Topics to Discuss

Puberty

It is important to talk about all aspects of puberty, not just periods. You might tell her that ever since she was born, her body has been changing and growing taller and heavier. During the next few years, she will begin to see even more changes in the way her body looks. She will have a growth spurt in height, and in her hands and feet. Her breasts will begin to develop, and her hips will get rounder and fuller. She will see hair under her arms and in her pubic area (the area between her legs). She may also feel a slight dampness in her panties from time to time. You can explain to her that this dampness is normal vaginal secretions. What is happening is called puberty, and it's a natural part of growing up and becoming a woman.

Anatomy
Most young girls do not understand their internal or external anatomy, so you may want to provide your daughter with the following information.

You can begin by explaining that inside the abdomen, between the hips, there is an organ that looks like an upside-down pear. It is called the uterus. Babies grow inside a woman's uterus when she is pregnant. Inside the uterus, there is a soft lining that is made up of tissue (blood vessels, glands, and the cells in between) and blood. This is known as the endometrium. When a woman is pregnant, this lining helps to nourish and support a baby. But when a woman is not having a baby, this lining is not needed, so it flows out of the body each month through a passageway known as the vagina. As this blood leaves the body, it is called the menstrual flow. The menstrual flow comes out of the body through an opening between the legs known as the vaginal opening. This is one of three openings between the legs. The front opening allows urine to come out of the body, the middle opening is the vaginal opening, and the third opening is for bowel movements.


Menstruation
You may want to begin explaining menstruation by sharing the basics. Menstruation generally occurs about once a month, but this can vary, especially for the first few years. The flow generally lasts from 3 to 7 days. It is sometimes called a period because it occurs for a period of days each month. Some women get menstrual cramps or a backache during their period, but some girls and women experience no discomfort at all. It really depends on the individual. If you would like to discuss with your daughter PMS, you can refer to the information provided on the site.

You may also want to describe what a woman wears when she has her period. You may want to tell your daughter that, to absorb the flow, a girl will wear soft, comfortable menstrual pads that can be placed in her underwear. Some girls and women wear tampons, which are placed inside the vagina to absorb the flow before it leaves the body. You can reassure your daughter that if she is prepared and has the right menstrual protection, no one will know that she has her period.


Around this time, you may want to give your daughter a pack of pads to keep in her closet. She may also want to keep one pad in her locker at school or in her purse or backpack. This approach will make her feel grown-up and ready to deal with life rather than feeling that she is waiting for something to happen to her.

You might also want to explain how to dispose of her menstrual protection, or you might want to save this conversation for a later date.

Giving her ample information about personal hygiene will allow your daughter to feel less self-conscious when she has her period. For example, remind your daughter that she should take a bath or shower every day, and should be careful to change her menstrual pads every 3 to 4 hours, or more often, if needed.


Talk About Her Feelings
Talking with your daughter about feelings is just as important as giving her facts. If your daughter is scared, or hates the idea of puberty and/or periods, you can acknowledge how she does feel and tell her that she is likely to find that her feelings will change over time.

A period is sometimes, wrongly, called a "curse" or "being sick." It is helpful if you counter negative attitudes with positive messages which are true, such as "Getting your period is a sign of health" or "This means you are maturing normally." She may like to be reminded that virtually every woman alive and in all of history has had this experience.

Many girls find the idea of periods, or the actual experience of her first one, to be "yucky " or "gross." Let her know that menstrual flow is often thicker than blood, and the first time she finds menstrual flow in her underpants it may be very dark in color, not like her idea of blood at all. This is entirely normal.

Depending on her age, you may want to talk about the fact that girls whose first period comes earlier than most of their friends may feel different from them for a while until some of them get their periods too. Share with her that it is all right to tell her close friends about herself, if she wants to. Also, girls who reach menarche later than most of their friends sometimes worry. It helps to talk to your daughter if this may be her situation. If you or she is seriously concerned, consider making an appointment with the doctor.

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