On her shoulder sat a salamander and by her side walked a gray she-wolf. The two animals had eyed her suspiciously when she first arrived, but once she explained why she was there they nodded in understanding and accepted her. The three of them spent much time together exchanging information, even though the non-humanoids already knew everything she could tell them. As she spent time in her new realm of existence, she was learning everything, too. Like them, she knew what was to come.
“You need not stay any longer,” said the salamander, bringing her out of her sunlight reverie. “What she has will make do. And she does not understand your dream encounters.”
“It is not pertinent that she understand them,” said the Servant of the Patron as she started walking, “just that the outcome is the same. I must amend as much of the Doctor’s damage as possible.” She came to a clearing, which turned out to be a cliff, a point of no return.
Janeway walked into sickbay with the intention of speaking to Roddian. As soon as the doors shut behind her a little girl ran up and hid behind her legs. Chasing the little girl was a little boy and chasing the little boy was the Doctor. The boy and the Doctor stopped suddenly when they saw the captain. The boy then bolted in the other direction. “Doctor, what is going on?”
“I do not know. I was refilling my hyposprays when these two kids ran past me.”
Janeway did her best not to chuckle at the Doctor’s exasperation. “I’d like to speak with Roddian, is he still here?”
“They’re all still here,” he grumbled. “He’s in the other room in the back. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have hyposprays to refill for the next civilization you decide to bring on this ship.” He walked away.
Janeway started to walk when she realized there was still a little girl attached to her legs. She tried to peal her off, but the child refused to budge. She finally managed to remove her long enough to kneel and look at her.
And she almost lost her balance.
She turned to look and saw a child, of what race she didn’t know, lying on the ground, her guard poised over her with the whip. She managed to escape the whip and ran to hide behind Janeway.
The little girl in the prison had been MarLuian and look almost like this little girl.
The girl threw her arms around Janeway’s neck and buried her face in her shoulder. Janeway had no choice but to pick the little girl up and take her back to Roddian.
“Captain Janeway, I cannot thank you enough for what you are doing. When we get to MarLu, feel free to resupply as much as you need at no cost.” He saw the little girl in her arms and the brightness left his face. “The child you are holding is named Eula. Her family was among the only ones harvested and she watched it all through a crack in the wall where she was hiding. The Viideans then found her and did unspeakable things before leaving her for dead. If we had found her a few minutes later she wouldn’t be here now.”
“Has she any family left?” Janeway held her a little tighter.
“None here or back on MarLu. I’m not sure what to do with her since none of our people are able to care for her. I guess it’s up to me.” He reached for Eula, but she refused to let go of Janeway. Roddian smiled faintly. “I think she likes you.”
Janeway realized she didn’t want to let go of the little girl, either. “I can take care of her while your people recover. She can stay in my quarters.” Roddian looked as if he would say no, so she continued on. “It won’t be any trouble and you said yourself your people are in no shape to care for her.”
Roddian looked relieved. “Thank you, Captain.”
When Chakotay entered her quarters for dinner that night he was quickly silenced. “We have a sleeping visitor,” Janeway said softly as she shut the door.
“Who?”
She took his hand and led him to the door of her bedroom. There, curled in a ball amongst the blankets, lay one of the MarLuian children. Chakotay gave Janeway a questioning look and she took him back tot he living room. “Her name is Eula and her family was harvested by the Viideans. Roddian says she has no family left.”
“Why is she sleeping in your quarters?” She told him the story of their encounter in sickbay and he smiled. “Imagine, Captain Kathryn Janeway with a child. I thought starship captains were notorious for not liking children.”
Her eyes seemed to turn inward and Chakotay feared she was about to have another spell. He thought they were long past that. He moved to catch her before she fell, but she put a hand up to stop him. “She looks exactly like the child I knew as a prisoner. And she came to me. I couldn’t abandon her.”
“Are you sure you’re not trying to make up for not being able to save the little girl back in prison?”
She suddenly became defensive. “So what if I am? Eula is here now and needs me. I will do what I can for her. And who knows, maybe the child’s spirit has come back to give me a second chance through Eula.”
