If you are a South
African, you will know Koos Van Der Merwe. Well, old Van is quite a character!
He was a courier
for a leading tour bus operator. Being a "verligte" he took the opportunity
of telling a multiracial group of tourists about to set off for the Garden
Route that race was of no consequence to him.
"I am not worried
about black or white," he said. "As far as I am concerned you could all
be green!"
"Now, all aboard!!
Dark green to the back, light green to the front!"
"These
rooineks are not so bad when you get to know them," said Van on return
from a visit to England.
"Hey,
they take you home, share their bed with you and give you breakfast in
the morning - all for no charge."
"Did
that really happen to you, Van?" asked Van Tonder.
"No,
but it happened to my sister," said Van.
Van der Merwe was most ancious to impress
the lovely Lettie Labuschagne who was sitting near him in the same compartment
on the train. So he said loudly to his neighbour, Van Tonder:"You realise
that I am not normally as tall as this. I happen to be sitting on my wallet!"
Van was stopped by Constable Van Tonder
for driving with one arm around his girlfriend.
"Use two hands!" said the constable.
"Man, I want to but I gotta steer with
one!" said Van.
"YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE!" said the tsotsi
to Van in a Johannesburg street.
"Man, you'd better take my life," said
Van, cause I'm saving my money for old age!"
Van was hitchiking along when he got a
lift from a chap driving a Merceds Benz. He was intrigued by the Mercedes
crest on the bonnet.
"Hey, tell me what that thing's for."
Thinking this is a rather stupid question,
the driver decided to play a practical joke on Van.
"You see", he replied, "I;ve got a bad
habit of knocking pedestrians down and those are my foresights through
which I take aim."
"Hell, hey!" exclaimed Van.
They were approaching an intersection
when a pedestrian stepped off the pavement to cross the road. The driver
headed straight for the pedestrian and at the last moment swung away. As
he did so there was a huge bang and he saw in his rear-view mirror the
pedestrian lying in the road.
"Hey man, I would take those sights back,"
said Van. "They're not at all accurate. If i hadn't opened my door we would
have missed him!"
During the 1976 disturbances it bacame
apparent to the S.A.R. (Railways) that the last coaches on suburban Soweto
trains became more badly damaged than the others.
The Traffic Superintendant, Mr Koos Van
Der Merwe, put in a written propsal that the last coaches should be removed
from all trains!
Van Tonder was driving his car near Krugersdorp
when he ran over a white chicken. Knowing that Van Der Merwe reared white
leghorns on a farm nearby, and being an honest man, he called on Van and
apologised for running over what he though must be one of Van's white leghorns.
"What makes you think this chicken is
mine?" asked Van.
"Well, you rear white Leghorns, don't
you?" said Van Tonder.
"Ja man", said Van, "but not flat ones
like this!"
Judge: "Why did you park your car in this
particular place?"
Van: "Because It said FINE FOR PARKING!"
Overheard at a railway ticket office -
Van: "A return ticket please, my mate."
Ticket man: "Where to please?"
Van: "Back here, of course, man!"
This page is current being updated.
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