- None. Jesus doesn't need lightbulbs because the Holy Spirit descends upon him regularly in the form of a disposable cigarette lighter. Well it looks like one anyway.
(submitted by becky wearing 100% Cotton. It just doesn't get much simpler than that.)
- It doesn't matter. Jesus being the all enlightened son of God would realize the danger of mixing walking on water with screwing in lightbulbs.
(submitted by Matthew "The decendent of Judas" Latkiewicz wearing The Complete Red Leather Thriller Outfit With Black Fringes.)
- Orange you glad i didn't say bananna?
(submitted by todd todd bo bod bananna fanna . . . etc. wearing Just the Facts Ma'am)
- 10,000 RAGING BLACK ONES!
(submitted by Louis Farakan and the official counters of the Million Man March, wearing Righteous Solidarity and a Pair of Bone White Converse All-Stars)
- Jesus can't screw in a lightbulb. Every time he touches one it changes from incandescent into fluorescent or vice versa.
(submitted by the biblical historian Ye Olde Angry Wombat [that one is straight out of Luke 15:12] wearing 100% Cotton)
- The Bible Clearly States that it takes three Jesuses to screw in a lightbulb. One to say "let there be light!" and the other two to claim that all three of them are one person. (Even though one of them calls another one "son."...um, kinky...)
(submitted by Sister Rossetta wearing a Lavender vinyl jumpsuit with Soldering Gunholster.)
- Jesus was a queen who kept Mary around because he missed his mommy. He needed total darkness to perform the goth ritual of rubbing oil on his diciples feet.
(submitted while on God knows what by Peter Tulgren wearing The Complete Red Leather Thriller Outfit with black fringes)
- One Slice of wheat and a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.
(submitted by that goofy transubstantiationalist Padre Pete wearing the Slate Black Versace Boxers under his robe ofcourse.)
-
Do you really think Jesus would waste his precious time on lightbulbs?
(It's funny 'cause it's true. Not to mention the fact that it was submitted by A Bored College Kid wearing only Chanel No. 5. How indecent!!)
- Sixteen. The reason, however, is beyond the ken of your human mind, my child. So you must be strong in your belief. Faith always manages.
(submitted by the recklessly cryptic Ye Olde Wombat wearing fuzzy cotton wombat trousers)
- 231.
(And the award for most Jesuses hypothesized to be integral to the screwing in of a single lightbulb goes to Witchy Woman, who is wearing a divine shroud of Chanel No. 5)
- Jesus *WAS* the lightbulb. Remember that line "I am the way, the truth and the LIGHT.
(also submitted by Witchy Woman, after she changed into 100% cotton. mmm... cotton...)
- 3...one to screw it in, one to turn on the light and one to take away everyone's blindness.
(submitted by Twisty wearing Just the Facts Ma'am)
- Jesus didn't screw in the lightbulb all he had to do was to convince a bunch of people that the lightbulb was really working and then all the people he convinced were sent out to annoy everyone and to try to convince them that they were blind without the Lord Jesus and any amount of light bulb screwing would not lead to eternal salvation but instead would cause them to burn in the fiery pits of Hell.
(Bubba wears 100% Cotton. He talks a lot.)
- Well, Jesus was technically a carpenter by trade. Wouldn't he just leave it up to the electrician?
(submitted by I Know All And See All And I'm Tellin Ya Most Of This Shit You Don't Wanna See, wearing 100% Cotton)
- Three. One to actually screw it in, one to eat chocolate chip cookies, one to learn how to count, and one to finish this sentence...
(submitted by Jesus . . . . . . . . liar.)