Chakotay was surprised at Janeway’s words. He knew she wasn’t a spiritual person and for her to make that statement was a huge leap of faith. Since she had made the step he decided to leave well enough alone. After this warning: “Be careful what you get yourself into, Kathryn. Physical or spiritual, don’t let it be more than you can handle.”
“I won’t. And I’ll be careful, for both her and my sake.”
He took her hands in his and his face softened. “If there is anything I can do to help, don’t hesitate to ask. I’m always here for you, Kathryn.”
She gave his hands a squeeze and smiled, fighting the tears from her eyes. “I know.”
Kathryn again lay naked in the arms of the Servant of the Patron. The burgundy velvet was soft on her skin and there was no place else she would rather be.
The Servant of the Patron looked lovingly at Kathryn resting in her arms; there was a child-like dependency about her. But what to do... She knew what was to come. Should she warn Kathryn or let her be blissfully unaware? It was her own fault she had to make this decision. Had she left when the salamander told her to, she wouldn’t be in this mess. She told Kathryn to take care of herself and stroked her cheek. She knew she couldn’t tell her (not that she’d understand anyway). She could only tell her to take care of herself and the child, no matter what happened. It was the only warning she could give.
Kathryn moaned softly and snuggled in closer. She vaguely heard the warning of the Servant of the Patron.
Janeway awoke with tears in her eyes as she did after every dream about the Servant of the Patron. She looked at the child sleeping against her chest and held her a little tighter. She would take care of the girl as if she were her own daughter.
When Chakotay entered Janeway’s quarters for breakfast he found her asleep on the couch with Eula in her arms. They looked like a mother and daughter. He hated to wake them. He knew he could take over her shift and let her stay with the child. He also knew that she would scold him for letting her neglect her duties. But she now had a duty to this child. Was his duty to the captain he worked with or the woman-turned-mother that he loved? Of which more than twice he had not said. Sometimes he wondered if he had said it even then. Things had changed between them for more reasons than that. They had spent a long time working out a very intimate and touchy subject. Perhaps she thought that was why he spoke those words. Maybe she thought he was just trying to comfort her, that his words, spoken only twice, meant nothing now.
Stop second guessing yourself, Chakotay.
He leaned over and kissed mother and daughter gently. Janeway stirred and slowly opened her eyes.
“What time is it?”
He placed a finger to her lips. “Shh. Don’t worry about that. I’ll take your morning shift so you can stay with Eula.”
Janeway looked from the little girl to Chakotay. Take care of yourself and the child, no matter what happens. The words of the Servant of the Patron came back to her. She wanted to stay with Eula, but she had a duty to the ship.
Chakotay knelt before her. “You’ve become a mother, Kathryn, your duty is now to the child.”
He was right and she knew it. “I’ll readjust me schedule. Thank you, Chakotay, for doing this.”
A soft smile crossed his face. Again he spoke the words: “I’m always here for you, Kathryn.” He kissed her lightly on the forehead. “Go back to sleep until she wakes.” As Kathryn closed her eyes, he covered them with the blanket and quietly left the room.
Paris looked up and saw Chakotay step off the turbolift alone. Usually he and the captain came together after their breakfast ritual. He briefly wondered where she was, but figured she’d be there in a few minutes. Chakotay made himself comfortable in the captain’s chair and Paris realized she wasn’t coming at all. He hoped nothing was wrong, knowing he’d find out sooner or later why she wasn’t there.
Chakotay saw Paris looking at him and shot him a dirty look from which Paris quickly turned away. He wondered how Paris would interpret their captain’s latest absence. If he ever found out... Well, Paris knew what was coming.
Paris sat his tray down at his usual table with Kim and Torres. “I wonder where the captain was this morning,” he said as he took a bite of Neelix’s version of hot plain tomato soup. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t tomato.
Kim gave Torres a nervous glance, but neither of them said anything.
Neelix had heard Paris’ comment and walked over. “She’s babysitting, at least I believe that’s your term for it.”
