Phone Calls

addictions keep me up all night.
caffeine and nicotine,
body doesn't even fight,
up for hours, makes it seem.

waiting to call once again
you seem just a little late,
but it's only 2 A.M.
and this looks to be my fate.

finally hearing your voice.
it's begun a better day,
waiting up, is all my choice,
i wish i knew waht to say.

i really hopw you can see,
these things i feel inside,
and if it were up to me
this would all last, eternally.

Cloudy Nights

No stars in the sky tonight,
no more somber light,
the moon hides behind a cloud,
shading a million prayers,
that it screams so loud.

A thousand pleadings,
only more misleadings,
deal with your shit;
don't ask above for help,
in the thick of it.

'Cause no one can help you,
though this may be past due,
only you can fix this;
you know what to begin
even if things seem amiss.

I'll try to help, best i can
whatever things i can lend,
they're here for the taking,
i wholey support,
these plans you've been making.

12 Lines On Caffeine

stayin' up writin' songs for you,
'cause i've nothing left to do.

layin' there, longing, in my bed,
thoughts beging flowing from my head.

these feelings are here all the time,
emotions I can keep all mind.

wouldn't mind telling everyone,
but after all is said and done.

you understand, i only hope,
not seein' me, no reason to mope.

I'll call you when i get home,
you don't have to feel so alone.

an Ode To Espresso

a soothing taste you leave on my lips
i yearn for a longer kiss
feeling more alive with you here
only to die once you've gone

your dark full body
leeves and empty feeling inside
so fine and rich you are
wish i had a fine cigar

it takes a very special person
to make me feel this way
my mind opens up
to new places and ideas

you have your own culture
one i'd love to be a part of
on of poerts, artists, and conisouers
the norms can't understand the obsession

there is nothing more i'd like
than to wake up next to you
your dense, fragrant aroma
waking me from my nightmare

you're one thing i'm sure of
you can never leave me
never condemn me
never mock my ways

i understand the way you speak
in silence, a listening ear
never offering guidence
just being there for me

and how many have loved you?
such as i love you tonight?
i'm sure the lists are long
from the rich to the poor

you keep the world at bay
bring us back from the edge
keep all our minds moving
as our body gives-way

the genious, sceintist and scholar
can all keep steadily at work
as long as you're there
to keep their brains awake

some misinterprit my love
they just dont' understand
or am i misunderstood?
either way, i'll be back for more

the musician keeps playing
the painter, still painting
a steady hand at their medium
you keep their ambitions strong!

and oh! your warmth!
a frozen night cannot compare
your godly ecstacy
your intense euphoria

you're passed the test of time!
envigerating every man
whose know you're hard touch
your hot, bitter hands

Ho! no drug will compare!
none has a record as you
influencing the great persons
to create and destroy, to love and hate

but still, to me, you'll be
my greatest friend forever
you can't hurt me like the rest
you're the reason for my rhyme!

A Plague

nature rages outside
a plague upon this earth we are;
a plague to one another;
and one in the same within

'lest we begin to feel
these things kept inside
things for those we know
things for ourselves

but these we cannot show
our insecurities keep us latent
what the world may think
comparing to what we know

the beautiful music inside our heads
will never see the staff
nor feel the musician's love
the masses will never cry

must it be this way?
why won't our thoughts pour?
as paint from the brush?
onto the canvas of our lives?

Lament For The Death Of Ajax

You knew all my greatest secrets
You knew my loves and hates
My good days and bad

You've taken it all to the grave
And for this I thank you
It means the world

You' listen to me
Mesmerized by my words
You were my best friends

Feeling what I did not speak
Caring forever more
Nothing; you asked in return

Eat and sleep; all they see
But you'd do so much more
And nothing less

No more will the yard see you play
No more of you waiting by the door
Waiting for my return

