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{ September 30, '98 }
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Time.
1time\tīm\n 1: a period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues (Gone for a long ~) 2: LEISURE (found ~ to read) 3: a point or period when something occurs . . .(Merriam Webster Dictionary 1994)
Time is my enemy. It frustrates me; it reminds me of how limited I am; it rubs mortality in my face. Time is my constant antagonist.
When I have a good idea, many times I cannot carry it out because of time. Arriving late for anything frustrates me to the point of lunacy. Whether it is too early, too late, or it would take too long, or not last long enough, time frustrates me often.
I cannot do everything I would love to do. How terrible to have to choose. Choosing between things to do is for me choosing which of my children to be sent to a gas chamber; I love all of them; how could I sacrifice any of them?
I have no control over the number of days I live. I have no control over my ability to live out each moment. For example, I will not be young forever, or old forever. Time is the master, not I.
Why does time vex me?
My pride is what makes time my enemy. I am hesitant to admit that I am not omnipotent. I want to be a god or God! When I find that I cannot, I assign blame; time becomes the culprit. It is my enemy not because it wronged me, but because in my cowardice I must blame something impersonal. The minutes will not complain if I attribute my mortality to them.
I lower myself.
I would rather be happy with what I have. Otherwise I will not enjoy even the time that has been lent to me, for my time is not my time at all; someone gave it to me. That same someone can and will take it away someday.
I have to be courageous and not rebel. Rage against the passing of my life may be heroic; it is not satisfying. Instead of anger, I will consume every instant with the grace of knowing the One who makes every moment count. He is the Owner of my time, He will not let me waste any of it.
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