not yet," B'Elanna answered. "I'm scheduled for tomorrow. Tom gets the day after."
"I was kind of hoping we'd get the same day," Tom said. "I guess Chakotay wasn't in a generous mood when he made up the shore leave schedule."
Kathryn thought back to that day. No, he probably hadn't been in a generous mood after their discussion in her ready room. Now she felt as if it was her fault Tom and B'Elanna weren't scheduled together. "Tom, take your shore leave tomorrow and I'll find someone to cover for you."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. After all, we're only orbiting the planet."
"Thanks. I doubt Chakotay will even notice the change," he said to both of them.
"Why is that?" Kathryn asked.
"I heard he's been pretty busy with some hot babe down on Krytok."
Kathryn looked up with a start, and didn't see B'Elanna kick Tom under the table. "Where'd you hear that?" she asked, trying to sound casual.
"Oh...you know how rumors fly faster than warp eight around here. It's probably been exaggerated quite a bit."
"Possibly," Kathryn said, and stood up to leave. Tom and B'Elanna looked at her, trying to gauge her reaction. "If you will excuse me, I have reports to finish reading."
"Sure. Good night, Captain," they answered.
"Good night," Kathryn said, and left the mess hall.
As soon as she was gone, B'Elanna turned to Tom. "Why did you say that? You know the Captain and Chakotay have some sort of under-lying "thing" going on."
"Well, apparently it's not much of a "thing" if he's seeing someone on Krytok."
"You don't know for sure. I think we should mind our own business."
"Fine," Tom said, and then smiled. "At least we have shore leave together now."
B'Elanna smiled as they continued their meal.
*****
Three days later Kathryn sat behind her desk in her ready room drinking her fourth cup of coffee for the day. The few needed repairs to the ship were coming along nicely, and much of the supplies were already on board. Despite the knowledge all was going well, Kathryn couldn't dispel the unpleasant mood which had followed her to bed the night before, and with which she had awoken. Her shore leave had been yesterday, and Laken had offered to show her some of the sights on Krytok. She had accepted his invitation, eager to see his planet and glad she wouldn't have to spend the day alone. Chakotay had had shore leave the day before her. Not that it would have mattered if it had been on the same day. Kathryn knew he wouldn't have spent it with her.
Laken had shown her some beautiful vistas. His city was surrounded by rolling green hills and valleys. Some wooded and some not. Hiking up one hill, Kathryn had been delighted to see a bright blue ribbon of water twisting and turning through the lush green land. It had reminded her of Earth and she had grown a little homesick, but had kept the feeling to herself.
As Laken had escorted her back to the transporters, he had told Kathryn how his sister was finally relaxing and enjoying herself for the first time in a long time. He had said he had Commander Chakotay to thank for that, as it was because of him it seemed. Laken had seen them together a few times over the past few days, and Kaylara had usually been laughing.
Kathryn had replied with a noncommittal, "I'm glad," but that had set the tone for the unpleasant feeling she carried with her.
Well, she thought pulling out of her reverie, he had better not let Kaylara take his mind off of his duties. But, deep down, she knew Chakotay wouldn't allow that to happen. He had an innate sense of responsibility. Kathryn gave a small self-deprecating laugh. Why was she so irritated by this? It was fine with her if Chakotay wanted to see someone. She told herself it didn't bother her in the least.
Kathryn drained her cup and set it down as her door chimed. "Come in," she called. The doors opened and Chakotay entered. "Commander," she said in greeting.
He walked up to her desk and held out a padd. "Here's the report on the repairs of the warp manifold so far. They're not complete yet."
"Thank you, Commander," she said, reaching for the padd, her fingers accidentally brushing his. An electric shock shot through her hand and she quickly withdrew it, almost dropping the padd on her desk. She didn't see Chakotay's eyebrow raise in question.
"You're welcome, Captain," he said slowly.
Kathryn looked up and saw him staring at her. "Was there something else?" she asked curtly, hoping he hadn't noticed her reaction, but suspected otherwise.
"No," he answered, lingering in front of her desk.
