English

Lawyer Humour

These are some actual conversations taken place in courts. We intend not to insult nobody - just to have fun!

• Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
  
• Q: What happened then?
  

• Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
  
• Q: I showed you exhibit 3 and asked you if you recognised that picture.               A: That's me.                                                                                                     Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
  
• Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?                    A: By death.                                                                                                       Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
  
• Q: She had three children, right?                                                                       A: Yes.                                                                                                               Q: How many were boys?                                                                                   A: None.                                                                                                              Q: Were there girls?
  

Doctor Humour

These are some actual statements found in medical records in hospitals, written by some health care professionals.

• The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the paediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
  
• The skin was moist and dry.
  
• The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
  
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
  
• I saw your patient today, who is under our car for physical therapy.
  
• The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
  
• She is numb from her toes down.
  
• While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
  
• Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
  
• Patient was alert and unresponsive.
  
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.