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Things my cats have taught me
- When you do something wrong (like knock over a lamp), don't go running away...investigate it so no one will know you did it.
- When presented with a nice clean basket of laundry, warm from the dryer, promptly curl up and go to sleep in it.
- Remember to not hide when the carrier comes out...it makes your humans happy to have them think you really want to go to the vet!
- Nice clean toilets (litter pans) are given to you to use right away.
- Wash daily and frequently, sunbathe as often as possible.
- When company comes, find the one human who is allergic to or dislikes cats and sit as close to him/her as possible.If none exist, choose the one who is wearing clothes that your shed fur will show up best on.
- Shed all over as soon as your human is done vacuming-it makes them feel needed.
- As much as you need to exercise your claws, do not do it on the furniture or curtains or human or the dog, use the scratching post the human has provided, or find an obscure corner of carpeting, even if you use the furniture in the middle of the night, the humans will know!
- And while you're at it, torment the dog!
- Always turn your nose up at the new but obviously cheap food, but then don't let your human catch you eating bugs or that dead mouse you found.
- Don't be overly enthusiastic about the food the human offers you.This way you will continue to be offered better and more expensive foods to suit your tastes.
- If you catch a mouse, do not leave it for your human by placing it on his or her pillow so it will be the first thing they see when they wake, this makes them very upset.
- Closed doors are meant to be open, meow and paw at the door (but do not scratch) until your human opens it, then casually walk away, do this repeatedly until they just leave the door open for you.
- Allow your humans to share your bed-after all, they think it is their bed! However, the dog should always sleep on the floor.
- Any small, furry or feathery animals that are kept in the house and in cages are your human's pets, do not eat them, as this will greatly upset your human.
- Allow your human to call you "my cat"-after all, you know who owns who, and the human does provide you with food and a nice house to live in.
- Do not be jealous of the dog who gets to go places with the human...you don't really want to leave your comfortable bed anyway!
- Do not eat the houseplants.
- Do not use the houseplants for your toilet.
- When your human is reading, typing, etc. try to sit on whatever it is they are doing.They don't need to read the bad news, and homework and letters can always use your insight.
- Above all, purr alot when your human pets you and cuddles you, it makes them very happy!
Author Unknown
 
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