“Excuse me?” said Paris.
“You wondered where the captain was and I said she was babysitting. Apparently one of the MarLuian children has been placed in her care. Not a very talkative one, if I do say so myself. Poor thing has hardly said two words as far as I know.”
“How do you know?” asked Kim.
“I fixed breakfast for them this morning. Actually, I don’t remember her saying anything. She must have been through a lot, with the Viideans and all.” Neelix walked off before anyone could say anything more.
“Imagine that,” said Paris shaking his head, “Captain Janeway with a child. I’d have to see it to believe it.”
At that moment Janeway walked in with Eula attached to her left hand. She got them lunch and they went to sit at a table by the viewport.
Torres tried to cover her smile with her hand, but she wasn’t fast enough.
Paris moaned softly and put his head in his hands. “This is going to be a long day.”
She still hadn’t said anything. When they were alone somewhere quiet, such as her quarters, the silence was like being back in captivity. In the beginning Janeway had tried to get Eula to speak, but the only way she would respond was to stare with her large frightened eyes. Janeway knew the girl wasn’t frightened of her (she clung to her and wouldn’t let go). She was frightened of everything. Whatever horrible things the Viideans had done (to her and that she had seen) had a paralyzing effect.
What horrible things had the Viideans done? Despite all she had been through, something inside wanted to know what atrocities had been done to the girl, and it was more than simple curiosity. She knew there was no way to know exactly what had been done, but she would be able to deduce some things from the Doctor’s report of her injuries.
While the child was sleeping (she had fallen asleep while Janeway read to her from a Disney’s Storybook she had replicated), Janeway parked herself in front of her computer console. “Computer, display medical files on MarLuian child refugee Eula.”
“Files found.”
She read about every bump, bruise, cut, welt, laceration, burn, injection, broken bone, and puncture the Doctor had found and repaired.
‘There were also signs of forced sexual abuse in the victim’s mouth, anus, and vaginal areas. Physical scars and wounds have been repaired, but the extent of emotion trauma is unknown.’
Janeway read the paragraph again. As she did, images and scenes danced through her head.
A faceless man in burgundy velvet knelt on the bed beside her...
Rough fingers danced tenderly along her naked sides making their way slowly downward...
Her back arched sharply as her body responded to the coaxing despite the objections her mind screamed at it...
Eula awoke for an unknown reason. Something was terribly wrong and it frightened her. Where was...? She sat up on the couch and untangled herself from the blankets she was covered with. Ms Kathryn, where was Ms Kathryn?
She saw her lying on the floor by the computer terminal and ran over to her. Wake up, she thought as she shook her. Please! Something was wrong. She had to get...Chakotay. How would she find him? His quarters were right next-door, that would be a good start. She received no answer after four tries. She had to try somewhere else. Um... He was second in command of the ship, wasn’t he? The bridge! She tried to remember which turbolift Ms Kathryn had said led to the bridge. How would she get there, everything was voice activated. Oh well, she’d figure that out if she ever found the right turbolift.
His shift was almost over, just ten more minutes. Then he would go back to his quarters, change his clothes, and go pick up Kathryn and Eula. They had made plans to go on a picnic dinner along the shores of the Kabini River on Earth. With the wind blowing through the trees rippling the water’s surface, and the field of touch-me-nots just waiting for a child to run through it, it was a perfect place for a picnic. The opening of the turbolift doors brought him out of his daydream.
As Ensign Wildman stepped out of the turbolift Eula bolted out and ran to Chakotay.
Something must be majorly wrong if Eula was on the bridge by herself. As she grabbed his hand, Chakotay stood and they ran back to the turbolift. “Mr Tuvok, you have the bridge,” he said as the doors closed.
When they entered Janeway’s quarters she was still lying on the floor where Eula had found her.
“Kathryn.” He shook her gently. “Kathryn, wake up.” He glanced up at the computer console. Once he read the text his worst fears were confirmed: she had been reading Eula’s medical file. When she came to the part where Eula had been abused it must have surfaced loose memories of her own experience. But how much did she know? Did she know what really happened to her?
