Background: Born in Torrance, raised in Long Beach until about 12 to 13. When I was taken from my family do to an abusive Step-Father. {bill is its name} (Who used us kids Rickey, Me, and April as if we were in the Marine Corps as P.F.C.'s and he was the sargent. Later I found out he received a dishonerable discharge as a P.F.C. from the Marine Corps.) I was moved to a foster home for a year or two, because there was no other family member to take me in the way my brother and sister was. But being a kid and wanting to go back to my family, I went back to Long Beach (where "it" still lived). My next big move was to San Bernardino to live with my father(Rick) and step-mother(Chris), a step-sister(Rika), and two half brothers(Kenny, Jason). (Rickey made the move first, then later I followed his example, and even later April joined us, then a few years later our mother took the hint and left bill.)(yeah!!) Even though I had family with me I didn't feel apart of them, I felt like an outsider. Ever since I can remember I had a fear of asking questions.(you can guess where I got it from) So with these feelings and others I never understood until this time in my life, but I degress this is the past not the present. So I stayed with them in Berdo for 7 years. In the begining I wasn't into religion but they being christian, (and not wanting to leave me at home) I was taken to their Church. Called Central Christian Church. Eventually I became a christian, or so I thought. Because I only said that I beleived in the christian deity (in other words I was a Fat Baby). But during a visit to a friend in Long Beach, he told me of a different way. My attuide, while I visited him was "you do your thing and I'll do mine." But after I went back home, I saw what I was and refused to be a hipocrite. It was Amy Grant's song, "I have decided" that convinced me what I should do. That was the time I started in Wicca and I've never looked back. The next big event in my life was meeting her. She came to me a disalusioned christian. Apparently she'd had a run in with her favorate christian idol Carmen. She asked him to pray for/with her, his reply was "let me get someone else." And this is how she came to me. I told her what I was and she accepted it for her own. She was against "organized religions" so she became a soltare witch. But she took up so much of my time that I didn't have the time to find a coven for myself. Also during the time we were married we traveled a lot here's the list Az:Phoenix. Ca:L.A. (HOLLYWOOD), Long Beach, Sacromento, San Bernardino, San Deago, San Francisco. Co:Denver. Nv:Las Vegas, Reno. Or:Portland. Washington:Walla Walla. No matter where we went we allways found ourselves back in Hollywood before going anywhere else.(most of the time on the streets) We had a good 8 years of marrage.
Current Emotions: All my life, I've been putting my feelings into a bottle. One I could open the release valve but at a cost. I couldn't cry without there being twice the pain from fighting it. By this I mean that the lid on this bottle was hard to open because, when I was younger I was told constantly to stop crying or I'd get a reason to cry. Thereafter I became conditioned not to cry but because of the training against crying when the tears did flow the conditioning came forward to try to stop my crying. So over the years the bottle has 10 times the amount then it should handle. But after I lost her I found one who would teach me Wicca. And because of her I can now cry, anytime I think of her (Shadow) the tears come. Or being in my H,P.'s home, because she was the one who broke the spell. Now this one has become a strength to me and if I've ever lost her I'd don't know what I'd do. Or if I'm being held, for then I know they can't hit me. Even though I haven't been hit since I was a kid, the fear is still there. The pain in the bottle is the pain I've carried all these years. But now I'm beggening to work on it.
Belief:Justice Well I do have two views of belief, so for one I'll just suggest going to here.WiccanWeb.Net Includeing The Rede. Now to my other belief, I believe that the gods are like a diamond, where each of us is a facet in this diamond, each life for one facet. wheither it is read in a book, or a movie, or just if its in our thoughts, its real, it does exist maby not on this plane, or timeline, or deminsion. On the outer layer is trees, and other small life forms. Then next level in would be the animals, Next level in yet would be us the mortal gods, Then further in would be the people we call "Gods", and in the middle would be the total sum of all creation, which I call Katare! So infinity its all true. I believe in reincarnation unto infinity. By this I mean that there is only one soul being reincarnated an infintave number of times. Oh and how could I ever leave out the way I feel about christians!
Spirits: Ok lets go off the deep end here,(where I normaly belong) I have spirit guides with me the first is a team witch I call the "Barbarian Brothers". They have a horse with them, never did find out its name. Next comes "ppprrrr" the black panther kitten who is the son of "Susan" Shadow's spirit guide. These live in a castle some other spirit showed me. Then there is "Wolf" He's the closest to me. But he lives in a cave alone exepct when "ppprrrr" comes to visit. Well there is one more even more important. She's my spirit daughter (don't ask me how this is possable, it just is) her name is "Amanda". But even more odd is my dark brother, who is myself. How do you ask? Its because spirits don't exist in time (execept when they deal with someone who lives in leanear time). So while I live in time, he doesn't, so that is how he knows what is to happen to me. He seems to be the one holding the magic being the same and not the same person as myself.
Nameing: Well, after I lost her I changed my witch name. Its Shadow, Phioenix I figured that if she took my name in life I'll have hers now. That's the last name, now as to the first, Phioenix is a "bird of flame" one that is born out of the ashes of its death. So from the ashes of being Kaw-Liga. (to understand what that means listen to the song with that name sung by Hank Williams Sr. or Jr.) But unforunaely the ashes that was Kaw-Liga only became an egg of what I could be. The transformation was never completed and I don't think it ever will.
Then the next big change happened when I moved into my dad's house on Feb.4, 01.