He extracted from his quiver,

        Did the controversial Roman,

    An argument well fitted

    To the question as submitted,

    Then addressed it to the liver,

        Of the unpersuaded foeman.

                                                        Oglum P. Boomp

    When ignorance from out of our lives can banish

    Philology, 'tis folly to know Spanish.

                                                            Juan Smith

    Intent on making his quotation truer,

    He sought the page infallible of Brewer,

    Then made a solemn vow that we would be

    Condemned eternally.  Ah, me, ah, me!

                                                          Stumpo Gaker

    He held at court a rank so high

    That other noblemen asked why.

    "Because," 'twas answered, "others lack

    His skill to scratch the royal back."

                                                          Aramis Jukes

    "Now lay your bet with mine, nor let

        These gamblers take your cash."

    "Nay, this child makes no bet."  "Great snakes!

        How can you be so rash?"

                                                        Bootle P. Gish

    This is a truth, as old as the hills,

        That life and experience teach:

    The poor man suffers that keenest of ills,

        An impediment of his reach.

                                                                  G.J.

    We know by one's reading

    His learning and breeding;

    By what draws his laughter

    We know his Hereafter.

    Read nothing, laugh never --

    The Sphinx was less clever!

                                                          Jupiter Muke

    Fresh from the farm or factory or street,

    His marching, in pursuit or in retreat,

        Were an impressive martial spectacle

    Except for two impediments -- his feet.

                                                      Thompson Johnson

    We must awake Man's spirit from his sin,

        And take some special measure for redeeming it;

    Though hard indeed the task to get it in

        Among the angels any way but teaming it,

        Or purify it otherwise than steaming it.

    I'm awkward at Redemption -- a beginner:

    My method is to crucify the sinner.

                                                           Golgo Brone

    Among the Anglo-Saxon a subject conceiving himself wronged by the

king was permitted, on proving his injury, to beat a brazen image of

the royal offender with a switch that was afterward applied to his own

naked back.  The latter rite was performed by the public hangman, and

it assured moderation in the plaintiff's choice of a switch.

    The Sultan said:  "There's evidence abundant

    To prove this unbelieving dog redundant."

    To whom the Grand Vizier, with mien impressive,

    Replied:  "His head, at least, appears excessive."

                                                       Habeeb Suleiman



    Mr. Debs is a redundant citizen.

                                                    Theodore Roosevelt

    "What is your religion my son?" inquired the Archbishop of Rheims.

    "Pardon, monseigneur," replied Rochebriant; "I am ashamed of it."

    "Then why do you not become an atheist?"

    "Impossible!  I should be ashamed of atheism."

    "In that case, monsieur, you should join the Protestants."

    I touched the harp in every key,

        But found no heeding ear;

    And then Ithuriel touched me

        With a revealing spear.



    Not all my genius, great as 'tis,

        Could urge me out of night.

    I felt the faint appulse of his,

        And leapt into the light!

                                                        W.J. Candleton

    Desirous to avoid the pains of Hell,

    You will repent and join the Church, Parnell?

    How needless! -- Nick will keep you off the coals

    And add you to the woes of other souls.

                                                         Jomater Abemy

    "More dear than all my bosom knows, O thou

    Whose 'lips are sealed' and will not disavow!"

    So sang the blithe reporter-man as grew

    Beneath his hand the leg-long "interview."

                                                          Barson Maith

    'Twas rumored Leonard Wood had signed

        A true renunciation

    Of title, rank and every kind

        Of military station --

        Each honorable station.



    By his example fired -- inclined

        To noble emulation,

    The country humbly was resigned

        To Leonard's resignation --

        His Christian resignation.

                                                       Politian Greame

    Altgeld upon his incandescend bed

    Lay, an attendant demon at his head.



    "O cruel cook, pray grant me some relief --

    Some respite from the roast, however brief."



    "Remember how on earth I pardoned all

    Your friends in Illinois when held in thrall."



    "Unhappy soul! for that alone you squirm

    O'er fire unquenched, a never-dying worm.



    "Yet, for I pity your uneasy state,

    Your doom I'll mollify and pains abate.



