Questions
I gave the Kitten article to Precious with a long cover letter describing where I found it and its impact on my perception of myself. She avoided reading all the way through the article for several weeks, having been put off by the description of masturbation in the early part of the story. However, at my continued insistence, she finally got around to reading it and tried to understand why I said the fascination described in the article was not sexual. Instead, for both me and the article's author, the fascination was the overwhelming sense of peace and comfort afforded little girls by virtue of the protection we provide them. She was initially unsure as to whether I was putting her on, as a pervert in disguise. Upon reflection she realized that many of those customers who found her most attractive girl in the club might probably fit right into the category of Kittens as well.
To contrast, males are put right out there, against the world, and are not supposed to show their emotions. They are to compete, cheek by jowl, with every other male. Women, too, today are supposed to get in there and compete with the men, and the little girls of today are expected to follow right on along. But little girls of the 50's were protected, shielded from harm. Precious understood this as she recognized the distinction in the way children are traditionally treated. Boys were normally "encouraged," girls were normally "protected." Living under the umbrella of that protection, girls were free to express their emotions, to laugh and to cry. To be able to escape, to act as though I were shielded by that same umbrella, even for a short time, would be heaven (or at least as close to it as I thought I would get to Paradise)...
Having presented the information to Precious and gotten some measure of support, my greatest remaining challenge was presenting it to my wife forthwith. Although I was as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs, I had no desire to withhold this vital discovery from my wife. Regardless of the potential downside, I felt that it was better to tell her than to risk keeping it a secret. Giving her the "Birth of a Kitten" article and the letter to Precious which described my feelings about it, she read carefully and responded, "You should join..." I was dumbfounded! What did this mean? Was I to be accepted by Precious, who had become the closest thing I could imagine to a twin sister, the person to whom I could pour out my innermost secrets without fear of condemnation, and also be accepted by my wife, the person I loved most and with whom I had chosen to spend my life? Zowee... Words could not express my joy! I had no reason to doubt the sincerity of either of them. After all, I had been totally honest with them both and, unlike many of the cross dressers I read of, had not lead a secret double life, keeping this information from either of them.
I showed each of them the outfits which were being sold on the web, pointing out what I found attractive and what I found abhorrent. They agreed that many of those who were selling to cross dressers were severely fashion-challenged and missing the mark if they were aiming at "Kitten" type cross dressers. The outfits they were offering were not the modest styles worn by young girls, but rather strangely contrived "girlish" outfits for those with large breasts and hourglass shapes in fabrics and styles clearly inappropriate for little girls. There were a few vendors who seemed to understand how to carry it off and I will see that pages describing their creations are included in one of Taffy's link pages. Who knows, there have got to be more transgenerational cross dressers out there than just me.
[A side note: About this time I bought a book of kid's names and read it from cover to cover. I marked Taffy (i.e., "Loved One, in Welsh) on the first pass and found no name I liked even a fraction as much. So Taffy it was to be... Even better, when I was able to grab the net address which fits her so well, <taffy@cheerful.com>. Making certain that posts and mail issued by Taffy were otherwise anonymous was a much more difficult chore. Anonymity is apparently easily and commonly gained by spammers; getting and maintaining it for the legitimate purpose of discussing this and other legal, but socially unacceptable topics, is tough, especially if one chooses to use a commercial ISP for easy access on the road.]
Doing more research on the web, I discovered that there were some help groups, one of which was holding a convention nearby relatively soon. S.P.I.C.E., this particular group (affiliated with The Society for the Second Self}, was oriented toward the wives, partners and families of cross dressers, rather than the cross dressers themselves. It was specifically organized to help them come to terms with the activities and predilections of their spouses. Cross dressing at the convention, for example, was prohibited so that the wives were not made to feel uncomfortable. Attending the convention, I discovered that I had a pretty good self-image, relative to some of the other males in attendance, was reasonably in touch with the dimensions of my orientation and, unlike many of the cross dressers whose wives knew about their cross dressing but were trying to avoid the issue, hoping it would go away in time, my wife openly stated that she accepted this unusual facet of my personality. The surprise at the convention occurred when she said that she preferred to deal with Taffy instead of me, "since Taffy is not so intimidating or controlling." Assuming that she is honest and believes what she says, and is not merely adding up issues to be raised in a divorce court, how much better could things be? If you can't trust your wife, who can you trust?
One of the major issues confronting most cross dressers is, "How can I pass as a women in public?" This does not seem as much an issue for transgenerational cross dressers, since no amount of surgery could make a 50+ year old man look like a ten year old girl. "Passing" therefore, is not much of an issue, but the question of "limits" remains unanswered. I have a penchant for slipping elements of Taffy's wardrobe, such as lace-trimmed anklets, into my weekend apparel, to my wife's apparent discomfort or unease. This is all so new to both my wife and I; limits need to be worked out if we are to avoid conflict. Other questions remain to be answered:
- What does the future hold for me, as Taffy's Second Self?
- Will I achieve a renewed marriage with lasting sexual and emotional satisfaction within that marriage?
- Will my relationship with Precious (as my virtual sister) continue?
- Although they know about each other, will my wife and Precious ever want to meet?
- Will they ever actually meet?
- Could my wife and my virtual sister, Precious, become friends?
- Will Taffy and I eventually become fully integrated into a healthy well-functioning, more compassionate, single personality?
- Will Taffy get some really snappy outfits that bring out the best in her?
- Will my wife permit me to integrate more of Taffy's clothing into my "wear outside" wardrobe?
- Will my wife accompany me without discomfort when I wear snappy items such as lace-trimmed anklets?
- Will my wife actually accept what she has previously and facetiously called Taffy's "exquisite fashion sense" and re-adopt some of these classic styles for herself?
These questions and more are as of yet unanswered... I am always open for helpful suggestions. Let Taffy know what you think by sending her a note. As you may have gathered, I consider this site to be Taffy's and, as the interloper and the author of the first of the pages, I will keep my entries to a minimum. I promise...
[Next]
Last Update: 12/29/2003
Web Author: Taffy@Cheerful.Com
Copyright ©;1998 by Taffy Cheerful - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
