that's why i'm in the basement, sculley.

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dateline: casa de oZ

30 august 1996 10:42 p.m.

They danced the Macarena. Our country's potential leaders for the next four years, the people who want to carry us into the next millenia, wiggled like buffoons on live television as the entire world watched. They shoulda stopped at Al Gore's Macarena joke. That was almost -- almost -- forgivable. Why do I think I'm going to end up voting for Perot again? You have to understand, I've never heard the Macarena. Not more than two seconds of it anyway. The instinctive reaction my body -- my mind, my entire whole self, even -- has to the song is so violent, I'd probably kill any living creature that happens to be between my finger and my television's power button when that video comes on. Never heard it. I'm always on the verge of a full-body convulsive seizure when someone even tries singing it. And I'm honestly scared. This new plague is much more sinister than the Electric Slide. The Macarena isn't only evil. It's worse. Its an insipid kind of evil. It gives evil a bad name. Nevertheless, its all-pervading (and perverse) popularity is a sign of the coming apocolypse. Just take my word for it. I know evil. I'm quite familiar with Satan and her various business associates (many of them working for Zang, a great buncha guys, really), and they've all invested heavily in Macarena Mind Control, Inc. I was just thinking about how I haven't been clubbing in a while. Now, the mere possibility of being Macarenated, however, will keep me away from any crowd-collecting dance establishment for a long, long time. I should be clear. I didn't vote for Perot (the first presidential ballot I ever punched) because I liked him. He's a nut. But to me my vote was a pretty powerful assertion of my membership in the increasingly-popular "none of the above" party. I also though he had the same kind of potential as Frank Fasi, another nut who served as mayor of Honolulu for sixteen years, off and on. I guess subscribe to a kind of chaos theory of politics. If I have to choose between a keep-the-status-quo candidate, or one that's a raving lunatic, I'd pick the raving lunatic. At least something will happen. For me, in any situation, the worst thing is stagnation. At least half the time, a lunatic will do something positive. The other half of the time? I'd still rather be punched and struggle back to my feet having learn a lesson than be shackled in one place. Sure, Fasi called environmentalists "a bunch of wackos." He's had less friendly things to say about feminists and homosexuals. But when he wasn't shooting off his mouth, he did a lot of good, tangible stuff. So, I voted for Perot. At least I voted. (Besides, I had to negate my mom's vote for Bush.) A pretty mediocre day, most of it spent looking forward to the long weekend. I'm going to try and see more of Derek. Not that I saw him all that much before, but with all this other stuff clouding up my life, I miss him. Weird, specific things. Like the way he rests his chin on his fingers just so, and smiles and listens intently. Budding romance or my desperate need for an ear to monopolize? Who knows? The same band was at Campus Center today, and I wasn't as happy to see them. The played some songs twice, and I think the drummer was drunk. They also seem to have an unhealthy obsession with Green Day songs. Busy day at work. All of the crisis staff were trying to psych themselves up (no pun intended) for the usual relentless run of Labor Day nightmares. Sometimes I'm not sure I can handle it, rushing from Hawaiian class down to the hospital, changing, then running around for four hours, eating a bag of puffy Cheetos (puffies rule... down with crunchies!) for dinner, changing again and getting home after 8 p.m. But soon -- if not as of the payday after today's check -- I get a raise. Six, seven CDs' worth more a month. So I'll hang around a little longer. Here's some pidgin for you: English: Greetings. What's going on, friend? Would you like to get some food? Pidgin: Howzit! Wassap, brah? You like grind? English: Are you going? If so, I will remain here. Pidgin: You stay going? Bambai I going stay. English: Excuse me, have I offended you in some way? Is this a challenge to a physical confrontation? Pidgin: Wat, baddah you? Like beef?