    "Naught, for a season, shall your comfort mar,

    Not even the memory of who you are."



    Throughout eternal space dread silence fell;

    Heaven trembled as Compassion entered Hell.



    "As long, sweet demon, let my respite be

    As, governing down here, I'd respite thee."



    "As long, poor soul, as any of the pack

    You thrust from jail consumed in getting back."



    A genial chill affected Altgeld's hide

    While they were turning him on t'other side.

                                                       Joel Spate Woop

        The Knights of Dominion were so resplendent in their velvet-

    and-gold that their masters would hardly have known them.

                                           "Chronicles of the Classes"

    Alas, things ain't what we should see

    If Eve had let that apple be;

    And many a feller which had ought

    To set with monarchses of thought,

    Or play some rosy little game

    With battle-chaps on fields of fame,

    Is downed by his unlucky star

    And hollers:  "Peanuts! -- here you are!"

                                                   "The Sturdy Beggar"

    In the lines following, addressed to an Emperor in exile by Father

Gassalasca Jape, the reverend poet appears to hint his sense of the

improduence of turning about to face Retribution when it is talking

exercise:



    What, what! Dom Pedro, you desire to go

        Back to Brazil to end your days in quiet?

    Why, what assurance have you 'twould be so?

        'Tis not so long since you were in a riot,

        And your dear subjects showed a will to fly at

    Your throat and shake you like a rat.  You know

    That empires are ungrateful; are you certain

    Republics are less handy to get hurt in?

    To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it,

        Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)

    At work upon a book, and so read out of it

        The qualities that you have first read into it.

        A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in

    whom I am well pleased."

                                                   John D. Rockefeller



        The reward of toil and virtue.

                                                           J.P. Morgan



        The sayings of many in the hands of one.

                                                           Eugene Debs



    To these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels

that he can add nothing of value.

        By what right, then, do royal rulers rule?

            Whose is the sanction of their state and pow'r?

        He surely were as stubborn as a mule

            Who, God unwilling, could maintain an hour

    His uninvited session on the throne, or air

    His pride securely in the Presidential chair.



        Whatever is is so by Right Divine;

            Whate'er occurs, God wills it so.  Good land!

        It were a wondrous thing if His design

            A fool could baffle or a rogue withstand!

    If so, then God, I say (intending no offence)

    Is guilty of contributory negligence.

        "Now righteousness consisteth not merely in a holy state of

    mind, nor yet in performance of religious rites and obedience to

    the letter of the law.  It is not enough that one be pious and

    just:  one must see to it that others also are in the same state;

    and to this end compulsion is a proper means.  Forasmuch as my

    injustice may work ill to another, so by his injustice may evil be

    wrought upon still another, the which it is as manifestly my duty

    to estop as to forestall mine own tort.  Wherefore if I would be

    righteous I am bound to restrain my neighbor, by force if needful,

    in all those injurious enterprises from which, through a better

    disposition and by the help of Heaven, I do myself restrain."

    The rimer quenches his unheeded fires,

    The sound surceases and the sense expires.

    Then the domestic dog, to east and west,

    Expounds the passions burning in his breast.

    The rising moon o'er that enchanted land

    Pauses to hear and yearns to understand.

                                                         Mowbray Myles

    All roads, howsoe'er they diverge, lead to Rome,

    Whence, thank the good Lord, at least one leads back home.

                                                        Borey the Bald

    It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling

companion lodged at a wayside inn.  The surroundings were suggestive,

and after supper they agreed to tell robber stories in turn.  "Once

there was a Farmer-General of the Revenues."  Saying nothing more, he

was encouraged to continue.  "That," he said, "is the story."

    Sharp, irresistible by mail or shield,

        By guard unparried as by flight unstayed,

    O serviceable Rumor, let me wield

        Against my enemy no other blade.

    His be the terror of a foe unseen,

        His the inutile hand upon the hilt,

    And mine the deadly tongue, long, slender, keen,

        Hinting a rumor of some ancient guilt.

    So shall I slay the wretch without a blow,

    Spare me to celebrate his overthrow,

    And nurse my valor for another foe.

                                                           Joel Buxter