No time to worry about that now. Chakotay scooped up Janeway in his arms and ran to sickbay with Eula at his heals.
“Please state then na- not again,” said the Doctor as Chakotay ran in with their captain in his arms and her charge at his heals. “I though we were past this.”
“This is not what you think,” said Chakotay as he lay her down on a biobed. “It’s worse.” He cursed himself and the Doctor. It had been their decision not to tell her. I had seemed like the best idea at the time, but somewhere in his mind he had know that the issue was not laid to rest.
“Are you going to elaborate or do I have to guess?” the Doctor asked impatiently.
He knew the Doctor could probably guess, but that would waste precious time. “She was reading through Eula’s medical files...” He hoped he didn’t have to say more.
He didn’t, the Doctor knew exactly what she had read. He knew when he wrote it there was a chance she would read it, but he had to keep accurate records of the treatment of every patient.
Eula watched the exchange between the two men with her large fearful eyes. What ever happened to Ms Kathryn happened because of her. Why did those she cared about always get hurt? Something had told her Ms Kathryn was a friend, would do her no harm. Someone she could love and trust as she had those she’d lost, and that the love and trust would be returned. She should have known the same fate would befall Ms Kathryn as it had everyone else. She took Ms Kathryn’s hand in her small ones. Please, she prayed to those above, spare her.
Chakotay put a hand on Eula’s shoulder and guided her away from Janeway before the Doctor could shoo her away. He figured the responsibility of the girl’s care would fall on his shoulders as did the responsibility of the ship. He could handle it. But when (and if) Janeway made it through this he would also have a responsibility to her.
The Doctor began his work on Janeway to stabilize her vitals. He would not try to revive her. He didn’t know how much damage had been done, especially with that inorganic enzyme in there, and it was best if her mind could sort things out on it’s own without having to worry about her body. The mind was a wonderful healing instrument when given the freedom to work it’s miracles. He only hoped Janeway’s was still up to it after all she’d been through.
“Akoochimoiya, I am far from the sacred places of my grandfathers. I am far from the bones of my people. I come here seeking guidance.” Chakotay sat on the floor of his quarters before his medicine bundle and the child Eula. It had been her idea for him to visit his spirit guide (she’d brought him the bundle as soon as they’d walked in the door) and he hoped maybe the wolf could provide some answers.
Chakotay looked around and saw he was alone in the small clearing in the forest. He started to walk, searching for his spirit guide who was usually there to greet him.
He found her sitting in the dust near the edge of a high cliff, drinking from the stream that ran over the edge.
“You are troubled, Chakotay.” He started to explain, but she stopped him halfway through. “I know. There is someone here who wishes to speak with you.” She nodded to the edge of the forest where a figure clad completely in a burgundy velvet robe appeared.
Chakotay shrank back. Hearing Kathryn’s story was one thing, but meeting one of her demons face to face was another. He looked to the wolf and she assured him it was safe. But when he turned back, the burgundy velvet figure was gone.
The wolf shook her head. She knew the Servant of the Patron wouldn’t have the courage to face Chakotay. Which was okay, the time wasn’t right for their meeting. They both had issues to work out.
Chakotay turned again to the wolf. There was a sadness in her eyes her he had never seen before. He took it to mean the worst possible scenario. “No! I can’t lose her! It’ll be my fault. If I had told her in the beginning we could have worked through this then and she wouldn’t be slipping away now.”
“It’s not your fault!”
Chakotay’s eyes snapped open and he found himself back in his quarters, Eula before him with her eyes full of questions. He shook his head in defeat. He had the same questions and the same lack of answers.
“Oh, Kathryn, I’m so sorry. If only I’d...” He couldn’t finish his sentence. He and the Doctor didn’t know how much she could hear and they didn’t want to say anything incriminating. She’d been (well, it wasn’t a coma and she wasn’t asleep, she just...was) like that for four days. He’d been camped at her side as long as his duty and the Doctor would allow. Eula was at his side ninety-nine percent of the time, though she was asleep for most of it, as she was now.