You waited till I sleep
Till you left
And this I thank you for

I couldn't watch you go
Nor would I let you
But time always catches up

You've done your time
And punched your card
You payments is due

And I guess I'll believe
All dogs go to heaven
I'll try my best to see you there

My shrink, my friend, my love, Ajax

As You Were Lying There

As you were lying there
I slowly stroked your hair

The long dark strands
Filter through my hands

Perfect eyes, gently close
You quickly start to doze

I watch you fall away
How I wish I could stay

When I finally do
I'll be all for you

We talk about waiting
But I'm simply stating

I'm really in love
I hope you feel the same

Another Day I Spend Alone

Another day I spend alone
Why even call this place home

It's nothing to me, 'lest you're here
But you never seem to come near

I guess I'll have to understand
All I wanted, to hold your hand

Two years never seemed so far
I watch you slip, a falling star

Hope, wonder, if you still want me
Or are you waiting to be free

No one really knows our story,
I guess I shouldn't worry

If I actually lost thee,
And yes lost, is where I'd be

I guess it would end all our strife
And how much an easier life

Another you? I'd never find
Not even anyone in kind.

Ode To The Poet

Oh! Great poets of time!
blessed words of wisdom,
knowledge that becomes mine,
I dwell in thy kingdom!

As the clock ticks on by,
sit, read, contemplating,
who could love thee as I?
to meet thee i'm waiting.

Poems of lust and love,
good days among the bad,
seemiung to rise above,
the sane into the mad.

Yes! Prophets you all are!
peace, war, all at your pen,
you see all from afar,
the highest class of men!

Burn! how your words do dance!
in my head, 'round my mind,
fell in love at first glance,
what a wonderfull find!

Byron! how I admire!
while I read, the room fills,
with all your desire,
I finish, the room stills.

Frost! thy views of nature!
never has it been so great,
watching ever creature,
what a euphoric state!

To you, poets, I shall turn
for you are those who preach,
and from thee I shall learn
I hope you've more to teach.

Red Pen

I miss my red pen,
Where have you gone?
maybe in my pocket?
nope, checked there.
how 'bout my desk?
no, can't be,
where has my red pen gone?
i wish i could find you,
but 'till then,
i'm stuck with my black pen.
so dark, no life, the black flows.
unlike the red that poured,
as the blood from my heart.
pigment taht carried my thoughts,
and brought it too paper,
but as i dwell in the past,
i can see the black will last.
till you come back,
my beautiful red pen.

Untitled I

you pompus little fuck
thou'd better learn to duck

oh! the punches we will swing
and the beetings we shall bring

you had better look behind,
my demeanor is not kind

stay away from what is mine
or no longer you'll be fine

these aren't the words of a poet,
and i'll make sure you know it.

Tigers

the thoughts of the tiger
make my mind sometimes stagger

happy one minute
an impression so infinite

depressed the next
why is this creature so vexed?

a life behind bars
dreaming of the stars

a flame in her eye
yearning to leave and fly

i hold the key to your door
better yet, your heart, wanting more

shall i set thee free?
free, all ye wants to be

in the jungle we shall live
giving all we have to give

you don't neet a trainer
you need only a dreamer

Love

I'm there carressing your skin
feeling the warmth from within

your breathe gusts past my ear
love, having one so near

eyes meet at a glance
is this all by chance?

we've done this all before
yet i've never wanted more

passing by, the seasons
and for all the right reasons

i'm still seeing thee
and thee, all i can see

memories invade the day
with you, so far away

but till again we two meet
i can remeber thy hear beat

the curves of your form
could quiet the greatest storm

the moon orbits above
'round you! my love!

Sanctuary

this place i call my sanctuary,
others might feffer to it as my room,
always seems to keep out the dark and gloom.
a place i go to when i'm weary.

surrounded by all of my heroes,
the pictures, cds, movies, and books,
most would give you the dirtiest of looks,
and again my mind begins to doze.

i would live here and eternity,
it really wouldn't be so horrible,
but yet an action so deplorable,
a few i'd ask to visit me.

Dreamin'

moving from scene to scene
less people, more changes,
yet shallow water,
but you can't swim,
light becomes dim,
blindness sets in,
black, dark, sorrow,
lost in limbo, can't
deside a way to go,
but it doesn't matter,
when you can't see the path,
you've lost your footing,
and your too smooth to grip,
so you start to slip
yell, scream, it's all aa dream,
dreams come true they say,
hopefully, not today.

Insomniac

I watch the world fall asleep,
I watch it all awaken,
I am the insomniac,
God of all time.

Fuck the clock,
screw the hours,
minutes pass like speeding
cars on the highway.

