3ACV17: A Pharoah To Remember First UK airing: Sky One, 7:00pm, 28-4-02 "I'm the first one to work. A new low." Stop me if you've heard this before: after getting into a strop over something petty, Bender goes on a delivery mission with Fry and Leela where they end up getting captured by the unfriendly parcel recipients. He then causes his friends no end of pain and suffering while he selfishly gallivants around abusing the goodwill of the locals to his own ends, before helping them to escape when he's eventually and inevitably threatened himself. Despite his selfishness, Bender is immediately forgiven by Fry and Leela and the incident is forgotten. Yes, I know you were telling me to shut the hell up about five words in because you'd already worked out I was talking about 'Fear Of A Bot Planet' back in season one. But I had a point to make, and damn it, I was going to make it! This was rather a schizophrenic episode. For some reason I hadn't been expecting much from it, but the first part -- Bender's rant, his spree and his 'funeral' -- was great, probably in part because it was so unexpected, but mainly because it was just bloody funny. 'Bender licks butt' -- that was an absolutely brilliant tag to a joke that seemed predictable at first! This whole section of the show was jam-packed with equally superb moments ("LOU-DER AND SAD-DER!", catching the lillies). And Zoidberg's cry of pain when Bender pegs him on the back of the head with a martini glass makes me giggle every time I hear it. But then, the second half of the show turned into a rehash of 'Bot Planet', only nowhere near as good. And this time, Fry and Leela were utterly passive, just commenting on Bender's antics instead of actually doing something about them. Jeez, Leela didn't even put up a fight when the crew were captured! What, they couldn't take on two guys or run the six feet back into the ship? The setup was weak, the jokes (a handful of sight gags aside) were forced, and Bender's rise to power and immediate corruption were tiresomely predictable. There's a difference between being loveably malevolent (as Bender normally is) and being an out-and-out sadistic asshole, and this time Bender went so far across the line he was in danger of heading back towards it from the other side of the planet. Still, the pokes at organised religion and 'Elton John' did a little to make up for the weakness of the Egyptian bit. Oh, and Bender walking like one. But anyway, the important part of the show -- just how high is a billion cubits? Well, it depends whether you say a billion is a thousand million or a million million, for a start. I go by the former, since this is the accepted measurement for astronomical stuff (gee, I sound like such a scientist, don't I?). One cubit is the length of a forearm (the ancient Egyptians may have been good at astronomy, but they clearly lacked accuracy on a more down-to-earth level). My forearm is about eleven inches long, assuming it's measured to the elbow, so that's 11,000,000,000 inches, or 916,666,666 feet, or 305,555,555 yards, or 173,611 miles. (Feel free to correct my maths if I'm wrong!) Or 21.7 times the diameter of the Earth, if you prefer. Bender's statue wasn't anywhere near that high, so I think the Osirian slaves were slacking! Rating: