ROMANCE

To the lust of your life

Darling,
You have brought more delight into my life than I had ever thought I could
experience. I love you with my whole heart, and adore you with my body.
I burn for you.
I think of touching you - your hair, your hands, your secret places - and I
feel as if I will burst out of my skin if I can't caress you, hold you, have you.
The merest feather-touch of your hand is enough to set my heart racing. I
long to be alone with you, in the quiet and the dark, to stroke your velvet
skin and take you to the same peak of ecstasy that you raise in me.

For a secret love...

Darling,
If only I dared call you that! If only I dared think that you might feel the
same way about me as I do about you...
We're friends. At least, I like to think we are. I know I make you laugh. I
treasure those moments, and when I'm lying alone at night, I take them out
and look at them, one by one, like photographs in an album.
Sometimes, I dare to dream that you might smile because I laughed at
something you said. That you might want to hold me, be with me, laugh
with me...
If I were braver, I'd tell you in person. As it is, this letter is the best I can
bring myself to do. Be gentle with me...

To the love of your life
Darling,
I love you. Three little words that mean so much, yet seem to say so little.
The way I feel about you, I need other words, bigger words, words that don't
get used so often.
I need a word for the heart bursting joy that sets my head spinning
whenever I think of you. I need another for the warm ocean of contentment I
feel lapping around me when I think of the years we will have together in the
future. And another for the determination I feel when I think of you -
determination to make you so happy you will be mine forever. And the
words for the desire you raise in me....
But the only words I have are "I love you".
I love you.

Gender Definitions

Wants & needs (wontz and nedz) n.
female: The delicate balance of emotional,
physical and psychological longing one
seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
male: Food, sex and beer.

Thingy (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood.
male: The strapfastener on a woman's bra.

Lesbian (lez-bi-an)n. female: A woman who makes love to
other women.
male: A woman who has sex with other
women so men can watch and get really
turned on.

Glass ceiling (glas see-ling) n.female: The invisible barrier that stops
women from rising to the upper levels in
business.
male: What would really be great at work
since that hot babe took over the office
one flight up.

Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one's self
emotionally to another.
male: Playing ball without a cup.

Communication
(ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. female: The open sharing of thoughts and
feelings with one's partner.
male: Scratching out a note before
suddenly taking off for a weekend with the
guys.

Butt (but) n. female: The body part that every item of
clothing manufactured makes "look bigger." male: The organ of mooning (and farting).

Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n. female: A desire to get married and raise a
family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women
while out with one's girlfriend.

Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-mentn. female: A good movie, concert, play or
book.
male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or
three stooges.

Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n. female: An embarrassing byproduct of
digestion.
male: An endless source of enterainment,
self-expression and male bonding.

Making love (may-king luv) n. female: The greatest expression of
intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: What men have to call "boinking" to
get women to boink.

Remote control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. female: A device for changing from one
TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75
channels every 2 1/2 minutes.

Taste (tayst) v. female: Something you do frequently to
whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's
good.
male: Something you must do to anything
you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it
out.

How pure are YOU? The Dr. Seuss Purity Test:
Have you done it on a boat? Have you done it with a goat?
Have you done it in a bed? Have you done it with the dead?
Have you done it in the ass? Have you done it, high on grass?
Have you done it in the car? Have you simply gone to far?
Have you done it on the beach? Have you done it with the teach?
Have you done it on your back? Have you done it strapped to a rack?
Have you done it in a box? Have you done it with a fox?
Have you done it in a tree? Have you done it with more than three?
Have you done it in the rain? Have you done it for the pain?
Have you done it 'tween the tits? Have you done it wearing mitts?
Have you done it packed in rubber? Have you done it undercover?
Have you done it on a a perch? Have you done it in a church?
Have you done it with a virgin? Have you done it with a sturgeon?
Have you done it with ropes and chains? Have you done it while insane?
Have you done it on the stage? Have you done it underage?
Have you done it with all your friends? Have you done it in both ends?
Have you done it with your dog? Have you done it on a log?
Have you done it under clamps? Have you done it with the lamps?
Have you done it without style? Have you done it for all to see?
Have you ever had VD?
Have you done it on Mother's couch? Have you done it in your mouth?
Have you done it while on tape? Have you done it out of shape?
Have you done it on live TV? Have you done it whilst you pee?
Have you done it in the gym? Have you done it on a whim?
Have you done it on a dare? Do you really think we care?

Answer these and count your "no"s, pray this number never grows; Fifty questions we asked thee, score times two is your Purity.



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