I am father time,
I am Alpha and Omega,
I see all the light,
and run in the dark.

There is no one here,
no one but my mind,
i'm all alone,
alone in my insanity.

I am the miscreant,
the desolation angel,
i am your fear,
i am your dream.

Only i can evade the sandman,
advance, strong as he will,
his dust never reaches me,
my sight is crystal clear.

Am i crazy? or paranoid?
shall i sleep? shall i weep?
no rest is the greatest hell,
head working, infinitly.

I am the calender,
I am the sunrise,
I can see all death,
I observe all life.

I am the insomniac.
Be glad you've not my vision,
a lesster man would not last
a sane man surely would succumb.

Sweet silence destroyed,
by the yawning populous.
Another day gone, another begun,
on and on my epic crawls.

A new scorching sun,
arises on the horizon,
only to rest again,
but I, I am the everpresent waters.

Never ceising movements,
no calming nightfall,
I am the oceans,
I am the sea.

Caged Tiger

i see you prance
like a caged tiger
a majestic creature
i can never pet

and late at night
i sit in my bed
remembering the fire in your eyes

i don't understand
how a caged tiger
can stay beautiful

when you looked through your bars
it was like all you saw was me
and i you

and when they pack up the tent
and put you back on the train
i know you'll be back next year

i just hope you haven't forgotten
the time you, the tiger
tamed me...

Bottom Of My Cup

I'm at the bottom of my cup,
no more to pick me up,

the caffeine wears away
how i'd wish it'd stay

and black coffee...
is all that's left of me,

it keeps me awake,
i realize my mistake,

when you're awake all the time,
life doesn't seem so fine,

i'll be up forever,
maybe start another endever

4:28am

you think i don't know?
my mind - to an fro
i see his lust but yet
i have nothing to regret
i know it isn't right
please, let's not fight
could never take another
should have een a mother
holding things inside
no telling you i cried
try to keep my chin up
trying not to give up
again i always fall
don't want to loose it all
i've lost it all before
can't bear to lose anymore
so tired all the time
hoping you're still mind
my mind is not together
will this last forever?
just a little girl
stuck in a hopeless world
others are not kind
with their hormone-ridden minds
i see through the fake
my heart they'll never take
need your loving guidence
need your constant love
need your sweet embrace
'neath stars & moon above
love me like no other
love so pure & true
fall in love again
as i have fallen for you.

(waiting)

I'd wait in the cold all night long,
I'd write you endless poems and songs,
I'd sell my soul to see your smile;
to be held by you - even if only a little while.

Nothing will e'er compare to your crystaline eyes -
no peaceful ocean nor sunlit sky.
I'd walk a thousand miles and then
five thousand more just to see you again.

I hate leaving even if it's bitterly cold;
I miss having you there, someone to hold.
Being held by you, it takes away the pain,
but I'm sad until we meet again.

I fight the tears, I cling to you,
but when you're gone it's all I can do
to smile and try not to feel so blue,
but I simply don't know how to live without you.

(don't yell)

"don't yell at me
let me be
give me respect
i'm not perfect
i won't eat
that's deceit?
walk alone
i have no home
sit and lament
have no talent
dance - no deal
sing - get real
play piano but why
learn guitar - don't try
i am the worst
brothers come first
hate me
hate me
wouldn't wanna date me
too much hassle, why bother
overly-conceited father
can't drive - quelle age?
dix-neuf. c'est dommage
starving me
should be skinny
compared to my mother
by yet another
one little love in a sea of nite
sad that love comes with a fight

(passing through)

going through life, walking around
pass through crowds, head forced down
hug my bear, won't hug back
can't go out, fight the attack
meet the eye, catch a glare
feels like a hit, not just a stare
i want the drugs, pass the time
numb the world, addiction is mine
rumors fly, speak to no one
sit back and watch, becoming undone
just a tool, pass me around
like an old movie, i have no sound
random, that's me, stuffed in the mold
uncomfortable, not me, so cold
voices speed up, screaming in vain
standing, spinning; pleasure or pain?
loud, rough, but yet so lost
will make it, whatever the cost
bits and pieces, my shattered dream
if a girl is alone, who will hear her scream?

