And boy was he right. I believe it was less than a week later, and I got an IM on AIM that was from a name I didn't recognise. (15:10) I checked the profile, and there wasn't one. I decided to see what this person was saying, and it was just "heh heh" or something like that. I decided since I knew nothing about this person and they were laughing, I wouldn't talk to them. After about 4 more lines being sent to me of just laughing, I closed the window. Soon after this, the window reapeared. It said "What? Not going to speak to me?" followed by another line "My stalker refuses to speak to me?" "OK, now you can only be one of two people," I typed back. Oh yes, it was the infamous one. I later heard that she was supposedly only IMing me to yell at me about something I had said to our mutual friend. But anyway, we started talking. Sort of, anyway. I found out many things about her that I didn't want to know... Some of which may have just been said to get me to react, but who knows... Anyway, I believe it was this conversation where she finally let me know what I had done to make her mad enough to not talk to me. I guessed a couple little things, and she said that was part of it, but that the other thing was something I did "a bazillion times." I said "What? Kiss you?" :) She did not find that funny. But anyway, she meant that I had left her like a bazillion times. I had a problem with that number, so I said "The only way I left you that many times is if you count everytime I had to go home, or when I went away to the university." This conversation ended up with her telling me not to talk to her. I said "Hey, who IMed whom here?"
Not long after (maybe a week) I got an IM from her again. All she sent though was a blank line. I wonder if she was trying to get me to say the first thing so she could claim I started talking to her. Anyway, eventually I sent a blank line back. She responded with a blank line. (17:07) After doing that for a while, she started telling me things by sending one letter at a time. I said something about loving her before or something, in the same manner, toward the end. She ardently denied that I could have ever loved her. Maybe I didn't. Maybe I don't know what it really is still. But if I wasn't ever in love with her, I don't know what love is. This conversation ended with her telling me to fuck off and leave her alone.
Well, OK, I figured if I sat around long enough she'd just IM me again at some point. But, I became curious about if she'd like me, you know, my personality, if she didn't have this thing where she had to hate me. Easiest way to do that, one would think, is by talking to someone on the computer under another name, and not giving them your real name. But isn't that lying? Well, I guess... but be yourself other than the name, and you'll know if they would still like you. But it's still lying, so I'd never do it. Besides, with one of your friends knowing the other name and talking to her every night, things could get messy. I should know. Because... uh... my friend tried it. Yeah. My friend Kyle...
So, Kyle talked to the infamous one under his name. She really liked him, it seemed. Then, Kyle's friend told the infamous one that Kyle was really me... I mean... uh... Well, needless to say, here she had been coming on to "Kyle", and found out that it was really me, someone she totally has decided she hates. You can imagine what that does to your brain. I can, but I didn't want to. I couldn't believe I had been so dumb as to do that to her. I never thought of the consequences, until she exploded at me. I just IMed my friend with "You did not just do what I think you did..." But yeah, he obviously had done it. I was a wreck. Thinking what I had done to her, I felt so guilty that I was suicidal. Well, the guilt and my friend telling me that the girl I always hang out with doesn't like me. I told the infamous one why I had done what I did, but she didn't believe me. Or was too hurt to.
At 3:30 in the morning, after staying up until 4:00 the night before, our mutual friend finally calmed me down enough to go to bed and not stab myself with the pen in my pocket. But I still felt so bad. I went to bed and didn't fall asleep until 4:00.
I had a speech I was supposed to write that weekend, but I was so distracted that I didn't rememeber it till 8:00 the next night, which was Sunday night. Didn't finish it. My group went that day. I was going to show up Wednesday and tell the teacher that mental problems and that they prevented me from rememebering, but, today being Wed., I woke up too late for class. I'm going to fail every class. Why? Women. This always happens... I have to stop letting them control my life, and learn to do my studying and homework before I hang out with friends. If I don't, I'll never get anywhere, and I'll be writing these all the time...

(10-11 17:32)

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