Sudden impulse
to smash my head.
Frustrated with the situation,
uncertain of the results.
Just don't know
if I can handle
any of this
any longer.
For the first time
I have no control.
For the first time
my feelings choose
their own devices.
For the first time
my heart overpowers my mind.
Logic says one thing
my heart feels the other.
I've fallen hard
and am struggling
to change the direction of my fall.
I've screamed Geronimo,
but it wasn't my mind,
which screamed it.
It wasn't logic,
which told me what to do.
Falling, is there any hope.
Falling in the direction that hurts,
and this knowledge right now hurts.
If it was a dive
I'd get a 10,
but since it's not
I'm getting nothing,
just heartache.
I've been so close
so many times,
but I find myself
with a canyon to cross,
with no bridge to help.
There might have been one,
a weak one at best,
and my choice not to cross
because of the greater fear
of the bridge failing,
and resulting in
a free-fall.
With only one thing certain,
the pain of the landing,
more like a crash,
with more than just injury,
but heartache unenjoyable,
unimaginable,
uncontrollable.
Sure I cry,
sure I dine
on the thought of you,
and sure I'm flying
whenever the gap is small,
but as the canyon widens
I crash and find
myself very tired
and uncertainty fills my mind.
Why is always asked,
but the answer can't be found
and I'm left here again
broken, hurt, and lost
to what I can do
to make this better,
to make this disappear.
But without control
over how I feel,
or what I feel,
or who I feel for,
I'll end up still lost
and hurting some more.
This is something
I've never fully
ever had before
and the greatest fear
is of that horrible landing
which seems to be inevitable.
With the horrible canyon
that at one moment is so small
and at the next
is so vast.
Don't Know
I just don't know what to do.
All I think about is you.
I'm not sure if it's love,
all I know that it's tough,
and I'm not clear on any answers.
Lost in a complex system of feelings.
Torn between logic and my heart.
Never before have I felt this way.
Never before has my heart been so strong,
to overpower my logic.
Always before when my heart felt so strong
logic seemed to ok it,
but this time logic said to do one thing,
and my heart felt the other,
and my head won't stop spinning
from this clutter and conflict.
What am I to do?
I've tried so hard,
and I've searched so much.
I just can't seem to find,
any way to get you outta my mind.
Logic has told me to do so,
but my heart just won't let it happen.
I fear that it's the distance,
that's keeping you from getting closer.
We seemed to have been so close,
so near to each other,
but that was lost somehow,
and I don't know how to make it better.
How to make it get back to good
get back to the way it could have been.
That damn might-have-been,
that should have happened.
Had circumstances been different,
How different would things be?
How I wish things were different?
I'm not sure what I'm saying,
I'm not sure what to think,
all I know is I've been falling
and there seems to be no way of flying.
Just spread my arms out,
scream 'Geronimo!'
and hope for the best
because I can't find a way
just to make you say
you choose me over the rest.
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