(need someone)

I need a man who will be there
need someone to let me know he cares
will you take me, take me as i am
hold me, love me like a real man

i need a friend to listen to me cry
to be there and never question why
will you consol me, never let it end
listen, understand like a real friend

can you be my everything
bring to life my every dream
unconditional, never let me go
if you can, don't let me let you go

stay by my side, be proud of me
bring me in, see what i can be
and if we change, can we still stay the same
whenever you need me just call my name

cuz i can be your everything
bring to life your every dream
unconditional, never let you go
i love you...don't let go

(hurt myself again)

headaches each morning, wake to pain
i look in the mirror, hurt myself again
hate my reflexion, it hates me, too
one flickering light leads to you

can't sleep, no rest from the fight
empty stomach hurts all nite
tv commercials tease me with sweet food
can't afford it, wishing i could

dark marks under my eyes
no sleep or endless cries
can't tell the difference anymore
my future so unsure

endless anxiety, sleepless nites
looking for you, for the leading light
save me, please, before i've gone to far
or i'll be gone...won't know who you are

04/10/02 (rising in my throat)

it's rising in my throat it makes me want to scream
fell into the trap, can't wake from this dream
you stare, sneer, you are all clones
climb into the trap, sitting here alone

you push me in
i don't want out
drowning in sin
suffocating in doubt

judged from a look, what do you see
slender and pretty, is that really me
covered in braclets, hair in my face
scoff at my smile, fear i now taste

i tear myself up, it's called self-abuse
i'm insecure, does that frighten you
i hide in my mind, stay up too late
slowing rocking, feeding off your hate

i'm the ugly girl, that lonely chick
smaller than you, called aneorexic
don't want to be you, what you're trying to be
so i'm unaccepted - you don't even know ME

(i want you)

Softly raining, God, I want you.
The wind whispers, I want to take you.
I want to hold you, I want to break you,
but all I see are puddles of love.

You're so far, but you're right here.
I feel your love - it feels so near.
The storm will pass and now I fear
I'm left with puddles of love.

I've cried so much, it never ends
Love so strong came from my best friend.
I just hope that you get what I send
I cried you puddles of love.

You just showed up, never planned
a relationship forever damned.
And I never would have imagined
that we played in puddles of love.

(think of you like this)

I shouldn't think of you like this
and I shouldn't long for our next kiss,
but I can't help the way you make me feel
and I can't deny that this is real.
Should I thank the Lord for every glance
or should I thank you for this chance?

'Cuz this might be wrong, but I don't mind.
Damn the world with the faults they'll find.
God may not want you to be with me,
but I know, I feel, that this was meant to be.

Man made the laws that we choose to break,
but it's just another chance we're willing to take.
People will look down and judge us unfairly
'cause they've never seen the way you look at me.
But you don't care, you pretend it's okay,
and I guess it will be some far away day.

I just don't understand this law binding love.
You're the one I want, the one I think of.
And it's probably wrong, but I don't give a damn
as long as you're here and holding my hand.
We'll defy them all, just you and me
because I feel it inside: we were meant to be.

(smothered)

My words get swallowed by the wind
when i try to delay your bitter end.
I feel smothered between the stars and concrete.
Protesting my vexatious defeat.
The earth creeps closer to the sky
while I violently scream in darkness's eye.
How could you take my very last friend?
I thought this would never happen again.
I guess I was wrong.
I shouldn't have fought.
Life's plot
never what I thought.
It's my fault I'm distraught.
I was wrong.
The cold air keenly embraces me.
Darkness blinds, now I cant see.
This is the moment they take you away.
We've both laughed at our sins, and now we pay.
Tears fill the hole happiness left behind.
Our smiles have packed up and resigned.
I yearn for you sound swimming through my ear
Who would've guessed pain's all I would hear?
I guess I was wrong.
I shouldn't have guessed.
Life's mess
Gotta deal with the best.
Blame myself for distress.
I guess I was wrong.
Pain and guilt and everything acidic...
Blame, remorse, and in betweens...
I want to scream.
Dont leave me
dont leave me!
Goodbye
I was wrong.

(longing)

I feel this longing, this endless tug
It's all too familiar, this aching love.
God it hurts to think of you with her.
And then I think of your own torture.

I know it hurts to think of he and I,
I know it makes me break down and cry.
So lost in this world of politics and lies,
Why can't we live, love, and die?

