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I have grown up in a
Christian family, where faith was always a part of our every day life. And I guess I would
have to say that I have been a Christian all my life...,- that is,- I can't point to one
specific day and say that's when I got saved! I have always believed in God and I have
always believed in Jesus. But when I was a teenager I was a "ponderer" and had
lots of questions. For example I really wanted to understand the trinity... When I
talked to my youth leaders about this they just looked at me as if I was very
strange....., - and when I met some Mormons on the street one day and they paid me a lot
of interest and put a lot of effort into trying to give me answers, it led to me
"sneaking" away to their services on Sunday mornings... The people at their
church were extremely nice and gave me a lot of attention which I highly appreciated (in
fact it is still a very good memory, and I have great respect for the way they greeted me,
and I hope I have learned something from their example). And very fast I started to find
everything they taught to be very sensible,- it all seemed so logical and I really wanted
to become a Mormon.
When my parents found out they got furious,and they forbade me to visit the Mormon church
ever again. But of course this had no influence on what I believed... But
people were praying for me, and since I started to get very confused, I was praying a lot,
too. And after a while I started to wonder why in their testimonies it was
always " the church" they were talking about,- and I started to wonder why the
church got more praises than Jesus. Because no matter what else they made me
believe, Jesus was still the main source of my faith. So this finally led me
back to the Salvation Army, and little by little I "rediscovered" my faith, and
it no longer made sense that Jesus should have visited the Indians,- that there are three
"stages" of heavens, - the whole story about Joseph Smith, -the angel Moroni and
so on...... It didn't bring me to a great big "Salvation happening",- but it was
a process, and later it seems like processes is what God uses to direct me in my Christian
life.
Then I started to wonder if the Lord wanted to use me in full time service,- but
since I was very shy, and absolutely hated the thought of talking to an audience I tried
to "repress" His calling. Finally I gave in and said o.k, if you give me a
husband thats got the same vocation, I'll go! And seriously I thought I was pretty
safe! But to make a long story short, then I met Paul,- we got married and attended
the Salvation Army Training College. It was two tough years; I like being in
control and giving God the full control of my life has not been easy!
But as I said, He has always used processes to direct my life. Sometimes this has
been a pain in the neck, 'cause what I have been hoping for has been one very definite
"touch" or happening or whatever you would call it...Jesus always wants to meet
us, but it doesn't always happen the way we picture it.... The last couple of
years I have been experiencing what I would call a progressive renewal of my faith.
Jesus has come a lot closer to me and touched me in a much more concrete way
than I have experienced earlier. But it has been a process and it still is.....
I still want Him to touch me even more, I still want to feel more of His love... I
still want Him to fill me even more with His presence,- and I want Him to be in control
and use me the way he wants!
If you don't have a living relationship with Jesus I would recommend you to ask Him
into your life and fill it with His presence,- You won't regret it! He gave His life for
you,- let Him take control of Your life!
 "The true Light that illumines every person was coming into
the world. He was in the world and the world came into being through Him, yet the world
did not know Him. He came to His own home and His own people did not receive Him. But to
those who did receive Him He granted authority to become God's children, that is, to those
who believe in His name."
(John. 1. 9-12)
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