He took Kathryn’s limp hand in his and kissed it gently. He held it against his cheek as he spoke these words: “Please don’t leave me, Kathryn. I’ll do anything, even get you home, if you stay with me. I’m not going to let you go without a fight.” He took a breath. “I love you, Kathryn. I may not do a good job of showing it, but the feelings are strongly within. Don’t leave me to continue the journey alone,” he pleaded with her sleeping features.
A thought flew through his mind that made him smile. As he thought about it, the idea wasn’t that bad. He leaned over and tried the Sleeping Beauty method.
The Servant of the Patron ignored the one who approached. She wanted it to go away and leave her alone. With everything that had gone wrong, she didn’t want to drag anyone else into the instantly devouring quicksand.
Kathryn was dangling very close to the edge and it was she who had put her there. The two chances she’d had to be of help she had wasted. Perhaps she and Chakotay could have worked together to save the Kathryn they both love. Or maybe a little warning, understood or not, would have protected her.
She felt a small hand on her arm and turned to face the little girl she and Kathryn had seen whipped to death. The girl didn’t say anything, just pleaded with her large frightened eyes. Then she returned whence she came.
Tom Paris cornered Torres in the Jefferies tube junction they happened to meet at. “Okay, B’Elanna, what can you tell me about the Captain’s latest stay in sickbay?”
“Why should I know anything?”
“Because Chakotay talks to you.”
She tried to squeeze her way out, but he wouldn’t budge. “He hasn’t been talking to anyone lately.”
“Senior officers report to the observation lounge.”
Torres pushed him back. “Perhaps now you’ll get your answers.”
“I know the entire ship is buzzing with rumors and questions to the reason Captain Janeway is sickbay. I don’t have time to answer every question, and I don’t like to make general announcements. I would like you guys to help set things straight.” Chakotay looked at each officer in turn and they could tell from his look that he meant business. Kim fidgeted and Paris looked at the ceiling. “Captain Janeway is now in an almost-coma in sickbay because of something that happened while she was in captivity.”
“How can you know that for sure?” asked Neelix, who had been included because he was the easiest way to spread news around the ship.
“Trust me, the Doctor and I know for sure. There is no way to know how long she will be in this state, and there is no telling what damage has been and what will happen once she awakens.”
“Why is she almost in a coma?” asked Paris.
“I can’t tell you any more than it’s from something that happened during her captivity. Please, don’t speculate or start rumors. The situation is bad enough as it is.”
Torres recognized the look in Chakotay’s eye. She’d seen it many times before when they’d lost comrades as Maquis. She cursed silently in Klingonese. Janeway had done so much for her these past years. She’d given her a chance and believed in her when no one else would have. She prayed to whatever gods there be that Chakotay’s eyes were lying.
“Dismissed.” The officers rose and walked out, Torres and Tuvok staying behind. Chakotay nodded to Torres that he would see her later (but he knew he couldn’t) and turned to face Tuvok once she’d left. “I know how close you and the Captain are.”
“Then it is logical for you to ‘fill me in’ on the exact nature of her condition.”
“I wish logic was that easy, Tuvok.” He sighed heavily. “It’s not really my choice. It’s Kathryn’s choice, but the Doctor and I took that away from her and it’s our fault this happened. Who would have known one wrong decision on my part, which seemed the best at the time, could cost her life?”
Tuvok saw how upset Chakotay was and realized this was much more serious than he first suspected.
Tuvok walked into sickbay and stood next to Janeway’s unmoving form. He had somehow managed to find a moment when neither Chakotay, the Doctor, nor the MarLuian child was around. He hadn’t done any digging into the ship’s computer to try and find out more about her condition, even though it gnawed at his Vulcan curiosity.
She looked peaceful, as if asleep, and he found himself wishing she were sleeping. She was more than his commanding officer, she was his friend. They had been through a lot together. She had trusted him when there was no one else. And, as much as he hated to admit it, a bit of her humanity had rubbed off on him. It was this bit of her he carried that surfaced now. Out of his sleeve he pulled a small scroll of parchment. Written on it in ancient Vulcan script from his own hand was prayer for the Vulcan gods to protect her and guide her through this time of trouble. He placed the scroll on the pillow next to her cheek.
