Incorrect Belief Examples

Incorrect beliefs and unhealthy associations hinder our ability to love ourselves and/or others, and may affect our health. Incorrect beliefs can also prevent others from expressing their love towards us.

For example, we are about to go on stage, we have low self esteem which hightens our fear of being rejected by the audience. This state of mind triggers a emotional state; anxiety, and a physical condition; "butterflies in our stomach" (a stomach cramp). After we perform, we are applauded, signaling our acceptance by the audience, our incorrect belief is shown to be incorrect on this occasion, our emotional and physical states eventually return to normal. Unfortunately, many incorrect beliefs followed rather than refuted, leading to inappropriate emotional responses, and anapproprite actions.

It is in everyone's best interest for people to clear incorrect beliefs from their minds (see Discovering your True-Self). Below are a list of behaviors and common causes. Typically we will have numerous incorrect beliefs before we start working on them, exhibiting a combination of anti-social behaviors (e.g. a shy liar who is homophobic). Most of these incorrect beliefs originate from our childhood. Some are easily resolved through reasoning, others may require meeting truly caring people, or seeing a psychologist/hypnotherapist (e.g. incorrect beliefs resulting from childhood sexual abuse).

Contents

1. Fear of being Rejected

Note: Fear of rejection is not necessarily unhealthy. It is good to fear being rejected in situations that would otherwise lead to anti-social behavior, since we are inherently social creatures (e.g. punching someone in the head, not doing your fair share of work, etc.).

1. He mother taught her from an early age that she should eat all he food because people are starving in other parts of the world, and she should be grateful. She would forced down food, although she was already full.
   Her mother cooked too much food for her children, thinking by feeding them more it proved she was taking care of them.
2. She was not close to either of her parents, especially her father who was always busy working. His father was also very distant. She would eat as a way to avoid thinking about the rejection she felt.
3. She worries what other people think regarding trivial matters, e.g. not eating all the food on your plate.

Incorrect Beliefs:

1. I must always eat everything that is put in from of me.
2. No one really cares for me.
3. A person's worth is measured by how well they live up to other people's expectations.

Solutions:

• Although people may be starving in other countries, eating more than your fill of food is unhealthy, just as is not eating enough. Less food should have be prepared for eating.
  Although her mother thought that she was caring for her children by over feeding them, she would have been better off keeping them fed with the right amount of food and spend time bonding with her children through shared activities, affection and emotional support.
• Her father incorrectly believed that money and work would bring him happiness (rather than love); he never experienced the love and affection that could be gained through the parent-child bonding, so he didn’t realize it’s value, or how it could be achieved.
  We talk about her close friends and others that aren't as close, and she is shown how much they care about her. She is advised to deepen her friendships with those that aren't as close (with which she shares different common interests) rather than totally rely on a few people who may move away from where she lives or get married.
• Regarding her belief that a person's worth is measured by how well they live up to other people's expectations; see Shy, Workaholic and Alcoholic examples.
• We change to the bus scene and ask all her friends to throw the passengers representing these incorrect beliefs off, as a sign that they care for her.

3. Hate Men

• Upon investigation (see Discovering your True-Self), we find that she was very close to her father.
• But when she was 11 years old, he sexually molested her.
• She tried to tell her mother, but she didn't want to know about it.

Incorrect Belief: She concluded from the event that;

1. all males are evil and deceitful.
2. if she shows any man affection, he would hurt her.
3. her mother doesn't care about her.

• Her father has incorrect beliefs regarding sex. But this has no relation to men in general, who, like females generally seek to express love.
• Not everyone hurts people who show them affection. But people with certain incorrect beliefs abuse people who express affection to them. People should be wary and try to determine if a person is deceitful by the way they act, and if so avoid them.
• Her mother didn't know how to react to such a situation, so she decided not to.

4. Hate Homosexuality

• He became very close to his uncle, but when he was 11 years old his uncle sexually molested him.
• He tried to tell his parents, but they didn't want to know about it.

• all homosexual males are evil and deceitful.
• if he shows anyone affection, they will hurt him.
• his parents don't care about him.

• His uncle had incorrect beliefs regarding sex. But this has no relation to homosexuals in general, who, like heterosexuals generally seek to express love.
• Not everyone hurts people who show them affection. But people with certain incorrect beliefs are deceitful and abuse people who express affection to them. People should be wary and try to determine if a person is deceitful by the way they act, and if so avoid them.
• His parents didn't know how to react to such a situation, so they decided not to.

