December 16,1996
Dear Brother Jackson:
We often hear of men beating their wives
or abusing them in cruel ways. We shake our heads and wonder why
men act like animals or how they can be so cruel to their wives.
Christ has given us authority over our wives and children, but
such authority does not sanction physical, verbal, or emotional
abuse. I know a man who has mistreated his wife for most of their
married life, yet she chooses to live with him.
While he risks being imprisoned, no one
goes to jail for being selfish, no one has ever been charged,
in a criminal or civil court, for self-centeredness, but many
of us will face this charge in the court of Christ, for He keeps
a faithful record in heaven of our actions, thoughts, and motivations
for which we must give an account. As head of our families, Christ
desires us to be like Him in every particular. He was never selfish
with his time, his wealth, his power, or his influence. He loved
his children and demonstrated it by coming to this wicked world
that we might know Him.
Men spend to much time away from home, either working or playing. When we prefer to spend time away from our families, we misrepresent Christ. His greatest joy is to spend time with us. Did you ever wonder if He will get tired of us after several million years in heaven and wish we would just go away, the way we often feel when guests overstay their welcome? The answer is emphatically, no! He will never tire of us and we should never tire of spending a large proportion of our time with our wives and children. The same thing applies to our children, even if they are grown and have left home. While we enjoy our grandchildren, we must never neglect our children, especially our sons, for they need us just as much as our wives.
But most men have little time for their
families, and most of all for their sons. There is often a hedge
or wall between fathers and sons that fathers have erected through
neglect. Boys learn how to be men by imitating our example or
that of other men. And often they choose the wrong type of man
to mimic for they lack the guidance of a righteous father who
can demonstrate the manly virtues. It is cruelty to deprive our
sons of our rich experience in the things of life by denying them
the opportunity of copying our wise and guarded conversation and
mannerisms. Not only should we demonstrate how to repair a car
but we should also teach them how to be patient with their wives
by observing our patience with our wives.
We must never be embarrassed to live before
our families and our male friends as Christian men. We must also
be careful not to put on an artificial gruff exterior to cover
our inner tender feelings of love and kindness. Such exterior
armor only makes it more difficult for our sons or grandsons to
see Christ in our lives. Let us never be afraid of being and showing
tender feelings and emotions for our sons and wives. While other
men may mock at these displays of tenderness, inwardly they wish
their fathers acted toward them as we act toward our own sons.
May the Lord bless you, Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson