People in today’s society don’t think about what words mean before they say them. Let’s look at a typical traffic dialogue:
(Person 1 and 2 are both looking for a parking space in a busy mall parking lot. Person 1 finds a parking space, but Person 2 cuts him off and steals it.)
Person 1: You stole my parking space, you ****er!
Person 2: I don’t see your name on it, pig****er!
Person 1: **** you, ****er!
Person 2: Go **** yourself, you ****ing ****er, or I’ll blow your ****ing head off, and then I’ll **** with it! ****!
Person 1: (Flips bird)
Person 2: (Discharges pistol at Person 1)
Person 1: (Dies)
Person 2: Ah, peace and quiet.
Isn’t that AWFUL? I mean, not only did they throw around one particular word, henceforth to be referred to as the “f-word,” (not its real name), but look at the consequences of their behavior! Alas, since the thesis of this paper is not about violence caused by the “f-word,” I can’t go off on a tangent like I normally do. I’m sure psychologists could drone for hours about the link between sex, which, as we know, is what the “f-word” describes, and violence. They enjoy that kind of thing. But frankly I think a lot of psychologists are up to their neck in “s-word.”
Basically, I am increasingly of the opinion that I should use sentences like that to use up space. Also, I think that the “f-word” should be banned, First Amendment be d-worded. I don’t necessarily think this just because the “f-word” is dirty, even though it is. No, I think that it should be abolished in favor of the kind of witty remarks used by an inebriated Winston Churchill when ugly women insulted him at dinner parties. I believe this would lead to more thoughtfulness, and a lot less fatal stabbings.
Oh dear, I seem to have gone off on a tangent, even though I said I wouldn’t. But, that’s something successful writers can do. Anyway, what was that thesis again? Ah yes, there we are. The people in my example didn’t think at all about the meanings of what they were saying. They were describing an act neither one of them was liable to do at the moment, and look what happened! Poor Person 1 is dead, and Person 2 is now a murderer. For all we know, they both had loving families and a successful career. That was all ruined, simply because of the “f-word.” It is my theory that the actual parking space tussle would have been easily resolved if Person 1 hadn’t called Person 2 a ****er in his first line. After that line, Person 2 had no choice but to retaliate and say Person 1 was into bestiality of the barnyard animal sort. Then, it all led to the shooting. Now, let’s look at the conversation again, both to see what it could be like without the “f-word,” and also to take up space as we approach the 2-page mark. We’ll pick up right after Person 2 steals the parking space.
Person 1: Hey, I was going to park in that parking space!
Person 2: Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t see you. I have a mirror out. But I see someone coming this way. Perhaps you can take his space.
Person 1: Oh, you’re right. Say, I know a mechanic who specializes in replacing mirrors. I could give you his shop’s address.
Person 2: Oh. How nice of you! Thank you. (Person 1 writes out an address.)
Person 1: My, I’m glad I didn’t say **** you, which was my first idea.
Person 2: Yeah, because otherwise I would have discharged a pistol into your cranial region and then spit on your lifeless body.
Person 1: Ooh, that would have been bad. My, look what is possible when you don’t say the “f-word.”
Person 2: Hey, let’s become lifelong friends!
Person 1: Okay!
Yes, that dialogue was terrible. But it got the point across in a way that would take a blind clam to not get. Anyway, this is just my first draft, and Mrs. Carter is going to hate it, and tell me to rewrite it, so I might as well stop now.