[c. Oct. 1888]
 

Now, brethren, I have felt one of the most solemn burdens ever since I have returned from Europe. I have felt one of the most solemn burdens resting upon me. And I have been unable to rest nights, and have been trying to labor for this one and that one and the other [one], and do what I could for the souls of others; and I tell you, as I told my friends in Oakland, I feel horribly afraid to come into our conference.
 

The Lord has revealed to me the position our people should take in regard to speculations in lands and so forth, but they do not heed it. It was the same with our institutions; the temptations have been hard, for our brethren have drawn their money from these places of usefulness and invested them in lands and in mines; and there have been individuals who have drifted out there to engage in these worldly prospects. The devil has a snare laid for their feet.
 

Well, I have labored there this summer some. I tried to labor in Fresno but could not stay there on account of malaria, so we went to Burrough Valley and tried from there to help the Fresno brethren. Time after time we would go to Fresno, but could not ride in the daytime on account of heat and dust, so we had to ride by moonlight. Night after night we traveled over those sandy deserts by the light of the moon, and would get there in the early morning and no place to stay. [The city was] all full of men to get property. Even the hotels were full. Now, God is not in that at all, but it is one of Satan's snares.
 

Another way is to break up the union that is existing among our people. There are those who profess to stand by our side; we work right together and all seems to be in harmony. Now, said I, if you professing to stand by my side and then get into the snare of the enemy in your investment and I bear my testimony, you go right on as though it had no application. You believe the testimony. You believe, but when it comes to you, then you go to someone who has not been affected and open your soul to them and say, You better look out for such a person; he is going just like Canright did. Now there is no comfort in it, no consolation in it.
 

There are those here who will do the very same thing. If anything comes that does not strike their ideas, they go to someone who knows nothing of the affair, and pour out their soul to them and say, Now such and such a thing was said. Those things will not bear repeating, and it is strange why they tell them. They try to swell the differences and cover [conceal and minimize] points of agreement as much as possible. I don't care if you have been ministers for years; I don't care who it is; 'tis the work of the devil. When you find men covering these truths up, it is your duty to go to that person and try to fasten his mind on God.
 

Now, cannot you be sensible? Can you not be men of God? We want knowledge and we want every soul to be in union, and we want every power of our being to be brought to the altar of God. Don't tell any hearsay. If I should [have] taken for granted what I heard, I should have taken it that Brother Lane had the given up truth. But I knew better; but I did wish that [about 8 words are missing] and let us know how he was getting along.
 

Another letter comes from Battle Creek saying that such and such a thing has taken place and so and so has not done right. I have not seen the parties to talk with them. No, they had not seen the parties, but they could converse with me clear across the Rocky Mountains, which took some eight days. Now, I would like to know why we cannot be Christians when we have the Bible and the testimony which God has given us; why we cannot act upon it. It is discouraging to the very life and soul; and the very time when I should have been writing letters to Europe and persons in different places, I have been so oppressed and burdened that I could not write a word even to my own friends. I would use all my strength so that I could not write: I could only think of them and pray for them, and they have not had a line.
 

Brother Geymet, the Brother from Italy, and Brother Conradi should both have received letters from me, but I have not written to them. I thought surely I would write, but I did not have the time, and my whole time was taken up [by problems] this side of the Atlantic. No time for missionary work. Is this doing as God would have us do? Should we not guard the interests of one another, and live out the truth? And when you see someone doing wrong, in the place of going to others and thus strengthening him in the wrong way, why not go right to him in the meekness of Christ and tell him what it is to be a Christian? Now we are to labor as those who have to give an account.
 

I do not measure a man by his work in the desk, but by his work in his home, among his brethren, in his daily life, that he may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. May God help us, brethren and sisters, to seek him at this meeting. Is heaven closed that we cannot have access to God, that the power of His grace cannot be bestowed upon us? Why, He wants us to be filled with all the fullness of His love. Why, every face here should shine with the glory of God. It ought to reflect the divine rays of light on the countenance of everyone here. It is to be talking of heaven and heavenly things and of the redemption through Christ.
 