5. Easily Lead

• We find she is searching, trying to find her true self. At the same time she believes she is an inferior person (an incorrect belief). She is therefore easily lead astray by people she thinks are superior.
• She feels inferior because when she was born her parents rejected her. She concluded that she must be an ugly child, and not loved by her parents.
• We further investigate and find there were in a difficult financial position when she was accidentally conceived. Her existence made their situation more difficult. She now reminds them of that difficult time in their lives.

Solution:

• She is told that her parents didn't think she was ugly, but that they associate her with difficult times, and therefore reject her.
• She is also told that she as every right to exist, she is equal to any other human being and that the accidental pregnancy was not her fault.
• After pondering these facts, she realizes the truth in them. Having confidence in herself as an equal, she carefully considers what others say and follows no-one blindly.

6. Shy Person

• The boy then believed that his father didn't love him and that he is no good as a person; a reject, inferior to others.
• He concludes that other people's opinion of him is much more important than his opinion of himself. Effectively converting him to a shy slave.

Solution: With some discussion he realizes that his father was venting his anger from work, the broken toy was just the trigger that made him express his pent-up anger.
He realizes that he is equal to anyone else in his right to exist, and now that he is an adult can determine his own future, regardless of what incorrect beliefs his father might have.

7. Assuming People don't like You

• He was wrongly accused of stealing money from a fete. His friends sided with the liar, later realized the liar was wrong. The boy believed from that point on, that others would always assume he was bad, until he could prove otherwise.
• When he was fourteen, whilst trying to help a boy cooking on a camp, he accidentally spilt hot water on him. All the boys assumed he did it on purpose. This dramatically reinforced his incorrect belief.
• Like all incorrect beliefs, his mind suppressed the significance of all events that contradict this incorrect belief.

Solution: We find several situations that confirm that people who didn't know the him well, had offered their help assuming he was an loving honorable person (which he was).
He thinks in depth about these positive events and as a result exposes the incorrect belief as being incorrect, he corrects his belief system and now no longer assumes the people perceive him in a negative light. He becomes much more sociable and open to others as a result.

8. Fear of Showing Love

• Upon investigation we find that her parents wanted a boy, and rejected her because of her gender. The girl became shy as a result. She sought love from other sources, friends, relatives etc.
• When she was 11 her father's friend was attracted to the girl’s body (lust) and sought to have sex with her. The girl was attracted to the man because he showed an interest in her and hoped that she would gain the love she deeply desired. Unfortunately the man had no love towards the girl, but thought of her merely as a sex object (due to his incorrect beliefs).
• The man would sexually molest the girl and cause her pain. The girl thought that he must also have some love towards her. The man said he would show he parents photos of her having sex, if she told others. However, she did tell others, but because the man was seen to be a respectable citizen, each time they would say how evil she was in saying such a terrible tale. This reinforced her fear of rejection. She was trying to be good in telling the truth but it was rejected, and she was told that she was an evil liar.

Solution: Upon reflection she sees the pattern which lead to her fear of seeking love. She is advised to actively and carefully seek people that will love and believe her. She now carefully seeks to find someone who loves her for her total being, and not just for her appearance (lustfully).

9. Intense Personality

• he won a sports prize at school when he was eight, but his parents don't acknowledge his success, he incorrectly concludes that the standard required is above that level a level he never achieves. This incorrect belief makes him eager to please others, and expects others should also achieve this unreasonable standard.
• Later his mother commends him on being a good boy. He then sees a way he can achieve approval, not through sports but by 'being good' and 'doing the right thing' (expecting others should attain the same standard).
• He then is asked to perform tasks by people because of his 'keen to please' nature. He also fulfills other people's requests joyfully throughout his life, at the expense of his own freedom.

Solution: He realizes that his parents didn't acknowledge his win because they were occupied with more demanding issues at the time (a house extension under construction). He realizes that this mother's love was not conditional and that he no longer has to perform to others to prove he is a good person, just be good for his own well being. Upon reflection he realizes that he no longer has to expect this unreasonable standard of others or worry about their approval. He becomes closer to others, settles down and is more relaxed in social environments.

10. Feeling Impure (loss of virginity)

• She lost her virginity.
• She lost her virginity to someone that didn't love her.