But lately all I seem to feel
is this emptiness, the pain is real.
A story without an ending, an unresolved chord,
Just wishing that I was the one you adored.

I look through the bars, you're so far away,
We both know that I can't expect you to stay.
I'm pacing and weary, when will this end?
Just remember, I'll always be your friend.

Caught in this balance, unsteady and frozen,
regretting the paths that I have chosen.
If I could go back and fix this for you,
believe that I would, God, it's true.

02/20/02 (from christmas of '01)

The nite is over, but you're still in my mind.
Your eyes, your heart, your touch is so kind.
We sat so close, you held my hand
as if you were the ocean and I was the sand.

I was nervous and unsure, and you were, too;
but it felt so right in the dark next to you.
You make me laugh like no one else can,
but you're so caring and gentle - the perfect man.

You saw it in my eyes, it was too hard to miss,
and I know you felt all my passion when we kissed.
I'd be so happy if you never left my arms.
I want to protect you from all hurt and harm.

I'd take all your pain in a second in i could.
If I could wrap you in the saftey of my love, I would.
I love you so much it's hard to understand,
but this feeling runs right through me when you touch my hand.

One glance from you could bring me to my knees.
That's why I ask, I beg, sweet Eric, please,
be careful with my heart, it's been broken before
and remember that a part of it will always be yours.

(Forbidden Love)

we will always carry this secret
they will never accept what it true
we will always hide our emotions
and they'll never see me and you

they give us a thousand reasons
why you and i can't be
but i know they'd change their minds
if only they would see

in daytime we are friends
at least that's what they see
they don't even notice
how you look at me

it's so hard to hide
our feelings can't be denied
and as they put us down
they can't see how i've cried

and yet the reasons come
they try to put up a wall
why won't they understand
it's love and that is all

with nite as our cover
we run so far away
whispering secrets in the dark,
we'll have our time someday

i love you so much
i hear you softly say
it fills me with such hope
and we *will* find a way

(kiss)

a wonderful nite with wonderful you
you always seem to know what i want to do
but when it was over, when i knew we had to go
we kissed and embraced and i felt you had to know
i called you back, we kissed, yet again
and then you came back, you ran, i didn't want it to end
one last time, i called out your name
but maybe you didn't hear it, but it's all the same
you looked over your shoulder, i knew you weren't returning
and i was left alone, with the feelings still burning
my heart was racing, i was terrified
i feared that was the last time we'd say goodbye
but still i called out, i just wanted you to know
how i felt before you had to go
but you'd didn't come back, i guess you didn't hear
i was still gripped with this consuming fear
but you were leaving, i didn't know what to do
i could only watch you go as i whispered, "i love you"

(you and i)

this is extacy
my heart was racing
and i feel sad, too
my emotions are flying
i'm feel like a lost puppy
my hands always shake
and i want to see you so soon
when i go
its always forever...
and yet never....
you're always here with me...
but it doesn't compare...
to when i am there...
playing with your jeans...
and talking of random things...
i don't know when i'll be home...
i keep looking at the clock...
and it's like a bullet through my heart...
each minute passes...
it's one more into etenity...
and i'm still not there with you...
if i had a car...
if only i had a car...
and if only your parents didn't dispise me :(...
if you could come over when mine were awake...
if we didn't have to meet so late...
if only the world would just accept us...
if only the world would love the way we love...
it's always cold when we're together...
and everything seems dead...
but you let me come close...
and i feel much better...
i know how i feel...
i hope this feeling for you...
will never go away...
and i guess there is one thing to say...
and for some reason...
i can't say it to your face...
i'm just such a wimp...
i'm sorry if i let you down...
i never mean to...
no one treats me like you do...
and when you watch me dance around...
i always smile...
because you seem to like anything i do...
and even if i'm talking about nothing...
you seem so interested...
i love to listen to you...
and when you don't have anything to say...
that's ok...
sorry if i talk about the wrong things...
but i'm always thinking of you...
bout how wonderful you are...
how lucky i am right now...
and i guess not seeing you isn't so bad...
i always have you in my mind...
i always have you in my heart...
and i can do a lot more there then i do in person...
and it was in a song...
"there are many things i'd like to say to you...
but i don't know how"...
but in another song...
"you say it best, when you say nothing at all"...
so i'm lost...
i love you...
i really do...
thats all i have to say...
well i guess not...
its all i CAN say...
i can't express it any other way...
and i hope you feel it...
and you aren't wasting your time...
i would never play with your head...
and especially not your heart...