 

Why, is it possible that we believe that we are to leave these earthly scenes of sin and sorrow? Then why not reveal it to the world? Why not show to the world that the power of the truth is with you, and then be as a shining light to the world. I want to know if there are not those who will rise up in the judgment to condemn you who profess the truth, because you have not represented the truth as it is in Jesus, and thus help to pave the way to heaven.
 

I have been awake night after night with a sense of agony for the people of God, that the sweat would roll off from me. Some things fearfully impressive were presented to me. I was in an assembly when a man of noble majestic stature came in and took his position on the platform and unrolled [something] which looked like several long leaves fastened together. And as he turned the pages his hand ran down the page and his eyes swept over the congregation. As he turned them from right to left I could see what was on them. I saw there different names and characters and sins that were written down. There were sins of every description-- selfishness, envy, pride, jealousy, evil-surmising, hypocrisy and licentiousness, hatred and murder in the heart, because of this envy and jealousy. These sins were right among the ministers and people. Page after page was turned.
 

Well, how was this? And a voice said [that] the time had come when the work in heaven is all activity for the inhabitants of this world. The time had come when the temple and its worshipers had to be measured. These were worshipers that were consecrated. Then there were other names that were to be blotted out of the book of life. They had had light and knowledge, and precept upon precept, and appeal upon appeal, but they had never had the transforming grace of Christ in their hearts. They had never had a living connection with Jesus Christ, therefore the light that would come to them through His word they did not bring into their lives and character.
 

This is what I saw, and I woke up and found myself sitting up in bed with great drops of perspiration on my brow. I felt paralyzed. After this some things happened which caused me great sadness, and it was there I sunk under the burden. I do not care for myself; I would as leave lay down my life now as at any future time, but I believe that God will spare me just as long as He has a work for me to do. The worst thing--the most grievous--is the want of love and the want of compassion one for another. That is what God presented in such a light before me, and I wanted to say to you that if ever there was time when we should humble ourselves before God, it is now.
 

I have not as much strength now as I have had in the past. God helps, lives, and reigns, and you can seek Him individually. What souls are there here who will have their sins unforgiven and their names blotted out of the book of life? We do not know what we are doing. If we have unclean hands we cannot enter heaven. Is it so that we are being fitted for the society of angels? Is it so that we are to come in the presence of a holy God? Do we sense it? Do we sense that we are to make characters every day, that God is watching the development of character and weighing moral worth, and that our lives are daguerreotyped on the books of heaven as your face is stamped on the polished plate of the artist? I cannot see how you can be so lazy and so indolent and so easy and contented.
 

I went to a meeting in Oakland and told them I could stay only a little while and I must say what I had to and then go home. There was a brother there who wanted to confess to his brethren that he had become mixed up in worldly affairs and now he could see his wrong. But the burden rolled on me and I stayed till three o'clock in the morning; but we agonized with God in prayer till we got the victory.
 

We do not half know [how] to pray. We do not know how to get the victory. If only we [would] come to Him and knew how to pray, our hearts would be melted and we would see the blessing of God, and our hearts would become softened by the love of Christ. And when the love of Christ is there, why, then you can do anything. But it has been Satan's studied work to keep the love of Christ out of our hearts. But the trouble is, there is a great lot of ceremony and form. What we want is the love of Christ, to love God supremely and our neighbor as ourselves. When we have this, there will be a breaking down as with the walls of Jericho before the children of Israel. But there is such an amount of selfishness and desire of supremacy in our ranks. Why, it is most painful. We see it everywhere.
 

I want to say to my brethren, Shall we humble our hearts before God and be converted? Shall we put off all of the self-sufficiency and the lifting up of ourselves, and come down at the foot of the cross? The lower we lie at the foot of the cross the more clear will be our view of Christ. For just as soon as we begin to lift ourselves up and to think that we are something, the view of Christ grows dimmer and dimmer and Satan steps in so that we cannot see Him at all. But what we want is to come and dwell in view of the cross.
 

Is there no power that can take hold of our sensibilities and show us that we are near the verge of the eternal world? Can we not get our minds on the other side? What can be done to arouse our people? Why, these light afflictions, how we talk about them. Hear what Paul says about them: "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen" etc. [2 Cor. 4:17, 18]. Would you consider that to be beaten with rods, to be a night and a day in the deep, suffer with hunger, cold, nakedness, and all these things--and worst of all from false brethren--were light afflictions? But he says, These light afflictions.
 
 

Now brethren, I am thoroughly disgusted and indignant for my Saviour, that those who profess to be Christians are babies. They are indignant if anyone does anything that does not suit them. And if anyone crosses their path, they are discouraged and want to give up. Well, let them give up if they cannot do what is right. They must be hewed and fitted for the heavenly building. Now there is too much self. We want self to die and be hid in Christ Jesus, then we will not talk of discouragement and difficulties and all these small things, but we will talk of the great plan of redemption and the matchless power of Jesus Christ to come to our world and take upon Him human nature that we through Him might be elevated and have a seat at His right hand. What could be more pleasant than that?
 

If this is not enough, what more could heaven do for the fallen race than has been done? What more, says Christ, "could I do for My sheep than that I have done"? What more? Will He have to let us go? He will unless you change your attitude before God, for He has done all He could to save us. According to the light that we have received, so is our accountability before God. Walk in the light as He is in the light. There is no darkness in Him at all.
 

Well, suppose you are walking in the light, what then? Why, your testimonies will be light. You will talk light, and all this evil surmising and evil speaking will be put away. You will talk and we will not be thinking of ourselves and what others are doing, but what God and Jesus are doing. Well, what are they doing? They are cleansing the sanctuary. Well, we should be with Him in this work and be cleansing the sanctuary of our souls of all unrighteousness, that our names may written in the Lamb's book of life, that our sins may be blotted out when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord. It is the most solemn work that was ever given to mortals.
 

You have no time to be exalting self, but [only to] lift Jesus up. Oh, lift Him up! How can we do this? How can we [be] seeking all the time to be saving ourselves, and exalting ourselves? May the God of heaven let his power come upon your hearts that we may have right characters and pure hearts and know how to labor for the sick [and] suffering. Says the shepherd of the flock, [quotation missing]. Who does He mean--ministers? No. Everyone who has named the name of Christ, who has tasted and knows that the Lord is good.
 

Go to work for those who are around you with brokenness of spirit, with hearts all melted by the love of Christ. Christ can work with you, but He will never work without the cooperation of man. Get in the right place and God will put His power on you, and combine His divine with our human efforts, and we can work out our salvation with fear and trembling. That is a power that Satan cannot resist or overthrow. It is when you have a right hold from above that Satan cannot tempt you. We want you to be reconverted, and [have] the grace of Christ in the heart.
 

It is high time that we were awake out of sleep, that we seek the Lord with all the heart, and I know He will be found of us. I know that all heaven is at our command. Just as soon as we love God with all our hearts and our neighbor as ourselves, God will work through us. How shall we stand in the time of the latter rain? Who expects to have a part in the first resurrection? You who have been cherishing sin and iniquity in the heart? You will fail in that day.
 

Well, now, there is a class who will come off conquerors. Is it those who cherish sin and iniquity in the heart? No; these cannot stand in that day. There are many temptations coming from Satan, and if we are not deceived it will be because we have a knowledge of the truth. If they do not fall under the miracles of Satan, if they are not led astray by Satan's miracles, they will fall by the wrath of God. Do not be discouraged and think that He will never pardon, because He says that though your sins are as scarlet He will make them as snow. The God of heaven offers every inducement for you to come and submit to the refining process. Shall we not come?
 

The love of Christ in the heart will do more to convert sinners than all the sermons you can preach. What we need is to get the love of Christ, that we may study the Bible and know what sayeth the scriptures. The word will be unfolded through the ceaseless ages of eternity. Now, brethren, we might as well tear away the rubbish from the doors of our hearts now, just now, and let us be getting ready for the judgment, for we have no time to waste. (MR 900.39)