What can cause a lack of self-esteem?
There are a number of things that can cause a lack of self-esteem. The reason why those things come about is not something to discuss on this page, but you should be aware that these things in themself effect self esteem. Here are some of those things:
1. Depression
Lots of people get depressed at some point or other, for lots of different reasons. When that happens, your esteem can be hit pretty quickly because of it. Say if a friend is coming round after dinner. He doesnt turn up and doesnt call either. You start to feel a little depressed if you were looking forward to seeing them. Then you start to think 'they dont like me anymore' or 'they dont wanna see me any more'. Depression and a lack of esteem come close to each other.
2. Insecurity
Insecurity, uncertainty, even just a lack of knowledge. When you dont feel happy about something in your surroundings and you dont know what to do about it or how to change it, you can begin to liken yourself to that sometimes. Not feeling good about, or even scared of your surroundings is not a very nice thing to face, and it sometimes makes us feel the same way about ourself if it goes on for long enough, because we get wrapped up in it so much.
3. Abuse
Abuse is something that comes in many ways - physical, mental, sexual, emotional. People see you at a vulnerable stage, and they will see that as an opportunity to take advantage of you and abuse you. When people abuse you like that, it takes away your self respect. DONT LET THEM DO IT !
4. Failure
Failing at our objectives makes us feel like we can not achieve anything we want to and because we cant achieve, it makes a feeling of being worthless and useless.
5. Criticism
Criticism is something that we sometimes mis-understand. If someone criticises us for something we have done, it may be just because they want to point out that we did something which we could have done better. But if criticism is taken the wrong way, it is like another way of saying to ourself that we failed.
These are just some of the things that can effect us. Sometimes they begin to do that, and we dont realise it until after it has started to happen.
What Can I Do About It?
To help with self esteem there are three points to remember that will make a big difference.
1. Dont let yourself make things worse
Its easy to do and happens sometimes without you realising it. Sometimes if there is something you are unsure of, the best thing to do is seek the assurance of someone else. If that assurance is not there, or not apparent, then you can easily assume it is your fault and is because of something you have done wrong. That doesnt make you feel good about yourself and results in your self esteem becoming damaged. If you can, try and go to someone else and get a second or even third opinion.
2. Dont let the actions of others make things worse
Again, you could be seeking the assurance of someone you know and trust. If they dont provide that assurance because they dont agree with you, it doesnt mean they think anything less of you or that you are at fault. The term 'constructive criticism' should be remembered. The best thing is to be able to judge these things for yourself and make a decision. But there are times when you cant do that on your own, so asking another opinion is the next best thing to do, but dont let that get to you if the result sounds negative.
3. Self protection
This is a VERY important point to remember as well. Looking after yourself plays an important part because if you can successfully do that, then any knocks to your confidence and self esteem will not be so damaging, because you will be able to take those knocks and bumps in your stride and carry on. When self esteem falls, its easy to become shy, withdrawn and single minded. Some people will see that and will take advantage of it. Whatever happens, PLEASE DO NOT LET THEM. You have to remember, this is about YOU and the way YOU FEEL. Its easy to make excuses like 'its just me' or 'nobodys perfect' or something like that. But doing that will not serve any purpose. You have to feel good about what you are doing and that it is right.
Wise Words to Remember
You can't be all things to all people.
You can't do all things at once.
You can't do all things equally well.
You can't do all things better than everyone else. Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.
SO...
You have to find out who you are, and be that. You have to decide what comes first, and do that. You have to discover your strengths, and use them. You have to learn not to compete with others, because no one else is in the contest of "being you."
THEN...
You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness. You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions. You will have learned to live with your limitations. You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due, and you'll be a most vital mortal.
DARE TO BELIEVE...
That you are a wonderful, unique person. That you are a once-in-all-history event. That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to be who you are. That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish. And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.
Affirmations For Building
Self-esteem
- I am a valuable and important person, and I'm worthy of the
respect of others.
- I am my own expert, and I allow others the same privilege.
- I express my ideas easily, and I know others respect my
point of view.
- I am aware of my value system and confident of the decisions
I make based on my current awareness.
- I have a positive expectancy of reaching my goals, and I
bounce back quickly from temporary setbacks.
- I have pride in my past performance and a positive
expectancy of the future.
- I accept compliments easily and share my success with others
who have contributed to them.
- I feel warm and loving toward myself, for I am a unique and
precious being, ever doing the best my awareness permits, ever
growing in wisdom and love.
- I am actively in charge of my life and direct it in
constructive channels. My primary responsibility is for my own
growth and well being (the better I feel about myself, the more
willing and able I am to help others.)
- I am my own authority (and I am not affected by negative
opinions or attitudes of others.)
- It is not what happens to me, but how I handle it, that
determines my emotional well being.
- I'm a success to the degree that I feel warm and loving
toward myself.
- No one in the entire world is more or less worthy, more or
less important, than I.
- I count my blessings and rejoice in my growing awareness.
- I am an action person; I do first things first and one thing
at a time.
- I am warm and friendly toward all I contact; I treat
everyone with consideration and respect.
- I am kind, compassionate and gentle with myself.
-From - Personal Counselling Services
& Resources - Affirmations For Building Self-esteem