"Oh," she said, confused as to why he was still standing there looking at her. He was beginning to make her nervous. "Dismissed," she finally managed to get out.
Chakotay looked at her for a few more seconds, then nodded, turned around, and walked out.
*****
A few hours later Kathryn dressed for dinner. She was going down to the planet and meeting Laken. Yesterday he had asked her if she would join him, and she had said yes. She had almost refused, but then figured she might as well, she didn't have any plans. She chose a short-sleeved pale green dress which fell to just below her knees. It had a sweetheart neckline, and she wore a gold heart on a thin gold chain around her neck. Satisfied she looked nice without being too "dressy," she headed for the turbolift.
As she stepped into the empty lift, Chakotay stepped in behind her and turned to stand at her side. "Deck four," she said, looking straight ahead.
"Captain," he said.
"Commander," she returned. Kathryn felt his gaze slide down her body and back up again, but refused to look his way.
"You're dressed up tonight," Chakotay said.
"Not really," she replied.
"Where are you off to?"
"I have a dinner date." Why did she say that? It wasn't really a "date." It was more like two acquaintances eating together. "What about you?" she asked.
"Me too."
"You've been seeing quite a bit of Kaylara lately," she observed.
"Only in my off duty hours." She didn't say anything and he glanced down at her. "Does that bother you?"
Kathryn looked up at him for the first time since entering the lift. "No. Why would it bother me?"
"I don't know. Why'd you mention it?"
"Just making conversation," she said as the lift stopped and the doors opened.
Kathryn walked out, leaving Chakotay to follow behind her. He didn't hurry the few steps to catch up, though. Instead he remained behind, enjoying the way her dress swirled back and forth with the sway of her hips. As his eyes wandered, so did his mind. Kathryn. What was the matter with her recently? He wondered if she might be jealous, but quickly dismissed the thought. Why would she be jealous? She'd told him many times that they couldn't be together. Even if she did feel something for him, which he thought she did, it's obviously not enough for her to give in and do what she wants to do instead of what she tells herself to do.
They entered the transporter room and stepped up onto the pads. Chakotay gave the coordinates for his intended site and Kathryn looked over at him suspiciously. "The same for me," she told the Ensign on duty. After a few seconds they dematerialized and reappeared at the site on the planet, where Laken and Kaylara were waiting for them.
Laken came forward. "Kathryn, you look lovely tonight." She had requested he call her Kathryn when they had spent the day together sight-seeing.
"Thank you, Laken," she said, walking over to him.
I'm glad you could all make it for dinner," he said to the whole group. "My house isn't far. We can walk."
As Laken and Kaylara led the way, Kathryn whispered to Chakotay, "You didn't tell me you were eating at Laken's too."
"You didn't ask," he said, and went to join Kaylara.
Laken turned and waited until Kathryn caught up to him and they walked behind Chakotay and Kaylara. He began telling Kathryn what he had prepared for dinner that evening, but Kathryn wasn't listening. She had seen Kaylara weave her arm through Chakotay's and lean in to hear what he was saying. Finally some of Laken's words drifted through to her. "...so I hope you like it."
"What? Oh, I'm sure I will."
They arrived at Laken's house within a few minutes. It was the largest on the block. Stone and wood with a wrap-around porch. Kathryn stared at it in awe. "It's beautiful."
"Being Prefect has it's advantages," Laken chuckled.
As the four of them entered the house, Kathryn couldn't help but comment on the rustic decor. "This is gorgeous," she said as she looked around at the natural wood interior. The room was large with a high beamed ceiling and a fireplace at one end.
"It sure would be a nice change from looking at gray walls everyday," Chakotay said.
"I can imagine," Laken said. "And thank you."
"Something smells wonderful," Kathryn commented.
"That would be the tampour I was telling you about," Laken said, and Kathryn felt guilty for not listening to him during their walk to his house.
Dinner was served, and Kathryn was seated aside of Chakotay, Laken and Kaylara across from them. Laken asked about their adventures in the Delta Quadrant, and their stories carried them through their meal.
"Would you care for more?" Laken asked as the group finished.
Everyone replied in the negative. "I couldn't eat another bite," Kathryn said.
