January 4, 1999

(Sorry, this is a few days late)

I have no parades to mark my New Year, or any parties...Nothing like that. It's a little hard to think of "now" as 1999. One way to do so is think of everything in 1998.. But I look at 1998 as something I took part in, but can't understand. So, I'll say to her, "You've had your moment time. Thank you. Fare well and be well." It's a little strange to say that to a year.

I do know I've changed a lot in 1998... which is funny, because the last time I changed so much, I could barely stop thinking of the year. I'm not sure what's different... except that I'm a little older -- and perhaps a little less prone to getting excited. ( Grin. )

Changes always come in a cause-and-effect package. You can't have a change and not pay for it in some way. It just doesn't work like that. Your nails look better. Because you stopped biting 'em. Your grades are better. Because you actually studied this time. Of course, this is an over-simplification...aimed to get a smile out of you, audience... No? Oh well, I'll just have to try harder next time. But my point stays unchanged.... Changes is a give-and-take. I've changed ... but not without my price. I wonder how I've paid will effect me in the long run... and what I've gained will shape me. A little give-and-take..

I'm not a person for resolutions. I never really make them, never take them serious, because I know I'd probably never keep them. I don't even remember my last year reolutions or whether I made any! Maybe. I can't say one way or another... It's nice to think the New Year as a fresh start, and a clean slate... a new chance.. And maybe it is --- after all, "fresh starts" often become because you think it. All a matter of perception, and yours counts most to yourself. But often, I just can't see it.

Things flow from one year to the next; the New Year, however, does give a good excuse to start things.... to take stock of things. For example, I tried to revamp my homepage completely on the 1st of January. Didn't work, but I wanted to. ( wry ) I spend more time working at uncategorized things, intangible stuff... like how I see myself, how I treat others... stuff like that. Juicy stuff that I won't go into. ;-)

What I will go into is the tangible stuff... and if you like, you can call them my some-what foggy, undefined New Year resolutions.

  1. I want to take up Arts/Crafts again.. Not merely in lessons, per se, but I'd like to check out that arts store and see what they have--- and hopefully, pick up a project or two.
  2. I would like to take up fencing.. an old, old wish that I never thought I'd follow through, but-- why the heck not??
  3. I would like to paint my room.. you know, one of those subtle play of shade of color, or at the very least, re-organize my room, move in that old shelf, place my books in a high-order, low-maintenance fashion (hah)..
  4. I would like to write more, just for the fun of it, for my own personal reasons -- no one else's.

Well... that's it. I would like a couple of other things -- some where a long the lines of walking my dog. She and I could both use the exercise! Or reading more, or getting more involved in school.. But, while they're all stuff I intend to try for... I've learned not to expect too much of myself. ;-)

May you have good 1999.

Previous Scribblings: Dec 26, 1998 - A Christmas Reflection

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