A New Beginning (Damaghosa das)

Nara-Narayana's story [See "Surrendering to Srila Prabhupada" Issue 1] on how he met Prabhupada was typical of, I think, a lot of devotees. After I read it, I thought that my coming to Prabhupada's lotus feet was also remarkable, in a similar sort of way.

Back in 1973 when I first got a little interested in Krsna Consciousness, I had been going regularly to Bhagavad-gita classes in the evening for about a month and a half. The temple president then was Sukadeva das. Present in the classes were the temple devotees and a few newcomers like myself. After a rousing sundar arati kirtan, we settled down to a short but potent discussion of Bhagavad-gita. And as usual, I had a lot of questions ready for Sukadeva even from before the class began. After class was over, and sometimes it got pretty hot, we (Sukadeva and myself) continued the "discussion" outside the temple room in the hallway foyer on the stairs. Kamshari, a very gentle brahmacari, would stuff me over and over with puris and halava, saying "eat more, eat more prabhu". So, this scenario on the steps continued for over a month. I wanted to be convinced, but I was trying my best to not be convinced, to avoid that same thing we all have been avoiding life after life - surrender ...

Well, finally, I heard one day that Srila Prabhupada was coming to the LA temple. This was great news to me. At last I could meet the person, in person, who made this whole bizarre, yet wonderful, Hare Krsna movement tick. I decided immediately to go. I had a car at the time, but was not sure it would make it down to LA and back - so I decided to hitchhike instead. A few rides and a few days later found me in LA about 1.00 a.m. Somehow I got to the temple. I think I caught a cab. Finally at 3.00 am I show up, dead tired from the trip, and find the place also dead - not a soul in sight. So, I roll out my sleeping-bag and zip-up for a well deserved snooze, but within minutes, it seemed like, I was awoken by some nameless brahmacari, who told me to "get up prabhu", for mangala arati. Knowing that acting like I was asleep wasn't going to work, and my excuse of just getting there one hour earlier didn't bring forth any of the compassion these guys were supposed to be noted for, I just got up and "surrendered". I found some water somewhere to splash on my face and hands and then stumbled into the brightly lit temple room where there were already hundreds of devotees. One shock after another. First sleep deprivation, then sensory overload. So many bright faces, bright colours, dhotis, saris, chaddars, the temple room decorations, and then seeing the exceptionally beautiful Rukmini-Dwarkadish was inspiring. It was a total mind-blowing experience (as we said in those days). I think there must have been 400-500 devotees there at that time for Prabhupada's arrival. Finally, the time came for Prabhupada to come out. The door from his personal quarters opened and out he came with a long trail of aspiring Vaisnavas behind and in front of him. He offered his respects to the Deities and sat down to receive guru puja.

To just come off the road still gritty and grimy, hungry and exhausted, and walk into this, cannot be described in words. So, I'm standing there, the kirtan is really roaring along, (like standing about 2 feet from railroad tracks while a freight train blasts on by). I'm looking around and the devotees are practically screaming at the top of their lungs "... Jaya Prabhupada, Prabhupada, Prabhupada ..." Everyone's jumping up and down and dancing about. Meanwhile I'm in the back of all this looking through my telephoto lens right at Prabhupada's face and thinking, "Man, this place is weird, I gotta get out of here - but I know I'm coming back". Just as I'm thinking this, Prabhupada turns his head in my direction and through the entire crowd of hundreds of devotees, he looks past them all, through my telephoto lens, through my eyes and pierces my very existence with his powerful glance. I am struck, and immediately put down the camera, not able to return his gaze and think to myself, "My God, he even knows what I'm thinking!". The timing of his look and the way he looked at me, but more like through me, I have never forgotten. It was Krsnas doing - to give me a small glimpse of the power and ability this person possessed. Since that time, I have been with Prabhupada many times, but none was so profound to me as that first meeting of our eyes.

This isn't the end of the story however. Now comes the really good part. Soon, Srila Prabhupada left town for somewhere else and I headed back to Seattle to continue my life - so I think. Thumbing a few rides back, I soon arrive at my apartment, where my girl-friend and I live together ... but now everything is different. I mean not just my perception of life has changed because of having met a pure devotee - I mean everything has changed. I unlock the apartment door and am greeted by the smell of exposed natural gas everywhere. I look around and see that the apartment is practically empty of the things I once had. The plants are all gone, my dog is gone, my girl-friend is gone and the gas smell is everywhere. It's like death is everywhere. I stand there not really believing what I'm seeing. My whole life is gone - everything I had and liked in this world is gone! I go on a two-week trip, meet a pure devotee, come back and now everything is gone in my life. There is even a "Dear John" letter on the counter to cap it all off.

This is just too much for me to take. I drop my bags somewhere and fall down on my bed, wondering what is going on here. Slowly, as my ability to think returns, I realise that for the first time in my life I am experiencing the hand of God directly in front of me. Never before did I ever have a reversal or problem of this magnitude. Everything always went so smoothly. No big ups or downs. Just everything on an even keel. Now this. Oh Krsna, You must have something planned for me, otherwise why this? Why have You taken it all?

For some days I was unable to function properly. I even tried to restore my life the way it was "before" my trip to LA Nothing worked. Two weeks later, as I was pacing the floor (which I never did), I just passed out from anxiety, just by thinking about moving into the temple and "surrendering to Krsna". When I awoke on the floor, after I don't know how long, I decided then and there to just do it, no matter what happened. That proved to be the major turning point in my life. It took me about two weeks to adjust to temple life. The day after I moved in, I was out on the streets in a dhoti selling BTGs. The rest is more stories like every devotee can tell. But this is my story of how a great Maha-Bhagavata turned my materialistic life to spirit.

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irg@zetnet.co.uk
Chant Hare Krishna and be happy!