January 8,1998
Dear Br. Dan:
Several years ago, we were taking care of two dogs for a lady who lived in North Carolina. They were small dogs, unlike your Alaskan Huskies, with very little hair to keep them warm in the winter. During winter, they slept on a pile of rage in a wire cage on the cold cement of the garage. During an especially cold part of the year, I took pity on them, especially the smaller one who had almost no fir. I had several bales of hay left over from planting a lawn the previous summer. Using this hay, I first removed their lice infested rags, then spread a thick, layer of clean, dry hay in their cage. When the dogs saw what I had done, they both burrowed into the thick mat and smiled up at me. They actually smiled, in a doggy fashion, but they expressed their appreciation for the warm bed.
Animals are amusing for they are all emotion from the tip of their
tale to end of their muzzle. Rarely does a person have to guess
at how an animal is feeling or what it is thinking.
Several months after the previous episode, we purchased a border
collie puppy who gave us endless hours of enjoyment as it grew
up. Early, in its puppy life, it discovered how delicious the
cat’s milk tasted and from then on, I had to stand guard
over the bowl of milk, until the cat, who had an exceedingly small
tongue, could enjoy her milk. Two swipes of the dog’s tongue
were sufficient to empty the bowl.
Not wanting to wait while the cat licked up the milk, I endeavored
to secure the bowl beyond reach of the rapidly growing puppy by
placing it atop several bales of hay in the garage, but my efforts
met with little success. The dog quickly learned to climb to the
top of the garage to get at the coveted taste treat. I still had
to guard the cat’s milk.
While animals have no difficulties or inhibitions over the expression
of emotions, we humans find it somewhat difficult. Perhaps it
is because we have learned, through ridicule as small children
or the instruction of our parents, that emotional expressions
are taboo. But this isn’t true. God gave us an emotional
nature, men included, but Satan has worked to destroy it or to
render it ineffective or even detrimental or dangerous.
Why children are ridiculed for the proper expression of feelings,
is a mystery to me, but we have all been ridiculed or laughed
at for being emotional beings. This is unfortunate for, unless
we can overcome this handicap, we grow up emotionally crippled
and our experiences are less enjoyable and satisfactory for the
loss.
I don’t remember if I told you that I was born blind. This
was the first of two legacies my dear mother gave me for she suffered
from measles during her pregnancy. Shortly after birth, however,
I had an operation that restored the vision I now enjoy.
The second legacy, that could not be removed through an operation,
occurred when I was eight and my father was away from home studying
for the Methodist ministry. Deciding she wanted male companionship
and since I was the only available male companion, she sexually
molested me during his absence.
Mother wasn’t a bad person and probably never understood
the emotional or psychological impact her selfish actions had
upon me, nor did she do it maliciously, but, nevertheless, whatever
her reason, the effect, upon my personality, was not dissimilar
to what happens when, using an axe, you split a piece of firewood.
I do not lightly share this experience with others for, as you
can imagine, it is still painful to recall or relate. (And you
thought only women were sexually molested or that only men were
molesters?)
One effect of her abuse was to cause me to over eat, thus, at
an early age, to gain weight. Once gained, however, it is not
that easy to remove.
I describe these things to you to illustrate the restorative healing
power of God who brought me through these traumatic experiences
without becoming embittered toward my mother or women in general.
While it wasn’t until several years ago that I realized or
understood the far ranging effects of her selfish act, God has
transformed by character and personality, given me the ability
to forgive her, and overcome most of the other effects of her
abuse.
In a since, it is far easier for women to deal with sexual abuse
then it is for men who are expected to be strong, tough, and never,
never admit to a vulnerability. Women have support and help that
are denied to men. They are allowed to be emotional while men
are denies the same privilege. Thus, their recovery is faster
and less complicated then men experience. To be abused as a boy
by a man is one thing but by a woman, that is not acceptable,
for it betrays the brotherhood of men to be so vulnerable. But
this is silly. Children, no matter their sex, are always vulnerable
to adults, no matter their sex.
If there is any good thing in me, and I leave that for you to
decide, God placed it there.
What He has done for me, He can do for you.
There is infinite value in knowing Christ, not just for healing
of a wounded spirit, but in a thousand other practical ways.
May the Lord bless you and your wife with a knowledge of Himself.
He isn’t anything like our fathers. Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson