... A Redneck's Valentine ...

Kudzu is green,
my dog's name is Blue,
And I'm so lucky,
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk,
A-flapping in the breeze,
Softer than Blue's,
And without all them fleas.

You move like the Bass,
Which excite me in May,
You ain't got no scales,
But I luv you anyway.

You're as graceful as okry,
Jist a-dancin' in the pan,
Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop,
Right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth,
For which I am proud,
I hold my head high,
When we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
When you shave yore armpits,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
I'm plumb outta my wits.

And speakin' of wits,
You've got plenty fer shore,
'Cuz you married me,
Back in '74.

Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve,
Such a purty, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape,
Yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles,
And stick 'em in the can.

Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler,
Racin' through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger,
Named Naomi Judd.

Yo're as cute as a junebug,
A-buzzin' overhead,
You ain't mean like no far ant,
Upon which I oft' tread.

Cut from the best pattern,
Like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life,
Like a Rattletrap shad.

When you hold me real tight,
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete,
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin',
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin'.

And when you get old,
Like a '57 Chevy,
Won't put you on blocks,
And let grass grow up heavy.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie,
With a RC cold drunk,
We go together,
Like a skunk goes with stunk.

Some men, they buy chocolate,
For Valentine's Day,
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It's romantic that way.

Some men git roses,
On that special day,
From the cooler at Kroger,
"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds,
From a flea market booth,
"Diamonds are forever,"
They explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
These will not do,
For you are too special,
You sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
Without taste nor odor,
Better than diamonds,
it's a new trollin' motor.

AND NOW FOR A SERIOUS MOMENT...

Sometime during the 1st century, the conservative Christian ritualists thought there should be something else to do on this date than to observe the ancient pagan holiday of Lupercalia. Lupercalia was a Roman fertility festival. Instead of revelry, debauchery -- not to mention sacrificing goats and dogs -- it was determined that two Christian martyrs should be celebrated. (In this way, the early church piggybacked on traditional pagan festivals.)
Both were named St. Valentine. One of the saints was a priest and doctor who was beaten and beheaded while on the Flaminian Way, Rome, Italy in the year 269. A year later, the Bishop of Terni met the same fate in the same place.
Something got lost in the translation and the two celebrations became one. St. Valentine's Day, the most widely celebrated unofficial holiday, is a modern-day fertility rite. (There's even an old legend that says birds choose their mates on this day.)
This is the day that lovers of all ages give tokens of affection to each other; with kisses accompanied by flowers, candy or romantic, candlelit dinners. Thoughts of love are traded between lovers; often expressed in greeting card form or - with sunset, moonlight, a glass of wine and thou.

Hearts and flowers to you on this Valentine's Day.
from Buddy in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, NY

AND NOW FOR A MORBID THOUGHT...

On this day in 1929, in the windy city of Chicago, in some nondescript grimy looking garage, seven gangsters were killed. This event was named, the St Valentine's Day Massacre ... a newspaper reporter recalled, "There were more brains under our feet than under our hats."

AND FINALLY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO:

Frederick Douglass, the African-American abolitionist/lecturer/editor,
Jack Benny, born Benjamin Kubelski (you all know who he was),
Nigel Bruce (it's elementary, dear Watson), and
Mel Allen, (voice of NY Yankees)

And so here are some … Redneck Thoughts … for Redneck thinkers.

And again, we return to ... Our Navigator ... enjoy your special day.
And again, I wish you a very happy, healthy, and wealthy Valentine's Day.