Jokes
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Editor's Note: Here will be a new section with jokes. None of these jokes are meant to be offensive or degrading to other people, race, or anything. I do not mean to hurt anyone's feelings. Some of these jokes are kinda funny. Hopefully you enjoy them. Also, these jokes are not made by me; other people sent these jokes through the email. Hopefully people will just get a laugh! Thanks! |
His or Her Computer
A man who had previously been a sailor, was very aware that ships are addressed as "she" and "he". He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts.
The first was comprised of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender.
They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to In the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little onger you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand concluded that Computers should be Referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself> spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
End of the World
Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God.
During dinner He told them:
"I invited you here because I need three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the earth"
After dinner, Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: "I have two very bad news items for you:
1. God really exists, and 2. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."
Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them: "I have Good news and Bad News:
1. The good news is: God really does exist. 2. The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced: "I have two fantastic announcements:
1. I am one of three most important people on earth. 2. The Year 2000 problem is solved."
In the Plane
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa."
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look.
He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the digital cellphone via infra-red wireless connection to his modem port and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mail to all his co-workers, friends, clients, and suppliers that he knows. And then some. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
Adam and Eve Story
(This one is really funny =) Sorry women!)
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden looking very sad, so the Lord asked Adam, "What's wrong?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. The Lord said he was going to give him a companion; it would be a woman.
He said, " This person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had an argument. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked, "What would a woman like this cost?"
"An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
And now, you know the rest of the story.
Author anonymous
Women Again
Yankel Greenbaum was trying to show his wife that women talk much more than men. To prove his point he showed her a scholarly study that showed men, on average, men use about l500 words per day as opposed to women, who use at least 3,000.
Gussie, his wife, pondered this for a little while and then thought of an answer. "Women", she said, "must use twice as many words as men, because they have to repeat every thing they say."
"What?", Yankel answered.
Author anonymous
Here is a link to the old jokes that are found on this web page! Old Jokes 1
Thanks and come again! This site is still under construction.