"Me either. That was delicious," Chakotay also commented.
"You've outdone yourself again, Laken," Kaylara said, grinning.
"Why, thank you. Shall we adjourn to the living room?" Laken asked.
The group wandered to the other room. Kathryn sat on a plush chair and Laken sat on an identical one across from her.
"You can sit here, Chakotay," Kaylara said, sitting on the sofa and motioning for him to sit aside of her.
Kathryn glanced at them, and when Chakotay sat down, she noticed Kaylara move a little closer to him. She couldn't help feeling annoyed by the other woman's action. Kathryn was momentarily distracted as Laken and Kaylara told stories of their planet, but soon her attention returned to the couple before her.
Chakotay also told some of the few amusing stories of his childhood. Kathryn watched throughout the conversation as Kaylara laughed with Chakotay and every so often placed her hand on his arm or shoulder. The very same places her own hand had rested on many occasions. Her annoyance grew. It was so obvious she was flirting with him, and he was soaking it all in like a sponge. Smiling down at her the whole time. Couldn't he see...? She stopped her thought suddenly. Oh God, Kathryn, are you jealous? You can't be! This couldn't be happening. But if she wasn't jealous, why was she feeling like she wanted to tear Kaylara apart?
"Kathryn...Kathryn?" It was Chakotay's voice that broke through her daydreaming. "Are you all right?" he asked. It was only then that she realized she had been staring at the couple on the sofa.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm getting tired," she made up an excuse. She did want to leave.
"It is getting late. Maybe we should go," Chakotay said, and stood.
"Do you have to go too?" Kaylara asked, also standing.
"I'm afraid so. I have early duty shift tomorrow."
"O.K. I'll walk with you to the transporter site. Then I can walk back with Laken, since we only live two houses away," Kaylara said.
"How convenient," Kathryn muttered dryly.
"Oh, yes," Kaylara said, not taking offense at Kathryn's comment. "Most families on Krytok live close to each other, even after we've married and had children."
Kathryn looked up as Kaylara walked by her and headed toward the door where Laken waited for them. She hadn't thought her comment had been loud enough for anyone to hear. Catching Chakotay's puzzled expression, she immediately regretted her "uncaptain-like" behavior and followed the others to the door.
The few blocks to the transport site were completed mostly in silence. Only Kaylara seemed oblivious to the slightly strained atmosphere that had invaded the group since leaving Laken's. When they arrived at their destination, Kathryn turned to Laken. "Thank you so much for the lovely dinner and hospitality, Laken."
"It was my pleasure." He took her hand and kissed it briefly. "I hope you come back once more to say good-bye."
"I will. You can count on that," Kathryn said, and stepped onto a transport pad.
Chakotay thanked Laken, and when he turned toward Kaylara she took his hands and kissed him on the cheek. Seeing the action, Kathryn felt like a fist had wrapped around her heart and was slowly squeezing the life out of it. She needed to get away, now. A few second's later, when Chakotay indicated he, too, was ready for transport, Laken hit the coordinates for their ship and they disappeared.
As soon as they rematerialized, Kathryn hurried out of the transporter room and toward the turbolift. Chakotay had no trouble catching up with her, and they entered the lift together. Again, they both stood facing the doors. After a few seconds of silence Kathryn said, "I wouldn't get too attached to her if I were you. We'll be leaving in a little under a week."
Chakotay looked at her as if trying to understand the reason for her statement. "Would you like me to stop seeing her?" he asked slowly.
Kathryn shrugged. She couldn't let him know she thought she was jealous, especially after all she'd said to him about not wanting them to deepen their relationship. "No," she said. "It doesn't matter to me what you do. I wouldn't want to see you get hurt, that's all."
"It wouldn't happen," he said quietly, his eyes hardening. "You have the rights on that."
Kathryn's eyes opened wide and her head snapped up to look at him. He stared down at her, his eyes slightly veiled. Is that how he felt about her? As the lift stopped and the doors opened on the floor of their quarters, Kathryn ripped her gaze away from his. "Good night, Commander," she said as she blazed a trail down the corridor.