Solution: We discuss the definition of purity rests with the a clean mind, and is not related to what others do to us. Its related to how we interpret things that happen around us, and any incorrect beliefs that may result. These incorrect beliefs affect our attitudes to ourselves and others, making us impure. By correcting flaws in our belief system we become more pure and loving. We consider the purity of a boy, despite the fact his penis was circumcised without his consent at birth.
She ponders these thoughts and looses her feeling of impurity, seeking to further clear her mind of incorrect beliefs, so as to become a more loving individual.

11. Youth Suicide

1. His father hitting him and verbally abusing him over the past four years. This is traced back to his father expressing his frustration in not gaining material possessions, which he incorrectly believed would bring him happiness.
2. An argument with a school teacher, who said that indigenous children were superior to people not born in that bloodline. Since his ancestors were from another country and oppressed the indigenous race, he should feel guilty and inferior (an incorrect belief).

Solution: We resolve both flawed beliefs;

1. His father will only gain happiness from giving and receiving a depth of love, however this is hindered by a range of incorrect beliefs he has including 'material wealth brings happiness'.
2. Regarding indigenous people's rights;
   • People are not responsible for the errors of their ancestors. We may be born of similar genetic material, but our beliefs are formed independently. The guilt resulting from a parent's actions should not be born by their children.
   • The acquisition of land and money will not bring happiness to anyone, beyond that needed to survive. Happiness comes from loving fellow human beings not through gaining material wealth. Society should enable all to live comfortably, so that the expression of love is not hindered by their need to survive.
   • Culture is a way of thinking and living that has adapted to a particular environment. Elders in a culture therefore have power through a greater understanding of this knowledge. However, if the environment should change (e.g. urbanization) a new/modified culture must result to adapt to the new circumstances. Although the older culture may be highly prized by the race's elders, it may have little value in the new environment, changes must therefore be made (e.g. to accommodate drunkenness as unacceptable act). A common culture amongst all individuals in a geographical area regardless of race is ideal as it encourages trust and therefore love.
   • We consider the American Civil Rights Leader, Martin Luther King Jr's most famous speech of 1963;

     I have a dream, that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream.

     This of course relates not only to particular races, but all individuals.

12. Fear of Suicide

• Upon investigation we find that he feels he lets his parents down, by not living up to their expectations. After being involved in stealing something under pressure from his friends and being caught, he stayed at his friend house several days for fear of being rejected by his parents. He felt he had let his mother down.
• His low self esteem and empathy for his friend that recently suicided, depresses him and feels his life is not worth living.

1. There's no point in living.
2. We should seek to live up to other's expectations.
3. Some people have more of a right to live than others.

1. The more incorrect beliefs we have and the stronger we hold onto them the less loving we will be (to ourselves and others). This puts us in a negative frame of mind and we come closer to loosing the will to survive.
   By removing our incorrect beliefs, and seeking to associate with other trustworthy people we can gradually let down our guard and enjoy expressing and receiving love with others. This drives us to seek a long and healthy life, not wanting to miss the deep friendships we have formed.
2. We are all individuals and should seek to be good, but not to live up to other's expectations (although seeking to be good, we may do so by coincidence).
3. We are equal to our parents regarding the right to survive and be happy.

13. Regrets Lost Opportunities

Incorrect Belief: Failures in the past have no benefits.

Solution:

• We focus on how those events were used by her as learning tools, not just failed opportunities.
• The perceived failures of her past were reinterpreted as learning experiences which she had since used in dealing with others.
• As we focus on each of the benefits gained by reacting in what turned out to be unhelpful at the time, she realizes the benefits of her past failures.
• We consider if she had never failed she wouldn't be as well equipped to deal with others; both friends and strangers. She wouldn't be able to realize that others are also not to be expected to be perfect.
• Through focusing on these positive outcomes from her past failures she no longer focuses on self-pity but confidently looks ahead realizing the wealth of experience she can draw on to help herself and others in the future.