i love the way you make me feel
i love the way it feels so real
i love that you let me be me
how you love everything you see
and your love is enduring,
so unconditional and burning
like a fire that won't go out
love is what we're about
a candle that will never melt
that's how my love has always felt
a flame that will never die
always and ever, you and i

(Time Stands Still)

How do you do it? You make time stand still.
You are my prozac, my little happy pill.
I never smile, I forgot how to be happy,
but you work your magic and get inside me.
Each touch is too much, every kiss so kind.
When I sear your eyes, love is all I find.
I hate the world and its stupid rules
that were created by heartless fools.
Why can't we be still there, cold on the ground?
I felt so much better with you around.
I'm so tired of it all, make them go away
so i cna be with you for just another day.
I fell too far in love, but you caught me anyway;
and when I worry about youm you ask if I'm okday.
How could I no love you, I just don't see how
I only wish we could be together right now.

(One Day [from pearl jam Black])*

One day you'll fall in love,
you'll find the girl of your dreams.
You'll hold her close to your heart
and make life better than it seems

Why can't it be me?

One day she'll taste your sweet lips
to receive one passionate kiss.
And when you're away at nite,
it's her soft touch that you'll miss.

Why not mine?

One day you'll look at her
and fall down on your knees.
You'll watch her happy tears fall
as you say, "Marry me, please."

Why not me?

One day you'll wake up next to her
and know that you were so right,
as you rest next to the love of your life
and the memory of me dies with the nite.

(lights out)

Lights out, eyes closed, mind full of You.
Night falls, stars rise, do You do this too?
Slowly spinning, I see You grinning.
Floating, I smile, and I'm still spinning.
Eyes, lips, so soft and calling,
A smile from You sends me falling.
I tumble, I fumble, You've left me lost.
I want, I need, but at what cost?
I cry, I Search, but You aren't here.
I sit, I weep, yet one more tear
will trace my cheek, fall to the floor;
I bite my tongue, but tears come more.
One touch, one kiss is all i seek.
One glance, one wink, my knees go weak.
Such power, such control used so sweetly.
But can't You see, it's just love in me?

(pacing in my cage [in return to caged tiger from me(eric)])

Pacing in my cage, longing to be free,
Looking through the bars, watching you watch me.
People see me dance, but they don't realize
What I know you see when you gave into my eyes.

When all the lights go out, when the crowd goes home,
I'm left by myself, in my cage, all alone.
But one night you came back, you knew just what to do.
You knew I needed something I could only get from you.

You climbed into my cage, unafraid and full of care.
Something gave you courage to do waht others did not dare.
You slowly came to me, steady as can be,
I was filled with sweet emotion as you gently stroked me.

For one special nigh, you and I were together.
But we knew it wouldn't last, it couldn't be forever.
I woke up in the morning, looking up to your frown;
Soon i would be packed and moved to another town.

They say it is a fact that tigers cannot cry,
But when I was leaving, you weren't there to say goodbye.
My heart felt torn and broken as i began to bleed;
For i'd never have you again, but it's you I need.

It began with a tear, a single tear for you.
It hurt so deeply inside, what was there to do?
I know not if you heard me, crying out to you.
For not only can tigers cry, they can fall in love too.

Phone Calls
Cloudy Nights
12 Lines On Caffeine
an Ode To Espresso
A Plague
Lament For The Death Of Ajax
Another Day I Spend Alone
As You Were Lying There
Ode To the Poet
Red Pen
Untitled I
Tigers
Love
Sanctuary
Dreamin'
Insomniac
Caged Tiger
Bottom Of My Cup

Poems by Sarah:

4:28am
(waiting)
(don't yell)
(passing through)
(need someone)
(hurt myself again)
(i want you)
(think of you like this)
(smothered)
(longing)
(forbidden love)
(kiss)
(you and i)
(time stands still)
(one day)
(lights out)
(pacing in my cage)
(christmas '01)