Chakotay watched Eula as she ran through the field of touch-me-nots on the bank of the Kabini River. He had never seen her this happy and carefree as long as she’d been on Voyager. The wind whipping through her hair caused her face to flush, and she seemed to be giggling as the plants closed at her touch, but she made no sound. Large gray crows with black wings cawed from the treetops and flew close to the field to inspect the intruders. Monkeys swung on tree branches to the edge of the field to spread gossip on the latest visitors. The sun shown down on the remains of their picnic lunch, which Chakotay had yet to find the energy to put away.
Janeway should have been sitting across from him. This picnic was supposed to have been shared with daughter and mother. That was how he now thought of them. They fit each other so perfectly. Eula had brought out the motherly side of her, a rarely-seen side he cherished. He found himself wishing they could keep Eula forever, even though he knew that was impossible.
Once she had closed every touch-me-not in the field at least twice, Eula wandered down to the edge of the river. The water was a murky green color, but she thought she could see little fish swimming at the shoreline. The water temperature was a bit cool for swimming, but not for wadding.
She turned and saw Chakotay still staring at the field where she had been playing. She knew he was thinking about Ms Kathryn. He hadn’t put lunch away yet and she thought she saw little bugs trying to make off with it.
Eula took her shoes off and waded in up to her calves. The mud on the river bottom oozed up through her toes and the little fish started nibbling at their legs, causing her to laugh. She could feel the gentle tug of the water trying to pull her downstream.
Chakotay blinked his eyes a few times, coming back to reality. The field of touch-me-nots was empty. Where was Eula? He sighed with relief when he saw her down by the river throwing rocks. He wondered if she’d ever skipped a rock.
A rock jumped across the surface of the water three times before it sank. She saw Chakotay standing next to her with a grin on his face. She gave him a questioning look, and he showed her how to curl a flat stone in her index finger and spin it so that it jumped across the water’s surface. It took her a few tries, but she finally got the hang of it.
Chakotay smiled as she skipped rocks. Suddenly he felt a presence, as if someone was standing behind him. He turned, but there was...
He was her only hope. The Servant of the Patron was not going to be of any help. Well, she would be, but first she had to actually talk to Chakotay. Those few words she had screamed before Chakotay left were a start, but she had to go further. Her only link to Chakotay at this moment was Eula. She knew Eula was hesitant to be a bridge, but she needed her right now.
Eula stopped skipping rocks and grabbed Chakotay’s hand.
“Where are we going?” he asked as she dragged him out of the holodeck. “Computer end program.”
The gray wolf nudged the Servant of the Patron. She could not ignore this forever, and some how the Servant of the Patron had to learn that. Not the hard way, things were too serious for that. Too many people would get hurt.
She wanted the wolf to go away. She wanted everyone to go away. The wolf, the salamander, the little girl, Chakotay, everyone. She wished she had never come here. She wished she had never...
“You must-” began the wolf, but the Servant of the Patron interrupted her.
“No! Just leave me alone!” And she physically shoved the wolf away. She then realized that she’d breached protocol (a lowly spirit like her does not touch a Spirit Guide without permission from the Spirit Guide), but the wolf was already gone. She cried harder, knowing now she was distanced from the wolf.
The wolf walked to the edge of the cliff and sat down to wait for Chakotay.
Chakotay approached the wolf. She seemed to have been waiting for him. “Eula brought me here for a reason. Why?”
“It was not Eula who brought you here, it was her.” The wolf nodded next to her, where there appeared a little girl in a tattered black jumpsuit. To Chakotay she looked almost exactly like Eula.
Chakotay knelt before the little girl. “Why did you bring me here?” But all she did was stare at him with her large frightened eyes. Her silence gave him a strange feeling. This little girl had been communicating with him through Eula. That might account for her lack of speech, but there was something eerie about how much they resembled each other.
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