14. Insincere

• After investigation, we find he believes people who hide their true emotions have advantages over those that express their true feelings.
• We ask his imaginary therapist to give him some memories of past events which have led to his conclusion that insincere people are at an advantage. He relays the memories;
  • events where he felt his parents were insensitive. However were we find that there were misunderstandings.
  • events which he lied about things to prevent being smacked. However we find that these events could have resulted in dangerous consequences through the lies that were told.
  • an event that should he believed his mother was heartless and non-caring (but pretended she cared). However we are also shown memories that confirmed that his mother was deeply hurt when he said that when he left home e will never come back. This showed that she sought genuine love from her son, but due to her incorrect beliefs rarely showed that need.
  • an event where he gave her a present which she still treasures to this day, showing how much she longs for genuine love from others.
  • an event where one of his children cried due to the family break-up, showing that the child hoped that they would eventually show true love to each other.

Solution:

• We ask him to imagine a bus, with the bug (representing the incorrect belief) as a passenger. We ask for friends and relatives that truly showed their emotions to enter the bus with him, including his mother holding her present.
• We talk about the value of true emotions, and how perceived falseness stops others opening up and prevents them showing any depth of love and experiencing a deep friendship.
• Whilst we focus on the value of love the bug eventually leaves the bus; the man’s belief system no longer valuing insincerity. He communicate his hidden emotions with his mother and his children, and now seeks deep friendships.

15. Superficial Friend

• After investigation, we find she believes she has no true worth, except to the extent of what others can gain from her.
• She believes to be a friend means someone has to get something from you other than the friendship itself. For example;
  • Wives offer things to their husbands.
  • Mothers offer things to gain the love of their family members.
  This is bad because it makes her feel she needs to provide something to gain friendship. She feels she gives more than she gets, always buttering up someone else’s ego, at her expense.

Solution: She looks back into her childhood and sees that love seemed to always come with obligations; she was only loved only after tasks were performed. After further investigation she realizes that some friends really did love her unconditionally, but she thought that they didn't due to previous experiences within her family.

She realizes that loving people seek friendship just for friendship's sake. In buttering up egos she wasn't expressing her true thoughts but just making up whatever she thought would secure a friendship. She later realized that being a phony is the surest way of loosing a genuine friend. To secure a friendship she needs to be honest with someone who is also honest about themselves in return, so that their friendship can grow deeper; through trust. Friendships take time and effort, it's better to have a one or two good friends that will support you in times of need, rather than many superficial ones which can't be relied on.

16. Liar

• Upon investigation we find her deaf father disliked her because she could hear, and represented all the oppression he got by non-handicapped people during his life.
• He bashed the girl when she was 5 and told her not to tell anyone or else she'd get more (due to his incorrect beliefs).
• The girl kept silent, lying about the abuse to teachers.
• The father realized that he could continue to bash the girl without retribution.
• Through the girl’s subsequent years, she learnt that it was good to lie.
• That is why she lies so much.

Solution:

• She is shown this logical sequence and she realizes why she lies.
• We show her the affects of habitual lying, which she had not realized; no long term friends and no love (due to a lack of trust). Using this undesirable outcomes, she uses her will-power and removes the incorrect belief that lying is good for her.
• She now seeks loving friendships, and is happier.

17. Spoilt Child

18. Spoilt Adult

19. Rejects Children

• After investigation we find that she believes the responsibility of her children outweighs any benefits the relationship could offer (an incorrect belief).
• We find that when she was young her mother also saw children as a burden. Her mother preferred socializing to having a relationship with her children (due to her incorrect beliefs.
• She has become dependent on her daughter for companionship rather than another adult. The daughter has learnt how to use this dependency to get whatever she wants (see Spoilt Child example). This stress has reinforced her belief that children are too much of a burden.
• Neither the woman nor her mother had bonded with their children.

Solution: The woman is informed that although she hasn't experienced it yet, loving her children and being responsible for them will lead to; giving, sharing, appreciating, growing and happiness for both parent and child.

Upon realizing this newly found potential in the child-parent relationship and dealing with her spoilt child, she's happy and seeks to interact with her children as much as possible.

20. Workaholic

1. A person's worth is determined by the opinion of others (an incorrect belief).
2. People have a high opinion of people who own successful businesses.
3. The successfulness of a business is measured by how much money it makes.
4. Therefore happiness can be gained by making lots of money in a business, which is maximized through excess work.

Incorrect Belief: A person's worth is determined by the opinion of others.

Solution: After probing why his mother said what she said, he realizes that he exists and has just as much right to live and be happy as anyone else. He realizes that everyone makes mistakes, including his mother. With this in mind he realizes that his opinion of himself is much more important than that of others.

