March 18,1997
Dear Br. Moffitt:
Have you ever noticed that women are more talkative then men. Talkative women and taciturn men are often the source of much amusement.
How often have I seen wives conversing freely on many topics while
their husbands listen halfheartedly or mutter a comment now and
then. How often is the social life of the church predominately
feminine while the social life of the bar, sports stadium, hunting
range, fishing stream, racing tract predominately masculine.
And what do men converse upon when with other men: sports, business,
work, sex and other husbands wives, racing, hunting, politics-anything
it seems but God.
When in the home, boys are seldom taught the proper methods of
social relationships, especially with girls or women. Here, men,
in the making, learn the social norms of the masculine fraternity;
violence, swearing, foul talk, the sexual-innuendo, the crude
and cutting comment, sarcasm, teasing, hurtful expressions, and
crude jokes, often at the expense of classmates, adults, women,
and those who, for whatever reason, are less fortunate or physically
handicapped.
When in so called polite society, at church, etc., men are often
at a loss for conversation. While on earth, Christ taught His
disciples how to converse upon heavenly themes. He was never at
a loss for conversation, regardless of the nature or type of social
situation in which He found Himself. His conversation was so different
from the normal, that men and women took notice and, as they listened,
their thoughts were unconsciously drawn to the unseen realities
of eternity.
I remember several years ago, the difficulty I experienced, when
with strangers or in unfamiliar society, of finding something
to say. I became acutely aware of this failure, and endeavored
to correct it. The Lord impressed me with the necessity of having
something worthwhile to comment upon in every social situation.
Also. I tended to avoid social gatherings for the same reason,
nothing to say.
Initially, I found it easier to talk to women clerks at the grocery
store as they tended to respond while male clerks maintained a
taciturn mumble or two.
I cannot say that I am skilled at social conversation, for I have
few occasions to practice this talent, but, when I put my mind
to the task, I find conversation coming easier now then in former
times.
Some men are blessed with the gift of gab, perhaps you possess
this ability. But men must learn to converse as freely upon heavenly
themes as upon real estate transactions, politics, business, the
economy, etc. But what to talk about, has often bothered me. Our
next door neighbor takes the prize for taciturnity. Only rarely
can I get a grunt out of him while we are riding to town. Therefore,
if we are to converse, the responsibility falls entirely upon
me. When commenting to Sevilla upon the miles of silence, she
suggested that I should describe the many blessings the Lord has
bestowed upon us. Even if he never responds, at least he has to
listen, being a captive audience. I find this type of conversation
to be an excellent way to witness. Controverted points of theology
are avoided, and the individual doesn’t feel threatened by
the conversation, for it is a recitation of our experiences with
the Lord.
But will men listen to this type of social conversation. While
admittedly, I don’t have a lot of experience in this area,
I have never had a person turn away from this topic. Frequently,
they also share their own experiences and many pleasant miles
are passed in mutual conversation. There is something about properly
phrased spiritual conversation that is acceptable to almost everyone.
If we limit our conversation, upon spiritual topics, to personal
experiences, few will object and many will be encouraged to talk.
While we may never discuss theology or WITNESS, the quiet example
of our Christ-centered lives is a witness that cannot be controverted
or argued against.
Many men are hungering and thirsting for the gospel but don’t
know where to find it. Seldom does the normal religious worship
service appeal to men, being couched in terms that appeals more
to the women in the congregation. I have never heard a sermon
that would appeal directly to men or that speaks directly to the
heart of men. But the sincere, uncontrived conversation of a man
in a casual social situation, where the guard is down and the
mind is receptive to the gospel as it is not at other more formal
times, is more powerful and effective then the most polished sermon
of the greatest learned theologian or evangelist. We may never
know the effects of our conversation upon the hearts of our brethren,
but it is often better, for our poor egos, that this knowledge
is withheld from us.
Social conversation is a skill that can be learned and cultivated.
Christ will teach us these skills as we speak of Him to others.
Let us venture something for Him. Put aside the fear that we may
be laughed at or ridiculed by others. In my experience, this has
never happened, at least not as an adult. May the Lord bless you
with a sanctified tongue and a ready comment upon your own Christian
experience and you may yet win many people to the kingdom of God.
Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson