OK, right. So I called her house, and some guy answered. I asked if her mom was there. He said could he ask who was calling... I knew he wouldn't recognize the name, and would end up saying it outloud... but I said it anyway. "Danny?" he says, "Danny who?" Well, that was just great. This time I froze for longer. Now I had to say my last name, and watch him repeat that too. I told him, and he said "What?" Then a female voice got on the phone. "Sandy?" I asked. "No," said the infamous one, "She can't come to the phone right now. Can I take a message?" Now I really had to think fast. This was the one I really wanted to talk to, but I wasn't ready to. I wanted to see if her mom had any ideas of how to talk to her. Somehow I decided that maybe she wouldn't realize it was me, so I said "No, that's OK... I'll call back later." and hung up the phone. It was later pointed out to me how stupid that was. If she recognized my voice, which was very likely, the fact that I wanted to talk to her mom and not her probably alienated her more. Genius.
I tried this again from my house a few days later. This time, I thought I was prepared for that guy to answer the phone. But, this time, guess who answered? Her. Again. I froze, then hung up the phone. Then hit my head against the wall for being so stupid. I worked out in my head what I was going to say to her when she answered the phone again, how I was going to apologize for hanging up and for the other day... When I called again, her mom answered. Ah, lucky break for me. I basically found out though that her mom had no idea why she wasn't talking to me. So much for that.
The other day (I think it was Saturday the week before last) I was talking to the ex who lives too far away, and she said that she noticed the infamous one was on. This confirmed my suspicion that she had blocked my name, since I did not see her on. That was not promising. Just the same, I decided I needed to talk to her, at least figure out how she was. So, I got on one of my other Yahoo! names, and sent her a message. She responded, and we started talking... kinda. She didn't say much. This is typical of her, though, so I didn't really worry. The problem was, I kept talking to her, and not telling her that she knew me. There were a few things that tipped me off that she probably did know. And by the end, oh yeah, it was obvious. And boy was she unhappy.
I sent her apologies for not telling her multiple times, and also said that if she wanted me to go away forever, just tell me and I would. Well, a week went by, and she didn't respond at all. After a week, I was talking to a mutual friend who's attending the same University. I told her about how I said that all she had to do was tell me and I'd go away, but she hadn't said anything. My friend said "I can see her window from my room. The light's on. Want me to call her and ask her if you should go away forever?" Afraid of the outcome, I said sure. So, she called. But, the roommate was there, but no infamous one. She apparently was at a party. I found the thought of her getting drunk was somewhat amusing... mostly because of what Matt had said before about what would happen when she got out of reach of her strict and abusive father. Anyway, my friend said she'd probably be back soon. So, as we were discussing whether I should stay up, guess who showed up at my friend's room? This is why I sware my life is not real. Anyway, she decided to have the infamous one type to me herself. This turned out to be very interesting. I found one thing out, basically. The reason she wasn't talking to me was because I had really hurt her. But, when I said I didn't realize how, and that I wanted to know, she spent the rest of that hour and a half just yelling about how could I not know, etc.
At 3:30 in the morning, when I had only 5 1/2 hours to sleep before working 6 1/2 hours, openning and closing the store, she stopped yelling. But I still knew nothing. I went to bed and didn't fall asleep until 4:00.
I was then in the dark again from that early Sunday morning until Wednesday night. On Wednesday night, my friend told me that the infamous one said she didn't ever want to talk to me again. That crushed me. I spent nearly 2 years trying to always be there for her... and now I get to forget about her because I hurt her, by doing something or somethings that I can't figure out. She hasn't told me any of them. One of my friend's first reaction was "Again? She'll get over it." That was all I needed. Now I have hope again. I wanted to have none, so I could just give up finally. But, this may well not be the last you'll hear of her...

(9-08 14:43)

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