He closes the business, returns to his former employer and spends a lot of time with his family and friends socializing. His wife is full of joy with her 'new' husband.

21. Alcoholic

• Upon investigation, we find that his father was always critical of him and what he said. He trusted his parents judgment over his own (a natural thing whilst growing up) and concluded that his opinion is worthless and ridiculous.
• Looking into his father, we find he did this not because he thought his son's comments were ridiculous, but because he noticed that the more he put down his son the more control he had over him, and he was jealous of the attention his son got from his wife. He therefore concluded it was good for him to put him down. Unfortunately he didn't realize that in doing so he lost the possibility of having a loving relationship with his son.

Solution: His son was more submissive because the boy concluded from his father's behavior that his opinion of himself is of no value, but other people's is (an incorrect belief). Therefore by trying to gain the approval of his father he would improve his worth.

He realizes this and clears out the incorrect belief that his opinion is worthless and now communicates honestly and expects others to do likewise with him. Gaining deeper, more meaningful and loving relationships as a result.

When he visits his father, he makes it clear that he is of equal value to him and will not tolerate his demeaning comments.

22. Snob

• Upon investigation, we find that her parents were of a wealthy background, and highly esteemed by others because of their status (i.e. people believed they were inferior to them). She picked up a belief that her bloodline was superior to others.
• We also find that when she was 18 years old she went to university. She picked up a belief most of her lectures had; that professional/highly educated people are superior to less educated people (which represented most of her community).

Solution:

• We probe why that belief is incorrect, and find that in holding such a belief, she becomes anti-social and non loving.
• She realizes this and seeking the love of others being a high priority, decides that all people have an equal right to be acknowledged, because we are genetically social creatures.
• As a result she becomes very sociable, and enjoys the company many different types of people, much to her parent's disgust (due to their unchanged belief systems).

23. Con Man

• Upon investigation, we find that when he was 15 years old he saw how his uncle used to deceive people and used to tell him how clever he was. He liked his uncle and believed that he could be happy if he could follow in his uncle's footsteps, conning people out of their money.
• From that point he conned his friends at school to make money and conned girls into thinking he loved them, so he could have sex with them.
• He lost most of his friends, and started to get a reputation with girls for being a user and insincere.
• He left school and realized that he must move around, because as people got to know him, they wouldn't trust him. This lack of trust would affect his ability to con them out of more money etc.

Solution:

• After some soul searching he discovers that conning people is short term and prevents others trusting him. When people can't trust you, they can't open themselves up to loving you, and in seeking to deceive, you withhold from loving them.
• He realizes that loving people as friends etc., is much more fulfilling than deceiving them, and would allow him to settle down in one town, rather than move from place to place.
• After some thinking he corrects this flaw in his belief system and starts over, in effect a 'new person'.

24. Gambler

• Upon investigation we find his parents idolized the rich and famous. He copies his parent's belief that happiness comes when you are rich and famous.
• When he was 25 years old, he won a raffle and notices how popular he suddenly became. He then realized that his long held ambition of being rich and famous could come about through gambling.
• When he was 28 years old, his wife complained about the how much money he wasted. Since he believed it was clever to gamble (but feels his wife just wouldn't understand), he lied, telling her he was getting a smaller pay packet.
• He started to lie continually.
• At 33 years old, he lost his job and partner because of his gambling and lying.

Solution:

• Now that these facts are in front of him, he finally realizes that gambling is not a good way to get rich. He then looses interest in gambling and lying.
• After showing him examples of rich and famous people who aren't happy, he finally realizes that happiness comes from loving others, not seeking fame and fortune, and finally looses the incorrect belief that was the foundation of all his unhappiness.

25. Hates Sister/Brother

Cause: Upon investigation we find that his parents were rarely home. His sister would try to make him look bad in the eyes of his parents.

Incorrect Belief: His sister is inherently evil.

Solution:
We discuss the fact that both he and his sister were competing for a limited resource; their parent's affection. Since the parents didn't have much time to spend with their children, and children have an instinctual need for a certain amount of parental affection/attention, his sister would use nastiness to try and get more attention than her brother. He used a passive 'wounded animal' technique for the same reason; to maximize parental attention. The problem was that the parents weren’t available to their children enough, not that his sister was inherently evil.

27. Low Self Worth

28. Can't Study

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